How do you stay sane after BFNs?

[zoeh]

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming urge to test after dreaming that I got a positive HPT and then retesting and finding strange squiggly lines on another. I used a FRER I'd been saving in my cabinet for a few months now... BFN. Not even the faintest of faint lines. Not even an evaporation line later. Part of me desperately wants to believe that it'll become positive in a few days (it could be anywhere from 8-11dpo right now, which I do realize is super early for a +), especially because for a week now I've felt like I just *knew* this was "the" month, but at the same time, I don't know how to cope if I have to see another negative... and I know that is the much more likely outcome. I broke down in tears after seeing that one stark line (not least because I feel like I wasted an expensive FRER instead of my usual $ Tree cheapies).

How do you deal with BFNs? I want to believe there's a way to balance hope with realism, but it seems like the former makes negative results that much more difficult to handle and the latter just makes me depressed.

 

[deafgal01]

This is why I allow myself to have some wine when AF is due and I don't test anymore. There was no point in getting depressed or upset over bfns so I figured it'd be better to test after I'm due/late for AF.

I cry, I vent in my private journal on paper, and I get wine. This is how I cope. Plus I hide any announcements/pregnancy related posts on facebook.

 

[zoeh]

I do need to remember that crying over spilled milk isn't going to help! I'm just frustrated right now because the nurse at my RE said that it was way too early to test, but that I *need* to test on CD28 in order to tell them whether it's positive or not so they can decide whether to continue progesterone supplements. I think I'll have some music and some wine ready .

 

[deafgal01]

Well it may not help but it does allow you to keep from building up the frustrations- I would want to cry any day than allow emotions to build up in me and become a ticking bomb that will eventually explode.

Next time test on CD28 and tell them what it says.

 

[Firefly Skies]

Well it may not help but it does allow you to keep from building up the frustrations- I would want to cry any day than allow emotions to build up in me and become a ticking bomb that will eventually explode.

Next time test on CD28 and tell them what it says.

This is so true. TTC can be a very emotional and trying time. The best thing I allow myself to do is get those emotions out.

Once my emotions are out, then I try to take a step back and try to find positive things to focus on. One thing I do is set goals for the next cycle. It's mostly health/TTC goals. They give me something to focus on, and it makes me feel like I'm making positive progress. I look at what else I can do, where the next steps are.

 

[zoeh]

I've started making new health goals and working on strength and balance so that when baby finally (hopefully) does come along, I'll have fewer back/joint/neck issues while pregnant, because I've struggled with those as it is. It does help take my mind off it! I think I've just been overwhelmed the past week because I suddenly have to find a new OB/GYN and a new RE, because my OB/GYN completely dropped the ball and my RE is leaving the practice. So many doctors here have long waiting lists, so I think I was hoping more than usual for a BFP this time because I don't know how long it will be until I can see a doctor again.

 

[crazycatlady5]

I don't know how it's my first month ttc and I'm already frustrated. I have no idea how long my cycle is supposed to be or when I ovulated because I just came off pill after 10 years. I was 19 when I last was off the pill so still a teenager!! So who knows what I should expect??

Anyway, I'm cycle day 36 now..... So pretty long cycle I'm thinking... Still no af and doesn't feel like it's coming any time soon. I've had bloating, painful cramping, super sensitive breasts, strange pain in uterus during sex, and still, bfn tonight....

If I'm not pregnant I just want af to get here so I can start trying again!!

 

[zoeh]

crazycatlady5- Waiting for confirmation one way or the other is often even harder than the actual negatives, especially with long/erratic cycles. Hang in there and know there are plenty of people around who will be supportive. Did you have regular cycles before going on the pill? Longer cycles after just coming off the pill are very common, but I've heard that if you have regular ones before it, they often will resume after a couple cycles, although of course nothing is guaranteed. I was on the pill for 12 years since age 15 because of super erratic cycles... like a handful of 28-32 day ones and then would sometimes go 4-6 months without. I held out hope that I'd be more regular afterward, so going 6 months without any bleeding at all when I came off it was a real letdown. I had one OB/GYN tell me that was normal after the pill and they wanted me to wait a year before looking into treatment, but if you're TTC, don't let anyone tell you that (it turns out that I have PCOS, so it totally wasn't normal). If *you're* ready for a baby, getting your hormones and your ovaries/tubes/uterus checked out is definitely advisable, if you're able. I hope your journey won't be long and that BFP arrives for you!

 

[crazycatlady5]

Thanks zoeh, it was so long ago and I never kept the best track of how long my cycles were. I think they were on the long side, but not months. I think they were usually around 6 weeks. But like I said I didn't keep track because back the. I didn't care. Still no af today....

I think I will have to make a doctors apt soon if this keeps up.

