How do you accept that you can't finish your family

[Unlucky41]

Hi ladies,

After five ivf and two fet we have one daughter. We would love another child but it seems we are closed to the end of the wrong. We only really got two quality blastocyst from all our cycles one resulted in our daughter and one was transferred last two thursdays ago but all signs points to a BFN.

My husband and I are debating whether we should do one last ivf but he is not too excited about the idea. Even if we do have one last shot I think to start processing this is it.

Life just isn't fair and have to accept it. So hard to just suck it up and be happy though. I feel awful that we need to do another cycle and even worse at the thought that it won't work!

Thanks for listening

 

[miranda007]

Oh you're on the other thread but I couldn't bear the thought your post has gone unanswered. I can't believe how heartbreaking this is for u. I can't imagine the strength it's taken for u to 5 cycles as well. Is thee any way they can tweak the meds so u respond a bit better? Or they must have already tried that.
I know you said u were taking time out from reading things on this thread, and that you were going to get into supplements. For what it's worth we've been taking the Ubiqonol Coq10 from iherb. We were both on it for a good few months and I think it made the difference in our quality of eggs we got. We're both 35 and he's 39. I know there's lots of things on the internet regarding all these supplements and most of it isn't proven. We have bee pollen on our oats every morning along with some other superfoods. I'm not sure if that made a difference. I was trying to have the Royal jelly too but it was hard to source. I really hope you read this at some point.
Xxxxxxx

 

[Unlucky41]

Oh thanks Miranda for replying you are sweet!

Nah the protocol will be fsh and saizen have you heard of it? Anyway I just started taking CQ10, vit E, zinc, fish oil, B12 and beroca! Cocktail of yummy vitamins!

Going to book my appointment with my RE today to see any changes required. I bet he will ask*me to lose weight!

How you going? Have you tested yet? I have faith that at least one of your frosties will be your bundle of joy

 

[lisap2008]

I would try a high protein low carb diet for at least 2 months (optimal would be 90 days) before starting stims again .
Here is the article: Low-Carb Diet Improves In Vitro Fertilization https://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/803821

I hope your next cycle works!.

 

[tommyg]

Unlucky I don't quite know either how you start to process that your child is going to be an only child. My first step is to consider him "an only" rather than "my first" he was never considered an only because he was always meant to have a little brother or sister.
I know we have chatted on the other thread and our paths are different. But ultimately we are at the same place, one last go and that is the end of the road.

I don't know about you but I am fed-up spending my life going to appointments, waiting for the next thing to happen, waiting for AF so I can start something.
My house is full of baby stuff waiting for a baby, I don't know how I am going to feel when it is time to clear it out and finally accept we are at the end of the road.
I hope that my BIL & wife might get to use some of it they are trying to adopt so may / may not need it depending on the age of the child they get. But even at that it will be hard to finally left everything go.

Watching B & SIL's struggle both through infertility & the long winded adoption process also serves as a reminder that we are incredibly lucky to have our son with or without a sibling. I think it would be a horrendous road to be on if it is your first child that you are trying for.

On your other cycles where you didn't get blasts did they try putting back 3 day embryos?
What are the clinic giving as odds for you trying again?

I was told the chances of my frosties working is about 30%, given the quality of them, my age and knowing that things can work in the form that DS is here.

 

[Unlucky41]

Lisap Thanks for the tip! I have started my diet will cut down on the carbs and increase protein!

Tommyg Yes whatever you have written I couldn't have written it myself. Alot of the toys dd has grown out of already but my husband said to leave it there for the next baby!

We also have heaps of clothes that dd didn't wear just too much hard to depart with it all!

Tommyg first ivf no matured eggs, second one morula at day five, third one one morula and one early blastocyst. Fourth one only one embyro which arrested on day two. Fifth one resulted one hatching blastocyst and one expanded Blastocyst both top quality. The hatching one resulted in my baby!

So best scenario will be two good quality blastocyst. I stated this journey at 30 and now 35. I can't wait for the day to stop waiting for a blood test, waiting for appointments, waiting for results happy one day sad another!

Yep I am so over it but I know if it works it would be so worth it but so ready to move on with our lives!

Tommyg I will pray for us both! Unfortunately God only promises to answer not answer with yes to all request!

 

[tinadecember]

Unlucky, I too have followed your story on Jan-Feb IVF thread but just wanted to offer my condolences again that this cycle hasn't worked out. I can only imagine what you are going through but wanted to say that you're such a strong woman and an inspiration to all of us women who are only just starting out on our IVF journey. I have only done 1 cycle and already it is having a strain on me emotionally, to do 5 cycles you are like superwoman.

I will cross my fingers to tightly for you that whatever path you decide to go down next will work out for you

xxx

 

[tommyg]

I know exactly what you mean about baby clothes, toys, etc.
DS is about to turn 5, we have been trying since he was 10mths. The last couple of years I haven't kept much in the way of clothes mainly because he has been wearing things out. But I have 2 massive holdalls filled from before then.
When I am at the stage of being ready to clear out I think we will also turn the spare room into a toy room. My plan had been DS would move in to it and baby2 would have his room. I can't bare to have his little room being empty.

 

[Unlucky41]

Oh Tommyg we also have an empty room which we do the ironing in. If no bub two it will forever be the ironing/junk room. So miserable eh?

Just received the letter my RE gave my GP that he suggest another round of IVF! At least he is still willing to try. After so many rounds they could say suggest no more. I am trying to be positive and remind myself the last protocol resulted in my daughter it can happen again!

 

[tommyg]

That's just what I was thinking as I reread your IVF journey. They must have tweeked for you to conceive on round 5 it may be worth trying again. What is DH thinking? Is he coming round to the idea?

I'm waiting for AF to do my FET. I just need to accept the result when it comes meantime I'm trying to loose a little weight.

 

[Unlucky41]

Hehe he has come around. He knows if he says no I would be too upset hence he is coming for a ride!

Yes I need to lose weight too hence won't do the cycle till April depending what the doctor says. I lost weight for the fifth round too.

I am popping pills as well and hope the egg quality just gets a little better.

Let me know how you go? Will you be transferring two?

 

[tommyg]

Good to hear that he is on side. I think you must have a reasonable chance since you now know what protocol works for you.

We will transfer either 2 or 3 that will come down to what the embryologist says at the time. I'd think most likely we will go for 2 like before given they appear to be good quality, 2x grade1, 2x grade2, and one not so good.
But it will also depend on what survives the thaw. I'm looking at mid March to start the cycle.

 

[Unlucky41]

Oh wow grade 1 are the best all blastocysts? My friend just asked whether I was going to have another baby. I said it all depends on God seeing it took ages the first time around. She then went to say we are thinking about number three! She just had number two. I thought that was very insensitive.


Anyway will be following your story. Having a weekend away with family. My v sister has a young daughter too so fun to watch the kids interact.