Help!!! PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME!

[Second Chance]

i know thanks guys, I am working on it... I get stronger everyday, i just wish it could be different as i truly do love him!! however he knows i think hes i piece of shit for doing this to my son and i remind him daily

 

[Second Chance]

This post is in my journal as well but I dont have any followers so I thought I might get more advice here since you all seem so genuine...

Well I did alot of time matching and realized if I was pregnant it would be my baby daddys, and honestly, like what a stupid move on my part. So i called him up, I am already four days late I didnt know what to do so I text him and tell him he needs to get up (even though hes sick) go buy me a pregnancy test and bring it here, well on his to get the test he is texting me talking about how stupid he is and how much he hates himself for letting this happen and how if i am he is going to shoot himself (pity party central) so blah blah blah, he come over with an equate brand single test and i pee on it and wait, and during the wait I am picking it up and looking at it wondering if its gonna be positive, well five minutes elapsed and its still negative so I hand it to him and tell him to calm down were ok! Well i laid down on my bed while he was looking at the test and he has the gall to tell me " If it happens that the test is wrong and you ARE pregnant again we need to discuss something" so i asked him what the hell he meant (knowing in my heart what he was referring to) and he tells me "something neither of us want to talk about but we do" i FLIPPED out, I told him if he even mentioned the word abortion I would throw him out of my house, and he immediately took it back and started apologizing. I was ok for the remaining 20 minutes he was there trying to pretend I really didnt just hear him say that to me. I sat and talked to my roommate about the whole conversation and the more i talked the more disgusted I got... I mean seriously it was our irresponsibility that conceived this child and he wants to just throw it away with the garbage! Bullshit I finally texted him and told him that I was sick at the thought of him thinking that is ok, and that I dont think I can continue to see him! He was understanding and extremely apologetic but told me to take my time and he's be waiting when I made my decision. I love him with all my heart, but it seems the more i talk to him the less i respect him. He just doesnt get it, so i am now faced with the hardest choice I have yet had to make... Drop what we had and pretend it was nothing, take his money for our son and never see him again or stay with him and allow him to break my heart (now mind you we are NOT together, he has been married our ENTIRE relationship and i was his "mistress" god i hate that word, but decided not to leave his wife for me after all) and ignore our son? I know what I have to do, I just dont know HOW to do it!! Will no one help me? Please tell me how to do this?

 

[bobblebot]

Im sorry but as a wife whose husband slept with another woman and had a baby with her I know the pain and misery this will cost all involved!
He will not leave his wife if he hasnt already, some men are cheats and will always do it if its offered on a plate. You should have more respece for yourself and should have acepted your firt mistake and moved on to find a man of your own who an be an active dad for your child without bringing another child to get confused by the situation.
My ex was a little better than the man you are seeing as he did see the child and did tell me but it cost him his marriage and he is nowon his own, with his familytelling him how stupid he is and regretting it. He doesnt see his kid with her now as she moved on and married anotyer man and they agreed to let the new man be dad to his daughter so she could have a proper family. There was some decency in my ex but he is a cheat and i could not liuvethat life.

What I am saying is....leave this man alone to his family beause as it stands there will be no happy ending for you or your children with the current arrangenents. Just get in your lifeand make the best of what you have but pleaseno mire married men.

i have to be quite honest i justread what you wrote above and you sound very 'dependant' on this man that is using you....my biggest piece of advice is simple get some blinkin self respect hun....you were quite capable of getting your own regnancy test so why harrass himwhen he is ill? Even in my mariage I got my own tests and didnt depend like that or expect himrun around. You ranting at himabout mentioning abortion!!! Wellto be honest I think he has a fair point for discussion, he doesn't wantthis child,you do! that should tell you something! That if you are not prepared fully to raise this child alone then doi something. NowI am not for abortion but I think sometimes it is kinder to the unbon child than a lifeofpain and feeling blkamed or unwanted.

I don'tmean to sound harsh but you are a mother and need to set an examplefor your kids....if you have a daughter would you sit back quietly and watch as a married man uses her for sex,impregnates her but won't tell people about the child and watch as she lets himdo it not once but twice! Watch as she tells you she loves a man who lives with another woman, his wife, will you nottell herthat is not love but her probably thinking she can't do any better!

For the sake of your children if not yourself, arrange maintenane payments for the kids and then leave this man so you can be a decent parent....and for gods sake please use contraception in future then you wouldn't be in this situation in the first place.I'msingle but I would never allow myself to sleep or see a married man because I know nothing good an comefrom it.

