How much help did you really need/want/ or plan for post birth help at your house?

[petitpas]

My mum is already helping me out and the baby isn't even here yet
Well, it's second time round and I'm struggling physically so she pops by every morning and cleans up the kitchen for us, does the odd bit of hoovering...
My parents also take ds out for walks etc as I can't go far.

The best help you can request is food and housework and help with getting a rest.
When ds was born I didn't get much sleep due to frequent feeding but also I just couldn't sleep deeply because I was always tuned into him. So in the mornings dh and later my mum would take him off me after a feed and I could sleep properly for 1.5-2h. I tried pumping a bottle for him but he never really took to it. Still, the distraction of trying with a bottle first gave me a little longer to sleep, I suppose.
When your OH is back at work having someone to cuddle the baby while you are in the shower is also very handy. You can cope without but you'll be more relaxed and happy if you can take your time. That kind of help is win win as you get what you need and the helper gets the craved for baby cuddles

Be firm about limitations, though. If you don't think you'll feel comfortable feeding in front of someone don't have them stay in your house. Try to be specific about how long you'll need them for or how often (start with less frequent and see how you go). You can always extend or add a visit if you are feeling fine but it's not so easy to hint people away again. Saying that, feel free to put people out when you are tired. You can say things like if you don't mind, I think I'm going to the bedroom with the baba in a bit for a feed/nap... Greeting visitors in your pajamas is also a great way of showing them you are tired and they can't stay for long.

People really want to help and help is very useful as long as it is the right help and according to your terms. If you make specific suggestions people can direct their efforts and you get what you want.
Hopefully, things work out well!

 

[DoubleLines]

None! Lock the door!

For my first i told my parents not to come for the first 2 weeks (they live far away so have to stay with me). They booked their flight for 5 days after my due date (grrr) and stayed for ten days. It was absolutely not helpful, I was annoyed at having people in my house, and in tons of pain from breastfeeding.

For #2 we needed someone to watch DS1 while I was in hospital so asked my mom to come up, she came a few days before my due date. I know it sounds ungrateful but I didn't really want anyone staying with us, hiwever I was concerned with going into labour in the middle of the night and having to drag DS1 out of bed to take him to our friend's house. Anyway, I said I didn't want anyone else for at least a week, then my dad booked his flight for the day after my due date anyway (grr) and I got him to change it so he moved it a few days later.

This time we will need someone to watch the boys but might try to get a friend or sitter to do it instead of having my parents come up. My mom seems to be under the impression that I'm due two weeks later than my real due date, and I might not correct her, lol.

I heard a 'rule of thumb' that if you're not comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed as your guest, don't let them stay at your house after you've just given birth.

"I heard a 'rule of thumb' that if you're not comfortable enough to sleep in the same bed as your guest, don't let them stay at your house after you've just given birth." -- I LOVE this haha!

 

[MissEyre]

I love this thread! It all confirms everything that I've assumed. My parents live a couple of hours away, so it will be plenty for them to just visit but not necessarily stay. The only thing that would change that would be if I have a c-section and can't do much lifting.

Thanks for your perspectives, ladies! It makes it so much easier to stick with my original plan.

 

[Canuk1979]

Great post! Sounds like you've made up your mind. My family knows that I will call them if I need help. DH's family wanted to be here right for the birth since they live out of town, but we shut down that idea quickly. They would've stayed for four weeks in our tiny home. They will be visiting for two weeks when baby is 6 weeks old. I should have a good handle on things by then and will be bossy enough to shut down any attempts my MIL to commandeer the baby. :thumb up:

As for visitors, I really don't want any. They can wait until we're ready for them. If everything with me and the baby are good, we plan on heading to our cottage 1.5 hours out of town to spend some time together. It's located close to a small village, so we have access to basic amenities. This will be a good way to keep visitors at bay.

 

[Zephram]

What you need is people to cook you dinner, bring it over, hand it to you and then leave again. You also need someone to come and fold the washing, do the dishes, vacuum the house or clean the bathroom. You do not need someone to come and take your newborn baby off your hands. If anyone offers to help you, that is what you say.

 

[tillyttc]

When I had my little girl it was just me ,hubby and our kids for 4-5days if you don't want them just explain you would like some time to bond as a cple with a new baby and you appreciate the offers if they want to help do the shopping , washing , hoovering , cooking and all that stuff ! If they arn't happy with that lock your door and close the curtains lol but don't feel forced to hand your baby over you have worked so hard the day he/she is put in your arms it's time for some mummy, daddy and new baby time . Xx

 

[mummytobe_93]

Literally planned nothing and didn't feel like I needed any help other than my partner. It might be a different story with number 2 though xx