How do people get over this ....

[Natty_babez]

I've found out today I've suffered a miscarriage I started bleeding heavily with no pains and been for a scan today and they couldn't see anything.

I'm devastated this has been the worst week of my life having to wait for this scan even though deep down I knew I'd lost it when the bleeding started.

How do you cope with the loss and move on

Xxx

 

[KatOro]

I've found out today I've suffered a miscarriage I started bleeding heavily with no pains and been for a scan today and they couldn't see anything.

I'm devastated this has been the worst week of my life having to wait for this scan even though deep down I knew I'd lost it when the bleeding started.

How do you cope with the loss and move on

Xxx

I am so sorry you're going through this. I am as well. I can say that only time will heal the pain. You'll always carry a part of it but you will heal. This is my second miscarriage. Be kind to yourself let yourself express your emotions. You'll probably go through a rollercoaster of them; all are normal and ok. Make sure you don't hold anything in. Watch for filling a pad more than every hour and make sure you check in with your doctor.

Hugs, feel free to ask me any questions, or vent either here on in a pm.

 

[Natty_babez]

I can't stop crying it's breaking my heart I was only 6 weeks but I loved that little baby from the minute I found out. I want to start trying again as soon as we can but I'm so scared of this happening again I feel like it was somehow my fault even though everyone keeps saying it wasn't ... In a way I feel like my body and myself has let my other half down !!!

How long did you bleed for Hun ? Mine seemed to be stopping yesterday but today has been spotting red blood again

Xxx

 

[KatOro]

First time for 3-4 days. This time I've been spotting for a week. Bleeding just today. I've heard it's harder the further along you are but I've also heard it really depends on the person and the situation.

Chances are that you'll get your rainbow baby soon. It's so raw and fresh right now, I promise it will ease. It isn't your fault, this is very true and important to remember.

 

[Kazy]

I couldn't agree with Kat more. Don't hold anything in and allow yourself to grieve a loss that was real. That really.helped with both of my losses and helped me not worry as much through my recent pregnancy.

 

[momwithbabies]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. You never get over it, and the grief becomes a part of you. Some days will be easier than others, and yes, time helps, but the scar will always be there. I lost mine 19 weeks ago. I should be 29 weeks.

I think talking about it helps me. But it's an awful pain that seems too much to bear at times. And that's okay.

 

[Dana_Scully]

I'm sorry for your loss. You never get over it, you just learn to live with it.

 

[KatOro]

Kazy and Dana, I'm so sorry for your losses. Hugs to you both.

 

[Natty_babez]

Thank you so much to all of you on here and I'm so sorry you've all had losses to. My little bean took a piece of my heart away that can't be replaced yesterday and one minute I think I'm ok and the next I'm upset again !!

Xxx

 

[Blu10]

Sorry for your loss, no matter how early or late the loss it is always devastating. I found i coped by TTC again after a month or two x

 

[Natty_babez]

I haven't been able to speak to anyone yet they're doing a second lot of bloods to check my hcg levels are falling and then I'm assuming I'll be able to ask any questions I've got but can I start trying again straight away once the bleeding has fully stopped ? Will they make me take a tablet I've read something about this ? How will they know I have passed everything

Xxx

 

[Kazy]

Alot of times they give you options like letting your body take care of it naturally, take medication to speed it up or have a DC. Or at least that was the option my Dr gave me. Sometimes our bodies dont completely pass it all and you have to have medical intervention. That's why they do the blood draws continuously to make sure you have passed it all. As long as you have retained tissue (I hate those words but I dont know how else to explain it) your hcg won't drop completely. If it goes back to less than 5 then you know there is no tissue.
I agree it never leaves you. One of my losses was the twin of my now 3 month old daughter. I thought I had "processed" it all and was OK. But when I was 38 weeks I went to the dentist the hygienist was expecting twin girls anytime. It was all I could do to hold the tears in until I left. I got in my car and cried my eyes out. I hadn't cried in months about it and it hit me out of nowhere. I still sometimes get emotional when I see twins especially my dds age. I think it will be with me forever. And in some ways I'm now ok with it. I have two babies I will never know this side of heaven.
As far as trying again there are different suggestions. My Dr suggested waiting one cycle so she could date the pregnancy better. It's common for your first cycle after mc to be wacky. And sometimes can take a few to get back to normal. I conceived my dd 2nd cycle after mc. And I've heard you are more fertile after mc. Not sure why that would be or if its true but was true for me.

 

[Natty_babez]

I have passed everything now it just seems to be blood I ideally want to just leave my body alone now but just not sure what to expect when I go back to the hospital on Monday. Have you had the tablet ? I'm hoping as bad as this situation is my body has managed to resolve it myself I really don't want anymore messing with me now !!

I'm so sorry for your loss that must be so painful xxxxx

 

[Kazy]

I did not have the tablet. I was offered it when I found d out about my mmc and decided to wait it out and my body did it all itself. I'm not sure how often the tablet is necessary but if you already had bleeding, etc I would think you are in the clear of the tablet. But don't quote me on that.

