How do you cope with other women's pregnancies?

[Storm1jet2]

Hello

I am looking for some tips and advice on how you cope when either a friend or relative announces a pregnancy.

I realise that this depends on a number of factors i.e. who this person is to you, where you are on your 'journey' (an overused word but can't think of a better one!), the day of your cycle, where you are when you hear the news -I think you can see what I'm getting at.

Many times I just don't know how to react and by the time I've regained some composure I have given myself away and it's all I can do not to burst into tears. Or the words of congratulations stick in my throat and my smile is so fake! It's a tough one because you don't want to take away from their joy and happiness but at the same time it's hard to even speak when inside you feel something has died.

Also what do you tell people when they ask the dreaded 'don't you want kids then?' or questions of that ilk? At the moment I just say 'it didn't happen for me' but that sounds so lame!

Sorry if this has already been dealt with on this forum but I had a read through previous threads and I couldn't see it.

Thanks ladies...

Ruth xxxx

Ruth, none of my friends are looking to ttc. They have all had their babies and are done. I have no one to share this with except OH and he is of the opinion that if it happens "GREAT!" and if it doesn't, well then we have years to enjoy each other. I have one friend who I shared this with and he told me he would beat me with a stick if I end up pregnant. How's that for support? Well, since it really isn't his decision I just let it roll off my back. Other than that, when a pregnant woman walks by me I just pretend to spit at her! LOL! I know it isn't nice, but I have to do something to stay sane!

Why did your friend say that? Why would you not want to have a baby now?

 

[GraceFace]

Hello

I am looking for some tips and advice on how you cope when either a friend or relative announces a pregnancy.

I realise that this depends on a number of factors i.e. who this person is to you, where you are on your 'journey' (an overused word but can't think of a better one!), the day of your cycle, where you are when you hear the news -I think you can see what I'm getting at.

Many times I just don't know how to react and by the time I've regained some composure I have given myself away and it's all I can do not to burst into tears. Or the words of congratulations stick in my throat and my smile is so fake! It's a tough one because you don't want to take away from their joy and happiness but at the same time it's hard to even speak when inside you feel something has died.

Also what do you tell people when they ask the dreaded 'don't you want kids then?' or questions of that ilk? At the moment I just say 'it didn't happen for me' but that sounds so lame!

Sorry if this has already been dealt with on this forum but I had a read through previous threads and I couldn't see it.

Thanks ladies...

Ruth xxxx

Ruth, none of my friends are looking to ttc. They have all had their babies and are done. I have no one to share this with except OH and he is of the opinion that if it happens "GREAT!" and if it doesn't, well then we have years to enjoy each other. I have one friend who I shared this with and he told me he would beat me with a stick if I end up pregnant. How's that for support? Well, since it really isn't his decision I just let it roll off my back. Other than that, when a pregnant woman walks by me I just pretend to spit at her! LOL! I know it isn't nice, but I have to do something to stay sane!

Why did your friend say that? Why would you not want to have a baby now?

I asked myself the same question and I can't come up with an answer that will allow our friendship to continue....

 

[Storm1jet2]

GF

You know what - thats probably for the best, people say thee most stupid things at times and sometimes you just have to let it go or agree to disagree!

Well I sincerely hope you do end up with a very soon

 

[GraceFace]

GF

You know what - thats probably for the best, people say thee most stupid things at times and sometimes you just have to let it go or agree to disagree!

Well I sincerely hope you do end up with a very soon

I have put it out of my mind for the most part because he is gay, but also has a daughter, sooooooo..... I tell myself that it has to be just a tid bit of jealousy that I am happy with someone and my poor friend is very lonely.

Thank you for the well wishes and same to you!

 

[kosh]

how do I cope? two words: really badly.

a colleague at work is about 4 months pregnant. we work side by side but we do not get on very well (nothing serious, just very different styles, she's very competitive, I'm a team person). Despite all that I was actually happy for her when she told me.
we never talked about pregnancy before (she does not know I am TTC or that I had a MC in december), but since she found out she's pregnant, she started making comments like 'i saw these xxx vitamins and they garantee that you get pregnant, maybe you should try them'.
reeeaaally? oh thank you very much! i now know that I am not getting pregnant because i did not take your wonderful vitamins!
why do people think that they can make comment when they do not know about your personal circumnstances???

anyway, sorry about that, back to your question.
everytime that i notice her bump growing i want to cry. I can't help thinking 'I'd be xx months by now'

 

[Spoomie]

how do I cope? two words: really badly.

a colleague at work is about 4 months pregnant. we work side by side but we do not get on very well (nothing serious, just very different styles, she's very competitive, I'm a team person). Despite all that I was actually happy for her when she told me.
we never talked about pregnancy before (she does not know I am TTC or that I had a MC in december), but since she found out she's pregnant, she started making comments like 'i saw these xxx vitamins and they garantee that you get pregnant, maybe you should try them'.
reeeaaally? oh thank you very much! i now know that I am not getting pregnant because i did not take your wonderful vitamins!
why do people think that they can make comment when they do not know about your personal circumnstances???

anyway, sorry about that, back to your question.
everytime that i notice her bump growing i want to cry. I can't help thinking 'I'd be xx months by now'

Hi Kosh

I'm sorry for you and for your loss. See my post further back, we seem to be similar in finding it difficult, though I'm obviously a far worse person than you are as I am now far too prickly about it for anyone even to consider saying such a thing! I'd be tempted to tell her about my loss just so she is forced to feel terrible about her comments! See, I am a truly nasty person!!!

