How do I walk away from my Mother?

[Akinesia]

How blind was I that I couldnt see what she was doing?

You're a loving daughter, that's why you didn't see it immediately. None of this is your fault. Just stick to your guns. This manipulation she's pulling is a clear sign that you're getting through to her. This may lead her to change her behaviour. Good luck!

 

[stickylizard]

I really really feel for you and unfortunately I am like you, too nice and I tend to tiptoe round people and put them first and end up sacrificing my happiness for satisfying other people. If I were in your situation I would be so torn as well - but I can try and offer advice as much as I think I'd be too scared to take it myself - I would give her an ultimatum. Either she cleans up, if she won't do it for herself she should for her grandchild, or she doesn't see you or bubs when he or she arrives. Because simply letting her would put your child at risk and you don't want them exposed to that kind of destructive lifestyle. I've had to do this with my daughter's biological father - he hid his being sacked from his job and his drug use (I was working 60 hrs per week so I had no idea what he was doing instead of working). I found out when I was 14 weeks that we were being evicted as I'd been paying my 50% of the rent and he had not. I found out about his drug smoking and I gave him the same ultimatum. I said if he brings me a GP (he tried to fob with off with an internet one) passed drug test I'd let him have as much access as he liked. I told him from 14 weeks when I found out. I moved away from him and his hometown at 24 weeks when I couldn't handle it anymore. He did a failed test when Ella was about 6 weeks old. I let him come to visit her for a day when she was 10 weeks, clean and sober, with my constant supervision. Reason being I hoped actually holding her and cuddling her, seeing her smile, might encourage him to man up, give him an incentive. But sadly it did not. So he does not see her and rarely asks about her, and still smoked drugs and it's a constant battle to get money from him. But it is for the best for my daughter - he is putting substance first and that's wrong. She doesn't need him.

I know your situation is different because it is your mum and it was easier for me to stop Ella's father seeing her, and this will be so hard for you. I dunno, just thought I'd share and see if I could help at all.

Again, I'm so sorry about your mother's behaviour xxx

 

[Pookie 73]

I haven't any advice to give as I have not been in this situation but just wanted to pass on some to you.

 

[Sew_Sweet]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. You and especially your siblings who still stay at home with her. Hopefully they have some good friends and can be out of the house with them often. I think a good decision at this point would be to just leave it be. Yes - it is heart breaking - but let's be honest - it's heart breaking to keep going on like this too...

Addicts do not get help unless they are ready and want it. You could try to stage an intervention with a professional somehow but that isn't always practical and it doesn't always work. Right now, you need to be concerned about yourself and your baby - and your siblings too. This woman really has your number and is playing the game. But you don't have to play it. Do what is best for you - and that most likely means getting her out of all of your lives.

 

[NC_Sarah]

I know it's extremely hard and you are feeling guilty, but it wouldn't be you who was walking away...it would be her. You need to tell her how you feel and set a bottom line with her. For example, "if you don't get help to stop drinking I can't be a part of your life or allow my new child to be around you". People who are sick with addiction never get better when they don't have something to lose. She will have to make a choice and if she choses to keep drinking, she will have made that decision and you can make the healthy decision to keep you and your new baby safe and away.

Have you considered contacting an interventionist?