We lost and delivered our twin girls Grace Marie and Paige Leanne at 22 weeks last week, due to Chorioamniotitis. It was found to be E.Coli and for the life of me I still don't understand how it happened and no doctor was able to really give us a reason. They said it was just "one of those things" and wasn't anything I did. However, I was on low dose antibiotics with DS2 and think the same thing would've prevented it, but sadly there's no going back. We were able to spend time with them and got some beautiful pictures. At that moment I NEVER wanted to go through this again and asked my doctor to sterilize me, which she refused. I'm thankful she refused now and I'm sure I'm not the only one going through this to ask that. I've had first trimester miscarriages, but they never compared to this in anyway. I'm not trying to downplay the pain of first trimester m/c, but having been through both it just isn't the same. There was never a tangible baby to hold, and to be able to truly see what you've lost. I was one of those that thought once I got past 14-16 weeks we were in the clear and could finally relax. Even though we lost multiples at 16 weeks, that pregnancy was fraught with problems from the start. It's barely been a week and now a part of me is wanting to think about trying again. It's just hard to have nothing to fill the emptiness. Everything, me finishing my master's, building our home, our van, a new car, etc., it all centered around 2 little people that are now gone. In their place is just an emptiness.
I will say that having our 2 boys has made it much easier I think. I don't have the time to sit around and cry all day, or cry myself to sleep because my boys will be up at 630am sharp. I get hugs, kisses and laughs from them that are so much sweeter knowing how fragile life is. In all of this it's made me a million times more grateful for the 2 healthy, happy boys we do have. We've wanted a 3rd baby, and we're trying to figure out when is best to try again. My doctor said she'd just like us to wait 6 weeks for dating reasons, but didn't think there was a specific time that we should wait. It's whenever we're ready emotionally. She said are ready immediately and some wait longer. It would just be nice to be expecting when our girls due date was supposed to be. It won't replace them, but it'll give us something to be happy about and excited for.
I will say that having our 2 boys has made it much easier I think. I don't have the time to sit around and cry all day, or cry myself to sleep because my boys will be up at 630am sharp. I get hugs, kisses and laughs from them that are so much sweeter knowing how fragile life is. In all of this it's made me a million times more grateful for the 2 healthy, happy boys we do have. We've wanted a 3rd baby, and we're trying to figure out when is best to try again. My doctor said she'd just like us to wait 6 weeks for dating reasons, but didn't think there was a specific time that we should wait. It's whenever we're ready emotionally. She said are ready immediately and some wait longer. It would just be nice to be expecting when our girls due date was supposed to be. It won't replace them, but it'll give us something to be happy about and excited for.