heartache at other people's good news

[sugarlove]

Well I've just cried solidly for an hour after hearing that yet another mate is pregnant after trying for exactly 2 weeks! Although I'm happy for her, I feel sick and it dredges up mc feelings all over again.

She's had her 12 week scan and all ok, another mate announced her news 2 weeks ago. I've got another mate due next month, and 2 other friends who've just had their babies. Everyone around me is pg and I just keep thinking why did I have the mc and not them, and then I feel totally selfish for thinking that way.

Does anyone else feel like this?

I thought I was doing so well this month, and then this news has just tipped me over the edge.

SL

 

[cazza22]

I know the feeling babe i am SURROUNDED bu pregnant people and dread the next person to tell me they are pregnant its a horrible way to feel but it is not selfish hun, its human. We are bound to have feelings of bitterness after what we have been through. It WILL happen for us chick so hang in there ok lov caz xxxxxxxx

 

[debgreasby]

 

[Charliemarina]

i know that feeling hunny be strong ok we all here for u xxxxx

 

[bluesky]

Yep I feel exactly the same, even said to the doctor about it today, totally normal feelings so dont think u r being selfish. I have managed to avoid talking to 2 preg friends and rarely speak to one of my oldest friends who is due baby next month. It just takes me back to square one if I think about it too much.

 

[ljo1984]

i was the same, although i dodnt know anyone newly pregnant between loosing grace and getting PG again but my SIL was due the week before i would have been and it would tear me apart seeing her bump. i even had to endure a weeks holiday crying behind my big sun glasses all week. its an awful feeling, and so many girls on here will know it, it really helped me to know what i was feeling was normal and not just me. i felt like a total bitch as i distanced myself from her and hated baby talk etc, but it couldnt be helped, were all human after all. big hugs. xxxxxxxxxx

 

[heather_dw]

Oh, sweetie, I think that's normal. I've had two miscarriages. Not long after the first one, my sister got pregnant. My mom was so excited, it was all she could talk about. I was even forced to help organize her baby shower. It was so difficult. I was bitter and angry. My mom told me "don't be that way" and I blew up at her. I wouldn't even hold the baby for months after it was born.

Now, I just had my last miscarriage in late June. My husband's assistant's 17 year old daughter is pregnant. She did it on PURPOSE and loves to flaunt it. I saw her at the 4th of July celebrations and about lost it. Her baby will be due about the same time mine would have been. I even have to go so far as to block certain people's status updates from my Facebook wall because they are pregnant/just had a brand new baby and I can't deal with it.

You're not alone

 

[BabyPenguin]

I totally understand. Just tonight my friend told me that another friend is pregnant and when I asked about dates it seems as though it's due almost the same day as I would have been! It has really upset me and I can't get it out of my mind, plus I keep thinking 'why did their pregnancy go so fine and well and ours not - what did we do wrong and what did we do to deserve this?' Then my Mum happily tells me about other people's babies and I just wonder why she can't think to keep it to herself - I don't want to hear it! I am fine with some babies and pregnant people but when I choose to see them/talk about it but if I am caught off guard it's really upsetting.

Hopefully it will get better gradually....

love to all xx

 

[Mellybelle]

I have a big charity dinner coming up in a few weeks. One of the girls who is going to be there (who is absolutely lovely) announced she was preg the same time I did. Her EDD was a week before mine. I had been looking at maternity formal dresses thinking i would be 7 months preg at the event. I cant bring myself to go at all now. I know i will see her with her bump, looking beautiful and happy. It will rip me up inside. I just dont think I can go through with it. I cant even tell anyone why I dont want to go.

 

[vanillastar]

I know the feeling, everyone around me is pregnant to. And sometimes I wonder why I m/c and they didnt. Like why was I the one who deserved it. Its not that I wish it happened to them, I just dont understand why me. Im sorry you have to go through this hun, but we are all here to support you.

 

[strawberry19]

big hugs hun i know how you feel and its really hard alot of people i know are pregnant and one coworke has just had her baby and another had her 12 week scan yesterday .. we was due at near enough same time she was 2 weeks ahead of what i wuld of been now meaning i would of been 10 weeks pregnant this week but ive had to deal with everyone asking her how her scan went and scan pictures and stuff its like people forget what youve been through and dont think

 

[Tigerlilies]

Bless every single one of you ladies. I know how you feel. I MC in April, a week later a coworker did as well then this past Thursday she called me to tell me that she had a positive pregnancy test. After I hung up the cell, I was so mad and frustrated I threw the phone across the room. Luckily I had insurance on that thing but you're so not alone. FYI, I had a difficult time talking to her at work the next day then found out she ended up having a false positive and didn't mind so much talking to her after that. Talk about being selfish, I probably top the cake on that one.

