Hope is a dangerous game to play

[fxmummyduck]

Hi ladies, I'm having violent swings between utter disappointment and hopeful belief I'm pregnant. I hate the tww with a passion!

So this is our 7th cycle trying over 9 months, and really only got my cycles back to normal the last two months. (Suspected but not proven high prolactin levels due to stress of moving to another continent!) short lp and short cycles, finally vitex and maca got my lp back to 13 days and 25 day cycles back to 30.

Last cycle I had zero symptoms, not even usual pms until 1 day before af.

So here goes this cycle:

1-6 dpo the usual increased appetite and fatigue.
7dpo- tiniest pin prick of pink blood in cm up near cervix, would never have seen it if I hadn't checked cp. massive attack of vertigo and dizziness, dh had to come home from work.
8dpo- still dizzy and tired.
9dpo- still dizzy but not as much. Mild backache and cramps. Those pink spots and yellowish cm again before I went to bed.
10dpo - feeling nauseous am, went to toiket to see dark brown/yellow 1 drop big enough to drop into toilet (sorry tmi) it has now stopped, not making it onto my underwear and if I check cervix it's yellow brown and very scant.

So terrified af is about to arrive, but what is making me feel hopeful is that if it stays brown/yellow then this is what happened with my ds, but it can also mean af is around the corner which means this cycle is messed up again.

Im sure you ladies all feel the same, I've talked myself into both scenarios because I just can't stand another month gone.

No point of this post really, I just needed to write it all down. Thanks for listening

 

[swedengirl]

Hey mummyduck!

The swinging backward and forth is the worst. 2 days ago I was convinced I was pregnant and then yesterday got sooooo annoyed because I was so stupid to allow myself to believe that, and of course I am not.

Today I am somewhere in the middle.... It is so draining!

I am hoping this is your month and cannot really say anything to make you feel better, other than you're not alone! Baby dust to you by the bucket load!

 

[swedengirl]

Oh forgot to ask when are you planning on testing?

 

[fxmummyduck]

Hi swedengirl, it's exhausting isn't it?! Thank you, baby dust to you too!

Hoping to hold off testing until Sun or Mon, af is due Monday I think although my app thinks sun but it's always a day out.

How about you?

 

[Hopfl4bbynbr4]

I can't say anything to help you feel better just that you're symptoms sound promising. Do you usually get dizzy like that or is this new? Also do you usually get the brownish cm or spotting a few days before af? Sending you hugs and loads of baby dust your way. I hope you get your positive and a sticky bean!

 

[fxmummyduck]

I don't normally get this dizzy, if it's a migrainous thing it's only for a day but I'm still dizzy now and I haven't had it for maybe a year? I normally spot bright pink before it turns red, recently anyway. A few years ago I might spot brown but it would be really dark brown/black/red iykwim?

Thanks, I'm trying to tell myself not to hope too much

 

[swedengirl]

I've started already as have a loads of ICs. I know I'm going to get BFNs now as only 7dpo but just makes me feel more in control and I'm a control freak.

Your symptoms do sound promising so hoping this is your month!

 

[pennies]

I know exactly how you feel! It's the worst isn't it?!

I'm now debating whether to test at all or just wait for af to inevitably show!

The only things keeping me positive are no signs of af at all, creamy cm last night and stabbing/pinching on left side on and off for the last two days

 

[fxmummyduck]

Yes debating that too, today has sucked so much I'm not sure I can hold out until sun/mon. But this spotting will probably turn into full blown af the minute I spend money on tests!

Funny the only things keeping me positive are the opposite to you. Creamy cm is usual for me but I've been quite dry since 7dpo, and no sign of af last month meant bfn so the spotting which is like I had with ds is still giving me hope. Backache is pulling me back down to earth though as I do get that sometimes.

 

[fxmummyduck]

I guess I'll either wake up to af or not, that's how it usually works!

 

[swedengirl]

Hoping you don't wake up to AF today mummyduck.Fx!

AFM- I have woken up convinced I am pregnant again just because my CP feels "different". Although I swear I have thought this nearly every cycle... and a IC was negative. TWW is exhausting. Let's see how long hopeful me lasts this time!

 

[fxmummyduck]

Haven't woken up to af, spotting is the same but maybe a bit darker brown which is worrying me. It seemed a bit heavier but I think it may have 'collected' last night so when I stood up this morning it felt like more. Thinking it's going to hopefully slow down now. Having said that it's still only a few drops and only just making its way to my underwear.

How's your cp feeling different sweden? Really want to test but I immediately count myself out and get very negative if I see a bfn. There's always more hope if I just carry on with no af!! But I want to test!!!! Aaah this is my brain today!

 

[swedengirl]

It just feels fuller (like taking up more space!) and firmer than usual. I went back to my test after posting and thought something caught my eye. I decided to post in the testing section and some of the girls on there think they see a hint of something too. Definitely not remotely as positive for now but hoping it might turn into something. I also seemed to have some werid cramping, feel a bit dizzy, have some palpatations and my boobs full more sore than usual. The thing is I was certain I had symptoms last month too so start to really doubt myself. But I am pretty certain I really do feel different.

Brown spotting is Ok though I think, that is what I have read anyway. It is the bright red that is likely to be AF. Hoping she stays away! You have such strong will power, but also totally get seeing negatives can make it worse. I know it is also silly to test early- if you find out 2 days later what difference does it really make?! Although easier rationalised than done!

 

[fxmummyduck]

Tmi but I kind of feel fuller inside iykwim, like everything in there is a bit swollen? What's your testing thread called and I'll have a look!

Your symptoms are sounding good, but it's hard when every other month you feel like you're getting symptoms too.

 

[swedengirl]

It's called All aboard the crazy train 😂😂😂

 

[fxmummyduck]

Af got me. Cannot stop crying

 

[wrapunzel]

I'm so sorry Duck

 

[swedengirl]

Oh mummyduck I'm sorry..,

 

[fxmummyduck]

Thank you, it means a lot. I know everyone on here gets it. This journey sucks!

 

[wrapunzel]

So worth it in the end though, focus on the end goal and try to have gratitude to your body for making your womb ready for another try