Grab yourselfsome self respect and leave, no one can tell you really what to do as yu'll do what you want, which id y u r in this positionin first place. At just 22 you have a lot of years ahead, do you want to be happy with a man who loves you or unhappy with a man who just uses you?

 

[Second Chance]

I couldn't get my own test as I am broke live in the middle of nowhere and have no car, I had to tell him! I am not pregnant this time thank god but if I were irregardless of whther or not he wanted another child I would not tear my child limb from limb while its still thriving inside of me THAT is something that I will never even concider. I appreciate your opinion but there are many points with which I don't agree as for him I have made my decision and he can either be in my sons life or I will have absolutely nothing to do with him! I am very emotionally dependant upon him because he is the only love I have known that I have felt this strong for, if you feel the need to judge I am sorry but no matter how I you may percieve me I am a good, dedicated mother to my son. And no amount of harsh words can change that! I hear all the advice people offer but no one seems to realize that I want my sons father to be in his liife and it kills me that he refuses. = am sorry that I look so bad to all of you who are married but you have to remember while I agreed to it, he came to me in the first place... many people speak on what they do not know, I myself am guilty of this but get know someone beofre u place judgment... they may just be doing the best they can...

 

[whoops]

bobblebot raises a really good point - that this man is setting a terrible example for your son. Your little boy is too young to take notice at the moment, but as he grows up, do you really want him learning that this is the appropriate way to treat women? By all means, let your son see his father but don't let his father treat you badly while doing so. You and him don't need to be in a relationship before he can spend time with his son.

I'm starting to cut people out of my life that don't treat me with respect, because I don't want my daughter growing up thinking that's ok.

I'm not judging you - everyone makes mistakes at the end of the day, and my own track record isn't exactly blameless. But you do need to think about what kind of example you're setting. Children are like sponges - they absorb everything that goes on around them.

 

[littlekitten8]

I know its really hard, and its easy to think that your son will be the worse for growing up without his father, but sometimes kids are better off without their biological dads. My FOB is an abusive, selfish ******* and has had no contact with LO for nearly a year. James is certainly no worse for it! He is so much more chilled now his 'father' is off the scene. Please don't think LO will blame you for it. If you are honest with him he will do just fine. Good luck.

 

[moomin_troll]

If he had any feelings for you he'd leave his wife and see his son, but he doesn't and you sleep with him. That just makes u look like a idiot!
Ive been cheated on by an ex and it's heart breaking.

Yes his wife left but went back because that's her husband. He doesn't care for u and never will, all ur doing is hurting another family that he will never leave.

Ofcourse if it's nit with u he'd use another woman and that's his wifes problem but getting involved in is is stupid and ur not doing ur son any favours....this will hurt him in the long run

 

[TattiesMum]

Look Hon - I get that you are desperate for your LO's father to be in his life .... but you cannot MAKE that happen

This man quite obviously just sees you as a sexual plaything and isn't the slightest bit interested in getting involved in an emotional relationship with you - if he was then he has had ample opportunity to do so

It's one thing for a child to be told that his Daddy (who he has never met) had another family who he had to be with (or whatever you choose to tell him) and quite another for him to be exposed to a "Daddy" who comes to the house, ignores him completely, has sex with Mummy and then fucks off again That's REALLY going to kill his self esteem

It doesn't matter how much we WANT someone to do something or for things to change - we quite simply do not have the power to change how other people behave ... all we can control is our own behaviour and right now you are heading down the path of seriously hurting your son

We can't tell you how to do this, or give you the strength to finish this toxic relationship - that's down to you .... but think on - in a few short months your son will be starting to become aware of what goes on around him and he really doesn't deserve to feel like a piece of unwanted trash just because you're prepared to accept the way that his sperm donor treats you

 

[aliss]

Nobody can help you until you decide to help yourself hun You'll have to hit rock bottom (and it sounds like you aren't there yet). Until then, you should be filing for child support with your state because your son deserves to at least be financially supported by his father.

 

[gemabee]

hey hun... u really need to work on urself bein a stronger person... nd along the way - please stop sleepin with a married man, nd please stop havin unprotected sex!
walk away nd concentrate on ur son - he doesn't need this idiot in his life nd neither do u.
its the poor wife i feel sorry for.

