Hi Gang... It's me again .... HELP?

[kam78]

Hi Girls ...

It's been a while since I've logged in ....today I need y'all .....

Today is exactly 6 months since my Emma was taken from me... I am loss for words to be honest... Not exactly sure why I started a new thread ... Guess I just felt very lonely and here I knew I'd be surrounded by others in my shoes ... (Unfortunately) ...

As I walked down the hallway and peek into the empty ugly bedroom that was suppose to be my Emma's I can't help not to be sick to my stomach... I can invision how it was going to look.. It is such a beautiful room, has big beautiful windows, I even planted plants and flowers around them so she could look out and see such beauty or as I sat in the rocker and rocked and just sang or talked to her we could enjoy them... I hate this! 99% of the time, I keep that bedroom door shut!

Another thing that is REALLY bothering me ... and wondered if any of you experienced this and if so how can we change this... Me and Emma's dad do NOT ever, EVER talk about her, it's like I'm not allowed cuz I might get upset.. Well, so what if I cry or get upset... I hate that we never talk about her, about the situation, about anything anymore... Right after she passed we was inseperable.. He was my rock, showed each other so much love and always there for each other... Now its a totally different relationship... He asked what was wrong with me today as I cooked us breakfast , I told him "nothing" "that I was FINE" .. He has NO idea what today is, we have never been to the cemetary together since her burial, I go almost daily ... alone... Just wish she wasn't the "big elephant" in the room, a taboo topic, for christs sake, it's our daughter! Just very sad and lonely today and feels like I don't know how to change us.... I don't like that and think we need help but no way will he go talk to a counselor or something with me...
Have you all experienced this, if so HELP?? Are you any better?? If so, how??? I love this man with everything in me but I hate this feeling... I can tell him til I'm blue in the face but nothing ever changes ... This isn't a new topic for us... So I'm a lil discouraged ...

I so love and miss my Em' ... God, I wish she was here with me ...

Sorry bout the rambleing .....

 

[MaevesMummy]

Its so hard to talk to those closest to us and Men and Women handle things so differently. you must try to tell him how you feel though.
There is no right or wrong in grief and no "normal" I am so sorry for your loss of Emma. I still think about Maeve all the time, and still feel sad about what should have been a year on xxxxxx

 

[DueSeptember]

Awww...I wouldnt talk to a counselor either but my relationship has been good...He doesnt like to talk about it either and I asked him why He said he dont like seeing me cry so maybe he doesnt want you to be upset and wants to see you smile..It is hard for us we wanted to take our babies Home I still talk about it with the Ladies but I think Men deal with it differently He knows exactly how I feel and if I needed a shoulder to cry on I could...But I dont think they understand like we do Hope it gets Better for you...inbox me anytime

 

[Hellylou]

I do think it is the way men handle things. It's only been 2 weeks for me and in the first week we were inseparable like you, so close, but already I see a difference, in such a short time. I think the initial shock and grief makes you cling together in a different way but then gradually other things start to take over.

I would say the important thing is not to expect him to ever bring up the subject for exactly the reasons you gave - he doesn't want to upset you. That doesn't mean you can't ever bring it up with him, and he wont read your mind and guess. Maybe during a quiet moment when he asks you what is wrong you just tell him you are feeling sad about Emma. You could even ask how he's been coping all this time. Men tend to bottle stuff up, and aren't generally 'talkers' like women. It might not be a good idea to talk about it to him as much as you might to say, a female friend, family member, or people on here, but that doesn't mean it should be a taboo subject. Try talking to him about it a little and see how he reacts.

 

[SarahJane]

I can't really help as I am in the same place emotionally at the moment... It is 6 months next week for me so I understand some of the pain you are feeling.

Paul(DH) is different as he does share everything with me about how he feels and we do go together to the cemetary most times (occasionally I will go alone). Your OH really does need to grieve though if he isn't for both of your sakes as I am guessing he is hurting too. You need to grieve together somehow and Maeves mummy is totally right that there is no "right" or "normal" way to do that. Whatever happens, try not to let this drive you apart as I am sure that is the last thing Emma would want for her mummy and daddy.

