How do you cope with other women's pregnancies?

[ciabatta]

Ruth, thank you, the trial sounds awesome and very supportive which is such a big help! Hoping this is your year and you will be BFP before you know it! Its a rollercoaster, but just hang on in there eh! Also I used to read the LTTTC success threads occassionally in my hopeful parts of the cycle just to remind me it does happen eventually and to relax and breathe and keep going! Good luck!!! Really hoping you have good news soon! xx

 

[luvmydoggies]

I am so sorry that I have not written to you in a while! I ended up getting the flu. I have been so sick!
How did your dh's gp appointment go? I hope they don't have to do the s/a during your ov. Did he have an s/a done? Thanks for telling me about the coffee...omg I had no idea it could reduce fertility so much. I might have to re-think that morning cupcry. Maybe I could have green tea and have a cup of coffee on the weekends. Also thank you for explaining the temping. I will try again. At least I could ask you, if I have any questions.
Acupuncture sounds great! Were you able to have it done? What was it like?
I have read a little about it, in a new book I bought, so I'm thinking of trying it. How are you doing otherwise? Been thinking about you.

Oh no, sorry to hear that you have been so sick! How are you feeling now? Hopefully 100% for prime time .

The GP thought he could have the SA done anytime, so the plan is to try to get an appt for this Friday. Otherwise it will be 2 more weeks before DH has a chance. I think I've ov'ed already (had a pos OPK two days ago) but haven't had the temp rise yet - hopefully tomorrow will confirm that.

As I've tried green tea instead of coffee it is not the same at all! I think you have to balance your own sanity with its potential (but not necessarily) effect on fertility. But less is probably better.

The acupuncture was good! It felt relaxing. At first there was a pain in my lower right abdomen, and the TCM doctor said that was because of a blockage (that may have been preventing me from getting pg) He adjusted the needles to open up the blood flow to that area better. We'll see! He also suggested some Chinese herbs. But I found them quite hard to take (packets of 50-100 tiny little pills that had a very foul odor, so I had gag reflex). In addition the boxes said do not take during pg, so I called him to ask if they were safe to take after ov, and although he said yes I didn't feel very confident in his answer, so I decided to stop taking them.

I've found another acupuncture TCM doctor who is further away but who specializes in fertility (and is more expensive too). My instinct is to go see her instead. But I think I will try to chillax first and see what happens this cycle, and with the s/a, and see about getting a gyno appt first for further diagnoses.

What's the book you bought?

Hi Velo-

I'm finally feeling better! I have noticed a lot of ewcm this month, which makes me really happy. Dh and I have been so hopefully 1 good, healthy can find my eggie. This morning I got a "high fertility" reading on my CBFM, so we will see.

Were you able to get an appointment for your dh for Friday? Did you get your temp rise yet? My fingers are crossed for you!!! Looks like we will be in the two week wait together pretty soon.

Yes, I agree with you about the coffee. Less is better for now, just in case.

I'm so happy to hear that your accu. was good and relaxing! It sounds wonderful. I completely agree with you on the herbs..if he didn't give you a solid reassuring answer.

I bought more than 1 book...I was going crazy, so I figured I would start doing a lot of reading. The books I bought are:

What to do when you can't get pregnant- by Daniel Potter/Jennifer Hanin
(still reading this one) I'm finding it a good read even though in almost every chapter, they mention age (this is the book that discussed acu)

The Infertility Survival Handbook- by Elizabeth Swire Falker
This book is about a personal struggle with infertility and what this women went through. Still reading it.

Budgeting for Infertility by- Evelina Weidman Sterling/Angie Best-Boss

Reading this one in case we have to do IVF, as our insurance as it stands does not cover it at all.

