how old is too old? too young? ...just right?

[myangel167]

SO, I know there will be a bunch of different opinions, and everyone's body and relationship/life/financial situation is different, etc...


BUT, What would you consider a good age to get pregnant/have kids?

I've heard that over 35 can be dangerous, and if you under 21 then you may not be responsible enough, although biologically ages 18-25 is the best time.

I know there are a lot of factors that go into this....

BUT, just give me a number and a brief description. I'm curious what you guys think....

 

[KalonKiki]

Honestly I think most of it depends on the person's situation, but biologically I'd say anywhere between 18 and 29 is prime childbearing age. That's not to say that you can't have perfectly healthy pregnancies and babies in your 30's or 40's though. I'd say that as a generalized thought 21 to 34 is probably the best age to have children because during that time most woman have a good mix of maturity and biology on their side.

I turned 22 a month after having my first (and so far only) child.

 

[Caite]

I've looked after women from 14 (sadly having a miscarriage) to 49 (who had just had a baby).

I had a placement with the teenagers' midwives, and I loved it. It really challenged my view, in that a lot of the mums had planned the pregnancy and had got their lives together already. They were moving in to their own houses and supporting themselves and the majority were fan mums. Some needed a lot of input and had massive problems - but that's the same with any woman any age.

The 49 year old was having her first baby. I actually felt a bit sorry for her and the baby. I don't know how the child will feel having a mum in her 50s taking her to school and whether the kid would get picked on by the other school kids for having an older mum or whether everyone would assume she was the grandmother. But I also felt a bit sorry for the mum. My mum was mid-30s when she had me, and all the other mums at school were about 10 years younger than my mum. All her friends had had children 10 years ago, and as a consequence, my mum had no mummy friends. She was divorced by that point, and I do often wonder if she was a bit lonely raising my sister and me.

 

[Pearls18]

I always said 30 would be my maximum, health wise and because I always knew I wanted children younger, I want to spend as much time with them as possible but also look forward to hubby and I still having time ahead of us together still youngish. I was lucky in that I met my husband at 17 so we had plenty of years together and experiences before having children, if we had of met older then we would have had children a bit older. I think some of it is what you know as well, my mum had me young and I love that she's only 49 so I get her for longer and my children too! Obviously that is no guarantee, but statistically. I was lucky in that DH and I have done a lot young, I went to uni and started a career and he has a good career in the military, I would have liked to have got my masters done first but DS1 came a couple years sooner than our ideal we were nearly 23, but I'm doing it now and it is fine. We dont own yet but that isn't a big deal to us as we move around with the military so no point buying yet, we do have a deposit though, but I wouldn't have put off having children at a young age just to own a house not if it meant delaying for years. So for us our ideal would have been 25 as we met young, did a lot young, financially stable etc. I'm not sure if I want one more but I am setting a limit of 30 for us, especially because we started at 22 I don't want to spend all my 30s baby rearing either lol. Any younger than what we were we would have been less financially stable but more importantly I think we would have been less secure as a couple, I cherish the fact we had 5 years together before getting pregnant, it really set the foundation for us.

Biologically speaking I guess I would have to say 35, but if I had of met DH later I have no doubt I would have been happy to TTC as long as my body would let me naturally, I don't think I would interfere with treatment after 35 but that is easy for me to say not having been in the position.

 

[lhancock90]

Its so dependent on the situation, money, living situation etc.

 

[Vickster1]

I'm 21 and happily married but I think I would have been a good Mum from aged 18 and younger. I think it completely depends on your situation.

 

[BumpySomeday]

With all the factors included (biologically, financially, mentally, etc) I would say 23-28. Probably mostly because I know too many girls who had babies younger who's baby daddy's aren't in the picture anymore. And I have friends who are about 30 and it took them longer than they wished.

But, like you and everyone else said... everyone and every situation is completely different & I don't judge otherwise!

 

[jren]

I don't think age is the main factor, whereas it is more dependent on your living situation and if you are prepared to raise a baby in all aspects of your life. I have friends that had babies at 18 and are doing fine, and I have known women that have had children in their 40's.

 

[KalonKiki]

With all the factors included (biologically, financially, mentally, etc) I would say 23-28. Probably mostly because I know too many girls who had babies younger who's baby daddy's aren't in the picture anymore. And I have friends who are about 30 and it took them longer than they wished.

But, like you and everyone else said... everyone and every situation is completely different & I don't judge otherwise!

Now that I think about it I think a lot depends on how old your partner is too. A lot of people think about how old the mother is when she has a baby in regards to all of these things, but they never think about how old the father is. I would say that you can be a viable mother well before the age of 23 if your SO is at least 25 years old himself. For example, we're doing okay for parenthood financially, mentally, and biologically probably mostly because my DF and I have a nearly 6 year age gap between us. He's 28 and has a Master's, which more than makes up for my young age of 22 with no degree and I'm currently in my biological prime and because he's a man he of course is still in his prime as well.

I think a lot of people assume that the father of the baby is right about the same age as the mother which is often not the case. Some women start families with younger men and some with older, too.

 

[odd_socks]

I wouldn't try after 30, for me personally I would feel it was too old with my health issues

 

[Kiki1993]

I would say based on a mix of healthy time to have, when you have worked/experienced life, any time between 21-30 x

 

[SabrinaKat]

I had my little boy when I was 44 (naturally!) and am now 46. I had been told that it would be difficult for me due to PCOS to have children so I never even really considered, but having been told that in my 20s, modern medicine has advanced alot since then (plus, it was an underactive thyroid that was the main issue). Most people think that I am much younger than I look, e.g. in my 30s and to be honest, I think your 30s are the best age....

My mom had me when she was 22, and I have friends of all ages having children (a few in their 20s, most in their 30s, and one or two in their 40s), but I think this generation has alot more opportunities, so among those who educated (I have a PhD) tend to wait a bit until their 30s. I wish I had known earlier that I did want children and am a little sorry that we won't have a younger brother or sister for my LO, but I certainly don't feel like the oldest mum at the creche, in fact, most of the other parents are professionals (teachers, nurses, lawyers, etc) THAT said, what is great about modern medicine is that we all have a choice now!

(and do I worry about being in my 50s when LO is a teenager? um....let me get my slippers and pipe and get back to you...! -- to be honest, no, because I work in a school and have continued my studies (doing a language course), so am around all different types of people).......

hugs

my advice - whatever is best for you, is best. And if you are worried, get checked out and make sure all is healthy!

 

[lozzy21]

I'd say 22-40. It's not that u don't think you can't be a good mum if your under 22, it's just that you need time to be selfish and live a little. I have friend that had kids at 19-20 and their great mums but have never been on holiday with their husbands, been to festivals. Things you might regret not doing in years to come. I also think you need to be with your partner a good 3/4 years before having children so that factors that in. After 40 you run the risk of not being there for your children as they get older, I know you could die at any age but as you get older the risks get higher. My grandad died of a heart attack at 43, my nanna was 63.