Home Birthers & Hopefuls!

[moomin_troll]

i find that male doctors are more understanding and caring then female doctors, so id love a male mw.

the care i got from a male doctor while pregnant with zane was far better then the way the female mws treated me...they were horrible and bitchy

 

[Bournefree]

Thinking about it alittle more, the only thing I can think of is whether I would want a paternal or maternal care? i.e could a man mother me? As I deff experienced some mothering with my first home birth.

I wonder if there are any male Doulas?
Xx

 

[KandyKinz]

That's interesting you guys seem to view male providers so positively. Here the ob/gyn world is dominated predominately by males and having had several VE's and paps over the years done by both sexes both in pregnancy and out I have to say that in my experience women providers are much much much more gentle when doing stuff 'down there' than their male counterparts. Even when I was a pelvic training instructor I found that the women were much more concerned about hurting me during the pap while the men were much more concerned about finding the cervix as soon as possible while having very little regard to how uncomfortable their speculum moving and maneuvering could be. IMO women are much more inclined to acknowledge that there's a woman attached to the vagina then goal oriented men are.

But I do agree that personal birth baggage can taint how a m/w works....... And sadly I can think of several births I attended of women who would have probably viewed their births more positively had their m/w student been more accepting and quicker in obtaining pharmacological pain relief for them due to the disappointment that student m/w felt when she caved and opted for narcotics during her first birth . And then there's just day to day life. It's hard to be gung ho and ready to go birthing day in and day out especially during busy times when you haven't seen your kids awake for days or when one of them is sick at home and you want nothing more then to be there to care for and comfort them or you get paged the morning of your son's 8th birthday and you have to leave him there sobbing with no time available to console him.... Such things make talking up an ARM very tempting to speed thongs along. Some m/w's are able to leave "home" behind but lots can't. I couldn't do it From my experience the best m/w's are the ones who's life consists of three things and NOTHING else... eat-sleep-midwifery...... NOTHING ELSE and the eating and sleeping comes few and far between....

 

[lousielou]

I do actually think I'd prefer a female midwife. I always thought it wouldn't matter to me, but I do think it's the maternal, motherly aspect I think I'd want/need.

Had a shitty night last night. I woke up at 3am thinking my waters had gone (very odd 'popping' sensation but nothing there?? ) have had rather noticeable BH's ever since, and am feeling really nauseous

 

[lousielou]

I changed my ticker so I'm no longer 'overdue'

 

[pinkmonki]

Morning ladies

Lou you're still here too?! I had a similar experience in the middle of HMV yesterday, 'popping' sensation complete with slight trickle but alas, nothing of note upon inspection.

Other than that un-noteworthy piece of information, there is literally nothing that would indicate I'm due any day (or indeed over-due) Symptom wise, I'm probably doing better than I was at 30 weeks! Not even BH!

Anyhoo, I'm going to submit to a sweep this afternoon, though I'm fully expecting it to fail as I don't think I'm anywhere close to favourable. Plus I had two with Cole and neither worked.

I'm still swinging between bouts of tooth rotting levels of sweetness and run and hide levels of rage too. Poor OH, must be like living with a bi-polar whale! Last night I threatened to throw the brand new pushchair out onto the road, simply because a wheel fell off! It was completely my fault, I hadn't done it right.. But I blamed him and went to bed in a sulk! I've no doubt he's hoping for a sooner rather than later arrival too, so he gets the return of his formerly rather mellow wife!

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think the 'mothering the mother' is a key element you would miss with a male MW but a doula could offer this. I'm obviously slightly biased but I think if I knew a male MW would attend me I would be happy with that as I'd expect him to sit on his hands unless they were required and the doula would be my emotional support. I know there are lovely doulas out there doing a fab job and who havent had kids but for me I would need a woman who had gone through it. When I support a woman they often say I 'got in there and did it with them'. It certainly feels like that for me. I labour with them at times. Maybe I do that because that is part of what I would want in a doula....
There are no male doulas in the UK (well not registered with Doula UK) and the only other instance of male doulas was in Israel. Unfortunately it transpired that he was sexually abusing his clients it was in the press last year (here)

 

[moomin_troll]

the men i delt with while pregnant were alot more caring and gentle with me then the women. so i do think i can get the same comfort from a man who actualy knows what hes doing, other then our ohs lol

 

[lousielou]

Uuuurgh, not sure if something's happening today... Have had regular and 'un-ignorable' BH's all day and my my back is aching like mad - like PMT gone nutso or something?? Will keep you all posted

 

[chuck]

The only males I've come into contact with in either pregnancy have not been nice. The anesthetist who told me to 'shut up stop crying and be an adult' and the Ob who told me that HB would be dangerous an told me about a UR he saw just last week.