Stay strong, your time will come x

 

[Jax41]

Hi girlies - I'm with you all on this one - totally. My stab in the heart was when DH's DS announced last year that girlfriend was expecting (lovely little girl arrived safely last September). Forget the Kings Speech, I would have won an Oscar for my performance but it absolutely winded me, DH and I fell out for days because I had been banging on for years about us having one of our own and I'd always said my worst nightmare would be one of his getting there before us - he just didn't understand my 'over reaction' - men!!! I've got over it now (DH hugely guilty) but it took me a long time, I'm not proud of my inner feelings but hey I'm only human....

My one thing I hate being told is 'you're lucky you've not got kids, your life must be so good'. Err, excuse me what an unfeeling, unkind thing to say, you have no idea what you are talking about!!!! I can't find the right words to respond so I don't......

It's hard, I know, my heart goes out to all of us and I guess when we do get our BFP's, bumps and babies they'll all say 'bit old aren't you, clock ticking too loudly was it?. £$*! off, I don't care and it's none of your business!!!!! I'm ready with that one!!

Loads of luv, luck and baby dust girls lets show them and get those bubs!!

I am SOOOOO glad I joined this site. Jax I loved your post!! Although this is such a sensitive and emotive subject we are still managing to make each other laugh. Thank you thank you thank you.

PS finally heard from hospital today: left tube is definitely blocked - am GUTTED!

Ahh Ruth no, bums! I'm so sorry hun, what are they going to do for you? Something positive I hope and soon!! At least if we can make each other smile it helps us through the heartache tooxXx

 

[Ruth2307]

Ahh Ruth no, bums! I'm so sorry hun, what are they going to do for you? Something positive I hope and soon!! At least if we can make each other smile it helps us through the heartache tooxXx[/QUOTE]

The letter delivered the news and then said that I would seen at my follow up appt on..................... wait for it.................19th July.

 

[inkdchick]

i try to be happy for them in the hope that it will happen for us one day soon xx
ITS SO HARD THO !!
My best friend of 45 ) a year older than me ), has just found out she is pregnant with triplets - natural conception by the way and she is a binge drinker, smoker and party animal , it made me want to scream at her but you cant do that and just have to grit your teeth .
to make matter s worse im the only one she has told , not even her family knows , so confided in me when she know s we have been trying for so long with 5 early m/c in the last 18 months and then comes to me and says she is pregnant , but i kept my cool and when so goes home after seeing me even now i cry a bit and then pull myself together and think it will happen and calm myself down and just carry on like i dont know , its the only way i cope

 

[luvmydoggies]

I am 37 too!! People don't think I'm as old as I am either and get the 'there's plenty of time' comments, which wind me up a bit.

For the last 11 months I've had a 'perfect' 28 day cycle but following an excruitiating HSG that left me with an infection at the beginning of this month I've ended up with a slightly longer cycle.

I'd love a cycle buddy but I don't know if I'm on CD1 or CD2: (apologies if this is TMI but I'm sure you'll understand) last night when I went to the loo there was some blood but this morning I'm bleeding properly. When should I count from, yesterday or today?

Thanks for all of your replies - it means so much to me.
xxxx

We can be cycle buddies too. You are just a couple days behind me. I will add you as a friend. Sound good? That is what velo and I did yesterday. We will keep track of each other. I have read...at least this is what my clear blue easy monitor says..is to count the day you bleed as CD1...not spotting. Yay! we are both 37! I just read your other post about one blocked tube. I have read lot's of positive stories about women getting pg with one blocked tube. I'm also sorry that your hsg was so painful...haven't had one of those yet b/c the RE thinks it's male factor. I'm so sorry they will not see you until July. Is there anyway that you can call someone to make it any earlier??? I am in the U.S. so I'm not sure how the U.K. health system works.

 

[luvmydoggies]

Ruth, I sent you a friend request.

 

[velo]

I would love to have you as my cycle buddy! I'm pretty new at the forum, so do we just check in on each other? See when we are going to test?

I'm pretty new here too, but I figure just keep tabs on where we are at esp in the long and horrid TWW!

 

[velo]

I am 37 too!! People don't think I'm as old as I am either and get the 'there's plenty of time' comments, which wind me up a bit.

For the last 11 months I've had a 'perfect' 28 day cycle but following an excruitiating HSG that left me with an infection at the beginning of this month I've ended up with a slightly longer cycle.

I'd love a cycle buddy but I don't know if I'm on CD1 or CD2: (apologies if this is TMI but I'm sure you'll understand) last night when I went to the loo there was some blood but this morning I'm bleeding properly. When should I count from, yesterday or today?

