Help!!! PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME!

[Second Chance]

RiverSong, thank you for not judging, I appreciate your kind words more than you know ! I know I have made a terrible mistake by continueing our relations and I am now trying to remedy that mistake. I have been looking into jobs but it is hard for me to find work because I am a felon, no I am not using it as an excuse and I am not just sitting here hoping people will throw money at me, I am in school online full time and I am trying to make a better life for me and my son so I dont need FOB's help anymore and I can shake him for good! Im just having a hard time is all. I have ended communication with him except for on the days he pays me or to ask about his son, and I am no longer seeing him at all. This is a decision I JUST made last night, but I am determined to stick to it!

Trying4ababy, It would have been a failed BC issue, I took it daily and that is why I couldnt believe it could be happening again! And i have cut my losses and dropped the other guy as well... I am terrified to be alone but at the same time i am scared of what could happen so I am just going to take care of myself and my son and maybe someday the RIGHT guy will come along and he love us both... I am sorry so many of you seem so digusted with my mistakes, but I cant take them back, and I got an amazing, loving, smart, and beautiful little boy out of it... So i cant say i regret anything that has happened between us! I just wish the situation itself could be a little bit different!

Daisy, she was told by my old roommate which is why she left him in the first place he denied it and she is in complete denial about it she moved back to be closer to her sister (according to him) and they arent really trying to work it out, but yet they are... I dont know but she has been told she is just denying that it is true!

 

[aliss]

Good for you hun Just keep at it with your school and hopefully you'll be able to pick up some work soon.

 

[scottishgal89]

I don't think anyone would judge you in here
Just giving advice on what you have said.
I hope things look up for you soon and you manage to move on for the sake of your son

 

[Second Chance]

Thanks to both of you, I have been happy with my decision thus far, and I just really hope I can stick to it!! I do appreciate the advice, I just feel some wish the worst for me because they have been in the wifes shoes, and I am on this side...

 

[sweetlullaby]

Thanks to both of you, I have been happy with my decision thus far, and I just really hope I can stick to it!! I do appreciate the advice, I just feel some wish the worst for me because they have been in the wifes shoes, and I am on this side...

Im sure no one wishes the worst for you hun they just know from personal experience that it will eventually end really badly with so many people hurt

I agree with a lot of what the other girls have said so no point in repeating myself lol but good luck hun and I hope you make the right decisions and the best decisions for you and your gorgeous little boy

 

[Second Chance]

I know that I made the right choice FOB decided to text me last night and randomly ask if i tried to text him, I said nope and have a goodnight and didnt text him again! Oh well its hard and I miss him but life goes on... I know why i do it, i am doing it for days like today when I can celebrate my baby turning 6 months old!! Just some pics so you can all see the beautiful baby created by such a messed up man...

 

[coccyx]

contraception???? think how you would feel if you were his wife... I know he is the married one but you know he is married and still carry on. Surely you deserve better.

 

[firstprincess]

Oh sweetie what a bad situation. I understand some of what your saying and that you have feelings for him... have you told him that. He clearly doesnt care much for his wife, or you or his son if this is how he continues. Please file for some proper maintenance and support and ask him where things are likely to go. His wife should know. Hugs xxxxxxxx

 

[firstprincess]

Just wanted to say your little one is sooooooooo cute! lovely pics xxxxx

 

[bobblebot]

I do hope you are ok and are strong enough now to focus on building a life for you and your child/dren. I am still in love with my husband who had a baby with another woman, but I will not go bak to him because I have too much self resepct and know he willcheat again. It still hurts and I miss him and yes I cry but I have to face the fact that I do deserve better.

It does hurt to detach yourself fromthose you love but it does get better and it is howing your kids how to be strong, have self respect and not to take crap.

Sort out maintenance, if he wants to see the kids let himbut if he doesnt, move on honey, make sure he pays but move on and focus on building a fantastic life for you and kids and one day someone you truly deserve will come along.

