Home Birthers & Hopefuls!

[MandaAnda]

Just thought I'd share what I've bought for my home birth so far (I don't actually need much). I've put in the box (or need to get):

A t-shirt type nightie for me (free back when I bought my DreamGenii pillow)
Bed socks for me
Knickers for me (well, I'll either put in some old ones or just buy cheap Primark ones)
Maternity pads for me
Vest for baby
Babygrow for baby
Hat for baby
Blanket for baby
Nappy, wipes and small sample tube of Bepanthan for baby (we used Bepanthan at my old hospital, and I really liked it [I've also bought a full-sized tube])
Dust sheets (heard these were really good, so I opted for them instead of shower curtains)
My TENS machine with a battery in it and an extra one in the pack
(Need to add old/cheap towels and old/cheap sheets - going to have a look around this weekend)
(I need some aromatherapy oils for the bath and oil burner - do Holland & Barrett have these?)
(I'd like a tennis ball or similar, as I heard it'll make it easier for DH to massage my back for long periods without getting a sore hand. @ a sports shop?)
(I want to get one of those microwavable heat pack thingies - where?)
(And I need to add snacks and make sure the cupboard has snacks/drinks)

Any other suggestions?

 

[Mervs Mum]

Thank you DeeJ for the post and the PM. I think in order to compromise, I need to some how give OH some kind of way of feeling like if he wants to call time then he can. The only thing my MW has really said to me about home birth is that I am an ideal candidate and just because you plan a HB doesnt then mean they wont let you in the birth centre or hospital if you change your mind at any point. I think I need to make more of this with him ie to say if at any point he's getting worried then he can also say that he would like us to transfer. I have already copied all the links Marley gave me to a draft email which I'll send to him to look at.....not sure if to just bite the bullet and thrash it out or to wait a while and let the dust settle as it were......

 

[Joyzerelly]

I'm planning a home water birth. Hypnobirthing sounds like something I'd like to go for too, does it cost a fortune? Having the lights off and nice music on sounds like a good idea RosieandAlan. I must admit, I haven't put much thought into the actual birth yet. But my OH being abroad at the moment makes it a bit tricky to discuss with him...

I suppose it depends on what you think is a fortune! We have paid £180 for 12 hours of sessions. I think that's good and my HIP grant covered it with a tenner to spare

Sounds like a bargain, I paid £40 an hour when I had hypnotherapy (not hypnobirthing) more than 10 years ago. So for 12 hours that would be £480.
Which area of the country are you in? Not Norfolk per chance?

 

[HayleyJA]

Hi All.... and thanks MM for giving me the heads up on this thread. Think I'll have to go back and read more thoroughly from the beginning though as there already seems to be loads of useful information here!

I'm planning a homebirth because I hate hospitals! I have always been the sort of person that, whenever I'm near a doctor, or visit a hospital, my blood pressure rises slightly, I become a bit shaky, feel sick etc....

I've been unlucky in a sense, that I've encountered some negative attitudes from both MW and Consultant. My MW doesn't like HB's for 1st time Mum's because "you don't know how you're going to react". True, but the same can be said for 2nd and subsequent labours too. I don't feel it's a valid arguement.
The consultant gave me a lecture about how I "may be a low risk pregnancy at the moment, but it can very quickly turn to high risk". She even wrote this in my notes.

My frustrations are, a) that I've not entered into this thought process lightly, and if there was ANY risk, of course I'd be straight into the hospital and b) we haven't had any real support or words of confidence. In fact their words have knocked our confidence a little.

I admit that this week, when we had our HB assessment, the MW was slightly more 'accepting' (I won't go so far as to say she was completely positive!) of our wishes and I came away feeling very excited that it might actually happen the way we hope!

We've invited my sister to come up for the birth; she is a second year trainee MW and quite pro HB through her limited experience to date. We hope she will be my 'voice' and keep me positive if MW tries to persuade us to transfer unnecessarily. We think OH would be likely to be easily swayed if it was just left to him!

Anyway, Baby is currently head down and 3/5 engaged. I'm feeling great and can't wait for her to arrive. Our Birth Pool in a Box arrived yesterday, and we'll do a dry run in our thoroughly cleaned dining room tomorrow. It's all becoming very real now...!

I look forward to chatting with some of you ladies a bit more once I've had a chance to catch up on the conversations so far. x

 

[Mervs Mum]

Sounds like a bargain, I paid £40 an hour when I had hypnotherapy (not hypnobirthing) more than 10 years ago. So for 12 hours that would be £480.
Which area of the country are you in? Not Norfolk per chance?

I'm not unfortunately but this is the list of practitioners.

https://www.hypnobirthing.co.uk/hypnobirthing_classes.shtml

The lady doing ours is a hypnotherapist and a colleague was trying hypnobirthing and that's how she got involved

 

[gina8177]

Thank you DeeJ for the post and the PM. I think in order to compromise, I need to some how give OH some kind of way of feeling like if he wants to call time then he can. The only thing my MW has really said to me about home birth is that I am an ideal candidate and just because you plan a HB doesnt then mean they wont let you in the birth centre or hospital if you change your mind at any point. I think I need to make more of this with him ie to say if at any point he's getting worried then he can also say that he would like us to transfer. I have already copied all the links Marley gave me to a draft email which I'll send to him to look at.....not sure if to just bite the bullet and thrash it out or to wait a while and let the dust settle as it were......

