How long before you will allow visitors?

[ambertwogood]

I have just now started to think about this. I had decided earlier, after finding out that the hospital I'm delivering in let's up to 5 people in the l&d suite all the way through delivery, that my SO, mother, and my niece will be allowed to stay. Now that I've started to think it would be nice to have bonding time with me, baby, and SO after delivery I'm really not sure how to handle the situation. I mean do I tell them to leave afterwards? Maybe they would leave on their own accord shortly after anyways. Not sure what or how to handle this....I'll have to think about it. Fortunately, other than who will already be there we won't be expecting too many family members and only maybe one or two of my friends would want to show up, so I don't haven't the added problem of worrying about pop up guests. I do think I'll make sure and find out the hospital policy for guests and such though. I only know that the doors stay locked to both l&d and post 24/7 so I would imagine that they have some rules of their own. Good luck! And no I don't think you are being unreasonable about your request and I think that people would understand, if you don't think they will you could always just tell them that the hospital has some kind of policy about the room being cleared and guests afterwards.... Just a suggestion though...

 

[bounceyboo]

ive made it crystal clear to family and friends and esp his parents that no one is allowed come near us until our son has had some time to meet the baby first and if you come before that well, I wont let you in to see the baby, im the one pregnant, going to have major surgery, need time to recover and I want some family time with our two boys, its not much to ask and if they think it is I don't care lol!they have waited this long the can wit another day he is after all coming a week early!

This is what we are doing. No one at the hospital except DH & DS, then I want a couple of days at home just the four of us before we have any visitors, including grandparents. I want DS to feel secure at home with his new sister without feeling overwhelmed.

When I had DS there were 5 people waiting at home for me, took him off me and passed him round like a parcel, and I had to tell them to go home. I wanted alone time. I am not having that happen again! A baby is still new even after a week or so.

you are right too did you tell the family and friends yet? we wont know exactly what date and time we are going to have him yet but if its mid morning ds will probably be with his aunt across town dh will pick him up after and hr r two when im out of recovery and bring him over to us to spend some alone time, visiting hrs here are 1.30-3.30pm and 6.30-8.30pm, im hoping people will stay away until the next day when im able to face visitors and had some alone time with the baby too.ive a feeling people will show up at 6.30 though :/ all I want is some time to spend with my ds and my new baby after that I don't care if you come and don't stay long and don't touch my new baby with your disgusting smoky hands(oh parents)

Yep we've told people and had comments about being disappointed and how we'll upset people if we leave it too long (my Dad) I'm talking like 3-4 days probably! But I'm sticking to my guns! MIL will have DS when we go in and DH will pick him up and bring him to the hospital to see us.

I don't intend to upset people but it's my family I think I need to do what feels right for us

but 3/4 days isn't that long when the have waited a couple of months to meet the new baby whats another few days, I don't go to the hosp when a friend and ask a family member if its ok before even leaving to go see them because the mam might be tired etc, ah god just another thing to worry about before we have our babies before we have even gotten to meet them and then have to share them with other people and have them breathing all over them, wish we could stay in our own little world to avoid it!

 

[nikkchikk]

My dh, mom and sister were there. DH requested his mom ( who is a nurse) get to join. He doesn't ask for much so I agreed. It was a bit weird having everybody looking between my legs but I got over it it was pretty awesome experience.

Tbh, I'd be fine with the same set up next time!

 

[MrsKChicago]

I would have been bummed if I hadn't met my nephew the day he was born, but I never counted on being able to do it, and I wouldn't have blamed his parents if they'd wanted a little privacy first. Hopefully everyone has reasonable relatives who respect their wishes for visitors.

I'm reserving the right to change my mind, but I have a pretty clear plan if all goes smoothly with the birth. Only DH will be in the room with me. I wouldn't flash the goods to my family and friends regularly, so I don't see how inviting them into the delivery room is going to make things any more comfortable for me. I do have a friend who I know I can call on to come in if for some reason I feel like I want more female support, but it's unlikely.

Our hospital has a built in two hour recovery period for bonding and establishing breastfeeding before they even do the routine baby weight and testing (barring complications, of course), so I plan to start inviting a couple people at the end of that two hour period, assuming it even falls in visiting hours. Once we're accepting visitors, I'm inviting close family (mom, brother, SIL) first. If they're not available to come soon, then I'll open the door to a couple close friends, but my preference would be family first.

I know I may change my mind, but I suspect I'd rather have visitors in the hospital and then be left alone for a week or so at home. I'd rather not have to worry about being a host on top of adjusting to having a new baby, and I have an excuse to be a hot mess in the hospital Plus I'll have the nurses to act as gatekeepers. We won't have too many people visiting, and they're all pretty respectful of our need to rest and bond, so I don't think it'll get too overwhelming to have them visit before we're discharged. Anyone who doesn't come to the hospital can wait a week or two til we're settled, with the exception of one close friend who lives in the next state and would only be able to visit on a weekend. She can come up when she can, meet him, won't judge me running around with my hair unwashed and a boob hanging out because I forgot to put it away, and she'll stay with a mutual friend so I can kick her out easily. If he happens to be born on the weekend and she can visit in the hospital, even better!

