How do you ladies deal with this?

Discussion in 'Toddler & Pre-School' started by shamrockerjo, Nov 14, 2011.

  1. shamrockerjo

    shamrockerjo Mum & Wife

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    I know there are so many threads about tantrums but I'm just really in need of some advice so I thought I'd post another one!

    Maya is 19 months now and she has started throwing tantrums pretty much every time I say no to something she wants. Like for example, I baked a cake on Saturday and we had some that evening. Well the next morning as soon as we got downstairs she started asking for cake, of course I said no and explained to her cake is not for breakfast. So Maya just started screaming and screaming and still kept asking for cake, this went on for ages. No amount of distraction helped. And this sort of thing happens all the time now, if we're just about to go outside and she decides she wants to paint instead, she asks for paint and when I say no, we're going out it's like it's the end of the world, if she wants to turn the TV on and I say no, if she wants to stay outside and we have to come back in..

    It used to be much easier to deal with her tantrums, I'd just explain to her why she couldn't do something for example and then distract her with something else and she'd forget about it but now the screaming just goes on and I'm not exactly sure what to do. So what do you ladies do? Do you pick them up and give them a cuddle while they're screaming to comfort them? Or just leave them to it? Try to talk them out of it? :shrug: Help please!
     
  2. lozzy21

    lozzy21 Mummy to Niamh

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    I would leave her to it and then talk about it once she calms down.
     
  3. misshopefull

    misshopefull Well-Known Member

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    Ds has just turned 3 and he has had tantrums since just before he was 2. They are getting less often but at their peak they were awful. Even my MIL who was a nursery nurse said she had never seen a child with such bad tantrums!

    I have learnt that if distraction doesn't work in the very early stages of a tantrum then its best to ignore it. He screams, kicks, throws things and this can go on for over an hour. When he has finished I talk to him calmly and he is made to say sorry. I feel sorry for my neighbour who works from home and must be able to hear it!

    Its horrible, a few times he has done it in the park and the last time I was in tears because I couldn't get him to move. I have actually stopped going to the park as it was too stressful.

    I try and stay as calm as possible but it isn't alway easy. I am hoping that we have turned a corner with tantrums now and I think this is to do with the fact that he can talk really well now and is potty trained.

    At nursery he is always an angel :dohh:

    Hopefully this is something your dd will grow out of quickly. Good luck :flower:
     
  4. RachA

    RachA Well-Known Member

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    If distraction doesn't work i leave them too it. I don't ever give in so DS especially knows that having the tantrum won't change anything.

    I guess they are trying to be in control of something. DS goes through phases where he will literally argue with everything. If i say we are going home its wrong but i say we are going to Nanna's house its wrong etc. Sometimes he he asks what we are doing after he's finished at school i'll say the opposite of what we are doing as i know he will say he doesn't want to do it lol.

    They do get better - DS has been tantruming since he was 18months and it's only been since he was about 3 1/2 that he's started to get better. Now its Esther's turn lol
     
  5. QTPie

    QTPie Well-Known Member

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    Agreed....

    If a very brief explanation and distraction doesnt work, then I walk away and often talk about something else ("oh the weather outside doesn't look very nice" or talking to myself about what I am going to do for tea).

     
  6. Mum2b_Claire

    Mum2b_Claire Mummy to Ruby & Scarlett!

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    I let her have the tantrum but stay close by reassuring her. I don't attempt distraction as it makes her soooo much more angry these days. And to be fair if I was upset I'd not like someone to say 'ooh look, shall we do this / go there'
     
  7. sparkle_1979

    sparkle_1979 Mum to Ruby born Oct 2009

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    Ruby is just the same and distraction can work but if not I ignore the tantrum but not her if that makes sence. I'll just carry on around her chatting away including her in my conversation, unless she has been really naughty then I let her know I'm upset with her and will put her in time out, though this is not always successful right now x
     
  8. hattiehippo

    hattiehippo Well-Known Member

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    I totally agree with ignoring the tantrum as much as possible - if I try and distract Tom or try to calm him down he gets more and more angry and the tantrum will last much longer. If I let him go and be angry about whatever it is then generally at the mo he will scream and shout for a couple of minutes and then come for a cuddle to calm back down as he really doesn't like being angry. I stay close by and carry on with something so he's not on his own but he's not getting any attention.
     

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