It took my DH a while to come around to the idea. I think he would still prefer a hospital birth but he is starting to realize that it is important to me to have a home birth. Plus you will have your MW there, they will know if you get to a point where you need to transfer.

I found Ina May's Guide to Childbirth informative and empowering and it helped me make my decsision. Maybe if your DH can see some of the stats from their Farm birthing center he will realize that homebirths are a safe alternative to hospital births.

 

[Mervs Mum]

HaleyJA - well after the initial resistance it does look like you're going to be getting your homebirth! Do remember, when you ring for a MW if they start fobbing you off saying they dont have the staff to send one that they HAVE to send one. They may try talking you in to going to the hospital so unless you particularly want to, if you refuse they are obliged to send someone to you

 

[Mervs Mum]

It took my DH a while to come around to the idea. I think he would still prefer a hospital birth but he is starting to realize that it is important to me to have a home birth. Plus you will have your MW there, they will know if you get to a point where you need to transfer.

I found Ina May's Guide to Childbirth informative and empowering and it helped me make my decsision. Maybe if your DH can see some of the stats from their Farm birthing center he will realize that homebirths are a safe alternative to hospital births.

I think he will in time. The statistics just dont do a thing to help. You can quote them all day long. He says that the 1 from the '1 in a million' still could be me.....

 

[HayleyJA]

HaleyJA - well after the initial resistance it does look like you're going to be getting your homebirth! Do remember, when you ring for a MW if they start fobbing you off saying they dont have the staff to send one that they HAVE to send one. They may try talking you in to going to the hospital so unless you particularly want to, if you refuse they are obliged to send someone to you

Yep... OH and I have already discussed our 'assertive response' to them if they try this as I didn't want to be 'bamboozled' into it at the time! I'm also hoping this is where my sister will come in handy in knowing what they can and can't do...

The other thing I have to contend with of course, is the snow. In no uncertain terms I've been told that "if it's weather like this, we won't be doing HB's".... hhhmmm. Think I'll have something to say about that too. The roads are clear now so I can't see how they can use that as a legitimate argument.

But, I'm not going to dwell on that for now - they may suprise me and be great when it comes down to it, so for now I'm just going to keep myself in a nice positive mindset and let everything else fall into place!

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think that's exactly the way to think - keep positive and my little motto: ask, believe, receive

 

[Joyzerelly]

I think that's what I need to do. I honestly thought, because of the way he is, that he'd want a fully objective and 'factual' type view. I've inadvertently made him more anxious. He is so not an ignorance is bliss type of man so I gave him the homebirth.org website and let him read the lot. He's now talking about prolapsed cords and all sorts that he was unaware of a week ago!

We see the MW a week on weds and ATM he's saying he doesnt need to discuss it with her and I should just plan it. I'll leave it for a few days and then a bit closer to the appointment I'll maybe dig out some good accounts from fathers. I'm know he'll come to the appointment if I ask him to.

I would usually agree that it's best for people to have all of the information possible to make an informed choice. In the case of births though, I think it's better just to concentrate on the positives. The last thing you need is to be filling yours and your partner's heads with all of the dreaded details of what can but probably won't go wrong. This is likely to create a more stressful and less relaxed atmosphere in the birthing room, making you more tense and your birth more painful. I'd have just shown him the mainly positive stuff, bearing in mind, that if anything were to go wrong, the midwives would be there and they would take over and do their jobs. It's much more important that your man is relaxed and confident and therefore filling you with confidence in your hour of need and the worrying is left to the midwives. Just my opinion.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Thanks Joyz. I agree with what you're saying in theory but because I know how he works (he's a teacher and is very 'fact' and 'research' orientated) if I just gave him the positives, he would go away and find both sides of the story.

 

[gina8177]

Thanks Joyz. I agree with what you're saying in theory but because I know how he works (he's a teacher and is very 'fact' and 'research' orientated) if I just gave him the positives, he would go away and find both sides of the story.

When he's researching he's facts, he sould research both sides of giving birth in a hospital. I think those are the facts that eased DH a bit and helped him put it into perspective.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Thanks Joyz. I agree with what you're saying in theory but because I know how he works (he's a teacher and is very 'fact' and 'research' orientated) if I just gave him the positives, he would go away and find both sides of the story.

When he's researching he's facts, he sould research both sides of giving birth in a hospital. I think those are the facts that eased DH a bit and helped him put it into perspective.

Good point! That's what I need to tell him to do to make a comparison against the same stats for complications in hospital.

 

[marley2580]

I was away to suggest exactly the same. There are a lot of things that can, and do, go wrong in hospitals (the cascade of intervention is a biggy), and doctors will say things like 'what about shoulder discocia' but the fact is that they wouldn't do anything differently in hospital then they would at home.

 

[ryder]

sorry for sneaking in, I cant remember how I foudn this, but its interesting to read.... I hear alot of you UK girls talk about medical interventions etc and from the midwives? Im just curious, because our mw's here who deliver in the hospital are only there for you and they really push for no medical interventions at all, even including fetal monitoring etc.

