Home Birthers & Hopefuls!

[Celesse]

This thread is getting longer to read each morning, 4 pages today having shut down pc at 7ish last night!

This is my first baby.

Hayley, congrats on your baby girl.

On the topic of Mr Blue-Glove-Man, I kinda understand why he was being an idiot... he was bored, sat there in the brightly lit room with absolutely nothing to do other than watch his wife. One of the reasons we wanted a home birth is it means OH is also in his own environment. My partner can get very anxious at unknown situations, perhaps more so than normal, in any event he appears more anxious than other men I know. Being at home will mean that he is still in control and if I don't need his attention he can engage in his own activities. If he is occupied then he wont just be sat there getting more and more bored and worried. And if he is less anxious he will be more use and the experience will be more positive to both of us.

We have formulated the birth plan around both of us (where applicable). For example we have a couple of new (to us) xbox games to complete if I have a very long latent phase, OH can control and I can tell him what to do in between contractions... kinda like watching a film for me, but longer. OH has plenty of jobs to do during the labour which will keep him occupied and calm, such as setting up furniture and covers and organising music on the media centre.

The end of that birth last night, when the midwife got all shouty has traumatised OH. He said the whole thing was "f**king freaky" , didn't like the heart beat sound and the whole heightened level of anxiety which was in that room.
I got annoyed that the woman had wanted to be on her knees to give birth, but ended up flat on her back so they could monitor the baby better, which would have slowed down how quick the baby was born!

 

[Bournefree]

Morning Ladies, I am 30 weeks today It was a personal milestone of mine, never thought I would get this far. I have known Ive been pregnant since 3 weeks, so it seems like ages ago.

Welcome to the thread Lozzy!

x x

Congratulations!!! Lots and lots of happy dances for you!!!!


Well done.. it's the final 10 weeks!! I hope it deosn't fly by too quickly for you.. get rest, and enjoy every movement of your baby! (well maybe not the ones when it feels like something is playing with your bladder, or kicking you in the ribs! haha)
xxx

 

[carries]

Wow is all I can say ladies! I have been away for a few days and it has just taken me nearly 45 mins to catch up!!

I am really really looking forward to all of your births (as well as my own!) and LOVE that this thread is so positive and supportive.

Well done ladies!

 

[LolaAnn]

I turned the TV on just as that awful program was starting and decided right then that I couldn't watch it. Too much screaming/crying and I just don't want to watch so many negative birth stories! I will watch it eventually, after my one is born though

Congratulations Hayley on your beautiful baby and EternalRose on the 30 week mark x

Oops just editing to say this is my first baby, first homebirth, on dry land

 

[LolaAnn]

sorry to double post but here is the first draft of my birth plan. i know they hardly get read anyway so I'm not too bothered but will leave it with hubby with instructions to make any new MWs that arrive read it

Birth Plan - Laura (22 yo)

General

• Ideally, I hope that the midwife who attends me in labour will remain entirely in the background, taking observations to check on baby and my safety, but otherwise not getting involved in my labour, unless I request otherwise.
• I would like to avoid internal examinations if possible at all stages of the birth and do not wish to have my waters broken.
• Please do not offer pain relieving drugs unless I ask for them.
• My husband (xxx) will be the only other person attending the birth, his mobile number is 077 xxxx
• If monitoring of the babies heartbeat becomes necessary please use a fetoscope instead of a doppler.

Second Stage

• Please keep the room as quiet as possible during the second stage. I would like to minimise distractions at this time.
• If any discussion needs to be done please do it out of my earshot.
• I intend to catch my own baby, or if my husband wishes he may catch it.

Third Stage

• I plan to have a fully natural (physiological) third stage, and to cut the cord only after the placenta is delivered.
• I want to allow the placenta to turn up in its own time. It is important that the cord is not clamped or cut until the placenta is delivered.
• Please do not administer any drugs unless you feel there is a real need. I would appreciate your advice to help me deliver the placenta naturally.
• Please do not pull on the cord or use fundal pressure unless there is a specific indication to do so, as I have read that this is contra-indicated in drug-free third stages.
• Please set up resuscitation equipment as close as possible to the place where you give birth, so that if baby needs resuscitation, this can be done with the cord still attached - thus giving her the benefit of all the oxygenated blood which is transfused from the placenta to the baby when the cord pulsates.
• We do not wish to keep the placenta.
• I would prefer to avoid having stitches if possible, so if you think any tear will heal of its own accord, without stiches, please let me know

Care of baby

• Please do not give my baby supplements of glucose water or formula milk without my permission.
• If supplements are necessary, please give them by spoon or other method, not by bottle.
• I would like to breastfeed my baby as soon as possible after the birth.
• I would like to keep the baby unclothed and close to my skin immediately after birth, to maximise skin-to-skin contact.
• Please do not administer prophylactic Vitamin K after the birth. If the birth is traumatic for the baby or there is some other risk factor for HDN, I will be happy to discuss this with the midwife and allow vitamin K if we both decide it is appropriate.