 

[luvmydoggies]

im 44 and had my last daughter at age 27 so nearly 20 years ago and have been trying for another baby with new hubby now ofr 3 years, had 5 early m/c's and have now been having acupuncture and taking agnus cactus this cycle to see if it helps , so far i notice a difference in myself and the acupuncturist says its looking promising so she will continue to get my progesterone levels ups as this was my problem. My progesterone kept dropping after i got pregnant and then couldnt sustain it so shed the pregnancy, so hopefully with her help it will work for us.
The success rate of acupuncture is around 85% for all unexplained infertility , i would recommend it as so many others have.
Good luck xx

We were TTC for 3 yrs, hubby had slow swimmers so did vitamins, plus i had huge ovarian cycsts so had them removed, then had acupunture and BFP 2 mnths later, she also supported the pregnancy with continued acupunture for 4 mnths which was great for the support through the 12 weeks especially as had high risk of miscarriage. Would highly recommend acupuncture - sending huge baby dust to all I vividly remember those monthly bouts of grief which is why I still sometimes feel more at home on TTC pages than the usual preg forums where everyone moans about every little thing to do with pregnancy !! PS this pregnancy hasnt been plain sailing either am on my 6th week of bedrest with 4 more to go and have had majot issues all the way through, but I am so grateful and wanna yell at some people I know doing nothing but moan how they DON´T KNOW HOW LUCKY they sodding well are!!! Try 36 mnthly disappointments after days of day counting and praying and weeing on sticks and legs in the air and endless pills and hospital appointments and waiting lists and operations and blah blah blah and you would grin and bear all this the ungrateful cows - serioudly the endless whining on the other forums defies belief at times!!.

Ok anyway, sorry to jump in but wanted to spread baby dust and well wishes, also especially if the pregnant woman is older, you don´t know her story so why not just think she struggled to conceive and this is her miracle baby and imagine thats you a year down the line! Maybe that way you could turn it into a bit more positive as honestly not everyone baby danced once and wham!! Especially older ladies thats what i tried to do to make it a bit more bearable (honestly not sure how much it helped some months but am a total trying to find a silver lining person or I know i sink into a pit of despair, there´s little inbetween with my emotions and the despair just ain´t pretty so that was how I tried to cope a little). Hope I haven´t stepped on any toes, I still feel more comfortable onTTC @35+ than anywhere else! hugs and baby dust xx

Hola Ciabatta (Slipped back into Spanish -I lived in Valencia in another life!)

Thanks for your post. What you said makes sense although it is very,very difficult sometimes.

In other news, today I was selected by the company that makes ClearBlue Fertility Monitor to partipate in some trials. It's a bit of a result because I was about to purchase a monitor and I've been given one for free along with all the other accessories. Hopefully I won't need it because this may well be my month but if not then at least it will help to pinpoint the right time to BD.

The office where I was shown how to use the monitor was covered in baby pictures from women who have been used in previous studies and strangely today I was fine; usually it's enough to set me blubbing. Guess it's the hopeful part of my cycle so it didn't upset me.

Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!
xxxx

Hi Ruth! How are you doing? Where are you at in your cycle? That's awesome news about being selected to participate in some trials!
My fingers are crossed that this is your month!

 

[Ruth2307]

Hi Ruth! How are you doing? Where are you at in your cycle? That's awesome news about being selected to participate in some trials!
My fingers are crossed that this is your month![/QUOTE]

Hi LoveMyDoggies
I'm on CD14. I cannot use the monitor until CD1 or if I am pregnant there are some instructions on what to do up until my first scan.

Not sure what's going on today but I''m feeling quite down. Yesterday I was full of energy and hope but today I feel as if a black cloud is enveloping me andIam overwhelmed with sadness. It's so weird how my mood can change so drastically and so suddenly! I try so hard not to be this way because I really don't like it but I feel so out of control. I hope it passes soon.

 

[luvmydoggies]

Hi Ruth,
I'm so sorry that you are feeling that way. I get that way too. One minute I am full of hope and then suddenly, I think I will never be a mommy and I'm being punished in some way. I'm thinking positive thoughts for you and hope that your feeling of sadness will pass very soon.