 

[Gingerspice]

Our hospital was on lock down due to norovirus us at other wards so the only other person allowed in to visit was father of baby. Not even siblings were allowed in to visit

 

[redneckhippy]

I see my MW today so I think I will ask her how long she recommends. I know my MIL has been at the births of all her other grandchildren, but then, her other grandchildren where all from her daughters, so I do feel it's a little different. I'm sure she will be disappionted, but I also don't want to feel pressured into compromising what I want for my first child's birth because of other people's expectations. We had to go through fertility treatment to get pregnant and had a difficult beginning of the pregnancy and I feel I've earned the right to have the birth of my choice.

 

[RaspberryK]

It'll be a lot longer than an hour ds was still having his first skin to skin and feed at that point and I was completely naked and not cleaned up.
We did go straight to our in laws from the hospital when he was 3 hours old but I'd delay visiting for longer than that this time as I felt that other people held him more than me.
Xx

 

[MrsKChicago]

I feel I've earned the right to have the birth of my choice.

Every woman has earned the right to have the birth of their choice. Stand your ground! There's lots of evidence that shows that labor is easier and faster and more effective in a more comfortable environment, and that having people you don't want there can slow things down. You're pushing out a baby, your opinion is the only one that matters.

 

[mummy_vic]

As with my other two births, it will just be me and DH at the birth. If the girls are at school then DH will collect them and bring them in for visiting and the in-laws will come in the evening. If they are with the in-laws, they gave us a couple of hours before bringing DD back. My parents generally come two weeks later when DH's paternity leave ends, they live a 5 hour car journey away. The rest of friends and family generally contact us to find out when is convenient.

I have to say that both our families are pretty respectful and we've never had any issues before. We're pretty chilled out and tend to just go with the flow.

 

[LilFooshFoosh]

Don't tell anyone when you are in labour. Easy peasy!

No one (besides DH who was with me) knew I was in labour until 3 hours after DS was born, that's when we were ready and DH sent out mass texts with his name, weight etc. He called both sets of parents and asked my parents to call my grandparents to let them know too. (he made the calls first! I just wrote it backwards. lol)


After the texts went out we started getting requests for visitors. Some people we put off until after we were home, those people we didn't even tell them what hospital we were at, and some people really wanted to come to the hospital so we let them.
You are totally justified in having people come or go whenever *you* want.

 

[Radkat]

No visitors during labor and delivery. Just DH. My parents will be watching DD. If DH goes home to take a shower, etc, maybe my parents can come by for a minute. I don't anticipate being in the hospital long, hopefully, so they can see us when we get home.

 

[babytimeee]

With my DD, my MOm and DH labored with me. I had visitors as soon as she was done nursing for the first time, she was born at 5:22 and I had visitors until 11:30pm. This time though, My Mom will had DD and it's just going to be hubby and I, so my Mom will be able to visit right away because I'm definitely going to want to see my little girl asap, but aside from that, I'd like to try keeping people away as long as possible. It's flu season, and I'm not risking jack. Friends will wait as long as I want them to, it's the in-laws and my grandparents that are going to be terrible about me wanting time.

 

[redneckhippy]

I'm feeling really stressed about this. I brought it up with DH and he got quite upset because he wants his family to be there, at least in the waiting room. He doesn't understand why I would want to "exclude" our families and that it's not fair to them to take that away from them and that I will regret it. I feel that if they are in the lobby, I will feel pressured to allow visitors and like there are people waiting on me. Also our birth center is really small, so I mean, they literally could hear me while I'm laboring and would have to walk by my labor room to use the bathroom. I want to be able to walk around the birth center and not feel like I have to talk to family members or feel like people are waiting on me. He finally agreed to honor my wishes, but now I feel like I'm being selfish or mean and I feel stressed about that. It's like lose-lose because if I give in and allow them there, I'm going to feel uphappy about that and if I stick to my guns I feel guilty and like I'm taking something this mean person exclusing our families.

 

[_jellybean_]

I had c-sections with both of mine and we let everyone who wanted to come visit come to the hospital right away. TBH at one point I got a bit frustrated b/c I JUST had my son and EVERYONE except for me was holding him and I do remember feeling jealous, but it was fine. It fizzled down and no one was intrusive or overstayed their welcome. Everyone was really helpful I just got upset literally for a minute b/c I wanted to hold him. But my lo's are toddlers now, and I wish people wanted to come babysit lol!

