How long before you will allow visitors?

[MissEyre]

I guess I'm lucky in that I only have my parents nearby. Everyone else lives a couple of states away. My parents are extremely respectful of our wishes to have just DH and myself there through labor, delivery, and a few hours of bonding time afterward. I think they get it because they were the same way when they had us kids. They live about an hour away from us, so I told them that we'd let them know when we were ready for visitors and they'd drive down to meet little miss. I don't really understand the whole waiting around in the lobby thing.

 

[redneckhippy]

I don't get it either honestly. If they are not in the room, what is the difference (from their POV) if they are waiting in the lobby and not allowed in or if they are at home. The only difference is my comfort, but from their perspective it's just a different place to sit waiting to see the baby. Yet somehow, by not letting them be in the lobby I'm excluding them. It makes no sense to me.

 

[Canuk1979]

hippy, I'm glad to read you are sticking to your guns. Why does your MIL need to be there anyways? She's obviously trying to make this whole thing about her. Your DH needs to grow a pair and put you and your needs first. I'm really sorry he's giving you such a hard time about this.

DH's parents live 1800km away and they suggested maybe being here when the baby is born. Me and DH both agreed that we wouldn't want this. Last thing I need are his parents staying with us for weeks at a time while I'm waiting to give birth and then they're waiting for us right when I get home.

They are visiting in March instead. No big deal.

I may not even tell anyone when I go into labour. DH is my support person and that's good enough. I will contact people when I'm ready to receive visitors.

It took us a very long time to conceive this baby and I'm not letting anyone usurp this special occasion from us. I'm 35 and DH is 38, so we have no problem telling our families how it goes.

We have a lake house about 1 hour from our city and I'm contemplating going out there a few days after the baby is born. I have a nursery setup out there with all of the necessities. We also have access to ambulance, a nursing station and a general store with basic items. Our house is also equipped with potable water and electricity. I like this idea because we won't have people "just dropping by" to visit the baby.

 

[MrsKChicago]

I'm sorry your husband is being such a selfish jackass about this. He's just so far out of line. I'm glad you're standing your ground, but I'm so angry that you have to.

 

[redneckhippy]

It took us a long time to conceive too and we had to go through IVF and a frozen embryo transfer to get prenant. I traveled out of state for the procedure and my husband wasn't even able to be there for the transfer. I went through all sorts of invasive tests, hormone shots, egg retrieval, and our baby's "conception" was me, alone, with my legs up in a doctor's office while the doctor and nurse put the embryo in. Then I drove myself home 5 hours. Not exactly the intimate, special experience you imagine. Don't get me wrong, I'm soooo grateful for the medical advances that gave me this baby, but I feel even more so, people should understand my desire for a little bit of freaking privacy and intimacy. I love my husband very much and I appreciate that he did go along with my desire, but it still really hurts me that he can't understand why I want time for the three of us to just be a family without anyone else around.

 

[Canuk1979]

It took us a long time to conceive too and we had to go through IVF and a frozen embryo transfer to get prenant. I traveled out of state for the procedure and my husband wasn't even able to be there for the transfer. I went through all sorts of invasive tests, hormone shots, egg retrieval, and our baby's "conception" was me, alone, with my legs up in a doctor's office while the doctor and nurse put the embryo in. Then I drove myself home 5 hours. Not exactly the intimate, special experience you imagine. Don't get me wrong, I'm soooo grateful for the medical advances that gave me this baby, but I feel even more so, people should understand my desire for a little bit of freaking privacy and intimacy. I love my husband very much and I appreciate that he did go along with my desire, but it still really hurts me that he can't understand why I want time for the three of us to just be a family without anyone else around.

That really sucks that he's putting his mother's needs before yours considering everything you had to go through to get pregnant. I underwent IVF and only had two embryos to freeze. They didn't take. It was a very difficult time for DH and me. However, I got pregnant naturally this spring and I'm due in 1.5 weeks.

Anyhow, I know exactly why you want to setup boundaries with family and in-laws. I think it's a necessity because you want to let them know that you are in charge and they need to play by your rules. That means your MIL needs to play by your rules. She's being very childish and selfish by making this whole thing about her. If your DH won't stand up to her, then you need to.

It really does boggle my mind that your DH isn't supporting you with this issue. Is he a momma's boy? He needs to realize that he has his own family now and your needs have to come first. You are being completely reasonable, IMO. Lord knows I wouldn't want my in-laws around me when I was in labour and delivery. LOL.