 

[velo]

Hi Velo-

I'm finally feeling better! I have noticed a lot of ewcm this month, which makes me really happy. Dh and I have been so hopefully 1 good, healthy can find my eggie. This morning I got a "high fertility" reading on my CBFM, so we will see.

Were you able to get an appointment for your dh for Friday? Did you get your temp rise yet? My fingers are crossed for you!!! Looks like we will be in the two week wait together pretty soon.

Yes, I agree with you about the coffee. Less is better for now, just in case.

I'm so happy to hear that your accu. was good and relaxing! It sounds wonderful. I completely agree with you on the herbs..if he didn't give you a solid reassuring answer.

I bought more than 1 book...I was going crazy, so I figured I would start doing a lot of reading. The books I bought are:

What to do when you can't get pregnant- by Daniel Potter/Jennifer Hanin
(still reading this one) I'm finding it a good read even though in almost every chapter, they mention age (this is the book that discussed acu)

The Infertility Survival Handbook- by Elizabeth Swire Falker
This book is about a personal struggle with infertility and what this women went through. Still reading it.

Budgeting for Infertility by- Evelina Weidman Sterling/Angie Best-Boss

Reading this one in case we have to do IVF, as our insurance as it stands does not cover it at all.

Ooh the EWCM sounds awesome! Have you been doing anything specifically to increase it, or just good luck?

My temperature has risen, but only slightly. But then again the last few times I have woken up early so the readings have been on the early side. FF has still marked crosshairs on my chart, when I thought I ov'ed, which makes me feel better, but it certainly does not look clean and pretty!

Still navigating the bureaucracy to book something. Found out the local hospital actually does it, so that would be much more convenient. I finally got hold of them but they only do Tuesdays, when DH is in school. I decided to wait and ask him if he wants to miss school or have a stressful long day driving afar to masturbate

I caved and had a coffee yesterday. But I really felt jittery with it after having mostly gone without for so long so it will remind me not to do that again.

Reading is good! I am ordering lots of related books from the library. They even come to my mailbox (since I am considered to live in a "remote" area, they offer this service) for free - how awesome is that? Here's what I've read so far:

The Fertility Diet - Groundbreaking Research Reveals Natural Ways to Boost Ovulation and Improve Your Chances of Getting Pregnant. (Jorge E. Chavarro, Walter C. Willett)

This book is based on a nurses study of 20,000+ women. A lot of it is stuff I already know / the way I already eat. But things I found particularly interesting:
- the book suggests soda is worse for fertility than either caffeine or alcohol (which it thinks are okay in moderation)
- full fat dairy is better for fertility than low-fat dairy. The reason I guess is that certain hormones are concentrated in the fat and when you only have the low fat you are getting an imbalance. I don't drink milk to begin with, but I have bought some full fat unsugared yogurt which I mix with fruit.

Making Babies - a 3 month program for maximum fertility - Sami S. David and Jill Blakeway

This one is my favorite by far. It combines western medicine approach (David is a reproductive endocrinologist) with acupuncture/Chinese medicine (Blakeway's specialty). It also comes up with five different fertility types and has personalized recommendations for each.

He also specializes in fertility for women over 39 and takes as natural an approach as possible (Clomid and IVF being last resort). Pretty much it is if you are still ovulating and menstruating the odds are still good!

Taking Charge of Your Fertility -The Definitive guide to natural birth control, pregnancy achievement and reproductive health - Toni Weschler

This one explains charting and checking your mucus etc. really well.

I'm waiting for:

The infertility cure : the ancient Chinese wellness program for getting pregnant and having healthy babies - Randine Lewis

Her website The Fertile Soul even mentions helping women in their late 40s have natural healthy pregnancies so I figure in our late 30s we can't be too old yet! I also hope this one will help me be better informed if I am interested in seeking out more TCM treatments.

Hopefully you will not need IVF and therefore if you've budgeted for it get to use that money for your new child's education fund or anything else!


I think its going to be "our" month for both of us pretty soon, maybe even this one!

