How do you respond to rude questions?

[adellademona]

I went ahead and told my boss and co-workers that I'm expecting.

One of my co-workers had the gall to ask if my husband and I used protection. My boss actually asked me if it was a surprise or if it was planned. Of course, I didn't say either. I said it was a blessing.

I feel like those questions are basically the same but just worded differently. Either way I feel like it was rude and intrusive of them. How would you deal with that? Have you had any rude questions or comments made to you?

 

[jaspie]

I know exactly what you mean! Quite a few people at work asked me if it was planned! And my boss said "be more careful next time!" So I just said it wasn't an accident it was planned and then he asked me if it happened quickly or not! Some people are just idiots! The people asking me if it was planned tended to be older women...i just said yes very much so. It's so rude! They don't know our history! The rude questions will fizzle out soon then everybody will start cooing over your bump until they start telling you how big you are!

 

[babybambi]

I was asked "was it planned?" With my first son. And it really pi**ed me off that someone I only work with thought that was a suitable question. So I said "do you mean did my partner and I of 10 years (then) make the decision to try for baby and enjoy vast amounts of sex in every position and place trying to do so?...then yes....yes it was planned."

 

[Unexpected212]

Everyone asked me with my daughter 'was she planned' I can't understand why people think it is ok to basically ask 'Did you have unprotected sex?' I just used to say 'Yes' but if I get it this time I'm going to say 'None of your business'

 

[MrsLux]

My boss was chuffed because she knows I've been trying for a long time. Haven't told the rest of my colleagues yet.

 

[vaniilla]

sadly I think everyone has experienced this at least once, people just seem to think it's the default question for pregnant women it's even better when they ask are you happy? I just tell them that it really is none of their business.

 

[kariss]

So many people have asked me the 'was it planned' question..I find it so rude I would never ask someone that? I always say it was if it happens it happens situation..
They don't need to know the stress and emotional difficulties we went through to get here including our ms..

But maybe if I told them the full truth they would feel rude for asking?

 

[Rhiannon137]

I think people just don't THINK about what they are actually saying/asking a lot of the time. I usually try to just let it go. However, it can also be effective to very politely point out that they are being impolite, for example:

"Wow, that's an intimate question!"
"I didn't expect anyone but my doctor to ask that."
"Why do you ask?"
Or, my personal favorite, "Thank you so much for your concern."

 

[Eleonora]

It is so rude it is almost funny. Just remember people usually reveal more about themselves when they blurt out something spontaneous that shows so little consideration on their part. I bet those people have either had an accident themselves or have a close friend or family member in that situation. You can just turn the tables: "no! why, is that what happened to you?"

 

[biscuits104]

I'm a bluntly honest person (with a very soft-spoken voice), so I just say "wow, that's so rude!" with a big smile on my face. People won't learn unless you teach them.

 

[adellademona]

I was just blown away from it because I wasn't expecting such personal questions from people I've only known for a few months. I know the rude questions and comments don't stop here!

 

[Lues]

I'm with biscuits. I usually laugh REALLY loud and go, "wow, that was inappropriate", or if I'm feeling on the ball my personal favorite, "wow, just so you know, you asked that out loud" and then change the direction of the topic with something like "it's been such a crazy few weeks" or something that just drives the chat along and moves past the ridiculous question or statement.

Although there was one time I almost punched a lady in face....

It was when I was pregnant back in June (miscarriage). I was signing up for the Y and I told the signup lady (who I had met like 25 seconds ago) that I was most interested in the aquatics as low impact exercise since I was pregnant. We weren't telling ANYONE so I was actually really jazzed to tell someone, anyone, lol. Her response?

Her: Oh congratulations! And it was natural?? (and it was NOT even a curious tone, it was a CLEAR tone that natural was better)

I was SO incredibly shocked I just stared at her. Literally. I finally blinked a few times and said, "actually we'd been trying for years and had been going to a fertility clinic. So I guess you can take that congratulations back."

In order to keep myself from decking her, I got up and walked out.

She probably didn't even realize what she was saying. People are just stupid.

 

[biscuits104]

I'm with biscuits. I usually laugh REALLY loud and go, "wow, that was inappropriate", or if I'm feeling on the ball my personal favorite, "wow, just so you know, you asked that out loud" and then change the direction of the topic with something like "it's been such a crazy few weeks" or something that just drives the chat along and moves past the ridiculous question or statement.

Although there was one time I almost punched a lady in face....

It was when I was pregnant back in June (miscarriage). I was signing up for the Y and I told the signup lady (who I had met like 25 seconds ago) that I was most interested in the aquatics as low impact exercise since I was pregnant. We weren't telling ANYONE so I was actually really jazzed to tell someone, anyone, lol. Her response?

Her: Oh congratulations! And it was natural?? (and it was NOT even a curious tone, it was a CLEAR tone that natural was better)

I was SO incredibly shocked I just stared at her. Literally. I finally blinked a few times and said, "actually we'd been trying for years and had been going to a fertility clinic. So I guess you can take that congratulations back."

In order to keep myself from decking her, I got up and walked out.

She probably didn't even realize what she was saying. People are just stupid.

Oh my! I'm proud of you for keeping it together, people are so $hitty! I LOVE "wow, just so you know, you asked that OUT LOUD!" TOTALLY going to use that one!

 

[AndreZZ]

I hate the 'was it planned question', it really bugs me.

I just go with my husband's response which is: 'we were just having fun' after which he winks lol.

 

[bcos21]

I like to look at people and ask if they are seriously wanting to know the details of my sex life? That usually stops them in their tracks

 

[Lues]

HA! Just thought of a great response:

"you wanna know what position we were in too?"

LOL. I dunno if i'd actually say that one. But it's funny.

Although... some ppl may not get the scarcasm and be all antsy to hear about the position! Lol.

(I just TOTALLY cracked myself up)

 

[adellademona]

I love these responses! Bahaha. Y'all are cracking me up!

 

[wish4baby]

Omg, I am totally going to use some of these...normally, I just turn a million shades of red and stammer I don't know why, 5 seconds later I have a million comebacks! My husband is really good at responding though, he usually makes an inappropriate comment which makes everyone laugh.

Anyways, with me having 5 now, and TTC our 6th, I have heard it all and am actually dreading "showing" - if we are blessed enough for another!
People are just so rude! I agree with an above poster - most of the time I think they don't even know it's rude, so it makes it even harder for me to say something mean to them, you know?

 

[Rhiannon137]

Lues: "...you asked that OUT LOUD" might be my new favorite response to anything.

 

[Jessicahide]

Honestly, just smile and wave lol..... Pregnancy and parenthood is something that really highlights what morons people are...... They will ask if its planned.... then move onto giving you ridiculous advice like "ohhh its dangerous to sleep on your right side when pregnant" and then with a completely straight face tell you how they smoked all through their pregnancies . Then once baby is here, "oooh don't hug them, they will be spoiled.... or hug them more or they will become a serial killer..... Its endless, so the sooner you learn to switch off the better xxx