 

[MrsKChicago]

I'm feeling really stressed about this. I brought it up with DH and he got quite upset because he wants his family to be there, at least in the waiting room. He doesn't understand why I would want to "exclude" our families and that it's not fair to them to take that away from them and that I will regret it. I feel that if they are in the lobby, I will feel pressured to allow visitors and like there are people waiting on me. Also our birth center is really small, so I mean, they literally could hear me while I'm laboring and would have to walk by my labor room to use the bathroom. I want to be able to walk around the birth center and not feel like I have to talk to family members or feel like people are waiting on me. He finally agreed to honor my wishes, but now I feel like I'm being selfish or mean and I feel stressed about that. It's like lose-lose because if I give in and allow them there, I'm going to feel uphappy about that and if I stick to my guns I feel guilty and like I'm taking something this mean person exclusing our families.

Can you get your midwife to talk to him, maybe? She can help explain that it's not just you being picky, but that it would actually impact labor. I'm sure he wouldn't want your labor to be harder or longer if he actually thought about the consequences of stressing you out with family. Your rights definitely come before their rights!

 

[petitpas]

Redneck, has your OH been to any birthing classes or read up on the subject?
Not wanting to paint the bleakest of pictures but:
You will probably vomit
You might have a clear out/runny poo
You might be in a lot of pain and want to scream/make other noises
Walking helps but you might not want many clothes touching you.
Things might take very long.

Why on earth would he want to put you on display at your most vulnerable?
Don't feel guilty. You are doing what is most natural. A calm and private labour with no negative distractions is the safest and quickest way to go.

 

[Monzter79]

My hospital has a -no visitors 3 hours post-birth- policy. However they are VERY lenient. This means they'll take the blame for you wanting to wait, but will allow visitors if that's what you really want. I think that's GREAT!

As a first timer, I'm not sure how things will go. I'm okay with my older sister popping in during L&D- in case I need her, and to help keep things with my care team and family organized. Hopefully she'll make it! (Out of town) Of course, DH will be there. Unless I kick him out! ;-) My MIL has some fantasy about pacing the halls, wringing her hands, basically driving everyone insane, and "being right there as soon as he comes out". I explained the policy to her and she said, "well I can still see him at the nursery window.". No she can't because they don't do that anymore. But, she wasn't listening.

Thank goodness for the hospital policy and my Super Sister. It takes the pressure off! I realize it's an exciting time and everybody wants to see the new baby. I wouldn't keep LO from family. But, they (except for my sister) don't understand how I am when I feel vulnerable or am dealing with pain. I'm not a "rescue me with hugs and inspirational quotes" type of person!! I can get a little aggressive. Not saying it's "right"... But hey, Know Thyself. Everyone is just going to have to wait until I can fasten my lid!

 

[redneckhippy]

Redneck, has your OH been to any birthing classes or read up on the subject?
Not wanting to paint the bleakest of pictures but:
You will probably vomit
You might have a clear out/runny poo
You might be in a lot of pain and want to scream/make other noises
Walking helps but you might not want many clothes touching you.
Things might take very long.

Why on earth would he want to put you on display at your most vulnerable?
Don't feel guilty. You are doing what is most natural. A calm and private labour with no negative distractions is the safest and quickest way to go.

He has been. Actually we are in Bradley classes, which is husband coached childbirth, so he knows, he just thinks that the grandparents have the "right" to be in the lobby if they want (which I can see at a hospital, but in the birth center, the lobby is literally closer than my living room is to my kitchen & you have to go back into the birthing area to use the bathroom). Unless we talk quietly, they could hear everything going on in the birthing area. Also, he assure me that they won't try to come back and I won't be pressured to have visitors before I'm ready after he's born, but honestly, I find it very hard to believe that after sitting there for God knows how many hours while I labor, the grandparents aren't going to be trying to come back and see their grandson knowing he's just in the next room. Are they really going to say, "we'll just sit here for another hour so you can have your time"?? I don't see that happening. Even if they don't say anything, just knowing they are there waiting, waiting, waiting to come in, I'm going to feel rushed and pressured.

 

[Mommy2missR]

I have told my husband I do not want ANY visitors in the hospital and for the most part he agreed. It will be just he and I in the LDR. Once we are moved up to the postpartum room, we will call in the grandparents, but they are the only visitors (other than DD) that we will allow. Once we are settled and comfortable at home, we will allow people to come over. I really don't give a sh!t if I piss people off. Too effing bad. -Clearly I have strong feelings about this, lol-

Your DH needs to understand, while he is comfortable with his family there, YOU are the one in labor and YOU are the one pushing this baby out. If you don't have that kind of relationship with his family, you have every right to tell him tough cookies sunshine. To me personally, I wouldn't care about them hearing me labor, but if that is where you go to walk during labor, um heck no! Who wants to be entertaining people while they are in labor?

 

[Cattia]

I guess it depends on how the birth goes, but it will be just my DH there while my parents have my older two. My other two were both born in the middle of the night, and I expect that my DH would bring the older two in to meet the baby the next day, probably not until they have finished school. I am hoping that they will let me stay in the night after the birth as in my experience, once you get home life just returns to normal and there is no time to rest. I think it's nice to have a little time just with baby before going back to running the family!