How much does your partner know!?

[Padan1111]

Morning Ladies,

We are trying to conceive number 2, DD is 2y7m, and we figured a 3 year gap would be good and help reduce childcare costs. We've started ttc now, as of the beginning of the month, we're not ntnp but neither am I charting or anything too serious. However, I pretty much know through being regular and counting (!) and also body changes when I am ovulating.

I think the problem is that my DH and I are not completely on the same page on how relaxed our approach is. He wants to take a relaxed approach and just dtd when the mood strikes, which is pretty regularly but not every night necessarily. I, at least while TTC, would be quite happy with nightly! Given his relaxed approach I don't think he'd be up (excuse the pun) for that given our busy schedule and exhausting toddler! I also don't think he knows much about ladies cycles and the science of TTC.

How do you ladies do it, just gentle persuasion at the right times of the month or are you more explicit? Should I try and educate him so that I can set up a flag or something when we definitely should be dtd??

I guess my frustration is that I'm pretty sure I'll ovulate within the next couple of days and I'm worried about missing the window, if we haven't already

 

[MDW]

I'm quite lucky that when it comes to TTC my DH is "up" for it lol, any excuse to the DTD with him (which can sometimes be a pain!!).

I think if you are both committed to TTC that there should be a level of compromise. Every other day is more than enough, and you can make sure that you don't make it feel like it is a task to be done. Create a nice atmosphere etc.

 

[Wishing_well]

Tbh it doesn't need to be daily. You only need to be doing it around ovulation, so why not initiate it then. It won't seem like such a chore.

I'm lucky in that my husband is pretty clued up now... Well 18m of trying has helped!

 

[Jaxie086]

I'm quite frank with my husband lol. Plus, I already explained to him how my cycles and TTC works and best chances of conceiving. Luckily, with important stuff like this, he is a planner like me So, he always knows when I'm around ovulation time and that that pretty much means we're going to do it A LOT. There are times when I would come downstairs with nothing but a fuzzy blanket around me and I would say "I need you for a few minutes" haha!! And he just knows. Now, I will say that since he has been so stressed and tired from work lately that sometimes (it's rare) he just cant keep it up. But, we always try anyway.

 

[Weebles]

Hmmm... I have good male friend who will be ttc in a year or so and he's already feeling resentful about it even though they haven't even started yet and he wants a baby too. It's actually something I discussed with my DH because I was worried about him feeling that way. My DH is happy to BD whenever but says he totally sees where my friend is coming from so.. Here is my humble opinion. If your hubby wants a relaxed approach I think it would be best to oblige him... He might be afraid of feeling the way my friend is feeling about it. (Which is used. Even though it's something he wants too he doesn't want to feel used.) To me that would mean keeping whatever you are doing to increase the odds to yourself. Don't obcess during the ttw.. And dtd with him, because you love him and want to express that and not just because you want to conceive. When a man loves you they really do make love and they can be pretty sensitive about it too. Maybe that's not why your DH feels that way at all, I don't know, but it just made me think of my friend.

I think you should try to see if your hubby is in the mood when you're ovulating.. Even see if you can get him in the mood if he's not. Just don't actually tell him you're ovulating, he might feel pressured.

 

[awnmyown]

I took the less stress approach and left it to the DH's desire to be less obsessively timed. I didn't want it to feel forced or like dtd was a chore. Obviously as a woman you'll be more in the mood when you're ovulating, so use that time to seduce DH. Like others say it doesn't have to be every day, say O and O-2. Chances are if you instigate a few other random times of the month, he won't even notice you targeting your fertile days. Means less pressure on him to perform and he'll know that you can't get enough of him. You might be surprised by how much more he wants it when he sees you chasing him down for no apparent reason.

And I mean no apparent reason. Don't focus on "I want a baby from you", but rather the fun of seducing him!

 

[ser523]

My dh is sort of in the know, but only vaguely. Like he's doesn't really know a substantial amount of info, but he knows that I take my temperature, use pop's (or at least that I pee on things lol) and track things on my phone. I also tell him when we need to dtd more, which he's almost always happy to oblige lol. And he knows that when I'm around O time, we dtd more often.

 

[CP x]

My DH is 'easy' around the time I'm ovulating I'll tell him and he just knows, usually we try to BD every other day since I really have no idea when I ovulate but if I do have any symptoms, I let him know and he knows what we have to do that day. We tried the relaxed approach for a while but at this point we are doing everything we can.

 

[lilesMom]

I ov day 14
But I seem to catch better two days before ov on cd 12.
So long as I hit days 12 and 14,
I don't care when else for good measure.
I text him early in the day on those days.
Tell him in horny cos its a good day to make a baby ��
Cheesy but it works for both of us.
He knows we need to dtd but it seems more relaxed to not say it outloud
Or repeatedly or too soon before it.
I track and work put cycle days
I don't overload him with all that
I hve friends here and one friend in real life who is ttc.
They get 99% of my obsessing
Best of luck in ttc xxx

 

[wish4baby]

My husband doesn't want to know about or discuss TTC (or any "womanly" stuff). So I would say he knows practically nothing, besides we need to DTD to get pregnant.
The other day - after months/YEARS of temping in the AM, right next to him - he asked me, so are you pregnant yet? I said, it's too early to know (it was just after O) and he says, well, what does your thermometer say, don't you test every morning to see if you're pregnant? LOL, made me giggle He thought that was a pregnancy test! And we have 5 kiddos, TTC #6 (third cycle)

Anyways, I guess I'm pretty lucky b/c my DH wants to DTD all the time...so nightly would be fine for him, but I try to stretch it out to every other day until fertile time, then daily for about 3-4 days (until temp rise). He always instigates it, I either go with it or say nope

I read somewhere that a man needs to "dump" the sperm at least every 3 days for the healthiest sperm, so I keep that in mind and don't go more than 3 days without (except AF time). Also, I've heard 24-36 hrs is enough time for a healthy man to be back up to normal sperm count.

 

[Babybows]

I think I'm blessed with mine. My OH literally knows pretty much everything I know about ttc. I want him to know what I feel and why I feel things the way I do. He's also really curious about his own role and what he can contribute (besides the obvious.. )
Because of his irregular work schedules we actually plan our BD'ing so he knows my cycle. It doesn't really make it less fun. Since nobody really knows we are ttc, it's great to have your man by your side in this rollercoaster.

 

[LuLu15]

My DH knows a small amount. I talked to him about it and ask what he wants to know and doesn't. He wants me to tell him when it's the ideal time so that we can dtd. I also like that I don't feel like I'm the only one knowing what's going on for the ttc journey and we can talk about it.