Home Birthers & Hopefuls!

[Bournefree]

Bournefree...a lawyer!!!! that just scares us midwives...lol.

I know I treat everyone the same but it is funny when you get midwives that change their attitude/ persona when they attend a 'professional' Lawyers are top of that list.

I completely agree with you on the BMI issue...its such a shame that maternity units take so long to realise what 'choice' means.

.x.x.x.

hahahaha!! Yep, I have to say it must have made things easier for me when I had a "discussion" with my Obst about my Gestational dibetes!!

I didn't and haven't met a bad MW yet - All the ones I met were brilliant, and very pro homebirth - afterall it really is there place to shine!

My cousin is a dr, and she was very pround of me having a HB. She mentioned this to me, as she was very aware of all "problems" because of her medical training - infact, she ended up with a c-section.. and did put this down to her fear and knowlege being skewed towards potential difficulties. I was wondering how you are feeling about your birth as a hospital MW??
xxx

 

[Bournefree]

Hi urbanbumpkin

Ive read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and spiritual midwifery, the latter when I was training and pregnant with DS, that book is amazing....Ive got Grantly Dick-Reads childbirth without fear but Im finding that one harder to get into.


Really positive books to read, especially for us having homebirths.x.

I was wondering about Grantly Dick-Reads book too, as that is what Marie Mongan had read when she pushed for her own natural births in the 1950s and when she was starting up the Hypnobirthing movement, and it is quoted a few times in the Hypnobirthing book. My teacher has just got it, but hasn't started reading it yet.

Don't buy it if you want to read it - I'll lend it to you, along with the other Homebirth book if you like? Just PM your address, I'd be happy to send them on.
xxx

 

[Mervs Mum]

I think like Bourne said Dick's book is beautifully written but very wordy as I think it was first published in the 1940's. I'm wading through it now. Marie Mongan's Hypnobirthing is a breeze in comparison!

 

[gina8177]

urbanbumpkin - I have to order her Guide to Breastfeeding! I've read her other book and it is my favorite. It's going to be my next treat.

Manda - I love your cot, I've been trying to find one like that here, but it seems like they may not be allowed to be sold in BC anymore (except for this really icky plastic one). So I'm contacting the manufacturere to see what they say. I may end up having to do a bassinet by the bed, but we found one we really like.
https://www.westcoastkids.ca/qs/product.php?category_id=7117&product_id=394377

I would really like to co-sleep but I just can't get over my fear of something going wrong because I haven't set it up properly.

 

[cupcake23]

It’s strange as when I had my son I was training to be a midwife but I don’t think I realised the enormous responsibility midwives really have..as a student I got to see all the nice stuff first and labour and birth didn’t really faze me....6 years later I’m starting to worry about it, I see all the bad stuff now (my unit deals with a lot of high risk women), so I am apprehensive.

I keep thinking something will happen but I try my hardest to push it at the back of my mind...I’ve done it before and there shouldn’t be a reason why I can’t do it again, I wouldn’t put myself or the baby in a dangerous situation but I do think that I could psychologically impede my labour if I don’t go into hospital because that’s what I’m used to

I can only mentally prepare myself and have loads of positive thoughts because I really don’t like hospitals (am I in the right profession???)...I also hate people I don’t know touching me, I also know that If I disagree with someone I don’t think there would be many people left to actually look after me...I can be offensive if the occasion calls for it..... so for me having a homebirth is ideal, I can kick them out!

 

[Bournefree]

It’s strange as when I had my son I was training to be a midwife but I don’t think I realised the enormous responsibility midwives really have..as a student I got to see all the nice stuff first and labour and birth didn’t really faze me....6 years later I’m starting to worry about it, I see all the bad stuff now (my unit deals with a lot of high risk women), so I am apprehensive.

I keep thinking something will happen but I try my hardest to push it at the back of my mind...I’ve done it before and there shouldn’t be a reason why I can’t do it again, I wouldn’t put myself or the baby in a dangerous situation but I do think that I could psychologically impede my labour if I don’t go into hospital because that’s what I’m used to

I can only mentally prepare myself and have loads of positive thoughts because I really don’t like hospitals (am I in the right profession???)...I also hate people I don’t know touching me, I also know that If I disagree with someone I don’t think there would be many people left to actually look after me...I can be offensive if the occasion calls for it..... so for me having a homebirth is ideal, I can kick them out!

I totally agree! It must be hard. We all when we first get pregnant base our opinons on child birth on our experiances, whether they be in real life, or media interpretations.
Few of us are lucky enough to experiance a totally natural labour and birth first hand. However, ignorance can be bliss!.. and for some ladies, by not exposing themselves to horror stories, experiance the best births.