I hope he comes around and realizes how much of a jacka$$ he's being.

 

[redneckhippy]

He is a momma's boy. He's the youngest in the family and the only boy, so they have a special bond. Which normally is something I appreciate about him, but not when I feel like in such an important issue he is not taking my side. I think/hope that when he actually sees me in labor and once our son is born he will understand why I wanted things this way and will appreciate the special bond of having just us there. But for now I just feel like the joy and anticipation has been stripped away because of all this drama. Things are superficially settled, but I know he & his mom are unhappy about the situation and think I'm unreasonable, which I will live with but it just puts a cloud over everything for me.

 

[Bookwrmgal]

You are completely right to stick to your guns. Not only is it something crucial for a successful birth but imagine what will happen once you have the baby and you haven't established boundaries!

 

[mel28nicole]

I guess I'm the only one here that was totally OK with having people there the whole time?

 

[Christinee]

I'm just kind of a private person in general... It bugs me when I don't have control of who is in my business. lol

 

[MrsKChicago]

I guess I'm the only one here that was totally OK with having people there the whole time?

I have a friend whose whole family seems to be like that. Whatever makes you feel happy and safe in labor!

 

[mel28nicole]

I guess I'm the only one here that was totally OK with having people there the whole time?

I have a friend whose whole family seems to be like that. Whatever makes you feel happy and safe in labor!

I guess it worked out because my labor was so long I wasn't in too much pain. It was nice that they were there when we came out of surgery. They got to meet her, and then I was left alone with her and DH the next three days. I had a couple friends visit but family wise, everyone stayed home. It was nice to feel the love for DD. But I wanted to throw my experience out there, since everyone seemed so negative about having family waiting in the waiting room.

 

[Bookwrmgal]

I'm just kind of a private person in general... It bugs me when I don't have control of who is in my business. lol

Yes, this is it exactly!! I mean if you want your whole extended family out there waiting then by all means! Everyone should go with how they feel best suits their family and birth vision. It's just not for me.

 

[Christinee]

I'm just kind of a private person in general... It bugs me when I don't have control of who is in my business. lol

Yes, this is it exactly!! I mean if you want your whole extended family out there waiting then by all means! Everyone should go with how they feel best suits their family and birth vision. It's just not for me.

With my first daughter it was like a zoo... I even had family members who wanted to be in the room to while i had her... INCLUDING MY DAD!! He got all offended when I said no, but sorry that is just weird to me. Anyway I don't want a circus outside waiting while im in the hospital so I may just not tell anyone this time until afterwards. Call it selfish but its what I think I want.

 

[Cewsbaby]

I don't know if I am lucky or unlucky but having family at the hospital when I deliver is not going to happen. DH is military and both of our families live in different states. The closest being my sister who wont be their because of school and the next is his sister who wont be their because she is actually due 7 weeks ahead of me. My mom and my MIL are both going to stay with us separately but not until after I have my DS. So it looks like it will be just me, DH and our son. I do admit though, I wouldn't mind my mom being their with me. She is my rock!

 

[redneckhippy]

So by chance (or luck or fate) at our birthing class last night one of the other couples brought up how they are not telling anyone until after the baby is born and everyone else was agreeing, saying how small the birth center is and how uncomfortable it would be to have people in the waiting room being able to hear everything or pacing back and forth. Even our instructor shared her experience how her husband was afraid to tell his mom the entire pregnancy that she wasn't invited and then she showed up at the birth and how angry and aweful it was. So I'm hoping that at least showed him that I'm not crazy or unusual in my desire for it to be just us.

 

[petitpas]

That was great luck, redneck! Think, man, think!

 

[MrsKChicago]

That's lucky, redneck! I hope he was listening! I wouldn't mind people waiting in a traditional hospital waiting room (though it seems kind of pointless since there will be at least 2 hours between birth and visitors), but not in such cramped quarters. That's just awkward.

 

[londonangel]

Blooming heck - only an hour! You're being really kind in my opinion! I told my family nobody could visit for a week and no way would I have anyone in my birthing room except my husband - and it even took him a while to get that image of baby's head crowning out of his mind, haha!

I'd say see how you feel at the time but it is your baby and your choice - if other family members want to be there, that's touch and quite frankly they're being unreasonable. Even my parents were told no visiting for a week. They turned up before I left hospital but my mum said it was dad's fault and that he was determined to come as he was so worried about me - I had to have surgery for a retained placenta and wasn't that well. I actually didn't tell them the baby had arrived until 11am the next morning!