In case of transfer to hospital

• If transfer by ambulance becomes necessary, please do not strap me in on my back - I would prefer to be on my side.
• Please do not offer Pethidine/Demerol as I am concerned about its possible effect on my state of mind in labour, and on my baby's health. I would prefer to have an epidural.
• I agree to student doctors being present during my treatment strictly only to observe.
• I am very keen to avoid a caesarean section if it is at all possible, as I do not want to enter future labours with a scarred uterus. I particularly would like to avoid a caesarean just for slow progress.
• Please do not offer a caesarean unless my baby is in danger.
• If a caesarean section becomes necessary, I would prefer to remain awake with epidural or spinal block anaesthesia. I would like my partner to stay with me at all times, and would like to breastfeed the baby as soon after birth as possible.

Holy Crap that is long. Might have to revise it LOL

 

[EternalRose]

I dont think its too long Lola, thats a fab birth plan. I dont know what I am waiting for I should do mine really..

Just called the birth centre at my hospital just to check they dont want me still ( Plan B back up option but my BMI was 35 on booking in so I am not eligible) and they still said I wouldnt qualify to give birth there. I was hoping the last midwife I spoke to was wrong, but looks like she wasnt. Its just so wrong, I was only a size 12-14 on booking in and I have had no problems in my pregnancy so far..touch wood! She said, we have to think about our backs if we had to get you out the pool e.t.c. Now having had nursing experience, I understand where she is coming from but this made me feel like a big fat whale & to be honest I am not that hefty!

Then she said she is going to call her delivery suite co-ordinator to get an appointment sorted for me with her for tomorrow as she doesnt think I should have a homebirth either as they have policy as well and BMI risks. I found myself sprouting off statistics to her, and to be quite frank I am getting very bored FAST of having to defend my choice to have a homebirth. I said, when I went into the ward for CTG monitoring I felt really uncared for, and she couldnt answer me. I felt what I felt, and thats that. Anyway, its not there decision to make, and I am discussing my homebirth plans with my community midwife at 33 weeks.

I am down the hospital anyway tomorrow for a growth scan, so if its before my appt I dont mind speaking to the co-ordinator but I am not going out of my way for scaremongering. I simply cant be assed.

Sorry for the rant ladies, but I feel so discriminated against in this pregnancy its untrue.

Update: Midwife called me back, appointment made for me with the delivery suite co-ordinator tomorrow. She said that she doesnt like that I feel discriminated against which is why she has made the appt, I then started crying! Damn hormones lately. I said I will go and have a chat, but my mind is kind of made up really. She then softened and said we should be really doing everything we should to accomodate your choice of birth so she has told me to put down a list of questions and ask the senior tomorrow. I think its worthwhile me going anyway as its before my scan, but the hospital seems to get me in floods of tears everytime I go near it lately I dont know what the hell is wrong with me.

 

[BabyHaines]

LolaAnn, that sounds great. I don't think it's too long - it says it how it is and is clear and concise.
Could someone explain what a Fetoscope is?? (Does this mean only the MW can hear the HB??)
I haven't written a birthplan, as I feel that I am happy to let things go and see how I feel at the time, IYKWIM?? I have certain ideas (i.e. I DO NOT want the Vit K injection, but would prefer it administered orally, would like my hubby to be given the chance to cut the cord - only the placenta is delivered, and I would like my hubby to be given the chance to deliver the baby IF and only IF he feels happy to at the time).
I also have visions in my head that I won't be spending hours and hours screaming and crying, but like to imagine that inbetween contractions, I an actually be having a augh and a joke with hubby and the MW's. I really do feel that the birth can be such a positive experience and I feel pity when others take a deep breath and tell me 'ha! You'll soon change your mind!! You'll be screaming for an epidural!!' WTF?? Why?? The pain or should I say 'pressure' is natural and is there for a reason and if everything goes to plan, then I can't wait to stick two fingers up at everyone that seems obsessed with scaremongering others!!

 

[lozzy21]

Eternal rose, your smaller than then national averge (sp?)