 

[MH5280]

Hi ladies, hope it's ok I join?
Hubby and I have been trying for 3 months now, woke up this morning, with no AF signs to date, wanted to test, BFN, and teeny tiny spot of pink when I wiped. I'm so furious and upset and just wonder WHY?! What more can we do?? We have ntnp in the past, and I'm worried. I know "healthy couples" can take 6+ months sometimes to conceive. I feel like I give up, I don't even want to try anymore cuz it's not gonna happen. But then I know going into a new cycle I'd be thinking of it and still do te things we need to do. This cycle we started using preseed, I will use it again. This was the 2nd month doing opk's. I don't know I really felt we had it this month. I just wanna lay in bed and sulk today

 

[zoeh]

Hi ladies, hope it's ok I join?
Hubby and I have been trying for 3 months now, woke up this morning, with no AF signs to date, wanted to test, BFN, and teeny tiny spot of pink when I wiped. I'm so furious and upset and just wonder WHY?! What more can we do?? We have ntnp in the past, and I'm worried. I know "healthy couples" can take 6+ months sometimes to conceive. I feel like I give up, I don't even want to try anymore cuz it's not gonna happen. But then I know going into a new cycle I'd be thinking of it and still do the things we need to do. This cycle we started using preseed, I will use it again. This was the 2nd month doing opk's. I don't know I really felt we had it this month. I just wanna lay in bed and sulk today

If your previous two months have been normal cycles and the OPK last time pinpointed your ovulation correctly, I'd say you're still not out until the witch arrives... I wouldn't count spotting only when you wipe as a period; of course it -could- be implantation bleeding depending on when you ovulated, so I'd test in a couple days to make sure, because usually before that you wouldn't see a positive. Do you know when you O'ed? It can be a bit earlier or later than you think, even when doing OPKs. Of course everyone has wonky periods on occasion, though, like people who are normally super regular might have a day or two of lighter bleeding on month or skip one/have a very late one due to a random hormone fluctuation or, unfortunately, stress :-/. If AF doesn't arrive at all and you still get a BFN, and you're really concerned, I'd see your gyno and see what he/she says. If your other months seemed normal they will likely either tell you to wait another few weeks or induce a period, but I always think it's best for peace of mind to get things checked out if you feel like something might be wrong.

 

[MH5280]

If your previous two months have been normal cycles and the OPK last time pinpointed your ovulation correctly, I'd say you're still not out until the witch arrives... I wouldn't count spotting only when you wipe as a period; of course it -could- be implantation bleeding depending on when you ovulated, so I'd test in a couple days to make sure, because usually before that you wouldn't see a positive. Do you know when you O'ed? It can be a bit earlier or later than you think, even when doing OPKs. Of course everyone has wonky periods on occasion, though, like people who are normally super regular might have a day or two of lighter bleeding on month or skip one/have a very late one due to a random hormone fluctuation or, unfortunately, stress :-/. If AF doesn't arrive at all and you still get a BFN, and you're really concerned, I'd see your gyno and see what he/she says. If your other months seemed normal they will likely either tell you to wait another few weeks or induce a period, but I always think it's best for peace of mind to get things checked out if you feel like something might be wrong.[/QUOTE]

Last cycle my OPK was positive cd14 AND 15, AF showed CD 29, a day later than expected. This cycle I got OPK positive cd 15 AND 16. My cycles are usually pretty regular, last month was the first that was a bit different, the only difference being I have always had brown spotting 5 sometimes 7 days before AF, last cycle I had brown spotting 3 days before AF. Today I'm 3 days before AF (CD26-10DPO- maybe 9DPO if the 16th was O) and only had the tiny pink this morning. I mean it was like really light pink and maybe pea size. No other spotting/pink yet. This month I had felt so positive! And mood wise, I'm usually grumpy and sad the week before AF, I think I've been unusually happy and chatty! The BFN just shot me down this morning. I still really hope the wicked AF does NOT show!!

 

[crazycatlady5]

crazycatlady5- Waiting for confirmation one way or the other is often even harder than the actual negatives, especially with long/erratic cycles. Hang in there and know there are plenty of people around who will be supportive. Did you have regular cycles before going on the pill? Longer cycles after just coming off the pill are very common, but I've heard that if you have regular ones before it, they often will resume after a couple cycles, although of course nothing is guaranteed. I was on the pill for 12 years since age 15 because of super erratic cycles... like a handful of 28-32 day ones and then would sometimes go 4-6 months without. I held out hope that I'd be more regular afterward, so going 6 months without any bleeding at all when I came off it was a real letdown. I had one OB/GYN tell me that was normal after the pill and they wanted me to wait a year before looking into treatment, but if you're TTC, don't let anyone tell you that (it turns out that I have PCOS, so it totally wasn't normal). If *you're* ready for a baby, getting your hormones and your ovaries/tubes/uterus checked out is definitely advisable, if you're able. I hope your journey won't be long and that BFP arrives for you!

Af came today - mixed feelings! Sad no bfp but relieved because now we can start trying again!

 

[zoeh]

Yes it is another fresh start at least! I know it can feel like a let down when AF arrives, especially late (although mine never really has ever arrived "late," just whenever the heck it pleases or after being induced ). Lots of sticky !