 

[sugarlove]

thanks so much for your advice girls. It has really helped me to realise that my reaction to this news has been totally normal.

i was still crying about it in bed at 12 last night, but just feel bit angry and bitter today. My DH bless him. bought me some flowers in last night.

I have coped well with other pg announcements, when i know they have been trying for ages, but this time it only took 2 weeks for my mate and it was very much a "if this doesn't work in 12 weeks, I'll go travelling instead!" Her husband apparently was really annoyed about it and is only just coming round. In situations like this, is makes me angry for some reason.

I've had to grit my teeth buying 2 congratulation cards today

I can also empathise with the facebook thing. i deleted someone as a friend (not someone I see anymore) because her pic was of her scan, and all her updates were about how sick she felt etc. Felt instantly better when I did it

My strategy is now to avoid pregnant friends as much as I can until I feel stronger emotionally and almost mentally prepare myself for the next BFP announcement amongst friends.

I know it will happen for all of us lovely girls eventually

Thanks again
SL

 

[JJF]

It is very normal-you are not alone. Hang in there and soon your day will come and sadly when you announce your good news, there will be some other women out there feeling sad, terrible cycle of life

 

[robo123]

I feel exactly the same as you sugarlove, There have been 3 ladies at work announce their good news since i miscarried and i just feel like i can not face going in to work. I feel selfish for not been as happy as i should be for them.
I wonder if i will ever feel better somedays. TTC is so hard especially every month when AF arrives.
xxxx
Hope you feel better soon.

 

[lightweight]

Understand what you mean. I have a good friend who is due 2 weeks exactly after my first should have been. To be fair to her she told me before everyone else as she knew about my mmc - the irony was she was telling everyone when I was having my ERPC

I was dreading seeing her, even though I've missed not spending time with her, and am kind of glad I didn't see her until a couple of weekends ago. It was hard seeing her bump, but she didn't go on about it and it was nice to catch up. However it has brought it back to the forefront of my mind now and I feel it's more difficult. I do keep going to events thinking - I should have been 7 months pregnant now and espcially those things I had planned from the beginning of the pregnancy.

My Mum said to me the other day was I going to be better when I got past the due date in September. I expect it will be slightly easier, and perhaps after Christmas / New year- as someone mentioned New Year's Eve the other day - and I remember OH & I saying ours would be really different this year as we'd have a small baby. My 2nd pregnancy was due on 31st Dec too.

 

[tryforbaby2]

Well I've just cried solidly for an hour after hearing that yet another mate is pregnant after trying for exactly 2 weeks! Although I'm happy for her, I feel sick and it dredges up mc feelings all over again.

She's had her 12 week scan and all ok, another mate announced her news 2 weeks ago. I've got another mate due next month, and 2 other friends who've just had their babies. Everyone around me is pg and I just keep thinking why did I have the mc and not them, and then I feel totally selfish for thinking that way.

Does anyone else feel like this?

I thought I was doing so well this month, and then this news has just tipped me over the edge.

SL

I feel exactly the same way. Myself, and my two younger sisters had due dates of next january/february. We were all pregnant together. I am avoiding talking to them or answering their calls for the time being. Howam I supposed to see them at the holidays or when my due date comes around and they are having their babies?......I know how you feel and I think its ok to feel that way. We just suffered a painful loss. Then I wonder why mine passed away and theirs didnt and same thing goes about others.

 

[Lynsay]

Hi Sugar Love,

I feel EXACTLY the same way as you. It's only been 3 weeks for me and my OH and I'm still feeling bitter, upset and angry. We were trying for 10 months, and endured the possibilites of having PCOS low sperm counts and under active thyriod ect...we finally managed to jump over all the hurdles then at my 13 week scan they tell me that baby died at around 8 weeks!!! My friend and neighbour is 3-4 weeks ahead of me, and I see her everyday and I also have a friend who doesnt even want a baby and she's just fallen pregnant...

Sometimes I just think 'why not me?' what the flipping hell have I done so wrong to deserve this?

But then I realise that sometimes this sh!t hits the nicest people who really havent done anything wrong at all.

I'm in Harrogate - so not too far from you, if you ever wanna chat, you know where I am. xx

 

[sugarlove]

thanks for all your kind words ladies. I feel a lot better now, and am just focusing on trying again next week

Getting pg and who goes on to have a succesful pg seems to be such a lottery. I wish is could be easier for us all!

Sorry to hear about your mc Lyndsay. Hope you get your BFP soon

xx