You do right sticking to your guns, All they are trying to do is scare you into interventions that you probably dont need.

 

[BabyHaines]

I dont think its too long Lola, thats a fab birth plan. I dont know what I am waiting for I should do mine really..

Just called the birth centre at my hospital just to check they dont want me still ( Plan B back up option but my BMI was 35 on booking in so I am not eligible) and they still said I wouldnt qualify to give birth there. I was hoping the last midwife I spoke to was wrong, but looks like she wasnt. Its just so wrong, I was only a size 12-14 on booking in and I have had no problems in my pregnancy so far..touch wood! She said, we have to think about our backs if we had to get you out the pool e.t.c. Now having had nursing experience, I understand where she is coming from but this made me feel like a big fat whale & to be honest I am not that hefty!

Then she said she is going to call her delivery suite co-ordinator to get an appointment sorted for me with her for tomorrow as she doesnt think I should have a homebirth either as they have policy as well and BMI risks. I found myself sprouting off statistics to her, and to be quite frank I am getting very bored FAST of having to defend my choice to have a homebirth. I said, when I went into the ward for CTG monitoring I felt really uncared for, and she couldnt answer me. I felt what I felt, and thats that. Anyway, its not there decision to make, and I am discussing my homebirth plans with my community midwife at 33 weeks.

I am down the hospital anyway tomorrow for a growth scan, so if its before my appt I dont mind speaking to the co-ordinator but I am not going out of my way for scaremongering. I simply cant be assed.

Sorry for the rant ladies, but I feel so discriminated against in this pregnancy its untrue.

What absolute bloody bollocks!! Arghhhhhhh!! They make me so bloody mad!! I have a BMI of 34 (well it was at booking in, have no idea what weight I've gained during the pregnancy??!!) My BMI was mentioned by the consultant when I was about 16wks and I found it quite upsetting - I was under the impression I was seeing the consultant due to LTTTC as I had severe PCOS?? It came as a bit of a shock when they started spouting off about my weight and whether or not I wanted to be referred to the nutritionist - WTF??!!
They referred me back to MW led care though and haven't really mentioned it since. I had a growth scan, and baby seemed fine - head circumference was spot on, abdominal was a bit high, but nothing to worry about (just a lil' chubster!!) and they wouldn't mark down an estimated birth weight, as they said that the scans are so inaccurate!! (However, the registrar did say she thought possibly around 8-8.5lbs ish). Well, that's not big?!

Please, please don't let them bully you. What is your community MW like?? Is she pro-homebirth, because if she's not willing to support you, it may well be worth considering changing??

You (yes you) have created this baby. If you (or I) were too overweight to have a baby, our bodies wouldn't let us carry them, would they?? It took me 5yrs to conceive, and I only managed it after dropping 3.5 stone. You and I need to make sure we stay strong and forget about all the scaremongering. I am terrified of the dreaded shoulder dystocia as you all know and that is only due to some silly consultant mentioning it in passing, with no real reason to.

Good luck at the hospital, but stick to your guns and remember - (sorry to sound very 'anti-establishment' here) but every HB they allow, loses the hospital funding......

 

[EternalRose]

Thank you lozzy, Oh I was a size 12-14 on booking in I am now a good size 16. I wear size 18 maternity trousers but they keep falling down.. I hate the fact that I now have to justify myself to the midwives by talking about what size trousers I wear e.t.c I am pregnant for gods sake, seriously how did this happen. Im just hoping everything is ok at the growth scan tomorrow because they will have an excuse then to completely shoot down my plans for homebirth Arrgh, I started the day off feeling really positive now look at me. I need chocolate. ..

 

[EternalRose]

but every HB they allow, loses the hospital funding......

Hun, you got it there in a nutshell my fiance is starting to think that this is what it all comes down to really. He is a conspiracist freak, so this sort of thing is right down his street..

I dont even know what standpoint my midwife has to be honest she gave nothing away at my last appointment. I have never seen a midwife twice in my pregnancy and they all just rush through the appointments, bloods, blood pressure, urine. fill in forms. I am seeing my last midwife again at 33 weeks instead of 34 because that fits with her off duty if not I would have to see yet ANOTHER midwife. ( I asked specifically to see her again, she has 20 years experience ) She said she will talk 'home birth ' with me then and has put aside a half hour slot to talk through it with me which really doesnt seem enough as she has to do bloods again and blood pressure e.t.c but I am hoping the appointment will be positive. I called the community team on Monday, and they said they are all trained to give homebirths and they ALL love them which was nice to hear but she was talking on the behalf of 10 midwives in that team so I am not sure if that was a reliable opinion or not and who knows what midwife will come out to me on the day, Im hoping they would be pro-homebirth. What a mess.

