Help

[chewy1]

me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 months, he has said to me that he is infertile but no one believes him now i think i'm pregnant and i don't want to say anything to him. It has been 2 weeks since my last period and i have now started being sick and feeling faint all the time, we haven't been using any contraception and do it more than 3 times a day sometimes and i see him 4 times a week. I really need help cause i don't know what else to do as i am 16 and my family doesn't even know we have been having sex. :'( can someone please help me?

 

[MindUtopia]

Do you know if you are actually pregnant? Have you taken a test? If so, I'd recommend finding someone you can talk to about this situation, even if you can't talk to your boyfriend (a friend, a family member you are close to like a sister or cousin, or your doctor). If you haven't taken a pregnancy test, it might be a good thing to take one just so you know for sure. You can get a cheap one at the store or for free at a local clinic.

But at the expense of sounding harsh, I'm assuming your boyfriend is also fairly young and if so, it's very unlikely he would have gone to the trouble of actually having the tests done to determine if he is fertile or not. He might just be assuming this for some reason, or he might just be telling you that because he doesn't want to use condoms (he wouldn't be the first guy to try this trick, trust me!). Regardless of whether you are pregnant or not, it would be a good thing to have a conversation about being safer, including using condoms and getting yourself on birth control if you guys are going to continue to be together. Even if he is infertile, not using condoms means you are leaving yourself open to getting an STD from him, and I'm sure you don't want to have to go through that. If he's telling you he's infertile so you'll have unprotected sex with him, I'm sure you aren't the first person he's tried that with.

2 months as I'm sure you are realizing now is a really short time to be with someone and find out you're going to be stuck together for life, which you will be in one way or another if you have a child. But it's also all it takes for you to wind up pregnant or with a disease you can't get rid of. So it's really important that you speak up for yourself and protect yourself from now on. If he cares about you, he'll want to do that too. And if he can't respect that, don't waste your time on him.

I hope this doesn't sound too harsh, but I wish someone had said that to me when I was younger. Hope it turns out okay for you!

 

[chewy1]

Thanks for the advice, you were right we are both young cause he is 18. I am defiantly not the first girl he has tried it with cause he was slept with quite a few people, all my friends have said the same thing you did about him not actually knowing but i have spoken to him about since and he has said that before me he had a one night stand and went to get checked out for STD's and thats how he knows he is all clear with that, and apparently thats when the doctors told him he was infertile. But from his past girl friends i know he makes up stories a lot!! i have also spoken to his older sister cause she is 28 and knows all about his history and she said that she doesn't know anything about him being infertile and that i should talk to him again about it.

Dont worry about sounding harsh cause its the truth really. And the only thing stopping me from doing the test is that i really cant afford one as i don't work and my family cant afford to lend me any money. Thanks again though

 

[nimbec]

Chewy i agree with all of the above, ifyou can't afford a test book a doctors appt its confidential and they will do one free of charge or you could go to a familly planning clinic and they will do the same. Its really improtant that you find out so you can start to make some big decisions. I wish you all the best!

When was your last period? are you 2 weeks late? do you know how long your cycles are?

xx

 

[MindUtopia]

Where do you live? If you are in the UK, you should just be able to make an appt with your regular GP and have it done for free, or if you don't feel comfortable with that, there are lots of family planning or sexual health clinics, usually in the town centre somewhere, that will do it without you having to go to your usually doctor, and again for free.

If you are in the U.S., planned parenthood will also do it for free if you tell them you can't afford it. Normally, it's like a sliding scale, but if you are young and don't have the money to pay, they should do it for free. You can always call and ask ahead of time to make sure you don't have to pay a thing. In the event that isn't possible, wherever you are a pregnancy test at the store should be cheap, a a few £ or a few $ depending on where you live. Since your period is already late, you don't need to buy one of the fancy early tests, just the store brand cheap one.

If you are genuinely concerned though, is there someone you can talk to, maybe an older sister or a parent who could take you to get a test? It might be so embarrassing to bring it up, but it's better to be honest and know what's going on so you can decide what you're going to do.

 

[chewy1]

I had my period 3 weeks ago now and i'm starting to feel worse and worse which is making me worry about it even more!! And i cant wait for another week to know whats happening, especially now as he broke up with me for being moody all the time and i cant tell him why without him getting pissed off with me if it aint true!! this whole thing is getting worse for me here&thanks for all the advice though its helping me a lot!!

 

[libbyam2003]

Let us know if you get your period! And, yes, I agreed with the part about him probably lying about being infertile! Boys are jerks like that sometimes. Also, there are other STDS that won't show up right away in an STD test... I've read about some of them on this site actually... So I'd say best to always use a condom! I would HATE waiting a whole month to see if I was pregnant! So sorry you can't go get a test... Planned Parenthood is where I would suggest going (in the U.S.)... especially if you don't get a period again. Do you have anyone that can go with you?

 

[chewy1]

I live in england so i cant really go there but i will have a look and see if there is anything similar here&i have told one of my friends and she said she is behind whatever i do 100% so i would go with her!! I am also now thinking of doing an STD test just to be sure, do you think thats a good idea??

 

[wellsk]

I live in england so i cant really go there but i will have a look and see if there is anything similar here&i have told one of my friends and she said she is behind whatever i do 100% so i would go with her!! I am also now thinking of doing an STD test just to be sure, do you think thats a good idea??

I would definitely advise to go and get an STD from your doctor... Particularly if he's been around and likes to make up stories. This concerns me a lot!

I think that you should also start using contraception ASAP, all contraception is free in the UK. You can go to your doctor and get an STD test and some condoms... I would advise that you use condoms if you can't be certain he hasn't slept with anyone else.
There are also places such as GUM clinics which might be in your area.