How old is too old?

[mummy2be...]

But the child doesn't know any difference???? Of course they arnt going to want to stop something that they have been having since day dot, and my friends mf doesn't understand why the cruel children in his playground are ripping him apart for
It, it's normal to him. I think the damage from the bullying is doing alot more damage than stopping would. My friend has admitted she hasn't weaned him off because she loves doing it and that IS selfish.

Maybe she loves it so much because she knows it's best for her child. I enjoy BF because I can see the good it's doing my baby. I'm happy because she's happy. I don't think we should stop doing things for fear of our children being bullied. Kids will always pick on someone who is different but we can't all just follow the mainstream just to avoid being picked on. Hopefully one day extended BF won't be seen as so unusual and kids wouldn't be bullied for it. Maybe your friend could BF in private. There's no need for his friends to know that he's still BF.

She does do it privately I believe BUT as I said, to her lb this is the norm, so he goes into school and talks about it to his classmates with no shame... And obviously gets jumped on. If my friend were to tell him to keep it a secret surely then it's behaving as of there's something to be ashamed of?

Idk, in my opinion I think she's doing more damage continuing to bf than stopping..... But that's just my opinion, we all have them

Why should he be shamed? hes 4 fgs! hardly a teenager. Good on her, and good on him. If breastfeeding was not considered as dirty and done openly in public, not in toilets then children wouldnt be bullied over it as it would be normal and quite rightly so.

He shouldn't be ashamed but if she started telling him not to tell his friends then that's getting him to behave as if it's something to be ashamed of.

I don't think bf is dirty, I think bf is a beautiful and natural thing, and if You can do it then its the best start you can give your baby. But I do think it's for babies and not for children, 4 years old to me is a child. I dont want to cause offence to anyone by what I say but I am entitled to my opinion just like everyone else.

Eta: he asked her the other day why he is different and non of his friends get special milk? He then also cried and told her all the other boys call him baby......

 

[MrsHedgehog]

I havent read all the answers yet.

I think BF at that point is a little unnecessary but each to their own. Not having toys in the house is a bit sad, not all toys are expensive and they are great for development.
I find the co-sleeping just a bit strange though. Like she is desperately clinging to having a 'baby' when her 'babies' are in fact children and probably wouldn't mind their own space! I wonder whether this attachment parenting style is detrimental to a child in any way? Would a child adequately learn independence? I find it slightly smothering and more for the mother than for the child.

I often think that the term 'attachment parenting' is misleading as people often think that it's smothering for a child. I think a better term for it would be baby-led parenting as the main idea of attachment parenting is that you allow your child to do things in their own time so you stop co-sleeping when the child shows signs of wanting their own space, you stop BF when the child wants to, you wean when the child is ready. The idea is that the child should become independent in their own time and not be forced to grow up too soon. As a PP said, our society tries to make kids grow up too fast and that's not a good thing either. Attachment parenting allows kids to grow up at their own rate rather than make them do things when society believes we should. How can society decide when it is no longer acceptable to BF? Nature has things worked out perfectly and we should trust a bit more in our own and our babies' instincts.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I havent read all the answers yet.

I think BF at that point is a little unnecessary but each to their own. Not having toys in the house is a bit sad, not all toys are expensive and they are great for development.
I find the co-sleeping just a bit strange though. Like she is desperately clinging to having a 'baby' when her 'babies' are in fact children and probably wouldn't mind their own space! I wonder whether this attachment parenting style is detrimental to a child in any way? Would a child adequately learn independence? I find it slightly smothering and more for the mother than for the child.

I often think that the term 'attachment parenting' is misleading as people often think that it's smothering for a child. I think a better term for it would be baby-led parenting as the main idea of attachment parenting is that you allow your child to do things in their own time so you stop co-sleeping when the child shows signs of wanting their own space, you stop BF when the child wants to, you wean when the child is ready. The idea is that the child should become independent in their own time and not be forced to grow up too soon. As a PP said, our society tries to make kids grow up too fast and that's not a good thing either. Attachment parenting allows kids to grow up at their own rate rather than make them do things when society believes we should. How can society decide when it is no longer acceptable to BF? Nature has things worked out perfectly and we should trust a bit more in our own and our babies' instincts.

Perfectly stated

 

[xemmax]

I think ALL parenting 'styles' can be detrimental to a child if a parent is insistent on pursuing it without following their baby's lead. Some babies hate co-sleeping, some hate sleeping alone, some babies demand independence, some babies won't settle without being held - every baby is totally different and I think if you respond to your child in the way that they are asking you to then you are doing things perfectly.