 

[kosh]

going back to the original question, i feel i have to post this to get it out of my chest....
i've just found out that my colleague at work who is pregnant is planning to have her mother over to help her (she is not from the uk) when the baby is born and then, after a few months her mother is going to take the baby away!!!!! i literally wanted to cry when i heard about it.
why is life so unfair?

 

[Indigo77]

going back to the original question, i feel i have to post this to get it out of my chest....
i've just found out that my colleague at work who is pregnant is planning to have her mother over to help her (she is not from the uk) when the baby is born and then, after a few months her mother is going to take the baby away!!!!! i literally wanted to cry when i heard about it.
why is life so unfair?

What do you mean by 'take the baby away'?

 

[kosh]

What do you mean by 'take the baby away'?

(sorry english is not my first language)

basically, my colleague will not keep the baby. her mother (ie the baby's grandmother) will take the baby to their home country for a few years!!

 

[Ruth2307]

What do you mean by 'take the baby away'?

(sorry english is not my first language)

basically, my colleague will not keep the baby. her mother (ie the baby's grandmother) will take the baby to their home country for a few years!!

I know that you perhaps find this difficult to understand but this is quite usual in certain cultures for grandparents to take the lead in bringing up children. Besides, we don't always know the circumstances surrounding why this woman would make this decision.

 

[kosh]

I know that you perhaps find this difficult to understand but this is quite usual in certain cultures for grandparents to take the lead in bringing up children. Besides, we don't always know the circumstances surrounding why this woman would make this decision.

yes, you're right, i know that is usual for certain cultures, but still find it difficult to understand in this particular case. she's married, both with good jobs, own house, have a 7 year old who's been 'asking' for a sibling for a long time...of course i do not know the details, but it seems to me that she is not forced into it, she just thinks that this way it'll be easier for her. i'm not judging her (well, maybe i was) but i find it difficult to understand how anyone would like to miss those important years of your baby.

 

[missyt]

Hello everyone, Luvmydoggies, I know you from the other thread and hope you are doing well. I have a hard time coping with seeing other women pregnant that I see on a daily basis, like my neighbors. I'm 37 and have been TTC for over a year. We were initially diagnosed as unexplained but on our last IUI DH's count was only 8 million with 3 million postwash so we're thinking the issue might be there. I also hate when people say, "if its meant to be, it'll happen". Really? So it was mean to be for some irresponsible mess of a person who can't even take care of themself to be a mother but not me? The way I deal with it is to brush it off and act like it doesn't bother me. But I really hurt inside and usually go home and cry. One coworker asked if I had kids and I said no. He asked if I wanted them and I said yes. Well he asked how old I was and he said I better hurry up. I wanted to slap him. I'm just putting my two cents in. Spreading baby dust to everyone.

 

[Ruth2307]

I worry for the next person that( jokingly or otherwise) tells me to 'get a move on'

I am very glad that I started this thread because it has helped me a great deal.

Kosh - I know exactly where you're coming from with your work colleague who appears to be 'packing off her child' and here we are aching to be knee deep in nappies - okay not quite - but I think you get the picture.

I think we're going to have to do what Missyt says and learn to brush off certain comments but obviously this takes real skill. I daresay there will be things that we'll do when we get to be mums that others will find difficult to understand.

 

[luvmydoggies]

Hello everyone, Luvmydoggies, I know you from the other thread and hope you are doing well. I have a hard time coping with seeing other women pregnant that I see on a daily basis, like my neighbors. I'm 37 and have been TTC for over a year. We were initially diagnosed as unexplained but on our last IUI DH's count was only 8 million with 3 million postwash so we're thinking the issue might be there. I also hate when people say, "if its meant to be, it'll happen". Really? So it was mean to be for some irresponsible mess of a person who can't even take care of themself to be a mother but not me? The way I deal with it is to brush it off and act like it doesn't bother me. But I really hurt inside and usually go home and cry. One coworker asked if I had kids and I said no. He asked if I wanted them and I said yes. Well he asked how old I was and he said I better hurry up. I wanted to slap him. I'm just putting my two cents in. Spreading baby dust to everyone.