 

[lozzy21]

Im hoping i have lost some weight before OH says we can TTC. I have a bmi of 40 so can see a lot of issues with me wanting a homebirth. However i see it, if im to fat to deliver a baby i should have been too fat to get pregnant in the first place. As long as you know your eating OK sodd every one else.

Whats better to be big and eat a healthy diet or to be skinny and live of macdonalds?

 

[EternalRose]

Im hoping i have lost some weight before OH says we can TTC. I have a bmi of 40 so can see a lot of issues with me wanting a homebirth. However i see it, if im to fat to deliver a baby i should have been too fat to get pregnant in the first place. As long as you know your eating OK sodd every one else.

Whats better to be big and eat a healthy diet or to be skinny and live of macdonalds?

When can you start TTC hun? Hun, your right it only took me two weeks TTC. I had the implanon in for 3 years took it out July 13th, July 15th got af and I concieved July 29th So I definately wasnt too fat to get pregnant. I have attached a picture but this was me before I got pregnant, I was probably a little slimmer than that as well as I used to go body pump twice a week as well. I asked about homebirth at booking in and I was made to feel like I was asking for gold just because my BMI was that high. I did a research study at university on BMI and I found that the statistics used for it are completely out of date anyway. The data used was from the fifities! Peoples bodies, are completely different now! It also doesnt take into consideration muscle content, and muscle is more dense than fat. I have never been able to wear knee high boots because you could crack a coconut open off my calves!!

 

[BabyHaines]

ER - PMSL at that last comment!! You look gorgeous in that pic honey

I've just been watching some home water birth videos on YouTube and they make me cry!!
I sooooooo can't wait for it to start and I feel like MandaAnda in that I want it to happen before I chicken out!! lol!! (Sure it ManandaAnda that said that the other day??)

I felt like this with regards my HB. I thought my MW was 'brushing me off' at first, but she had said early on that she was very pro HB. She didn't really start to take my request seriously until I was about 33/34 wks-ish. I guess that people change their minds so often that you can't be sure until you get closer to the 37 wk mark??
At my appointment on Monday, she came to my house and spent a good while with me and it was the best appointment I've had - it was so calm and lovely!!

I am not even letting my weight be a factor in this now. I am not too fat to have a HB and I may even start a journal (typing seems to be easing my carpal tunnel!!) for the last few weeks leading up to the birth, as I think it may help others mums-to-be (especially 1st time wanna be HB'ers??) xxxx

 

[EternalRose]

Ah I hope my appointment is as positive as yours hun, and I think that journal will be a brilliant idea. Yeah I want Manda to give birth first, so she can come back and tell us how it all went! x x x

 

[lozzy21]

ER. I have no idea when we can TTC. Im just waiting for OH to decided hes ready.

There was nothing on you!? God id change my name to dave if i could look like that. Im a size 20 but my weight has no effect on my health. My colesterol is fine and my bloodpressure has allways been fine. Infact my GP took my BP straight after having my implant out and commented on how she had expected it to be raised but it was fine. It dose not affect my mobility. If they say that lifting me out of a birth pool would be an issue, if between my OH, my mam and 2 midwifes they cant move me, they all need to get down the gym!

 

[EternalRose]

ER. I have no idea when we can TTC. Im just waiting for OH to decided hes ready.

There was nothing on you!? God id change my name to dave if i could look like that. Im a size 20 but my weight has no effect on my health. My colesterol is fine and my bloodpressure has allways been fine. Infact my GP took my BP straight after having my implant out and commented on how she had expected it to be raised but it was fine. It dose not affect my mobility. If they say that lifting me out of a birth pool would be an issue, if between my OH, my mam and 2 midwifes they cant move me, they all need to get down the gym!

I think I remember you telling me on another thread your OH is making you wait and he hasnt given you a time frame that must be awful for you, not knowing. Has he not even given you a sneaky clue like 1 year, 2 years? e.t.c I think Manda posted a link somewhere on here about bigger ladies and it said if you dont have any health issues then there is no risk being a bigger size at all hun x x x

 

[Rachiebaby24]

Bloody hell what is all this about you not being allowed or frowned upon having a homebirth if you are a certain weight....?? do you suddenly lose weight the minute you enter a hospital then??? Not that long ago when all or most women had their babies at home, what did they do, transfer all the bigger women to hospital. Ludicrous.