I would be more than happy to be attended by a male MW - I reckon the probably have a lot more conviction to be doing what they're doing it must be hard to be a male MW being such a female dominated area.

But you get shit female MW's you must get shit make ones it's just luck of the draw sometimes.

Hmmm who reckons there'll be a baby this weekend...I do, Easter baby good weather and all that.

Plus I'm going to be at MIL without easy internet access so i'll miss it LOL.

 

[KittenKat]

Ooo weird all of you talking about male midwives, because I dreamt I had a homebirth and my midwive (plural) were male. Heck I'm no longer pregnant and I am having birth dreams Don't think I would, if there are any more kiddies on the horizon, be all that bothered if I was attended to by a male. Had a male OB deliver my son as he was a surprise breech and just premature, and he was good, though unfortunately quite good looking and looked like someone from Soldier Soldier so was a tad off putting

 

[rachiedata]

Good point chuck - you'd have to be pretty committed to your career to be a male midwife just to handle the reactions you'd get from a lot of people, to learn about something you can never experience yourself (physically) and to have the confidence to be the only man in the lecture theatre/labour ward/room with a crowd of hormonal women! That would all make me have confidence in their abilities.

I think personally I would quite like the 'paternal' approach - I know that studies have shown a woman can labour 'better' when mothered by a doula or other female supporter who is not medically responsible for her. As doulas, getting to know your woman so well provides you with clues on the type of encouragement they want and will respond to in labour. But again, if each woman is different, do different women not respond to different styles of support?

 

[caro103]

lou and PB hope something happens soon! and anyone else whos due! sorry finding it really hard to keep up these days!

we just had our midwife visit again to check Alex's weight, he's gained . While she was here she offered the assist us again for baby No.2 and aim for 2nd home birth , I truely feel blessed to have had the experience we had! I just don't understand how things can be so different in other parts of the uk . I actually feel sad to be leaving the midwifery service come Sat when we're more than likely to be discharged.

Re. male midwifes, think I agree that I felt more comfortable having a female midwife, more during examinations and being naked in the pool and stuff. Right at the end I wouldn't have cared less who was watching but earlier on I had issues with more than 1 person being in the room, it slowed my contractions for some reason so if I'd not been comfortable we'd have prob had more problems with things not progressing :S xx

 

[Bournefree]

So pleased for you Caro, that “little” (well not so little now!) Alex is doing great, knew he would - It can be so stressful and some post-natal MW can make you feel like sh*t.. I've been there - Bronwyn lost 14% of her body weight in her first 2 weeks! But she bottomed out, and weight then piled on. This time round there is no way I'm going to make them make me feel as awful as they did with her! To say I was in tears is more of an understatement!
Also it is brilliant, is how you feel so great and so pleased. This home birthing could be seriously addictive! - I can't imagine doing it any other way, as I'm sure you feel the same. It just puts a big smile on your face just thinking about it!

No internet Chuck!. Arhhh !!!!! We are also away visiting both sides of the family over Easter, but hook or by crook, I'm going to try to get online so I can find out how everyone is doing. You're all part of my home-birth-family.. and a growing one at that! I agree It will be lovely to be born over Easter, like lambs!

Hang in there 40week + ladies! It's only your mind playing tricks, get connected with your body, it knows what’s going on, - even if it won’t tell you the big secret at the moment, but it will.

Also - blinking heck! The male MW I might have is a Professor at the University (our Uni has a midwifery degree programme), and has a fellowship of honours by the Royal College of Midwives for his outstanding contribution to the midwifery profession! Wowzers! I better do a good job if I get him! No Pressure!

Just to put a downer on it - this still doesn't mean that my Trust is providing a sufficient home birth service, just because one diligent MW might agree to be on-call for me 24/7 out of their own volition, they are still failing women in labour. I have to fight my fight for all women in the area, not only me. In it's simplest terms, it just isn't fair, adequate or safe. So pleased that some of you ladies are well supported, as I was with my first!
XxX

 

[PeanutBean]

That's sort of exciting Bourne! In a not good enough way...