Hi MissyT and the other Ladies!!!
I have to agree, people say the most hurtful and insensitive things.
My mother-in-law called the other day and I was in tears after the phone call.(think of the worst mohter-in-law possible, thats mine) Since she has found out that it is her son w/ the issues and not me she says the most hurtful things. First, she has to ask me if I am going to my dh's cousins baby shower(My dh and I are not close with any of his cousins) and I froze, I didn't know what to say. Then she says "well, if you don't end up having kids, at least you and my son will have each other." what? Then she continued on and told me about her friend who "waited too long" and had "old eggs" couldn't have kids.. this is supposed to help me how? Lastly, I told her I would consider IVF because I really want kids, and she says..."Isn't that going to cost you like $10,000"? I say "yes" she says" Omg..thats a lot of money to pay to have a baby". Back to the baby shower, I can't bring myself to go. This is his 4th cousin (there all in their 20's) who is going to have a baby(she is 24 and just decided she wanted to have a baby) His other 3 cousins will be there with their babies. Is that horrible? I have congratulated her and I'm sending her a gift from her registry.

 

[luvmydoggies]

Hi Velo-

I'm finally feeling better! I have noticed a lot of ewcm this month, which makes me really happy. Dh and I have been so hopefully 1 good, healthy can find my eggie. This morning I got a "high fertility" reading on my CBFM, so we will see.

Were you able to get an appointment for your dh for Friday? Did you get your temp rise yet? My fingers are crossed for you!!! Looks like we will be in the two week wait together pretty soon.

Yes, I agree with you about the coffee. Less is better for now, just in case.

I'm so happy to hear that your accu. was good and relaxing! It sounds wonderful. I completely agree with you on the herbs..if he didn't give you a solid reassuring answer.

I bought more than 1 book...I was going crazy, so I figured I would start doing a lot of reading. The books I bought are:

What to do when you can't get pregnant- by Daniel Potter/Jennifer Hanin
(still reading this one) I'm finding it a good read even though in almost every chapter, they mention age (this is the book that discussed acu)

The Infertility Survival Handbook- by Elizabeth Swire Falker
This book is about a personal struggle with infertility and what this women went through. Still reading it.

Budgeting for Infertility by- Evelina Weidman Sterling/Angie Best-Boss

Reading this one in case we have to do IVF, as our insurance as it stands does not cover it at all.

Ooh the EWCM sounds awesome! Have you been doing anything specifically to increase it, or just good luck?

My temperature has risen, but only slightly. But then again the last few times I have woken up early so the readings have been on the early side. FF has still marked crosshairs on my chart, when I thought I ov'ed, which makes me feel better, but it certainly does not look clean and pretty!

Still navigating the bureaucracy to book something. Found out the local hospital actually does it, so that would be much more convenient. I finally got hold of them but they only do Tuesdays, when DH is in school. I decided to wait and ask him if he wants to miss school or have a stressful long day driving afar to masturbate

I caved and had a coffee yesterday. But I really felt jittery with it after having mostly gone without for so long so it will remind me not to do that again.

Reading is good! I am ordering lots of related books from the library. They even come to my mailbox (since I am considered to live in a "remote" area, they offer this service) for free - how awesome is that? Here's what I've read so far:

The Fertility Diet - Groundbreaking Research Reveals Natural Ways to Boost Ovulation and Improve Your Chances of Getting Pregnant. (Jorge E. Chavarro, Walter C. Willett)

This book is based on a nurses study of 20,000+ women. A lot of it is stuff I already know / the way I already eat. But things I found particularly interesting:
- the book suggests soda is worse for fertility than either caffeine or alcohol (which it thinks are okay in moderation)
- full fat dairy is better for fertility than low-fat dairy. The reason I guess is that certain hormones are concentrated in the fat and when you only have the low fat you are getting an imbalance. I don't drink milk to begin with, but I have bought some full fat unsugared yogurt which I mix with fruit.

