How do you stay positive?

[HopefulEm]

Hi, I'm currently in the 2ww of our 6th cycle of trying, and even though I know it's too early to draw conclusions it's hard not to worry about whether I'll ever get that bfp...

Then I worry about worrying because people say stress can hurt fertility, but how can I not worry? It's such a snowball effect, and I feel like as the months go on it gets worse.

My DH and I are both really healthy, in our late 20's, and recently I've been working harder to get a balanced exercise routine in. The only tough part is that he has long hours at work so he's stressed a lot and it's hard to get a decent amount of BD in. We usually only BD about twice in the week leading up to ovulation, and not much outside of that. So for those who are not doing the recommended every other day though out the month thing, what is a normal amount of time to take to conceive?

And when comparing to what's "normal", how do you keep believing your time will come when the statistics no longer work in your favour?

 

[Hopeful2014]

I understand. We are told it will happen easily--well sometimes warned it will happen too easily when we are young. However, we know that's not always true. I worry despite us being young and relatively healthy as well. I think it does come so easily for some, but for others it takes time to find the perfect timing. I recommend you watch The Great Sperm Race if you haven't watched it already. You can see it on youtube.

Remember that knowing when you ovulate is the most important thing to know. Sperm can live inside for a while if you have good cm while waiting for the egg to be released. However, it's best to bd 2-3 days leading up to ovulation and ovulation day so it will have the best chance of meeting the egg. I know it can be hard getting the right timing all the time. Try to plan to do it every other day or every day around ovulation at least.

Question: Do you use opks, chart, monitor cm, or temp? I really recommend you starting some or all of these if not. They will help you track your cycles and help you have something that you can see and can control during this uncontrollable process.

We have a testing/support group you can join if you want. There are a lot of helpful and supportive ladies. Click here to go to the thread.

 

[HopefulEm]

Hi Hopeful, thanks for the reply. It's helpful knowing I'm not alone.

I'm checking a o calculator every month and watching for cm. I've been thinking about starting to monitor my temp.

Try to plan to do it every other day or every day around ovulation at least.

The problem is I would do this in a heartbeat but my DH is just not up to it, so pushing for it only puts strain on the relationship... I really wish I could do something about it though because it's hard staying positive through the 2ww when I feel like we haven't given it the best of chances. Any suggestions?

 

[Han_1987]

Hey HopefulEm, my husband and I are on our 7th month of TTC and I feel exactly the same as you. I'm 26 and healthy (as far as I know) so thought it would happen a bit quicker than it is.... Trying not to stress just adds stress like you say!

I've read that you should try not to beat yourself up about being a bit stressed out, its natural so don't try and fight it all the time. Also someone suggested to me that to ensure it doesn't take over your every day life maybe have an hour a day where you look stuff up about TTC, talk to people, come on here to distress and talk to your DH about your worries. Then try and get on with the rest of your day. Easier said than done but that's what I'm trying to do. you can't just turn your thoughts and worries off but I think if you can manage them a little that may help?

Also try and have some positive thoughts - say to yourself that you WILL get pregnant and you WILL have a baby one day.

I haven't gone down the route of taking temperatures as I think I'll become a bit obsessed. I use the Ovulation strips but I'm quite regular so I should just go with it but find myself always using them just in case I miss it!

Chin up, keep going - Han x

 

[Gwenina]

HopefulEm your post reminds me of how I was 18 months-ish ago and now I have a snoozing baby on my chest - I hope you don't mind me popping in to say that but when I was TTC I liked to hear success stories from other people who didn't find it easy to conceive.

I started off intent on being really relaxed about TTC but then after a few months was temping and scouring the Internet for tips. I got really down about it between 6 and 12 months but then after 1 year the burden seemed to lift a bit and I relaxed. I do think it helps to be relaxed but I think you have to be really stressed for it to affect you.

My advice would be to remember its very unlikely it won't happen for you (esp at your age and if you are in good health) - it just takes some of us longer. Every month you have roughly 20% of conceiving but some of us are unlucky and we fall into the 80% too many times! We BD'd in a similar pattern to you so that might be something to work on if you can (easier said than done sometimes I know!)

 

[Hopeful2014]

Hi Hopeful, thanks for the reply. It's helpful knowing I'm not alone.

I'm checking a o calculator every month and watching for cm. I've been thinking about starting to monitor my temp.

Try to plan to do it every other day or every day around ovulation at least.

The problem is I would do this in a heartbeat but my DH is just not up to it, so pushing for it only puts strain on the relationship... I really wish I could do something about it though because it's hard staying positive through the 2ww when I feel like we haven't given it the best of chances. Any suggestions?

Temping can be stressful. I would recommend doing it if only a couple months (if needed, but hopefully not!) just to make sure you know when ovulation is for sure. In regards to timing, I wouldn't push the issue too much with dh if you think it will make it harder. Sometimes men need to be coaxed into things easily. Perhaps try to find time for a time or two a week on non-fertile weeks but don't stress those as much. Make the best estimate to what day ovulation is and try to bd as much as possible before it. The two days before ovulation day and the day of ovulation is best. The day before ovulation would probably give you the best odds.

 

[HopefulEm]

Thank you for the great advice everyone!

Han - I think you've got the right idea about trying to regulate the amount you think about things. I'm going to keep that in mind from now on. Good luck on getting your bfp. I'll be rooting for you!

Gwenina - Thanks for sharing your story. You're right, it does help hearing about success. : ) I just keep thinking that after this all works out that I'll be happy that things didn't work out right away because I'll appreciate our future baby that much more!

Hopeful - Thanks for the advice, I've ordered a BBT thermometer but I'll remember to drop it if it starts to get to me. I think it will help though for those days now when I'm second guessing myself as to whether it's actually O day or not.

 

[pinkflowers]

Thank you for the great advice everyone!

Han - I think you've got the right idea about trying to regulate the amount you think about things. I'm going to keep that in mind from now on. Good luck on getting your bfp. I'll be rooting for you!

Gwenina - Thanks for sharing your story. You're right, it does help hearing about success. : ) I just keep thinking that after this all works out that I'll be happy that things didn't work out right away because I'll appreciate our future baby that much more!

Hopeful - Thanks for the advice, I've ordered a BBT thermometer but I'll remember to drop it if it starts to get to me. I think it will help though for those days now when I'm second guessing myself as to whether it's actually O day or not.

For what it's worth, I am in the same position in you in that my DH and I definitely don't do it "every other day throughout the month" As my GP recommended. In fact, I find myself becoming envious of the ladies here whose DHs are up for that and are actually so happy to be BDing more.

So, after moping for a few months I've now started temping and using OPKs this last month.it has been sooo helpful because now I am able to pinpoint with more accuracy when O time is, and then the DH knows when that time is. For a lot of women here they say their DHs get stressed out and feel pressured knowing when O time is, but for us it's the opposite. He knows now when it is, so he knows we just have to BD frequently for a few days or so rather than the whole month. That in turn makes him feel less stressed and actually less pressured. So for me, the temping and OPK combo had been a great solution.

Good luck ! And you're so not alone...can totally empathize with how you feel. Hang in there - it WILL happen for us at some point

 

[HopefulEm]

Thanks Pinkflowers! Sounds exactly like my situation. My DH is the same so that's one reason why I'm trying to track when O time is in more detail. Good to know it's working for you!