For that reason I think it's really impossible to judge whether someone is doing something right or wrong... only a parent really knows their child, so it's best to respect their decisions even though you know they wouldn't work for your own child.

 

[My_First]

The idea is that the child should become independent in their own time and not be forced to grow up too soon. As a PP said, our society tries to make kids grow up too fast and that's not a good thing either. Attachment parenting allows kids to grow up at their own rate rather than make them do things when society believes we should. How can society decide when it is no longer acceptable to BF? Nature has things worked out perfectly and we should trust a bit more in our own and our babies' instincts.

I totally agree with this, however, as mentioned before, its not always pratical. Society now dicates that many of us have to go back to work, and so getting sleep, weaning off the boob, 'sooner than nature intended' etc. becomes a necessaity, as its just not possible to feed on demand/baby wear whilst at work.

 

[Lauki]

The idea is that the child should become independent in their own time and not be forced to grow up too soon. As a PP said, our society tries to make kids grow up too fast and that's not a good thing either. Attachment parenting allows kids to grow up at their own rate rather than make them do things when society believes we should. How can society decide when it is no longer acceptable to BF? Nature has things worked out perfectly and we should trust a bit more in our own and our babies' instincts.

I totally agree with this, however, as mentioned before, its not always pratical. Society now dicates that many of us have to go back to work, and so getting sleep, weaning off the boob, 'sooner than nature intended' etc. becomes a necessaity, as its just not possible to feed on demand/baby wear whilst at work.

But that shouldn't mean that women who DO choose to do these things like extended breastfeeding and cosleeping should be shamed by others. Just because society changes, doesn't mean everyone has to follow the normal.
(Not saying this is what you said at all, but just saying in general).

My sisters and me went in turns to sleep in bed with my mum (after her and my dad split up) until we moved out of the house (I was 19). I am now 25, married, have a baby and I can sleep without my mum just fine .

I think people forget we're talking about KIDS here, not about grownups. Kids will not be independent as they just simply can't look after themselves. They might sleep in their own bed for 12 hours at night. But if they wake up from a nightmare or in pain they will still need you and want you.

 

[aliss]

I was BF until 3. I thought it was the norm until I turned 26 and joined BnB.

 

[My_First]

And I absolutly agree, my comment wasn't about whether we should or shouldnt do it, (if people want to do it, its up to them) it was in response to society making children 'grow up' too quickly, there are circumstantial reasons as to why we dont extend breast feed/co sleep (as much).

 

[My_First]

I was BF until 3. I thought it was the norm until I turned 26 and joined BnB.

And for me, I didnt even know it extended breast feeding really existed, until I was 35 and on here. My attitudes have totally changed, for the positive, on extended breast feeding, since BnB...

 

[Lauki]

And I absolutly agree, my comment wasn't about whether we should or shouldnt do it, (if people want to do it, its up to them) it was in response to society making children 'grow up' too quickly, there are circumstantial reasons as to why we dont extend breast feed/co sleep (as much).

And you're so right! And it's fine for some women. I will never be upset with anyone as long as they don't harm their children!

I just wish that people could accept that there's still women that do things the 'natural' way. Just as I accept that there's mums that are unable to do so (for whatever reason!).

 

[Lownthwaite]

The idea is that the child should become independent in their own time and not be forced to grow up too soon. As a PP said, our society tries to make kids grow up too fast and that's not a good thing either. Attachment parenting allows kids to grow up at their own rate rather than make them do things when society believes we should. How can society decide when it is no longer acceptable to BF? Nature has things worked out perfectly and we should trust a bit more in our own and our babies' instincts.

I totally agree with this, however, as mentioned before, its not always pratical. Society now dicates that many of us have to go back to work, and so getting sleep, weaning off the boob, 'sooner than nature intended' etc. becomes a necessaity, as its just not possible to feed on demand/baby wear whilst at work.

I continued to BF on demand and would sometimes babywear once I returned to work LO had EBM in a sippy cup whilst I was away and then resumed BF on demand when I was home (I expressed at work 3 times a day to maintain supply)

 

[Ozzieshunni]

^^The above. It is very possible to continue BFing and baby wearing while returning to work.

 

[My_First]

The idea is that the child should become independent in their own time and not be forced to grow up too soon. As a PP said, our society tries to make kids grow up too fast and that's not a good thing either. Attachment parenting allows kids to grow up at their own rate rather than make them do things when society believes we should. How can society decide when it is no longer acceptable to BF? Nature has things worked out perfectly and we should trust a bit more in our own and our babies' instincts.