Thanks for all of your replies - it means so much to me.
xxxx

Welcome Ruth! Hey its always good to be mistaken for being younger I think. Does not happen to me as the grey hairs have started a-sproutin'.

I count from the first day I need to use a pad/tampon. So if I had nothing until the evening, when its just on the TP and then regular bleeding and pad in the morning, I would count it from the second day.

 

[luvmydoggies]

I would love to have you as my cycle buddy! I'm pretty new at the forum, so do we just check in on each other? See when we are going to test?

I'm pretty new here too, but I figure just keep tabs on where we are at esp in the long and horrid TWW!

Sounds good to me!

 

[Ruth2307]

I am 37 too!! People don't think I'm as old as I am either and get the 'there's plenty of time' comments, which wind me up a bit.

For the last 11 months I've had a 'perfect' 28 day cycle but following an excruitiating HSG that left me with an infection at the beginning of this month I've ended up with a slightly longer cycle.

I'd love a cycle buddy but I don't know if I'm on CD1 or CD2: (apologies if this is TMI but I'm sure you'll understand) last night when I went to the loo there was some blood but this morning I'm bleeding properly. When should I count from, yesterday or today?

Thanks for all of your replies - it means so much to me.
xxxx

We can be cycle buddies too. You are just a couple days behind me. I will add you as a friend. Sound good? That is what velo and I did yesterday. We will keep track of each other. I have read...at least this is what my clear blue easy monitor says..is to count the day you bleed as CD1...not spotting. Yay! we are both 37! I just read your other post about one blocked tube. I have read lot's of positive stories about women getting pg with one blocked tube. I'm also sorry that your hsg was so painful...haven't had one of those yet b/c the RE thinks it's male factor. I'm so sorry they will not see you until July. Is there anyway that you can call someone to make it any earlier??? I am in the U.S. so I'm not sure how the U.K. health system works.

Thanks for agreeing to be my cycle buddy.

I haven't told many people about the blocked tube but the couple I have mentioned it to have said much the same as you i.e. it's not all over yet. To make matters worse I also have PCOS so ovulation can be a very much hit and miss affair but I am trying to remain upbeat. I had a sneaky suspicion that that was the problem because of the way the team were behaving immediately after the HSG but the nearly 4 week wait to get the result just prolonged the disappointment.

You do not want to know about the UK NHS. It is a large, unwieldy and bureaucratic monster and can be as fantastic as it is dreadful. There is little or no chance of bringing my appt forward. Actually it's not unheard of for an appt to be cancelled altogether...

Today was my Day 2 FSH, LH blood test but I won't hold my breath for those results!

As it was payday yesterday I did what I normally do when I feel sad: bought some shoes!!

 

[luvmydoggies]

Hello, Ruth
It is certainly not over! I have also heard positive stories about one tube and pcos! I'm glad we are cycle buddies too. The insurance here in the U.S. is not that great either, it just depends on what plan you have and what's covered and not covered. For example, my insurance plan does not cover IVF. So if my husband and I had to go that route, we would have to pay cash.

Retail therapy...that always helps me too. I love to buy shoes!

I hope they don't cancel your appointment, since you have to wait so long.
Let's keep track of each other. Have a good weekend!!!

 

[Rowan75]

to be honest I used to cry and feel really envious maybe a year or so ago but since my mc's now I just worry that everythings ok for them and hope their baby is ok so they dont have to go through horrible stuff

Im a nightmare when people are going for scans I think I worry as much if not more than they do

It was hard buying clothes for my friends babies when they were born the week mine should have been but at the same time Im just so grateful that it went ok for them

fingers crossed for healthy and happy babies for all of us x

 

[LulaBug]

Ruth, none of my friends are looking to ttc. They have all had their babies and are done. I have no one to share this with except OH and he is of the opinion that if it happens "GREAT!" and if it doesn't, well then we have years to enjoy each other. I have one friend who I shared this with and he told me he would beat me with a stick if I end up pregnant. How's that for support? Well, since it really isn't his decision I just let it roll off my back. Other than that, when a pregnant woman walks by me I just pretend to spit at her! LOL! I know it isn't nice, but I have to do something to stay sane!

I'm sorry but....WTF????

What an incredibly offensive and disgusting thing to say! Even moreso because the pregnant woman who walks by you who you're imagining to spit on could have been in exactly the same situation as you and tried for months, even years to get the blessing of being pregnant.

I have so much sympathy and respect for people who are TTC because I was there once myself so know exactly how you're feeling because I have PCOS and didn't think I'd ever be able to have children, luckily for me I got there in the end, but it took a while. You can't complain about pregnant women saying things and being insensitive when you TTC ladies come out with atrocious things like that. It's just not nice at all.

 

[Indigo77]

Well, lulabug will certainly not like this, but ....
If someone around me is pregnant, I tell them they look fat...
If someone announces that she is expecting, I tell her she is going to get fat....

 

[Indigo77]

Just kidding....