It can be sooo hard though, as from the moment you are pregnant, people are all too willing to talk about these horror stories, and as a people we love them - you only have to look on the birth announcement pages, to see that the ones with "traumatic" in the headlines have the most views! But then, in saying that, if you delve a little deeper, and really fullly inform yourself, (wonders of the internet - and sites like this, where you can contact real mummies) of both sides to the equation, you can see that child birth can be natural even in the 21st centry (with a caviate, that provided you have no clinical "evidence" to be in hospital care)
I would urge anyone, to see that the human body isn't badly designed; there are horror stories out there, but in reality they are few and very far between.
xxx

 

[MandaAnda]

What kind of cot is that MandaAnda, it looks lovely? I have been looking at Ikea ones that aren't technically bedside ones, but which can have one side taken off.

UB, it's a Mamas & Papas Close & Cosy. I think it's been discontinued, but I got it second hand from a lovely family (off e-bay). The only other bedside cot that seems to actually be on the market at the moment is the Cosatto Close to Me, which I nearly got, but I like this one so much more.

Cupcake, I'm still guzzling the Gaviscon. DH calls it my gin! (Not that I drank gin pre-pregnancy, mind you.)

Gina, that's a lovely cradle. I desperately wanted a bassinet (I'm from the Deep South - it's part of who I am!!!), but they don't do them here. I was bought a Moses basket and stand, and my mom sent me a bassinet cover, so I've turned it into a bassinet! It can be in his room or the living room for naps.
https://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n13/ScarySerpent/006-2.jpg

 

[Bournefree]

That is soooo cute!!

What's the difference between a bassinet and a mosses basket.. I haven't really got a clue about these things!
xxx

 

[Rachiebaby24]

Your not being negative SB....its your choice to labour where you like. If anything just keep an open mind....you might find you are at home and prefer to stay at home....or you might labour at home and decide to go to the hospital...no-one can force you to go anywhere you like.....i laboured at home for 3 hours with Maley....i transferred to hospital for the final hour to give birth...at the time (i was at my mums house) and it felt right. I may have stayed at home had i been at my house.

 

[MandaAnda]

BF, I'll show them both undressed to show the difference.

A Moses basket has handles, usually no hood (but may have metal thingies to insert into fabric to make a hood), and you can carry it around or sit it on a stand.
https://www.kidostore.com/images/uploads/moses-basket.jpg
A bassinet is usually an all-in-one thing - stand, basket, hood and tends to have a longer skirt covering it.
https://babybeemine.com/images/262_bassinet_cradle.jpg

 

[EternalRose]

Hi ladies, well not good news. Looks like I wont be having my homebirth, I am just so exhausted with the fight to have one.

Went for my growth scan today, baby is healthy, no problems and measuring spot on, bp is normal, urine is normal and I dont have gestational diabetes. I then had to speak to the consultant after my scan and I told him I had to see him because my BMI was 35 on booking in. He told me that if the birth centre wont allow me to go there to give birth, then they wont allow me to have a homebirth. SIGH! I had to politely tell him that no one can tell me what I am allowed and not allowed to have. He quickly backtracked! He said, well there is more risk of bleeding with bigger ladies and if you were at home we might not be able to help you quick enough. My fiance rightly pointed out that we are only a 10 minute car journey away, and that would be halved in a blue light emergency. The consultant just nodded.

He then said he wants to arrange a meeting with himself and all the senior midwives in the community and he wants me to come along so they can discuss how they can make my homebirth a viable and a safe option. I was instantly put off! So he wants me to sit in a room full of health professionals and talk about more risks, purely because my BMI was 35 on booking in. I expect this sort of intervention with someone that has had bad news, but I have had no problems at all in my pregnancy whatsoever. I politely mentioned what did women do before all this BMI talk years ago, he said they bled to death and died at home! Lovely. I know he has a duty to explain to me the risks involved with a homebirth, but why is it no healthcare professional has explained to me the risks involved with a hospital birth?

Ladies, I am so tired. I just want to go through the last few stages of my pregnancy in peace and they want me to go to meetings e.t.c and I just dont have the energy for it. Fighting for the choice to have a positive homebirth experience has been so stressful for me, and no one really wants to talk to me about the nice side of homebirth. My community midwife already told me she was going to talk to me about risks, at 33 week appointment and the image of me having a lovely calm homebirth has started to slip away because I know my head will be filled with images of what can go wrong as thats all health care providers keep talking about. I am naturally a worrier, and always tend to think worst case scenario but lately I had made progress with my mindset and was feeling so positive about a homebirth but he has now shot all of that positive thinking to pieces and now I feel terrified at the thought of bleeding to death at home as thats all he kept going on about

So, even though he is going to call me to set up this meeting I will politely tell him I am not interested anymore and I want to be left alone now as no one I have come into contact with has anything positive to say about homebirths I will give in and go to the hospital to give birth. I was meant to speak with my community midwife at 33 weeks about homebirth but I take it she would be at this meeting too so she would have the consultant backing with this whole scaremongering lark. Well they have succeeded, I am scared. So sorry to put a dampner on this lovely thread, and I feel so down and sad to have to leave this thread as I love reading all your posts.