I wanted to tell you too that my 1st cycle after my mmc was a lot longer than usual and I had spotting periodically. When af finally actually came it was crazy heavu fkow (unusual for me). And I remember through all the emotions of the mmc and weird cycle I was so discouraged thinking my body would never go back to normal. I've met many women who go through that same thing. So in case you get to that point just be encouraged that your body will return to its normal just maybe not as quickly as you would like. Thisay be unasked for advice but I know I needed all the encouragement I could get.

 

[Natty_babez]

Thank you so much for your advice and kind words it really is helping I feel like no one really understands how this feels around me as no one has been through it.

Can we start to try again before I get my period ? I'm so scared of this happening again but I just want that sticky rainbow bean !! I've even thought about trying and not doing a test for a while so that if it was to happen again I wouldn't know and would just think it was my period maybe then it would hurt so much

Xxx

 

[hanni]

You have a long while of feeling totally soul destroyed and then one day it will get a little bit easier, and the next a little bit easier and you won't feel so sad. Then one day you'll even manage to feel happy for a while, and then you'll laugh again one day and then it will carry on getting a tiny bit easier over time until the pain becomes bareable and you've learnt to live with it. It never fully goes away but I promise you it gets better.

When I lost my LO at 12 weeks I was consumed with thoughts of "what might have been". My heart would break even more everytime I had these thoughts thinking "I should be x amount of weeks pregnant now" and "what would he or she look like and act like" but then you get pregnant again and it all makes sense, you give birth and you can make peace with it. You're no longer sad when you think of what might of been because you realise this is the way things were suppose to happen. And although you'll always greive for the baby you lost you'll be rejoicing for the baby you now have and that you most likely would have never met if you'd never suffered from your loss. I promise you it will all make sense one day.

I hope that doesn't offend in anyway, 1.5 years on that's how I've come to terms with what happened.

Also, for me, throwing myself into trying again helped a lot!

 

[HungryM3]

Natty_babez,

Sorry to find you here. We were in a thread together a while back.

I know it's not easy what you are feeling now. There's just so much going through your mind. The whys (why did it happen? Why me?), hows (how do I move on? How can I do this again?) and whens (when will this be over? When will I stop feeling sad? When can I try again? When will I get my rainbow?). Like many previous posters said, it won't go away but it gets easier. It stops consuming your daily life but you still will have it at the back if your mind and it will pop up every once in a while. But less and less. You will stop crying and you will get back to your daily life.

I've been through 2. The first I cried for days. Maybe a month. I couldn't function. Couldn't get back to what I used to enjoy doing. It still pains me at times to think I was 11 weeks and I would have a 10 month old now. Then it took me a lot longer to conceive the second one and those months were really hard. I thought what's happened to me. When I lost the second at 7 weeks, it was hard. But I reacted very differently. I teared a lot because I knew there's nothing I can do. But to move on once again. It kinda made me stronger. Not exactly what I would have asked for in terms of life experiences. But you learn that sh*t happens and you have to move on. You mourn and never forget but there's nothing to bring it back. Some days I do think I would possibly have 2 kids! But I have none.

What I'm trying to say is it gets better but definitely don't hold it in. Talk about it to people who would understand. Friends try to help but some don't get it. They have never been through it l, not their fault. So they may say the wrong things or things you're not ready to hear. They are trying to help in their ways but it was hard for me to digest. The girls here are awesome.

Hang in there! Sorry for the rambling.

 

[Natty_babez]

The "rambling" helps so thank you everyone on here has been brilliant.

The hospital have just rung to say my hcg on Friday was 2 so there is no need for me to go back to the hospital for a second blood test as the levels are so low I've already passed it all. Is this a good thing or not that they are so low already ? Should I just have been left all week alone going through this alone with no advice ? I've never been through this before and feel like surely I shouldn't have just been left to go through it alone surely someone should have offered some medical advice or got me in for my bloods sooner ....

I've still not really been told anything only that it looks like I've passed everything myself and that if i experience any pain or more heavy bleeding to go back to the hospital. I know there's nothing more they can do but I feel so lost now !!

I've had more help and advice and kind words on here than I have from any medical professional I just feel so let down

Xxx

 

[HungryM3]

Usually hcg under 5 means not pregnant so I guess they are thinking you've passed everything and if not it would show up as more bleeding.

I think hospitals see this very often. MCs are more common than we think. So they don't think of it as a big thing, needing a lot of attention. But they forget there are people going through it for the first time and don't know what needs to be done or what to expect.

Hopefully this means the physical part is over and just have the emotional part which just takes time. Hang in there!!!

 

[Kazy]

Hcg going low is a good thing. Research says there is no reason. To wait ttc again unless you need time to emotionally heal, etc. But of course ask your Dr. Unfortunately they see miscarriages so much I think they can forget to give details that you may want to know. It's unfortunate and leaves you feeling even more lonely. I loved this site too during my losses. And that's why I sometimes look at the current loss threads because I was sooooo encourgaed by those who had made it through. It's such a lonely process and one that not many understood. I am so much more sensitive now when I hear of miscarriages. I honestly didn't get it before I faced it either.