Help me figure out a logical consequence for this behaviour

[jessmke]

My DD sits at our kitchen island to eat her meals. For months now she has started pushing her chair away from the counter until she can get her feet up on the island, then pushes backwards so her chair is balancing on the two back legs. For months now we have been telling her every single time to get her feet off the counter, and if she doesn't do it on her own then we take her feet down and push her chair back in, but that hasn't stopped the behaviour. She is now old enough to understand that there are consequences for her behaviours, so I need a logical consequence for this so she stops putting her feet on the counter. Any ideas?? I don't just want to end meal time when she does it because then she will be hungry and I will just have to feed her an hour later and go through the whole feet on the counter scenario again.

 

[Zephram]

Are they high stools? If it were me I would probably just not sit her there until she's old enough to understand. Do you have a toddler table and chairs or even a normal dining table?

Or, failing that, I would simply take her down every time and tell her she can't get back up until she agrees not to do it again - repeat ad nauseum.

Personally I wouldn't end the meal. I don't think that's a particularly effective or healthy thing to do for a 21 month old.

 

[WackyMumof2]

I would put her back into a high chair. She's pushing to see how far she can take it. If you put her back in a chair make sure you tell her that is the consequence for her putting her feet on the counter when she's been repeatedly asked not too. Also, if she wants to sit at the counter like a 'big girl' she will get that privileged back when and only when she can act accordingly. I know she's not quite 2 but they learn very, very fast when they have started missing out on something they really do like. Sitting at the table would mean she would feel very adult and she would associate the highchair with a baby. I don't imagine that it will take anymore than a week to convince her of the appropriate behaviour. Good luck!!

 

[Smanderson]

I would put her back into a high chair. She's pushing to see how far she can take it. If you put her back in a chair make sure you tell her that is the consequence for her putting her feet on the counter when she's been repeatedly asked not too. Also, if she wants to sit at the counter like a 'big girl' she will get that privileged back when and only when she can act accordingly. I know she's not quite 2 but they learn very, very fast when they have started missing out on something they really do like. Sitting at the table would mean she would feel very adult and she would associate the highchair with a baby. I don't imagine that it will take anymore than a week to convince her of the appropriate behaviour. Good luck!!

Totally agree

 

[jessmke]

We don't have a high chair, she has always just sat with us at the kitchen island in a booster seat on one of the stools. We have a dining table but it's a farmhouse style table with bench seating, not proper chairs, so we aren't able to secure a booster seat to the benches and she is way too small to sit at the table without a booster. We do have a clip on travel seat that we can clip onto the island which we did for a while, but the seat part of it isn't removable and it just gets disgustingly dirty with food. We talked about sitting her at a toddler table, but there is no way she would stay seated, so I feel like we would just be trading one problem for another, instead of getting on her about putting her feet on the counter we would be getting on her to sit back down at her table. Ahhh, I don't know what to do! It drives me crazy when she does it because I know she is doing it on purpose to push my buttons, she stares right at me when she does it. For a long time I told my husband that if we just calmly and consistently enforce the rule then she will eventually learn, but that just isn't happening.

She understands consequences, at the park there are a few structures she is not allowed to go on, so when we get there I tell her that if she goes on those structures then we are going home. Only once did I have to follow through on that consequence and now she stays off those structures. So I feel like if I could figure out a logical consequence then it wouldn't take long for her to learn, but I just can't figure out what that consequence is!

 

[AngelUK]

That stool sounds very dangerous for that game! I would seat her at a toddler table and I would totally finish the meal if she got up, especially if she does understand consequences. (Obviously giving her a warning before you do) And I would not feed her an hour later. The consequences in our house of getting up have always been that meal time is over. They learned very quickly. You will have to put up with a lot of whining and begging for food in the meantime but "it is not meal time/it is not snack time" will soon make an impression.

