HELP! Hubby now saying he doesn't want to be at Csection!

[Mummy2CandF]

Please can anyone offer my any advice? I am booked for a csection on Monday with my second child. My hubby did not stay at the birth of our son due to a severe needle phobia and feeling unable to cope with seeing me in pain or cope with blood, epidurals etc. I was totally fine with this and my amazing sister was the best birth partner I could have ever hoped for.

This time round hubby told me that he wanted to be at the birth as he felt like he had missed out on seeing his son before my sister and my mum. However, thanks to very severe spd I have been booked in for an elective csection. Up until yesterday hubby agreed that he wanted to be at the section and could cope with everything as long as he didn't have to see any needles! I had discussed this with the theatre staff and found ways to make this possible so I was thinking everything was great. Then all of a sudden he says that he doesn't want to be there and that he feels like I have just decided he should be. This is far from the case as although I want him there I am more than happy for my sister to be my birth partner again.

I am worried that either he will change his mind at the very last minute hence causing me extra stress etc which ever way he decides to go or that he will come into theatre and hate the whole experience hence ruining my experience? So finally this morning I have told him that he has today and tomorrow to make a decision so that worst case scenario I have Sunday to make other arrangements for my sister to be there. He came out and said that one of his concerns was that he wouldn't be able to explain to our son why he didn't go to his birth but he did our daughters. Am I being harsh? This is one of the most stressful experiences of my whole life and I just want to feel like I have some control over the situation and that he makes the right decision for him, whatever that is in time for me to prepare myself mentally.

Sorry for the long post but just wondering if anyone else had experienced anything similar or could offer any advice?

 

[lilfish]

I'm sorry you're going through this

However your hubby really needs to man up and grow a pair! It sounds like he's making excuses. If he stays your side of the curtain he doesn't need to see anything that will upset him. And he can support you which is his job.

If he truly thinks he can't cope then he needs to stay out of the room - fainting will just hold everyone up.

 

[3011busyyear]

I agree, it sounds like he needs to grow up a bit-that sounds harsh I know and I don't mean It to be but I'm too tired to think of another way to put it!
I mean what if your children needed medical treatment in the future, would he not take them, hold there hands, clean their wounds etc.
He's not having the needles, it's not his blood and not him in discomfort so he needs to put his selfish feelings to one side.

 

[Mummymac]

He does need to get a grip, does he have any idea what we go through to bring these babies into the world and all he has to do is be there and give you support!

Id be really pissed off if I were you, dont think he realises what he is missing out on...

 

[faun]

My dad didn't see any of us born because he has an extreme phobia of blood and needles to the point he passed out before my mum even got to the hospital I think you should arrange to have your sis as birthing partner and he can wait on the ward for you as you really don't need to be worrying about him at such an important time.

 

[Kimboowee]

If it is down to thinking its harsh he was there at one birth and not the other does it matter - if your kids ask in future just say he couldnt be there or just say he was.
Does sound like he's making excuses but I would arrange for my sister to be there anyway and he can wait on the ward. I think maybe him seeing you in discomfort afterwards would be worse than being in the room whilst they were doing a c-section!

 

[helen1234]

my oh is the same, he's 6ft odd and hard as nails, but any kind of gore and he's really ill, i made him suck it up when i was in labour but i spent all my energy between contractions asking him if he was ok, cos he was grey, he held my hand but he just looked at the floor so pretty useless,
i'm having a doula with me this time, as i ended up with c section last time, he sat through t but yet again just looked at the floor and they ushered him into recovery to sit with baby asap lol.
sometimes people are just really queasy and they cant help it, i think you need to sit down and chat about it ask him what he really wants you only birth this baby once xx

 

[TattooedMama]

IMHO any man that can knock up his wife, have her go through 9 months of an emotional rollercoaster with aches, pains and a million discomforts along the way....can man the F*** up and be at his womans side while she gives birth to their baby.

I feel really strongly about this, I dont give a shit if my hubby is uncomfortable watching me in pain or hates the sight of blood-I'll be the one in pain and bleeding so he can get over it. I think its bullshit when a man expects his woman to go through birth alone because of his own issues-its inconsiderate, weak and just ridiculous.

My hubby has PTSD and freaks at the sight of blood(seriously he called me once & had me rush him to the ER for a cut, when he took the bandage off it was the SMALLEST cut you'd ever seen!!!! But he swears it bled a lot, LoL). My husband still would not be kept from the birth of his daughter for the world, regardless if it upsets him or makes him cringe when he sees blood. He will actually be the one catching his baby girl as I give birth to her-thats a man, period.

 

[whoops]

I don't think he's being that selfish, tbh - a phobia is a phobia and if he can't stand the sight of needles and is going to be worried about them, then he's not going to be very much use to you during the section.

I think you'd be better off with your sister, as you want someone there who's going to be focussed on you and not on trying to deal with their own issues - the last thing you want is to be looking after him and worrying about him during your section. It's all very well telling him to grow a pair, but phobias aren't rational - my legs get weak every time I'm near any kind of height, and even though I'm mentally fine with them, physically my body reacts and I have no control over it.

 

[Mummymac]

I couldnt agree with tattooedmama more!

I know what id be telling my OH if he said he didnt wanna be there....