My homebirth is being frowned upon now because of my SPD. My regular midwife has left now and i am waiting to see the new one on Thursday (cant say i am looking forward to it as i had to badger her to see me!). The consultant my old midwife referred me to was not helpful about my homebirth at all. I have refused to see him again as he does not listen to me and annoys me. He thinks i shouldnt have a homebirth because of my SPD. (it is so bad now that i cant even sleep in my own bed and sleep on a recliner chair in the living room). I said to him that my SPD would not go away if i was to go to hospital so i dont see why going to hospital would be beneficial for me. He said "YOU WOULD HAVE THE OPTION OF A EPIDURAL AT THE HOSPITAL". What part of "I dont want an epidural" do they understand?? Not all women want a needle in their spine and to be numb!

Then he starts going on about my size (my belly is small - although he writes in my notes that i am measuring right for my dates ???!!!???). I explained to him that at my scan everything was measuring prefect for my dates and that i just carry in my back. He has sent me for two growth scans but i am not letting that affect my homebirth. Maley was small (5lb 13oz) but was fine. I am 5 minutes away from another hospital so its not like its far to go if there was a problem.

They go on and on about how understaffed the hospitals are but many are still reluctant about homebirths!!!

and i am getting really peed off with many people's comments when i tell them i am having a homebirth.

oooh your brave.....your mad......why???

erm......it was not that long ago that everyone gave birth at home. Does my home have MRSA? NO! Does my home have sick people in it and swine flu? NO. Do i have to share my toilet and bath/shower with 20 other bleeding women? NO. Will i have a midwife running off to help someone else give birth when i am in labour because she is rushed off her feet? NO. Will i have someone offering me bloody drugs every five minutes when i am in labour? NO.

AAArgh it really annoys me!! Why am i so mad to be having a homebirth?? what is so mad about it??

 

[lozzy21]

He said it could be 2 years it could be 6. This was after him saying we could ttc in december.

Iv read a lot of things about having a HB and a high bmi. Most of the concerns are linked to GD and pre eclampsia so if you are free from them then they are just trying to scare you

 

[MandaAnda]

...but every HB they allow, loses the hospital funding......

Actually, every home birth they do makes their midwifery team more experienced in home births and forces the hospital to sort out their staff so that there are midwives available both for the hospital and home. By insisting on a home birth and that midwives attend us, regardless of their staffing situation, we're making the Trusts have to sort out their staff and therefore making the road easier for future mums who want a home birth.

And, yes, it was me that's so excited for this all to happen, but I want it to happen before I lose my nerve. Really, I just want to avoid induction at all costs. My DH's family has a family friend that is supposedly psychic (I've never met her), and a few months back she was saying I would end up with a c-section and is now saying that I'll likely be induced. It just pisses me off, but it makes poor DH keep second-guessing whether this will happen at home. She also figured the baby was a girl, and then a 22-week scan showed us a willy, so she can just p!ss off!

LolaAnn, nice birth plan. I would say that a good midwife will read a birth plan, as they'll want to do best by you. My midwife loved mine actually and asked for her own copy to use as an example, and she was more than happy to read through it there and then and discuss each point. At our home birth assessment, she was even prepared to go into the whole Vitamin K thing and help me make an informed decision until she realised that it's something I deal with at work (I'm a nurse in a NICU) - personally, I definitely want it IM due to what I've seen (it's only 0.1ml by the way - very small). For those thinking of writing a birth plan, this is a very good guide. It's written by a labour and delivery nurse in the UK, which is very similar to a midwife on a labour ward here in the UK.

Whoever it was that asked, a fetoscope is this, which means that only the midwife can hear the foetal heartbeat. https://www.midwifesupplies.com/graphics/00000001/fetoscope.jpg

Oh, and the link I'd posted about the BMI thing is on www.homebirth.org.uk under the "You can't have a home birth because..." section. FWIW, my BMI was 31 at booking. I wore a size 16 pre-pregnancy (although some size 16 maternity clothes are too big), I'm 5'7", have curves (notably pre-pregnancy 34G boobs and what I affectionately refer to as a "ghetto booty"), so what do they expect? My midwife has never mentioned my size and actually hasn't even weighed me since my booking in appointment!

(Lisa, if you end up adding this bit, my birth will be on dry land this time.)

Oh, and Celesse and mariew are ahead of me as far as EDDs go (by three and seven days, respectively), so they very well may go first...although I certainly wouldn't complain if it were me!

Rachie, the homebirth site (this is part of my birth plan, posted earlier) says that an epidural is contraindicated in SPD anyway.