Loads and loads of love and we are here if you need to talk

PS Emma is beautiful and has a gorgeous name xxx

 

[LovelyLeonara]

Hi lovely ladies

For me, i didn't ave my partner around to talk about it. Men as you all have said handle things entirely differently but it doesn't mean that they don't think of things, its jsut simply different. And again, he certainly wouldn't want to upset you!!!

I would give anything to have had my partner around just merely for support, simple things like hugs and yes, talking!!

Take those moments you have with him and use them. Life is so precious which i am sure we have all learnt from this! The ones we can trust and love are invaluable and can make the world of difference.

Be there for eachother. There will be days when things are harder for him and vise versa. Never hold back a feeling, it is there to be expressed, Crushing it down will only crush you

I'm so sorry for your loss and what a beautful name you gave your daughter

Bless you

 

[SarahJane]

Hi lovely ladies

For me, i didn't ave my partner around to talk about it. Men as you all have said handle things entirely differently but it doesn't mean that they don't think of things, its jsut simply different. And again, he certainly wouldn't want to upset you!!!

I would give anything to have had my partner around just merely for support, simple things like hugs and yes, talking!!

Take those moments you have with him and use them. Life is so precious which i am sure we have all learnt from this! The ones we can trust and love are invaluable and can make the world of difference.

Be there for eachother. There will be days when things are harder for him and vise versa. Never hold back a feeling, it is there to be expressed, Crushing it down will only crush you

I'm so sorry for your loss and what a beautful name you gave your daughter

Bless you

Not sure where you live but if I were closer I'd give you a hug hun.

In the meantime I will send you some cyber ones

 

[mhazzab]

I'm so sorry you are feeling sad today...but you came to the right place!

Like you, me and hubby were inseperable at first, but as time went on, that changed. I think about my girls all the time, but sometimes it's hard to tell whether he does. It's difficult to get him to talk about it. He surprised me the other day when he came back from a funeral - he told me he had visited the girls (where we scattered the ashes) to say hi, and told them we loved them. Cue many tears from me...it's not like I thought he had forgotten, but I'll admit, I was upset that he doesn't really talk about them much. Most other people already seem to have forgotten them, it's up to us to keep their memory alive. Maybe your hubby finds it hard to talk about these things, or doesn't want to upset you further by talking about Emma? I'm sure he hasn't forgotten her at all. As for him not knowing what day it was...in my experience, men are useless at these things, no matter how important they are!!! I agree with Hellylou - maybe next time he asks you what's wrong, you could explain to him why you are upset, and ask how he is - tell him you really need to talk about her? He could be trying to protect you by staying quiet.

I know it's your husband you want to talk to about her, but if you ever want to speak to someone else, I would love to hear about Emma.

xxxxx

 

[kam78]

Wow... You ladies are remarkable... Thank you so much for the shoulder : )

Yes, everytime we do end up talking about her, he always has this look in his eye, the worried look, he doesn't like me upset ... and he is NOT a talker, even on a normal day, ecspecially about anything major...

I do feel much better, after I posted , I sat him down and talked to him, told him how I hated NOT talking about her, even if it does end up sad and tears, I'd rather cry and talk than nothing & pretend she never existed...

Again, thank you for all your amazing advice, I honestly don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for you all...

I hope the day was kind to you all and that my Emma has had the pleasure of meeting all your babies... I'm sure they have : ))

Xoxo

 

[Andypanda6570]

Hey Kelly,
The six month anniversary for me was somehow worse than her due date I am not sure why. My husband (Nick ) and I really don't speak to much of it, the other day i was laying on the couch watching TV and I was crying silently and he passed by me and said what is wrong, I looked at him and said I do this a couple of times a day, I said it is not that anything is wrong it is just that i think of Ava at times and my tears just flow. I have learned to cry in silence now. Kelly, people don't mean it , but they really feel I should be through this already and they just can't can't can't understand whay I am not and they will never understand.
XOXOOXOX Love You

 

[daopdesign]

Hi hun, I'm sorry your partner is being and feels like that, it must be awful for you. Can't you ask him to go with you? Maybe he's just too distraught himself and maybe talking and not thinking about it is the best way he feels he can cope.

I too have my moments believe me and I let it all out! xx