Making Babies - a 3 month program for maximum fertility - Sami S. David and Jill Blakeway

This one is my favorite by far. It combines western medicine approach (David is a reproductive endocrinologist) with acupuncture/Chinese medicine (Blakeway's specialty). It also comes up with five different fertility types and has personalized recommendations for each.

He also specializes in fertility for women over 39 and takes as natural an approach as possible (Clomid and IVF being last resort). Pretty much it is if you are still ovulating and menstruating the odds are still good!

Taking Charge of Your Fertility -The Definitive guide to natural birth control, pregnancy achievement and reproductive health - Toni Weschler

This one explains charting and checking your mucus etc. really well.

I'm waiting for:

The infertility cure : the ancient Chinese wellness program for getting pregnant and having healthy babies - Randine Lewis

Her website The Fertile Soul even mentions helping women in their late 40s have natural healthy pregnancies so I figure in our late 30s we can't be too old yet! I also hope this one will help me be better informed if I am interested in seeking out more TCM treatments.

Hopefully you will not need IVF and therefore if you've budgeted for it get to use that money for your new child's education fund or anything else!


I think its going to be "our" month for both of us pretty soon, maybe even this one!

Hi Velo,
I don't think I have done anything different for the ewcm, just luck, I think.
I'm also trying to make sure I pay attention when I wipe (sorry tmi)

I'm so glad that FF marked the same days that you thought you ov'd, that's great news! I will be starting with the bbt, next month.

I had a cup of coffee this morning. Should not have, couldn't keep it down. Since, I was sick I was only drinking tea.

I'm so happy to hear that you found a hospital for your dh to do the s/a. Did you talk to him yet? What did he decide? School or the long drive?

That is so awesome that your library delivers books to your door! I really wish they did that here. I would be in heaven. The books that I got, I bought through amazon. Thanks for the selections and the link.

This really could be our month! I would be over joyed! We would have Jan.2010 babies!!! Woo hoo!

On the last note, sadly we don't have any money saved, if we had to do IVF, so I'm still praying it can happen naturally. If nothing happens by June, will have to go back to the doc to see what to do next.
Sending you lot's of hugs and tons of baby dust.

 

[missyt]

Luvmydoggies, hopefully I am doing this quote thing right. I TOTALLY know how you feel. My SIL (one of DH's sisters) said to me when she found out we were TTC, "well we know he isn't the problem", just because DH has an 11 year old from a previous marriage. I think that was one of the most hurtful comments ever said to me. To make it even worse, my MIL is FB friends with DH's ex. They still keep in touch. It makes me feel like I don't rate because I haven't bore her a grandchild. Whenever I go to DH's family gatherings I feel so left out because he has a kid, one of his sisters has 4 kids (she actually had fertility issues) and another sister (the one that made the stupid comment) has 2 kids. DH understands how I feel, which is good. The only one I confide in is his sister that had the fertility issues. At least she gets it. Actually both sisters were on clomid. Not to mention, MIL has 5 kids! I was married before but didn't have children with my ex because he turned out to be abusive. Unfortunately, I didn't meet the love of my life when I was 20. I don't think anyone truly understands our situation unless they have been in it. Oh, and since you are a dog lover, the unthoughtful SIL had the nerve to say to me, "I'm curious to see how your relationship with your dogs changes when you have children". So sue me for being a good and caring dog mom. As far as I'm concerned, they are my children and that won't change if and when I have a baby. Sorry to go on and rant. I totally don't blame you for not wanting to go the cousin's baby showers. I would feel the same way. Why put yourself through that torture because you know it'll upset you. And your MIL's comment about how expensive IVF is. Has she never over the course of her lifetime spent $10K on her kids? Seriously, I keep mentally preparing myself for IVF and comparing the cost to a car or 2 really nice vacations. So we sacrifice some things because we want a child at no cost. Maybe I'll just drive my car around until it dies. Its worth it to have a baby. Some people just don't get it. I'm sorry I'm all fired up. I'm just fed up with people who don't think before they speak.

