How long before you will allow visitors?

[wifey2013]

So I told friends of my plan to not allow visitors at first and one of my friends actually called me RUDE. How dare she. She's the only one that I'm actually worried will not accept my wishes. All my other friends and family members totally understand. We want our parents to be the first to meet the baby then our siblings and immediate family. Once they all meet him then we will have friends and only for short spurts of time.

She thinks I should have visitors around the clock - what a joke! Baby and I need to establish breastfeeding and get our rest and bond together with DH. If it gets bad my DH will kick her out. If it's a problem then it's too bad.

 

[Pix]

So I told friends of my plan to not allow visitors at first and one of my friends actually called me RUDE. How dare she. She's the only one that I'm actually worried will not accept my wishes. All my other friends and family members totally understand. We want our parents to be the first to meet the baby then our siblings and immediate family. Once they all meet him then we will have friends and only for short spurts of time.

She thinks I should have visitors around the clock - what a joke! Baby and I need to establish breastfeeding and get our rest and bond together with DH. If it gets bad my DH will kick her out. If it's a problem then it's too bad.

This is the same issue I'm running into. In fact I got into a screaming match with my mom over who's right it is to tell people... Its exhausting. Then on Christmas my drunk sister told me I had to tell people because they worry too. This has become such a cluster. So I told DH when I finally hit labor I'm handing him the phone and he gets to decide. I am thankful that the hospital is high security so I have to literally give a list of names for visitors.

 

[Angel1990x]

I'm having my partner there for the labour, I'll be calling him as soon as it starts.
I'm unsure as to asking my mum to be there ... as i know she has other commitments (a over excited 12 year old ect ) but i will be calling her to let her know I've gone in.

thats it. And thats all the people iwant knowing ... my partners nan has this wonderful idea shes gunna be there for the whole thing, she makes me anxious n nervous ... and im not comfortable with her ... her last comment was "If he (my partner) is at work when i go into labour i need to ring her because she can get me to the hospital, and i dont need to ring my mum because shes closer than my mum!"

Shes not, she just wants to take the baby straight away ... she already said she wants to be the 1st to hold the baby ... and will take her off my hands while i sleep after labour. .and keep her till i make 'the house warm and tidy'

dispite explaining it won't happen like that at all, shes still off in her own little lala land ... hence i decided just not to tell her at all, untill im home, happy and settled ... thankfully my partner is supporting me 100%

his nan has been nothing but a pain trying to hijack my whole pregnancy ... i have SPDso when i explained this as the reason i wont be shopping for 5 hours on boxingday with her she went on and on about when she had her first ... and how "at 8 months i was shifting wardrobes and decorating not sitting at home doing silly hip exercises! !"

I could kill her ... sorry, excuse the rambling. xx

 

[petitpas]

That lady who called you rude is not a friend. I'd think about quietly cutting her out of my life. Who needs that kind of attitude?

As for inviting grandparents to wait in the birthing centre during labour, well that's just mean. What are they supposed to do there all day or all night long? Sit on plastic chairs, bored, no food, random labouring ladies in a state of undress and possible embarrassment walking through to the toilet (I assume other women will be having babies that day, too).
No, they will be more comfortable at home or going about their normal business.
I wouldn't subject my parents to that kind of discomfort!

 

[Mumofboys87]

I will have hubby and my best friend with me during delivery. Then no visitors till we get home (I will be going home as soon as possible). Then hubby is on strict orders to drop me home with baby and go pick our boys up so we can have a few hours at home as a family of seven (wow) before we see everyone else. I just want my boys to bond and meet there sister before everyone else and if people don't respect that then tuff xxx

 

[SarahBear]

With my first, I said 3 days. My husband did not adequately communicate that to his parents and the visited after 2 days. I wasn't thrilled, but it wasn't the end of the world. This time around, I'd like my mom to be here after the birth so that she can help out a bit since we have a toddler this time around. She lives 4 hours away, so would be here a MINIMUM of 4 hours after the birth. Not sure when I'll be up for visitors after that, but certainly not the same day the baby is born. We also live a lot further from people than we did when my first was born which means it's not as easy to pop in for a quick visit.

Edit: I had a home-birth the first time around and am planning the same this time around.

 

[mel28nicole]

I was all for having no visitors. I wanted it to be special for DH and I. It didn't happen that way, and I'm happy it didn't.

DH's family was there the whole 3 days I was in labor. We could only have 4 in the labor room so they took turns. It was DH's mom, sister, grandma, aunt, DD's godmother and her two cousins. They literally stayed there the whole time. My own mother only came when it was convenient for herself. I wanted her there the whole time and she left at night. I had a very long labor process but it would have been nice to have her there.

I vomited 5 times. My water broke. They witnessed it all. I ended up having a c section, and within an hour of her being born she literally met the whole family.

I don't really care what people say about this "bond" that you must have with your child. I didn't get to hold DD til she was about 40 minutes alive after I was stitched up. She loves everyone in my family so much. Feeling that love when she was born was the best. If I do have another child, I want it the same way again

Birth of a baby is a wonderful event for everyone, not just the parents. I think if friends or family want to visit early on, its not an issue to me. At least people care. My own mother is very distant and its heart breaking to see her miss out on DD

 

[redneckhippy]

I worry so much about other people's feelings being hurt it stresses me out!! But it also stresses me out thinking of other people being there....I don't know which is worse.