 

[BeautifulD]

I do kinda understand what you are going through..... Although I don't have a child with this shmuck.... here is my story...

Before meeting L I was happily single going about my life, I had a failed marriage under my belt and dispised women that slept/ had affairs with married men after all that is what caused the breakdown of my marriage....

So this one night I was out with friends watching the football, they went home and I decided to stay... L approached me in his very charming manner, I was aware that he was one of the northern lads but somehow he seemed different (The Northern lads work down south seasonally and all the women know to stear clear as pretty much 100% of them have wives or girlfriends BUT generally they are open about this) so anyways we spent the entire evening chatting about our lives I told him about mine and he told me about his. He has two children, split from their mum four years previously and see's them every other weekend when he goes home, struggles with the fact that their mum is in another relationship and that person tries to play dad with his kids..... EVERYTHING was going great. we swapped numbers and he called me the next day and we arranged a date.... from there on we spent every evening together, I really fell for him. I even considered moving up to Doncaster after HE suggested it anyways a few months later and I was still completely oblivious as happy as happy gets... until the day I decided to look him up on facebook! That very day he was on his way home, we had a conversation and I had said that it was a shame that his kids didn't know about me as I didn't have my kids that weekend and I could have gone up with him and spent the weekend... his reply was that he was going to sit them down and tell them that he has a girlfriend. Horray I thought! Then for some reason I decided to look him up on facebook.... I have no idea why I did but I did.... And what I found broke my heart in two there and then - He was Engaged - to the mother of his children - who he had been with for 9 yrs!

So I sat, shaking, crying, angry trying to decided what to do I decided to wait it out and wait for him to call.... He called about 10 mins later, was chatting away like usual and sensing that I was utterly peeved he asked me what was wrong... " Oh nothing honey I'm just on facebook,,,,,, and im looking at your page!!! CARE TO BLEEP BLEEP EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT THE BLEEPING BLEEP BLEEP BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPP IS GOING ON!?!?"
The phone went silent and he simply said oh..... and then followed up with the usual I was going to tell you, I just couldn't find the right time ect ect.... we are only together for the kids sake ect ect how he wishes that things were different.... anyways after lots of discussions with him I went against EVERYTHING I believed in and saw him again and again and again..... Until I found out that he had failed to mention that he was getting married in the september, we were on the back end of august!!! I was FURIOUS and told him that if he didn't tell her what has been going on I will.... but I didn't he managed to talk me round as usual BUT the difference was I had told him to get lost and that I NEVER EVER wanted to see him again.... And I didn't see him again until last season, we bumped into eachother as he was working down one of the roads by me UGH and after him begging me to give him a chance to explain I did foolishly.... we saw eachother through the whole season and now he's buggered off home. The last time I saw him was on the 15th of october after I went to leeds to meet him, when I came back my head was completely done in and I decided there and then that I was going to walk away as it wasn't fair on ANYONE most of all his wife, I feel utterly horrendous for doing what I have done and given the chance I would never have got myself into that sittuation..... I had no idea he was engaged, had I of known I would never have got involved with him...... so sweetie I do kinda understand where you are coming from, I struggle every day with not contacting him ect but I know its for the best Xxx

 

[Fraggles]

You have to stop sleeping with a married man, it should never of happened in the first place, I know you are hurting but imagine the pain that lady will be in when the man who commited to her slept around and got you pregnant and how do you know there aren't others???

Also just think if he's sleeping with numerous partners and if you are you risk catching STI/STDs and those could harm an unborn baby.

Put your child first set a good example and bring that baby up the best you can. I'd go down the legal route for maintenance and if his wife finds out well I hope she does so she can l know what scum he is.

Im sorry if im harsh but my baby was put at risk by a guy sleeping around behind my back with some women who knew I was pregnant.

If he has no morals or standards to set your son you need some.