 

[velo]

Hi Velo,
I don't think I have done anything different for the ewcm, just luck, I think.
I'm also trying to make sure I pay attention when I wipe (sorry tmi)

I'm so glad that FF marked the same days that you thought you ov'd, that's great news! I will be starting with the bbt, next month.

I had a cup of coffee this morning. Should not have, couldn't keep it down. Since, I was sick I was only drinking tea.

I'm so happy to hear that you found a hospital for your dh to do the s/a. Did you talk to him yet? What did he decide? School or the long drive?

That is so awesome that your library delivers books to your door! I really wish they did that here. I would be in heaven. The books that I got, I bought through amazon. Thanks for the selections and the link.

This really could be our month! I would be over joyed! We would have Jan.2010 babies!!! Woo hoo!

On the last note, sadly we don't have any money saved, if we had to do IVF, so I'm still praying it can happen naturally. If nothing happens by June, will have to go back to the doc to see what to do next.
Sending you lot's of hugs and tons of baby dust.

Hi luvmydoggies,
Well dh decided not this week, and no missing any school. So I have an appointment for him for 2 weeks from this Friday at a medium-drive location. However this location apparently is drop-off only and has no facilities for collection, and it is too far away from us to do at home (must be dropped off within 30 minutes). So I was scouting out locations for masturbation using google street view! Too funny. I wanted to see if the nearest gas station had a private bathroom I could see from the outside (it did).

Has your dh seen a urologist to see if there are any correctable problems causing the soldier issues (varioceles or some blockages etc.)? Do you know if IUI would be an option? I know that can often help with male factor infertility since they wash the sperm first, thereby weeding out the good :sperm: from the bad :sperm:. Here's a site (possibly near you?) that describes how they wash:
https://www.spermbankcalifornia.com/male-sperm-washing.html
Certainly cheaper than IVF

From what I've read (and I'm sure you've already researched this all thoroughly) other things that can affect :sperm: quality include alcohol, smoking, smoking weed, and heating up the testicles. But sometimes the source of the heat is not obvious and can include wearing briefs, having baths instead of showers (if the temp is too warm), excessive exercise esp bicycle riding. Acupuncture can also help men with sperm quality.

A friend mentioned her husband was told they would need to use IVF with ICSI because of his :sperm: issues, and after 3 months of high dose zinc and vitamin C? E? they conceived naturally. So be encouraged about the vitamins.

I believe FF told me my due date would be Dec 31, what a way to ring in the new year! Hope we both can get a new years present!

 

[Ruth2307]

Luvmydoggies, hopefully I am doing this quote thing right. I TOTALLY know how you feel. My SIL (one of DH's sisters) said to me when she found out we were TTC, "well we know he isn't the problem", just because DH has an 11 year old from a previous marriage. I think that was one of the most hurtful comments ever said to me. To make it even worse, my MIL is FB friends with DH's ex. They still keep in touch. It makes me feel like I don't rate because I haven't bore her a grandchild. Whenever I go to DH's family gatherings I feel so left out because he has a kid, one of his sisters has 4 kids (she actually had fertility issues) and another sister (the one that made the stupid comment) has 2 kids. DH understands how I feel, which is good. The only one I confide in is his sister that had the fertility issues. At least she gets it. Actually both sisters were on clomid. Not to mention, MIL has 5 kids! I was married before but didn't have children with my ex because he turned out to be abusive. Unfortunately, I didn't meet the love of my life when I was 20. I don't think anyone truly understands our situation unless they have been in it. Oh, and since you are a dog lover, the unthoughtful SIL had the nerve to say to me, "I'm curious to see how your relationship with your dogs changes when you have children". So sue me for being a good and caring dog mom. As far as I'm concerned, they are my children and that won't change if and when I have a baby. Sorry to go on and rant. I totally don't blame you for not wanting to go the cousin's baby showers. I would feel the same way. Why put yourself through that torture because you know it'll upset you. And your MIL's comment about how expensive IVF is. Has she never over the course of her lifetime spent $10K on her kids? Seriously, I keep mentally preparing myself for IVF and comparing the cost to a car or 2 really nice vacations. So we sacrifice some things because we want a child at no cost. Maybe I'll just drive my car around until it dies. Its worth it to have a baby. Some people just don't get it. I'm sorry I'm all fired up. I'm just fed up with people who don't think before they speak.

