how did you all cope with your first miscarriage

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by bubbles_92, Nov 18, 2011.

  1. bubbles_92

    bubbles_92 Member

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    i was six and a half weeks pregnant with my first, last week i got really bad cramps then the bleeding started, along with large clots (sorry for tmi) was im very bad pain last of bleeding and pain ended today so ten days it had lasted for. i feel so useless that i couldnt hold my first child and i feel like its all my fault. :cry:
     
  2. TaraLynn

    TaraLynn mama to Kiernan & 1 angel

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    First off, I am SO sorry for your loss and that you are going through this.

    Second - it is NOT your fault. You cannot blame yourself... Life is just unfair and these things happen, we don't necessarily know why though some have their thoughts.

    Last month I had a miscarriage (my first, and pray my last) the doctors estimated that I was about 7 weeks. I am still trying to figure out how to cope. I know I will never "get over it" but eventually I will begin to move forward. Right now I find comfort and support coming here and talking to others that have been in my shoes and know this darkness. I feel like those around my day to day just cannot relate, no matter how hard they try.
     
  3. mumwannabe

    mumwannabe Well-Known Member

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    I'm so sorry for your loss Bubbles and TaraLynn.

    I had my 1st MC in Feb this year and it was also my 1st preg. I blamed myself (for stretching too far), my body (for not being able to keep little bean) and it was a very emotional time. I also spiralled out of control a bit with eating too much junk and drinking too much alcohol, as I didn't care about myself.

    I also wanted to scream and shout at people in work because their little arguments were so petty and trivial in comparison. But I'd often just walk away and find somewhere quiet to have a minute to myself - usually the loo ;)

    A couple of months later, I thought I might have been preg again but it was just a really long cycle (40 days compared to 28-31!!) - I felt both disappointed and relieved as I wasnt sure I could cope.

    Another couple of months later, my sister had a stillborn and between her personal tragic loss and the loss of 2 babies in the family, it has been a particularly rough year. The loss of my nephew (who I held in the hospital) has set me right back as I no longer feel like I can continue trying at the moment.

    I think we need to just take time out, visit forums like these as the ladies here are wonderfully supportive, and not be too hard on ourselves.

    :hug::hug:
     
  4. Islander

    Islander Preggo - 1st Tri

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    I coped by crying...a lot. I gave myself 1 wek to mope, cry, stay in my PJs, drink, smoke...whatever... then i got my life back on course...im still very sad but its actually ok now...sometimes things set me off but most of the time im ok. I also talked it out with friends and family and went over i all consantly.... at the end of the day you just have to do what works for you...

    I also felt like it was my fault even though logically i know it wasn't...and it wasnt your fault either. Im so sorry for everyone's losses...xxx
     
  5. amotherslove

    amotherslove MamaToLilyLucyAndLila<3

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    its hard to NOT feel that way,... just try to keep your mind thinking it WASNT your fault.. even when your heart feels like it is.. <3
     
  6. hanfromman

    hanfromman Well-Known Member

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    It IS NOT your fault! These things happens SO often, in about a quarter of pregnancies actually. I had a miscarriage 8 weeks ago, and it still makes me sad and angry now. It seems so unfair, and it is, but just try and focus on the positive things in your life, and make sure you don't bottle up your feelings. If you need to just cry, do it! It might be hard for your other half to see you so upset (it was for mine) but hiding your feelings for their sake won't do anyone any good. But at the same time, try not to wallow in it, and brood on things too much. Try to keep yourself busy - not because it will 'hide' your feelings away or - that would not be good - but because people don't do well emotionally when they have nothing to do. I wallowed in it sometimes and it was a mistake! I was far happier and stable when I had stuff to do. But more than anything, make sure you are not on your own - people are a great comfort and distraction :)
    You will never totally get over it, but it will get better:hugs:
     
  7. RazorsDance

    RazorsDance Member

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    I had my first and only (hopefully last) in june or so. I am waiting to see if I am expecting again.

    and sorry for your lost.
     
  8. foxykins

    foxykins tcc no.4

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    I had a m/c 11 years ago. i didnt even know i was preggers. i was out one night at a night club and went to the toilet. later on i was rushed to the hospital and i was told i was 7 weeks pregnant :cry: i was completly numb and me and my partner never really spoke about and i never new why. 3 days ago i was talkin to him about m/c and how its not the mothers fault or anyone elses for that matter its just not meant to be. he then says to me the reason why he never talked about it to me is because we was toy fighting and part of him thought he caused the m/c. all that time he kept it in :cry: m/c are hard but are not ur fault and you will carry on to have a healthy baby. x
     
  9. Andypanda6570

    Andypanda6570 3 Boys and an Angel Ava

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    I lost Ava at 20 weeks and I still am not coping, but I have to try my best for my three boys they are all I have and all i need .. My heart breaks for you and I am so deeply sorry, please please don't ever ever blame yourself, I am here always if you need to talk..
    XOXOOXO:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
     

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