 

[MindUtopia]

I would use whatever other approach you use to her not listening at home. For us, we have an area where our daughter would sit out until she was ready to listen. If she misbehaves at meals, we give her a verbal warning to stop doing what she is doing or she will need to sit out. If she doesn't listen, we follow through and she sits out until she calms down and is ready to talk to us and then we talk about what happened and what she needs to do better. Then she says sorry and we go back to what we are doing. This has been pretty effective for us. There have been times when she has repeatedly done this at a meal and I've given a final consequence that we will end the meal if she does it again, and I have actually ended the meal. She doesn't get more later until the next meal or if it's bedtime, she gets milk as usual before bed and nothing more. They really won't starve and it does put any end to do much messing around.

 

[SarahBear]

How about sitting on the floor or on someone's lap?

 

[SarahBear]

Ahhh, I don't know what to do! It drives me crazy when she does it because I know she is doing it on purpose to push my buttons, she stares right at me when she does it. For a long time I told my husband that if we just calmly and consistently enforce the rule then she will eventually learn, but that just isn't happening.

Staring at you and doing something any way, isn't doing it "to push your buttons." It's just a developmentally appropriate way to explore how the world works. It is true that if you just calmly and consistently enforce the rules, she will eventually learn. She's just not done learning yet. As for trading one set of problems for another, at least the consequences of the other are not dangerous. And she will learn to sit at the table even if she's not great at it now. It just takes time.

 

[loeylo]

Gracie doesn't use a highchair either, we did have one which we used from when we started weaning but she didn't like it much, she hates anything which she is strapped into. She has got a small ikea table and stool which she sits at during meals. It works well for us. If she gets up and walks around we just ignore her and eventually she goes and finishes her food. We put all toys away and have no electronics at meal times, and she understands that it is in her best interest to eat her food sensibly or mealtime will take longer which means longer with no toys. If she consistently leaves the table, then we ask if she's finished. If she is, we take her food away and give her toys back. If she isn't we tell her to sit down or we will think she is finished. She's a grubber so usually sits down and finishes!

If she doesn't finish her dinner she doesn't get pudding, which is usually fruit or something else healthy, since she obviously isn't needing anything else. The adults never take a pudding anyway so she isn't really missing out (if I had issues with her not eating much veg then I wouldn't do this but she's a great eater)

I personally wouldn't be happy with Gracie sitting on a high seat if she acted like that. My mum and dad have a similar setup with the high stools and she sits like an angel on them for some reason!

 

[WackyMumof2]

We don't have a high chair, she has always just sat with us at the kitchen island in a booster seat on one of the stools. We have a dining table but it's a farmhouse style table with bench seating, not proper chairs, so we aren't able to secure a booster seat to the benches and she is way too small to sit at the table without a booster. We do have a clip on travel seat that we can clip onto the island which we did for a while, but the seat part of it isn't removable and it just gets disgustingly dirty with food. We talked about sitting her at a toddler table, but there is no way she would stay seated, so I feel like we would just be trading one problem for another, instead of getting on her about putting her feet on the counter we would be getting on her to sit back down at her table. Ahhh, I don't know what to do! It drives me crazy when she does it because I know she is doing it on purpose to push my buttons, she stares right at me when she does it. For a long time I told my husband that if we just calmly and consistently enforce the rule then she will eventually learn, but that just isn't happening.

She understands consequences, at the park there are a few structures she is not allowed to go on, so when we get there I tell her that if she goes on those structures then we are going home. Only once did I have to follow through on that consequence and now she stays off those structures. So I feel like if I could figure out a logical consequence then it wouldn't take long for her to learn, but I just can't figure out what that consequence is!

An old, expired car seat with the cover removed works perfectly well too. We threw out our high chair when DS2 was about 9 months because I HATED it. But it now meant we were without a seat for him to sit in for meals. It was one of those big padded things and I got sick of either tripping over it or always having to find somewhere to put it because it took up so much room. A friend gave us an old car seat we secured to the table chairs and sat him in that. Worked just as well and when he was old enough to be able to sit properly and eat with everyone else he sat in a regular chair. If the old car seat isn't a valid option either you could always try a star chart and give her a little reward at the end of each day - assuming she eats all her meals at the counter. Fingers crossed you figure out something soon.