Thanks for all your lovely support, you are all marvellous women and good luck with your homebirths x x

 

[nikki-lou25]

EternalRose - I am so sad for you I think their approach has been appalling!! Infact I would even say its on a par with bullying! I just wanna come and give you massive hugs I just cannot see why it is such an issue. My BMI wasn't mentioned once in my pregnancy other that to offer GTT - I can't see why it is an issue at all given that you are healthy and bubs is healthy. I really wish there was more you could do and that you had some fighting spirit left, I wish I could do something for you

 

[Mervs Mum]

Only you can fight for this darling and if you dont feel you can then it's the end of the road. Such a shame because it's pretty obvious that they are just grasping at straws and hoping to wear you down and scare you when looking at all the evidence and what other girls have said, it's just not an issue.

 

[lnic1970]

Lisa, if you weren't sure about being so far from hospital for a homebirth, do you have the option of staying with family/friends in Glasgow and doing a 'home'birth there? I'm in Glasgow and they have a specific homebirth team here, who have been lovely. That way it gets over all their concerns about being too far from a hospital (not that I think they are necessarily valid concerns at all).

Hi urbanbumpkin
unfortunately I dont have anyone that id consider a close enough friend or any family that I could do this with - i wish i did as it would be the perfect answer. I love where we live but sometimes it can just be such a pain in the ass being so far away from "civilisation"..

 

[surprisebaby]

sorry to hear this Eternal. They sound so unsupportive. xxx

 

[purple_socks]

Eternal rose:
i had some similar issues when i wanted to opt for a homebirth.

I'm really sad to read ur story...bullying like that shouldn't happen...homebirth shouldn't b something we have to fight for Its a perfectly safe option. Unfortunately It seems that hospitals sometimes have alterior motives for wanting women to have their babies in a very 'medical' way.

Its up to u if u want to fight or not but if u do wish to fight this then there is oodles of info out there to prove there is no reason for weight alone to b an issue. I researched it and came up with no reason for a high BMI to b a safety issue when no other medical issues r present (i'm not talking crazy morbid obesity but my BMI is above urs). If there has been no probs throughout pregnancy with blood pressure etc, u don't have GD and growth scans r showing everything is fine then there isn't anything to worry abt.
I refused to see my consultant for the 'bullying' meeting- i was pre warned abt it. You don't actually have to see anyone at all abt having a homebirth. It is completely your choice and you don't need 'permission' despite being made to feel like it by the hopsital!! In the end i had a visit by my MWs manager and she was very pro me having a homebirth. She said she doesn't believe weight alone should ever b an issue either and was very supportive of avoiding the consultant.

Personally i wouldn't attend this proposed meeting. Homebirth.org has some great info abt weight being used as a reason against HB and also what to do if ur being 'refused' a HB.
Personally i would write a letter (homebirth.org has address for who best to write to) explaining that i am having a homebirth, that i can see no reason not to and that i expect full support when the time comes then i wouldn't set foot in a consultants office unless there was a medical reason to!! IMO its far less stress that way- but like i said thats just what 'i' would do. Tis completely up to u and i understand how hard it can b especially near the end of pregnancy when u just want some peace.

If u need any help/ someone to chat to abt any of this then feel free to PM me x

 

[BabyHaines]

ER - I cannot believe this!! My BMI was 34 on booking in and I've not been told any of this shite!!
They are bloody outrageous!! And I wish I could give you a great big hug honey.
MM is right though - only you can fight for this and you have to do what you feel is best.

Thinking of you pickle xxxx

 

[lozzy21]

ER what a load of pricks.

I think its a shame to give up now after all the hard work you have put in but if you feel you cant fight any more then you need to do whats best.

You could just labour at home with then "intention" of going into hospital and oops, its too late for you to go in, you will have to come out to me.

 

[lnic1970]

ER - really sorry you feeling so down & let down, this consultant sounds like a scare-mongerer to me. I can understand how you feeling tho,i think i may be in for a battle also

take care x

 

[MandaAnda]

Personally i wouldn't attend this proposed meeting. Homebirth.org has some great info abt weight being used as a reason against HB and also what to do if ur being 'refused' a HB.
Personally i would write a letter (homebirth.org has address for who best to write to) explaining that i am having a homebirth, that i can see no reason not to and that i expect full support when the time comes then i wouldn't set foot in a consultants office unless there was a medical reason to!!

ER, I'm so sorry to hear they're hell-bent on bullying you. I really like PS's approach, quoted above, and personally that is the route I would take. But I know you have to do what feels best for you. Whatever you ultimately do, don't feel you can't post on this thread or ask support/help from any of us. If you decide you do want to fight, I know we'd pull out all the stops to help.