Help!!! PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME!

[Second Chance]

22 single, mother of a wonderful baby boy, and in need of serious advice! My BD wants nothing to do with my son as he is married and doesnt want his wife to find out, however we have since than meet up at least 3 times a month and I think I may be pregnant again and odds are that its his, I havent filed child support as he pays me monthly But I dont know what to! I have no job, no car, no money and I can barely support my son... Any advice?

 

[Weeplin]

I have no particular advice..but perhaps stop sleeping with a married man? I feel really really sorry for his wife, she should really know and now another baby is being brought into it. Sorry, I don't mean that as judgemental at all, I know you must have strong feelings for him but you and your lo and now your bump are going to get hurt in this too especially if he is not intending on telling or leaving his wife.

I can't really help, I'm in the UK and have no idea about what you can get etc in the US but make sure he gives you what you are entitled to.

I hope you get it sorted hon x

 

[lou_w34]

Agree with above really...
Stop sleeping with him immediatley. This is where i am going to sound really harsh, but, if he hasnt left his wife for you even though you have had his child, he is never going to, so there is no need to sleep with him. Is it just a bit of fun for you? Or is it because you have genuine feelings for him?

I feel sorry for his wife, and to be honest i think she should no...

I would also make sure you are getting what you are entitled too from him, maybe contacting your version of the CSA may help, you can ask them what you are entitled too and they can help.

Hope i didnt come across as judgemental, but having been cheated on myself, i can only see how this is very unfair for his wife. I can see how this is a upsetting situation for you and your LO aswell, does he see LO? I would distance myself from him as much as possible, obviously let him see LO if he wants, but try to keep your relationship as distant as possible, in the end the only people who will get hurt are you, your LO's and his wife.

Good luck

xx

 

[billy2mm]

get to the courts and get regular maintenence sorted out. dont let him hide his son away. you did wrong by sleeping with him. stop it now. he has cheated on her he WILL cheat on you too. he WILL NOT leave her. he wants his cake and to eat it too. dont let him use you and laugh at you coz you keep letting him back in. you are worth more and so is your son.

 

[moomin_troll]

I wouldn't give a crap what he wants or thinks, because if he didn't want his wife to no he shouldn't be cheating on her the scumbag!
I don't understand how u feel as ive never been the other woman but u need to decide whether u want/can handle another baby and u need to go thru the courts and get a set amount of money as he could stop paying you whenever he wants.

Be prepare he will ask u for a DNA test

 

[carolyn_s]

I wouldn't give a crap what he wants or thinks, because if he didn't want his wife to no he shouldn't be cheating on her the scumbag!
I don't understand how u feel as ive never been the other woman but u need to decide whether u want/can handle another baby and u need to go thru the courts and get a set amount of money as he could stop paying you whenever he wants.

Be prepare he will ask u for a DNA test

^^ WSS xx

 

[littlekitten8]

I agree with the others I'm afraid hun. I feel sorry for this guys poor wife. She deserves to know what her scummy husband is doing. You need to stop sleeping with him, do a pregnancy test to confirm whether you are or not. And sort out some sort of proper maintenance. I'm sorry if that seems harsh but your priority should be your son.

 

[Second Chance]

My priority is my son! Always has been but yes I have genuine feelings for him I have for almost 4 years now... and his wife was informed about him abd what he was doing and she left for two months and came back! He doesn't see his son he doesn't care... which is why I take care of him myself, I have tried to stop seeing him but I can't stay away because I love him! We had an amazing relationship we have so much in common and we get along so well, and I keep hoping if I can keep him around eventually he'll see how much how I love him and come back to us... I hate to say it but if I am pregnantit may be another guys too and sadly I know this other guy would be there for our LO but I can't see myself telling either of them because I don't know which one will freak out more... I'm not a whore I was seeing this guy for a few weeks and we slept together once, he ended it with me and two days after sleeping with him I slept with babys dad.... don't think badly of me I am not a bad person, I don't intentionally wan5t to hurt people I just can't help my feelings! My son is my life and I make sure he is well take care of being I even think of myself, I don't know sorry u all think I'm a bad person, guess u can't really understand until you've been there thanks for reading and please don't judge me

 

[lou_w34]

Firstly none thinks you are bad person! And no one is judging you

But unfortunatley hun, i dont think he is ever going to be with you Like i said before, you have his son, and he still is with his wife. He treats his son like a dirty little secret, and i cant see how you would want to be with him if he does not care about your son.

I guess it is hard for the rest of us, as none of us have been in your situation, but please dont think we think badly of you, as we do not. But id rather people told you the truth, then sugar coat things for you and you end up hurt in the long run.

He wants his cake, so dont let him have it, be strong, and see if he is willing to fight for you first. You and your son deserve more.

xx

 

[Second Chance]

Thanks and I know that, I try to walk away I know he'll never be with me and I know if he was with me it would never work, because he can't stay satisfied but I. Don't like to face the truth....

 

[lou_w34]

You have to face up to it sometime, and now is a good as time as any...

He is taking the piss, dont let him. Walk away with your head held high and concentrate on you and your son, you dont need him.

 

[Second Chance]

I know I am not being harshly judged but maybe its my personally guilty conscience, I just don't knw what to do otherwise I love my son and I want him to have a father and a family and a good life! And I am scared that unless his fathers in his life he won't be happy!

 

[lou_w34]

I think it is your own conscience, you know deep down that it is wrong, but try not too think about it, so its hard for you when others point it out.

And having a good life doesnt mean having both parents! You son will be perfectly fine with just you, as long as he is safe and loved he will be great, and most definatley happy.

There are so many people out there who have been raised in one parent families and they have turned out wonderfully

xx

 

[Second Chance]

I know but I am afraid of the questions I know will arise as he grows older, How do you tell your son that daddy can be there he just refuses to... How do you tell him that he has 2 sisters and brother than he isnt allowed to meet cuz daddy doesnt want him to. How do you tell him that daddy had a family and we were just his back up plan? I dont want to face it all!

 

[Second Chance]

I know I am going to have to but maybe I am just naiive enough to belive that he will come around before boog is old enough to ask!

 

[lou_w34]

Unfortunatley i dont think he will.

All you need to be is honest with your son, obviously dont slag his dad off, but tell him the truth in the kindest way you can. I have a friend whos biological dad was... a twat basically. And she knows everything about him, her mum never hid anything from her, and she is just fine, she doesnt blame her mum, and she doesnt even hate her dad, she doesnt even think about him.

I think its better to have no father at all, then to sit and wait hoping one day he will turn up, you need to move on for your sons sake as much as your own

xx

 

[Second Chance]

I really have been working on it, I am not trying to hold on to him but it is just as hard for him to let me go and it is for me and when I tell him I am done he gets all bummed out and pretty much begs me for a second chance!

 

[daisygirl]

just say no!

i mean, u and your son deserve so much better! he obviously thinks hes God's gift to women and can treat them how they like!

going behind his wifes back and getting away with it and stringing you along!

find someone who will be there for you and your children, always

 

[Second Chance]

I really am trying its just so hard sometimes

 

[lou_w34]

Then you need to be the strong one. Say no, and mean it! And dont give in. Just remember if he really wanted to be with you, he would have left his wife by now, and be begging you for a chance, instead he just wants you for second best.

You shouldnt be anyones second best. Find someone who will put you first for once

xx