Fingers crossed for you Lou. I've been bedridden since last night til about 3pm today with THE worst migraine (after the one I had a couple of days before I went into labour with Byron...) and vomiting and everything. God I thought I might die and prayed very hard I wouldn't go into labour because that's sure as hell not the way I want it to start! I had such a huge contraction this morning it made me sick. I think she's coming tomorrow but I'm hoping she'll wait til DH is home from work and that's not til late.

On the male MWs I've no experience to form an opinion. I think coming from the position of not wanting anybody's hands up me or in general to be anywhere near me I suppose gender shouldn't really make any difference. DH and I discussed the male MW on OBEM. Part of it is that most of the MWs on that show come across as total cows and part of it is probably that being the exception to the rule you're either a complete weirdo (e.g. the male doula MM mentioned) or you're exceptional yourself and work super-hard to be great. I imagine the same would go for women earlier in medicine when they were all men too.

My own experience is pretty much that all medical people are knobs a good proportion of the time. All think they know everything and are objective but instead are totally biased and prejudiced and unable to be proffessional when it comes to airing their opinions regardless of what they are founded on. But there we go. I can't think of any medical people who I have been consistently happy with and I can think of both genders making me feel like shit/disregarding evidence and tests/throwing their weight around etc etc.

 

[BrandiCanucks]

I'm so disappointed. I'm definitely thinking I may be going over. I was kind of hoping with all the fun self-induction techniques I've been trying I'd have had better news today, but at this point, I don't think I'm ever going to have this baby.

My midwife told me today that my cervix is coming forward from posterior, and that it's 2cm dilated and soft, but still long. She said around 3cm. Apparently my baby also disengaged herself and is at -5 station again.

I can't wait until this is all over.

 

[Bournefree]

Oh Brandi - try not to succumb to these feelings. It's going to be alright. You won't be pregnant forever. You have some good signs. Don't put pressure on yourself. That added pressure won't make things happen.

Are there any special considerations about you going over EDD where you are in Canada? (i.e policies etc) Not that this should matter, but it will be effecting how you feel. Like in the UK women at 41+5 (12 days post EDD) are routinely pressured into induction of labour (sometimes even before this date)

It's ok to feel like you do, but lots can and will prob happen in the next 3 weeks, while you are in the "term window" upto 42 weeks. But remember, what is term for you and the baby, is when the baby comes and your baby releases the right make up of hormones to say their lungs are ready and start things off.

Keep up all the fun stuff! Stay positive and try to relax about it. We are all here for support and to buoy you up when you need it.
XxX

 

[pinkmonki]

Morning ladies

PB, Brandi, Lou.. Fingers crossed something kicks off for you all.

Well, I went for my sweep yesterday and my what a delight that was. I now know my midwife's knuckles intimately

Anyway, I pre-warned her that I didn't think I'd be favourable and also that baby had moved back to back that morning, to which she basically rubbished both.. O RLY?

So she has a feel of baby, and declares him/her back to back.. No? You don't say? She then performs the sweep, which was most definitely an experience. She kept telling me I was a good girl! I was expecting 50p for an ice cream and to be told it was our little secret by the end! Anyway, as I expected Cx was still posterior about 2cms long, but soft and 2/3 cms dilated so she did actually manage to perform the sweep.

Afterwards and for most of yesterday I felt pretty downbeat to be honest, the sweep didn't even trigger mild contractions, no show, no blood.. Just nothing. In fact I felt great!

However this morning it looks like things are indeed moving in the right direction, I'm having very mild contractions every 10-15 mins and lost my plug I'm under no illusions that anything will actually kick off proper today but it's so nice to actually see some signs that labour can't be too far off (even if it is another week or so!) So I plan to spend today walking some, cleaning furiously and accosting the OH as much as I can Fingers crossed..

 

[chuck]

Hee good luck missus...I hate being told I'm a good girl while someone has their hand rummaging in my foof. It's many kinds of wrong.

Mind you not as weird as I felt when the Dr was fitting my coil and his hair kept tickling my leg...that just creeped me out.

 

[PeanutBean]

Good luck pink, your time hopefully!

I was woken at 5am by a contraction. Had a few but they've fizzled again.