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think it's quite a complex thing. On a basic level, MWs differ from consultants (doctors or obgyn I think you'd say) in that they dont get involved in certain procedures. But then you have MWs who work in a hospital setting and those who work in birth centres or as community MWs - ie the ones who care for women with 'low risk' pregnancies. I've dealt with them all to differing degrees. With my eldest I was being looked after by the community MWs but when I went over due, they then passed my care to the consultants as MWs dont induce women. Yes they can do sweeps but they dont make a decision here to medically induce - that's the consultants area. When I was induced, I was monitored as you would expect but cared for but hospital based MWs being managed by consultants.
Over Christmas I went to the hospital with a suspected UTI. The hospital MWs monitored me and the baby. If I were to choose to give birth in the hospital I could expect more intervention. More monitoring and more examinations to check 'progress'. In the birth centre the only real monitoring is them checking the babies HB with a doppler and the odd internal. They dont really get too hung up on how long you've been in labour where as they do in the hospital. You need to be progressing and they will intervene if you dont in accordance with their guidelines. This is where things tend to snowball. I didnt make 'adequate progress' with my first so they tried to speed things up with a drip. To cut a long story short they ended up cutting me (more intervention) and using forceps to pull her out. In the BC unless you'd been there much longer, they type of thing they would use to try to get things going would be moving you around, getting you on a ball etc. They also didnt 'tell' me when I was 'allowed' to push. They told me I was 9cm and when ever I felt the urge to push I could. When I was my sisters birth partner (in our hospital because she wanted an epidural) they wouldnt allow her to push until she was the set 10cm....she didnt get the job done quick enough and ended up with a c section.
Birth centre and community MWs as a general rule seem more supportive to the idea of home birth. They chose to work in that role rather than with the consultants (in this area) and so they have a certain out look. The MW's in the hospital environment are very much working 'for' the consultants and so even if they themselves have a preference for less intervention, I guess they dont have the ultimate say so which means they end up being involved with more of that kind of stuff by default.

As with anything there can be massive variations locally - this only really reflects the way it works in my area. Some areas dont have a BC and have community MWs who are really pro home birth because that's the only alternative to hospital. Some areas the community MWs are very much in favour of things being more like he hospital model I described so it's pot luck really.

 

[MandaAnda]

I'll describe it from the point of view of a nurse and an American living in the UK:
Our midwives are the equivalent of your L&D nurses. When you train over here, you train as either an adults', children's, mental health or learning disability nurse or a midwife. In the US (and I believe Canada is similar), you train as a general nurse and specialise after qualification. And I don't believe midwives in the US/Canada need to have nurse training. So, if midwife went to work in the US, she'd probably have to take a few extra courses and would then work as a L&D nurse. If a midwife came from there, she'd probably have to start from scratch. If a L&D nurse came from there, she'd probably take a nurse-midwife bridge (18 months) and work here as a midwife but would also be able to work as an adult nurse.

Also, our midwives enjoy a lot more autonomy here than the L&D nurses in the US/?Canada (as a nurse, I can say the same goes for nurses a lot of the time). Pregnancy, labour and delivery are not seen in such a medical light here; it is seen as the natural process that it is. Therefore, while we have obstetricians aplenty, a woman with a normal pregnancy and delivery would never see them.

 

[Mervs Mum]

Great explanation Manda! I wasnt sure how a MW and a L&D nurse compared. I'm hoping to take a doula course this year before I start a 2 yr foundation course with a view to possibly taking the 3 yr MW degree. I'm still not 100% sure it's the way for me to go but I thought the doula qualification and foundation course would help me to decide and while I am a SAHM if will give me something outside of the kids to do for 'me'.

Manda - do the L&D nurses deliver babies in hospital in the way they do here? Like at m hospital, even in the consultant led wards, the MWs generally deliver the baby unless there is a particular reason for the consultant/obstetrician to be there.

 

[MandaAnda]

MM, from the US births I've been at (and a few of my aunts are L&D nurses), the nurses seem to manage everything, but the woman's obstetrician is aware and there (or due to be there for delivery) or whoever is on call from that team. When I compare the two, I think it's silly that they have doctors over there to essentially just "catch" the baby. I think I'd be very frustrated as a L&D nurse - they're incredibly capable and knowledgeable professionals but, it seems to me, aren't allowed to explore the full potential of their role. I much prefer our system of only involving doctors if there's a problem. I think it's ideal the way we have it here, as doctors solve problems, diagnose and treat. Midwives and nurses provide more holistic care, and as long as it's a normal delivery, are better caregivers for the women, IMO. And, since midwives (the same for nurses) in the UK are trained in this holistic way and know the importance of evidence-based practice, I think we're allowed to pursue a more "normal" labour and delivery, which includes home birth for those of us that are low-risk and wish to do so.

I've had consultant neonatologists turn around to their junior doctors and medical students on the ward round and tell them that they should never underestimate the nursing view and diagnosis, as they as doctors only get a snapshot, whereas we spend our entire shift with our babies.