Home Birthers & Hopefuls!

[Zarababy1]

Oooh, Zara, I may have to pick your RAF brain. DH has just passed his selection interview for RAF Firefighter, medical this week and fitness tests to come. He was Army until three years ago, but we weren't married then. New way of life ahead, I think.

Its fab! Hope he gets in! although being ex army he shouldnt have a problem, the only problem we have at the moment is there not keeping many people on past the 9 years due to budget cuts so its all a bit uncertain! Being a RAF wife if fab though i love it! although living so closely with alot of other women and there husbands working together is a challange sometimes to say the least!

Yes, I'd always dreaded living on MQ, as I knew what it had the potential to be like. He reapplied to join the Army and couldn't be taken back on because of cuts. RAF has been a good move so far. I know his medical will be fine, and he should do well with the fitness as well. We were happy to go into Army MQ when we thought he was going to get back in, then we moved down near the in-laws and figured I'd stay put. But, catty padlife aside, I'm so lured in by the sheer affordability and how it'd make it so easy for me to not do my proper job much at all, just enough to keep my hand in. Ideally, my work should go from greatest to least in the order of mummy->doula (after I do my training, obviously)->nurse. /OT novel

It might just be a sterotype us RAF wifes have but i THINK we're a little nicer than the Army wifes i wouldnt change it for anything really though i do love it its just the odd person who makes it crapp with bitching ect but if you stay out of it (which i have a hard time doing because im a big mouth!) lifes pretty sweet! they put you in some awsome locations, as for living inthe quarters there soooo cheap its fab there not all very nice but the RAF quarters are definatly nicer than the ones you get on amy camps, we live in a lovely 3 bed semi with a garage about a mile from beautiful country side and the beach! all for about £250 per month including council tax!! it makes some of the stuff that goes on all worth it really! if we have a problem in the house they come out and fix it at the drop of a hat we really dont have to worry about anything! apart from a few other crazy RAF wifes (our local nutter is going this week ) it'll be sad when we have to move on and say goodbye to some very good friends but we'll probably meet again! as for after having the baby well it wasnt too bad after i had harry everyone pretty much stayed away or asked if they could come over! although that was a year ago and iv made much closer friends with more people since then so i imagine im going to have a house full! anyway i'v told them all im going to have a birthparty and they can all come in

 

[Amy_K]

OMG. Just came across this website and some of the comments attributed to medical professionals are just shocking... https://myobsaidwhat.com/ I've had some niggles with local MW's but nothing that even comes close to the stuff on this website. Shocking.

 

[MandaAnda]

Zara, thanks for your views on it all. It's reassured me. You on FB, by the way?

Amy_K, awful, isn't it? I remember reading that and thinking I'm so glad I have my family here. And even if I ever did move back Stateside, it'd be after I was done having babies. It makes me love our midwives and NHS, imperfections and all. I get so upset when I read that page.

 

[Mervs Mum]

She's on my friends list Manda - I only have one Zara (one's enough like)

 

[Mervs Mum]

Zara is Catterick army? I could doula you there if they'll give Chris a job sharpish

 

[PeanutBean]

OMG. Just came across this website and some of the comments attributed to medical professionals are just shocking... https://myobsaidwhat.com/ I've had some niggles with local MW's but nothing that even comes close to the stuff on this website. Shocking.

I found that site a few days ago googling vaginal polyps! A nurse thought the baby's willy was just a vaginal polyp!

 

[MandaAnda]

She's on my friends list Manda - I only have one Zara (one's enough like)

Innit, though?!

(And, yes, Catterick's an army garrison.)

 

[Zarababy1]

Yes cattrick is army! Its not actually that from me but far enough! Boo I don't wanna go there its full of scruff tubs haha my dad has been based there a few times, I am on fb as lisa rather RUDELY pointed out you can find me on her FBN got ur friend request anyway I'll accept you now oh me and chris actually had a full on argument over dinner about homebirthing he's pissed me off big style by being so THICK! "Well what if you need to go to hopsital? Its so far away?" Why chris? Why would I need to go to hospital? Well what if something happens? ...like what? I don't know its 5050 isn't it u might need a c-section!? Wtf I have no idea where he got that from but he will not listen to me that I won't need a bloody c-section!!! Stupid man infuriates me some times!!!!!!

 

[Mervs Mum]

why would you NEED a CS?!!! MEN!

 

[Zarababy1]

Oh god only knows how his mind works!!! I'm like chris WHY!? What on earth would make you think there is even the tinyest possibility I would need one! You have witnessed me give birth to two children with ease why would the 3rd be any different!? Well every pregnancy is different, is his reply to that! The thing is if he had actual reasons for being worried I could handle that but he just doesn't understand its just well you need to be in hospital in case something happens? I keep saying what "incase" though, I don't know anything what if the baby isn't breathing, he said he doesn't even want me to give birth at the birthing centre because its to far from the hospital, what he doesn't seem to understand is charlie was born at a birthing centre and he wasn't breathing he had the cord round his neck ect, he thinks that because it was a birthing centre in a hospital that they had the means and ways to deal with an "emergency". But they didn't I would have still had to be transferred 30 mins to a hospital if we needed it! And we didn't even know that at the time! I phoned the hospital the night my waters broke they told me they were to busy and I had to go to this birthing centre in the next town, they didn't even ask me if I was low risk!! Urgh anyway, rant rant he said if I want a homebirth he's ok with it but I still won't be happy until iv properly got him on my side, know what I mean? I don't want him to be ok with is just because he really doesn't have a choice I want him to be happy with it because its the natural thing to do and its the right choice for us as a family!!