 

[Second Chance]

Thanks I haven't spoken with him in over a week and it drives me nuts that he hasn't even tried to contact me but oh well! Thanks for the advice

 

[moomin_troll]

I'm sure he will call when he wants to get u into bed but I hope u continue to say no and stay strong for not only ur son but urself. U don't need to let someone treat u like a doormat....seems like he uses his wife for that one.

 

[Emma 21]

no one thinks you are a bad person its great that you are putting your son first. but i dont think this man cares about you or he would be there for you and your son. Leave him and go it alone. it is easy for a man to tell a woman what she wants to here while there is sex involved but if he loved you the way that you love him he would leave his wife and be with you x

 

[Surreal]

Sadly, I can totally sympathize with your situation -- except I found out he wasn't separating from his wife as he had led me to believe, and I was five weeks pregnant at the time. When I found out it hadn't happened, I told him to make a choice; either move out and leave her, or stay with her and leave me the hell alone. Guess what choice he made?

Believe me, you *can* do this, just as I have. Oh it was hell at first... I had allowed myself to fall in love with this man who was essentially going home and laying next to his wife every night. *Don't* be his "go to" when he feels the urge -- you deserve so much more then a man who's committed to someone else could *ever* offer. Hell, your son deserves more then that, just like my son deserves more then his pr*ck of a father could ever offer.

Sperm donation doesn't make a man a dad. That's all this man ever is to your son, genetical donation and income support... and exposure to a cheater will just encourage bad values in your son, and his outlook on the "acceptable" ways to treat women.

At first it's going to be hard, I know... I spent a lot of time crying. But time heals all things, and in the long run I believe it's strengthened my self-confidence more then anything. You can do this, leave him behind... and never look back.

 

[Second Chance]

Thanks sureal, it has been hard and I have had to contact him to ask for help with formula and and ride back from my moms (she lives 45 minutes away) but he was right there to do it sweet talking me telling me he's just happy to hear from even if I am mad at him. He says he is going to make an effort to ask about Raydynn more and be there for us when we need him, its hard for me to believe him but I want to give him the chance to prove that he wants to be there... I don't know I just now I'm guarded this time but I have to accept his help I can't do it alone otherwise

 

[Second Chance]

Ps surreal your son is really cute.

 

[Surreal]

Thanks sureal, it has been hard and I have had to contact him to ask for help with formula and and ride back from my moms (she lives 45 minutes away) but he was right there to do it sweet talking me telling me he's just happy to hear from even if I am mad at him. He says he is going to make an effort to ask about Raydynn more and be there for us when we need him, its hard for me to believe him but I want to give him the chance to prove that he wants to be there... I don't know I just now I'm guarded this time but I have to accept his help I can't do it alone otherwise

Is he divorcing his wife? Is he willing to make a commitment to you? Also be aware that if he cheated on his wife, he will very likely do the same to you. I had found out about FOB later that this was in fact his *third* marriage, and that the woman he was married to now is the woman he cheated on his second wife with. And he cheated on his third wife with me, obviously. Very few men leave behind their cheating tendencies and move on... just remember to prepare yourself for the same pain his wife had to endure... if there aren't in fact other women on the side even now, that you don't know of.

Trust is a two-way street, and his is already questionable because of his treatment of his first wife. I wish you luck on your choice, whatever you make... but I think sticking with him is just asking for a world of pain. I'm sure if need be, you could find alternatives to travel? Though, of course helping you with his son is his responsibility. I've decided to go through the state, myself, as I know being involved with him he'll just continue to play mind games with me. He does with his second wife, whom he has a little girl with... and only off and on supports her, as he can't hold down a job for long. The poor woman is still hung up on him, even after six years of being divorced from him...

Ps surreal your son is really cute.

Thank you! He really has become my whole world... I love him very much, despite the circumstances that brought him into this world.

 

[Second Chance]

I know what you mean and I am not going to be with him again but I do still need him at times... I know I could never be with him but it doesn't change anything... and I know what you mean about him being ur whole world my son is too!