How do you approach "the talk" with your OH?

[RainbowDrop_x]

I'm a bit nervous.

Originally me and DH had agreed to NTNP in June, that was when my pill ran out and we'd decided late last year to just stop taking it and see what happens.

My mum passed away in march so we then decided to put it off. After losing her I voiced concernes about having more children with her not being around and not knowing if I'd be able to cope, DH also expressed concerns about having more and any future children not meeting their grandmothers (we lost DH's mum 3 years ago). I've mentioned it in passing a few times but we've never really gone into any detail with the conversation.

I've been having counselling to help with how I'm feeling about losing mum and I'm starting to feel now that ill be ok, and I'm at a point where I want to say "I know I said I didn't want to, but now I do". The problem is I don't know how approach the conversation.

How do you ladies bring the subject up without sounding like a broken record?

 

[MummyJade]

Sorry for your loss...

I just said out right... My OH doesnt have any kids, but with me having LO already, I just asked when would he want kids (as broody as hell), he didnt want them for a few years so i agreed... then he just came out with he was ready the other week...

I think you should just sit down and talk to him straight, say that your counselling is helping and you believe that you are ready to start trying and believe you can manage..

good luck x

 

[mandaa1220]

I was on my bike in the garage and OH was working on something in there... We were having light conversation and I said "soooo... you remember how we said that we'd wait til our wedding to TTC?"

His eyes got like and he said "um... yeah.... why?"

I said "well....... I was thinkin we shouldn't wait that long."

He said "well what were you thinking?"

Then very quickly I spit it out "I was thinking that we should TTC possibly like maybe um one month or something before the wedding, because then we could possible get pregnant that quick, but most likely won't, but I really want to start TTC and that would make it happen quicker and we'd still be able to have the wedding if I did get pregnant and I'd still be able to wear my dress." Then I sighed, because I said so much so quickly.

He said "okay" and shrugged his shoulders. So I said "really... I mean is that something that you'd like to do really?"

Then he told me it was and he'd like to TTC whenever I'm ready as long as it doesn't interfere with our wedding or me wearing my dress. He said that I'm the smart one when it comes to babies, so I'd make the right decision about what we should do and he's on board with it.

SO BASICALLY, start the convo slowly and then say EVERYTHING important in a span of 10 seconds and wait for OH's reply if you're anything like me.

 

[wombat1]

SO BASICALLY, start the convo slowly and then say EVERYTHING important in a span of 10 seconds and wait for OH's reply if you're anything like me.

Haha I'm exactly the same!

 

[Eline]

SO BASICALLY, start the convo slowly and then say EVERYTHING important in a span of 10 seconds and wait for OH's reply if you're anything like me.

I can totally see how that could work for some guys. It's not an easy topic to talk about, so I brought it up at a quiet moment, after dinner, before we put the tv on. I sat opposite him and just told him how I feel so he had the time to think about it and tell me how he felt as well.

 

[aidensxmomma]

My OH and i were good friends before we got together, so i had talked to him before about how I wanted more kids. A month or so after we started actually dating, I tried to casually bring it up. He actually wanted to talk about it so we had "the talk" then. I was really open and honest with him and he was the same with me. And how I casually brought it up was saying something like "every show I watch has babies in it. It makes me want another so bad."

 

[Angelbaby_01]

SO BASICALLY, start the convo slowly and then say EVERYTHING important in a span of 10 seconds and wait for OH's reply if you're anything like me.

This is what I most probably would do and I am thinking of discussing this with my husband over the weekend. Maybe on Sunday or so.

 

[itsnowmyturn]

I wud just start a discussion about things in life in general and then bring it onto children and just say I no I said I didn't want more but I was grieving and I think I was finding it hard without my mum and I do actually want more, I no u have concerns too so I think we should discuss it. At the end of the days its ur life too and u shud have a say in what happens too

 

[MoldyVoldy]

I just say I want another baby. LOL. Or I'll ask him to put a baby in my belly

 

[Amalee]

Before we got married, I had a habit of bringing things up indirectly, or asking quick questions rather than having a discussion. So instead of having one nice, open conversation with him about our future, we would have tons of little, stressful back and forths that really benefited no one. It's tough to avoid having those little conversations, because sometimes you do just want to know, "How do you feel about cloth diapering?" especially only if one party finds the conversation stressful. What works for me is eventually saying, "Listen, I know I 'sort-of' ask about this stuff a lot, but it's just because I am so excited to be building a life with you, and I want to be as prepared as I can be for what comes next. I'd really like to talk with you about XYZ. Can we do that now? Or would you like to have some time to organize your thoughts about it, and we set aside some time this weekend to figure out where we stand?"

That way if he's had a stressful day at work and it seems like I'm just adding on one more thing that he feels pressure about, I'm not going to feel rejected if he just can't handle that type of discussion at that very second. And it gives him the time to really consider what he wants, just like I had the time to consider what I want.