 

[LuckyD]

Zara, sorry you are having a tough time with your DH discussing all the homebirth stuff. I think so much of the fears around homebirth are those kind of vague ‘what ifs’….I have found that the more I research, the more I speak to people (and the more time I spend in this thread!) those kind of vague fears disappear!

Cos homebirth makes so much sense really – it seems to me such a logical choice (if all is going well with your pregnancy of course). That’s what I have found really interesting about this whole journey – people like to paint homebirthers as these ‘new-age hippies’ (which there is nothing wrong with!) that are just making the decision based on their horoscopes or something, but actually homebirth is very logical and makes complete sense.

Congrats Jen! That is great news! So exciting that you are so close now…..! I am looking forward to getting nearer – 10 more weeks to go!

 

[Mervs Mum]

If I only had a tenner for every woman who said their OH said they would support them if it's what they want but werent happy and that the woman wishes she didnt have to drag him..... Including me!! This is ME 1 year ago exactly!!!! Now he tells anyone who'll listen they should have a home birth!

 

[Zarababy1]

Yeah, I wish he would do a bit of research but he just won't! Its all left up to me and I'm 110% happy to have my baby at home I have no fears at all what kind of annoys me about him is he doesn't know what it is he's worried about all he knows is that drs and nurses seem to think the best place to be is in hospital so they must be right! Oh and he's not happy at all about me not wanting to be induced if I go over the 14 days! He seems to think that's going to cause extra complications and even more likely to need a cs? Wtf? Oh I love him but sometimes he's just so bloody clueless! I guess. The good thing is, is he really trusts my decision, either that or he knows it doesn't matter to me if he likes it or not I'm doing it my way, still it would be nice to have him on my side and understand a little bit more behind my reasons why!

 

[Jenniflower]

Yea I know it totally sucks that you feel you have to "drag him along" but I say definitely go for it anyways, you'll completely change his mind about it and he'll be an advocate just like MM's hubby! hahaha. (I'm reading this thread from the beginning and she's not kidding, you sounds EXACTLY like she did this time last year, it's crazy!)

 

[PeanutBean]

Apparently the answer to the reticent OH is to have such a bad experience you cry about it for two years because that way they will totally support ANYTHING just to not see you cry for another two years! lol

 

[Zarababy1]

Well I guess iv got plenty of time to convince him its really what he wants too ;-) booking appointment with the midwife tomorrow let the arguments of homebirth commence! I already had "words" at my friends booking appointment when I mentioned (before I was pregnant) that I'd be having my next one at home and she told me I might as well go there because I wouldn't have to clean up!! That's without any medical history or anything else, same midwife I argued with for weeks when I was pregnant with harry over the bloody downs testing she couldn't understand why I didn't want it and really tried to pressure me in to it! Kinda hoping I see someone else!! Maybe a bit younger lol

 

[MandaAnda]

Zara, James is the same. Just threw a fit about me watching the water birth on OBEM, saying he hates it because of twats like the partner and sister. Well, I shouted at the tv because I felt the same. But I'm interested in birth and breastfeeding like he is in football, so he needs to deal with it!

And I didn't book my hb until about 36 weeks because when I mentioned it in early pregnancy, he was all, "No, I was born in hospital, you were born in hospital, our baby will be born in hospital because it's safe." He finally got to the point where he didn't like it but was happy for me to do it (because I was going to bloody do it anyway). I ended up saying to him, "Since when did I do something like this without fully researching it? I don't do things on a whim. I'm all about evidence-base, and this has it!" He knows I make sense. And he also knows that I'm hell bent on a water home birth for the next one, married quarters or not and whether he likes it or not. But he's gonna love it, even if he never admits it!

 

[Bournefree]

But I'm interested in birth and breastfeeding like he is in football, so he needs to deal with it!

I have been relegated to the bedroom again to watch OBEM!! I'm soooo going to say this to the OH! lol!!!
And he is really supportive, but I think he tries to get round me, by saying that he doesn't want to watch it.. as the next birth he wants to watch is OUR next baby - I don't know if he is being serious sometimes! Or (more likely) he knows how to try and sweet-talk me!
xXx

 

[PeanutBean]

DH watched half of it with me after cooking me tea. He didn't cry and was tweeting at the same time, but then I was on here too!

 

[pimento1979]

I borrowed the AIMS booklet entitled "Choosing a Homebirth" (an excerpt of which is here: https://www.aims.org.uk/hbchoose.htm) and made DH read it. He said after reading it, he doesn't understand why anyone would willingly go into hospital to have a baby!