 

[scottishgal89]

Look Hon - I get that you are desperate for your LO's father to be in his life .... but you cannot MAKE that happen

This man quite obviously just sees you as a sexual plaything and isn't the slightest bit interested in getting involved in an emotional relationship with you - if he was then he has had ample opportunity to do so

It's one thing for a child to be told that his Daddy (who he has never met) had another family who he had to be with (or whatever you choose to tell him) and quite another for him to be exposed to a "Daddy" who comes to the house, ignores him completely, has sex with Mummy and then fucks off again That's REALLY going to kill his self esteem

It doesn't matter how much we WANT someone to do something or for things to change - we quite simply do not have the power to change how other people behave ... all we can control is our own behaviour and right now you are heading down the path of seriously hurting your son

We can't tell you how to do this, or give you the strength to finish this toxic relationship - that's down to you .... but think on - in a few short months your son will be starting to become aware of what goes on around him and he really doesn't deserve to feel like a piece of unwanted trash just because you're prepared to accept the way that his sperm donor treats you

Totally agree with this!

 

[Second Chance]

thanks guys I am Doing my best to stay strong. And I know from the outside our situation looks so bad and it is really, but while I am doing my best, its so hard to walk away... I really do love him and he does give me money for our son, but I thought long and hard about it last night and your all right he doesn't need that example in his life! I want him growing up to respect women and this is not the correc5t way to go about that! Truth is I am terrified of him forgetting about us, about boog... yea I am stupid whatever but it doesn't change the fact that I can't turn my feelings on and off like a light believe me I wish I could but unfortunately that's not how it goes! My son is not an unwanted piece of trash, he wasn't intentional but I have loved him since the day I realized he was there! (Bout 3 weeks ges.) As for having unprotected sex, I have been on birth control for 3.5 months now its just painful for me to use condoms but I am not being completely unprotected... I have decided to stop seeing everyone and focus on my baby and wait to sleep with ANYONE until I know they will be there for their child should I happen to get pregnant! Its not much but its a sttart for me, I am terrified of letting him go because I don't want to be alone and while I know I am physically, he was always supportive emotionally (in his own way) and now I am afraid of losing it, but I am doing my best I have let him go and now I am waiting to heal...

 

[AP]

Set your son an example, stop sleeping with a married man. Karma will bite, I'm sorry - I did the same at 17 and the shoe was on the other foot a few years later - the hurt and devestation is awful and i would never ever play a part in wrecking a relationship again.

 

[moomin_troll]

He only told u what u wanted to hear tho, ur relationship with him was all fake just to gt what he wanted. I no how it feels to be in love with someone and for them to say whatever to get what they want....most men do it.

If anything u felt for him was real, he'd see ur son and leave his wife.
Ino u can't turn off ur feelings but to put it bluntly u can close ur legs and tell him to go else where and stand up to him and stop letting him use u

 

[Second Chance]

I am trying my damndest!

 

[moomin_troll]

I'm sure u are but like ive said I've never been the other woman but I have been in love with someone who just used me and said anything I wanted to hear. It's really not worth it.
U have to remember nothing he says to u is real, and then after he's been with he goes home and holds his wife! If anything that would put me off going with a married man.

U should go to court and get regular child support so he can't just stop paying u and f*ck him if he doesn't want his wife to no, she deserves to no exactly what he's up to after she gave him a second third whatever chance

 

[Second Chance]

She does know what he did, but he knows that if he doesn't pay me ill take it to the CSA in a second, I'm trying to move on from here...

 

[scottishgal89]

I thought she didn't know you had a child?

 

[Trying4ababy]

Truth is hun I have never heard of a married man who has left his wife for the other woman. You are just his fun on the side and you need to get away from him.
You said yourself he doesn't want anything to do with his son yet you go and possibly get pregnant again by him?

This next part may be a bit harsh...

You say that you don't have a job, car, and can barely support the son that you have now. Why in the world would you go an possibly get yourself pregnant again? I know BC can fail so that is why if I was you I wouldn't be having sex with anyone.

 

[RiverSong]

You're not a bad person you just made some bad choices, i dare anyone to say they have never made a bad choice

So what you need to do... Well firstly surround yourself with friends and people you can lean on. Sort out maintenance and make sure he sticks to it. You really should look at jobs etc now so you have a little extra money. Also check out the freebie section theres a charity who might be able to help with baby stuff (i'd link you but im on my mobile sorry )

I hope you're alright. Don't let this man take advantage of you or your sons... By the way if the baby turns out to be the other guys the same applies,

Good luck hun and do whats best for you and your babies.xxx