 

[Pens]

I want my mum and OH to be there during labour and delivery and IF I feel up to it, it will only be my dad and my OHs mum and dad that are allowed to visit whilst I'm in hospital but they will have to wait until I've cleaned myself up and have fed baby. The only problem is, OHs parents have split up and re-married and I don't want their new partners to come and visit me when they do, so I'm sure that's going to cause someone to kick off, but they're going to have to deal with it. I'm a very shy person anyway and it takes a lot for me to feel comfortable around people, so I really don't want anyone to make me feel off.
Aunties and uncles will have to wait however long it takes until I feel comfortable at home and I strictly want NO children (cousins) until she's at least a few weeks old, but that is because OHs nieces and nephews misbehave so much they stress me out at the best of times, let alone with them around my new, first baby.

 

[MrsLemon]

Just me and DH during delivery then no visitors until I am settled either on a ward or at home

although to save on parking was considering having my mum pick us up from hospital and then she could meet him then

 

[d_b]

OP an hour after birth isn't much. I don't know if I had even delivered the placenta by then, and stitches took somewhere between a half hour and hour.

We'll probably wait until the next day to bring in our two DS's, my parents if they are in town, and possibly my sisters. In some ways, the first day is best for visitors, because the baby sleeps the whole time and you can get the nurses to kick out the visitors! Harder to kick people out of your house once you get home. But I definately want to get a shower before seeing anyone.

I don't understand why some people's relatives insist on hanging out in the waiting room! That would stress me out.

 

[bounceyboo]

^I agree when I was pregnant with ds I was hoping id have him at night so I wouldn't have to deal with anyone grabbing him off me, I had him at 11.15pm, and visitors aren't allowed in until 1.30 the next day so I had time to recover from a csection although dh parent called at 12 and the nurse wasn't too impressed, and I wasn't either tbh, I just wanted to be left alone with my new baby and was tired from a 23hour labour and csection, when dh nephew was born they were there straight away and went into the delivery room minutes after he was born, dh parents annoy me anyway so I don't want them any where near us for as long as I can help it, I hope im having him in the evening this time again although it seems unlikely I will it will probably be morning/lunch time when they do it, I might tell people to stay away the first day to give me a chance ive already warned people you wont be let in until our ds has come and met the baby first, im already dreading the wash your hands don't touch my new baby or my son with your smokey hands, having people hold him for hours(mil), dh grabbing him off of me and handing him to her, mil wanting us to drag our boys out to her house because shes too lazy to come over to our house,

 

[DoubleLines]

Honestly, I want the labor and time right after birth to be just my Husband, myself and baby girl. ESPECIALLY the labor part - honestly, I can't believe anyone would expect to be in there for that part! It's our first child and everyone I know has said to take some time just us three. I know we will be inundated with visitors at the house - his family is close by and my Mom is coming to stay for a bit, so I'm trying to make sure to set some boundaries now for the hospital part (especially because what if things don't go well...) So far everyone has understood too. The hospital we are birthing at told us with a healthy delivery we could be out between 24-48 hours, and they force quiet hours during the afternoon (no visitors), plus we have time with a lactation consultant (hi no visitors while the boobs are out!) so in some ways I'm almost thinking it seems silly for people to come to the hospital at all and I would be ok with just waiting until we got home for people to come by. Good luck with whatever you choose, but remember, it's your choice!

 

[redneckhippy]

I'm so upset now becuase my husband told his mom and she is really hurt and was crying and now my husband and I have been fighting over it all day. I can't even look forward to the birth now because no matter what either I'm upset or I have my in-laws and husband upset.

 

[petitpas]

Redneck, I know it's hard but you are right and when it comes down to it your husband will see that

 

[RaspberryK]

I think your mil is being pathetic and utterly ridiculous. This is your labour and birth and you are the important one in all of this.
Stand your ground or else be prepared to be walked all over and manipulated for the rest of your life.
Xx

 

[Christinee]

I was just talking to DH the other day about this. With my daughter I remember there were so many people in the waiting room and coming in the room while I was in labor... I do not want that to happen again. I am contemplating not even telling people until after I have the baby just to avoid all of that and just waiting until after the baby is born to even mention it to anyone.

 

[Bookwrmgal]

DH and I really haven't discussed it much yet. I am delivering at a hospital that is about 2hrs away from both sides of the family with expensive parking rates so I doubt we will have people hanging out in the waiting room. Only DH is allowed in delivery with me.
I will probably have DH text when we arrive at the hospital and then again when she is born. Since she has a mass on her lung, there will be more checking and NICU time to assess her lung and heart function so I plan to wait and see before giving the all clear to visit.
Our apartment is a "no visitor" zone with one or 2 exceptions. It's a small apartment with limited seating and we have 3 dogs to get adjusted to the newcomer. I'd rather people visit in the hospital and me bring her to them than have people come over. and I honestly don't give a flying fig who takes issue with that!

 

[redneckhippy]

I am standing my ground on this because I know if I give in I will just be so stressed about labor and everytime I think about giving in I imagine myself in labor knowing that there are others in the next room and it just makes me so uncomfortable. But this whole episode has still taken all my excitment and joy away. I have been actually pretty excited about things and now I'm just not at all. At least my mom is really supportive of my feelings on the issue and to her it's normal for only the couple to be there, so that's what she was planning on anyway. I'm just an extreme people pleaser and the thought of having someone disappointed with me or feeling hurt on my account actaully gives me panic attacks (I was hyperventalating for a good while yesterday). I always give in to other people's wishes and put my feelings last, but I just feel so strongly about this. It would help so much if my husband was on the same page as me, but he completely disagrees and is sick that his mom can't be there and keeps telling me how heartbroken I'm making her and taking something special from her, etc etc and is only going along with it because I insist, so I pretty much just feel like the evil selfish one here even though I feel deep down I'm right.

 

[petitpas]

No redneck, you are not evil or selfish. If anything it should be your mum there with you. It has been proven that labour is much safer and faster if you feel confortable, calm and safe. Your husband is the selfish one and is putting you and your baby at risk. Maybe you need to tell him that.