I totally agree with this, however, as mentioned before, its not always pratical. Society now dicates that many of us have to go back to work, and so getting sleep, weaning off the boob, 'sooner than nature intended' etc. becomes a necessaity, as its just not possible to feed on demand/baby wear whilst at work.

I continued to BF on demand and would sometimes babywear once I returned to work LO had EBM in a sippy cup whilst I was away and then resumed BF on demand when I was home (I expressed at work 3 times a day to maintain supply)

Absolutly, however not everyone has the option to do that. I think its probably more of an exception, rather than the rule. I think sometimes, (and maybe its a sad reflection on society), that if a woman may have to leave a high powered, strategic, all day business meeting to express, 'could' be seen as a weakness. I am not saying it should be, but with women aiming for equality to men, it must be a difficult balance to acheive.

I know when I was pregnant, first few months of LO's life, I was breastfeeding/pumping, and I wanted to finish off my Masters, (I was in my final year), and I had a whole day a week where I was away from Lo at 6 weeks old. I used to pump in the disable toilets at uni and was so embarassed as it echoed! But many work place now are accepting that women want to contine to BF and under the Equalities Act 2010, must provide a suitable pumping area.

 

[Blah11]

The idea is that the child should become independent in their own time and not be forced to grow up too soon. As a PP said, our society tries to make kids grow up too fast and that's not a good thing either. Attachment parenting allows kids to grow up at their own rate rather than make them do things when society believes we should. How can society decide when it is no longer acceptable to BF? Nature has things worked out perfectly and we should trust a bit more in our own and our babies' instincts.

I totally agree with this, however, as mentioned before, its not always pratical. Society now dicates that many of us have to go back to work, and so getting sleep, weaning off the boob, 'sooner than nature intended' etc. becomes a necessaity, as its just not possible to feed on demand/baby wear whilst at work.

i went back to work when amelie was 9 months old I bfd before i left for work and as soon as we got home and wore her in the carrier home!

 

[My_First]

By the way, I hope no one sees me as arguing, because im not, I am just offering possible reasons as to why people dont extend breastfeed, as mentioned, I wish I could have just successfully breast fed, full stop.

I think its interesting, as mentioned before that the rate of mat pay/leave correlates, by country, to BF/extended BF rates...

 

[aliss]

Depends on the career, at my old job, we had a pumping room but you'd be lucky to get 15 minutes in 12 hours to use it unfortuantely.

 

[Ozzieshunni]

By the way, I hope no one sees me as arguing, because im not, I am just offering possible reasons as to why people dont extend breastfeed, as mentioned, I wish I could have just successfully breast fed, full stop.

I think its interesting, as mentioned before that the rate of mat pay/leave correlates, by country, to BF/extended BF rates...

I agree that there might be some reasons, but BFing should not be seen as a weakness in regards to women. I think by continuing to push those reasons there will always be excuses why women don't continue to BF.

 

[MrsHedgehog]

The idea is that the child should become independent in their own time and not be forced to grow up too soon. As a PP said, our society tries to make kids grow up too fast and that's not a good thing either. Attachment parenting allows kids to grow up at their own rate rather than make them do things when society believes we should. How can society decide when it is no longer acceptable to BF? Nature has things worked out perfectly and we should trust a bit more in our own and our babies' instincts.

I totally agree with this, however, as mentioned before, its not always pratical. Society now dicates that many of us have to go back to work, and so getting sleep, weaning off the boob, 'sooner than nature intended' etc. becomes a necessaity, as its just not possible to feed on demand/baby wear whilst at work.

Your right, it isn't always possible and everyone has to do what works for them. I was merely saying that AP is not the same as smothering a child, just responding to their needs in as natural a way as possible. A mother who goes back to work is responding to those needs in a slightly different way that's all.

 

[My_First]

By the way, I hope no one sees me as arguing, because im not, I am just offering possible reasons as to why people dont extend breastfeed, as mentioned, I wish I could have just successfully breast fed, full stop.

I think its interesting, as mentioned before that the rate of mat pay/leave correlates, by country, to BF/extended BF rates...

I agree that there might be some reasons, but BFing should not be seen as a weakness in regards to women. I think by continuing to push those reasons there will always be excuses why women don't continue to BF.

And I think you make a very valid point...

And I edit to say, that maybe it demonstrates an even stronger woman with the ability to balance the two.

 

[Tasha]

They call them milk teeth because in some cultures, they don't stop breastfeeding until they lose them all, around age 7

Only just got to this part but lose them all at seven? My little boy lost his first at seven and my little girl six, they are now almost eight and almost seven and it seems them and most of their friends have lost one or two, at most four. Are you sure it is all and not the first? I am not saying you are wrong just wondering.