Blimey - I thought I had it bad but you two have got it coming at you left right and centre! I have 2 sisters and 1 brother and none of us have any children. My cousins on my dad's side have 3 children but they live in Canada. My cousins on my mum's side are still only kids themselves and they also live abroad so I don't have to deal with extended family pressure. My mum and dad never makes us feel bad for not producing any grandchildren although I know deep down they would love at least one. They really are amazing because I know that they have to deal with their peer group making them feel bad for not having any grandchildren. It's mainly work colleagues and even perfect strangers who feel they have the right to comment.

We don't really have baby showers here in UK (unless things have changed and as with most things baby I have no idea) but if we did I wouldn't go. That would be just torture! You're doing the right thing sending them a gift from the register.

With regard to IVF, in the area I live in I will be entitled to 3 rounds on the National Health Service (although this could change at any minute) provided I am under 40 and have the right BMI so I won't have to pay for anything just yet. But like you I would find the money if and when I have to.

Another member with dogs! I've got a pooch too and people always say that I won't be able to keep her once I have a baby - really?? Trust me, my doggy is going NOWHERE!!!!

 

[missyt]

Ruth, even though I feel a lot of pressure from my in-laws, I am fortunate my own family doesn't pressure me at all. My sis, who is 11 years older than me, never had children. She never talks about it and we don't know why. People just gave up asking her after a while. I have 2 brothers, one has 3 children, the other just adopted a beautiful baby girl. His wife has PCOS and he never got tested. They just decided not to go through all that and decided on adoption. I feel pressure living in my neighborhood. We moved there a year ago with the intention of being pregnant or having a baby by now. Its a great family neighborhood with lots of young children, babies and pregnant to-be-moms. All except me now. Now that the weather is getting nicer, I find it hard to be outside watching all this going on. I see the families playing and my two pregnant neighbors walking and it makes me feel so left out and isolated. I love gardening and I noticed I've avoided it more this year because I get sad when I see these things. I just want to crawl under a rock.

 

[Ruth2307]

Ruth, even though I feel a lot of pressure from my in-laws, I am fortunate my own family doesn't pressure me at all. My sis, who is 11 years older than me, never had children. She never talks about it and we don't know why. People just gave up asking her after a while. I have 2 brothers, one has 3 children, the other just adopted a beautiful baby girl. His wife has PCOS and he never got tested. They just decided not to go through all that and decided on adoption. I feel pressure living in my neighborhood. We moved there a year ago with the intention of being pregnant or having a baby by now. Its a great family neighborhood with lots of young children, babies and pregnant to-be-moms. All except me now. Now that the weather is getting nicer, I find it hard to be outside watching all this going on. I see the families playing and my two pregnant neighbors walking and it makes me feel so left out and isolated. I love gardening and I noticed I've avoided it more this year because I get sad when I see these things. I just want to crawl under a rock.

Aww you poor thing. You know, when I read comments like this I feel so sad and I just wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better because I so know how you feel. I hate the idea that you feel as bad as me I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

This site is amazing because I get the opportunity to share my thoughts, which is so cathartic and also more importantly listen to others. When I'm feeling particularly fragile, I get locked into a 'it's all about me' mode - not healthy at all! Do you know what I'm trying to say?

I live in a flat and so don't have a garden but if I had one I'd throw a lot of my energy into making it beautiful. I've been told time and time again that while there is a place for crawling under a rock and licking your wounds so to speak, it's much better to be active in something you enjoy to at least take your mind off baby making. Hard work I know but I don't want to miss out on anything while I'm waiting for this to happen for me.

Sending you lots of positive thoughts and a massive hug
xxxx