How to cope with a lazy husband?!?!?!?

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by ladyty2k, Dec 23, 2009.

  1. ladyty2k

    ladyty2k Mummy of one

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    Sorry for the rant in advance..

    Im soooo angry this morning!! Im bunged up with the flu and cold and realy struggled yesterday to cope with our 9 week old so my husband said he would book the day off work today and do the night feeds etc in the night last night....

    He never does night feeds, which ok when he is in work in the week i dont expect him to but even on weekends he doesnt.

    Anyway came around to her first night feed last night...he was snoring away, no sign what so ever of him getting up..i eve left her cry a little bit to wake him...nope, had to struggle out of bed myself again and feed her and same again at the second feed....grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr he is sooooo lazy, he said he would help and he didnt!

    I also asked him to make the feeds up last night so i could go on up to bed when i had settled her, he said yes no probs...but no...woke for her first feed and there were no feeds ready!!

    What am i doing wrong..im so upset this morning, hate him for it! I do so much and all i was asking for was a night off and i didnt get it.

    I took her up for her nap just now and he was there snoring away still, all cosied up!!....he then woke briefly and said 'ill have her now hun'!!!!! ha!!!!!!! i said 'there is no point now, you enjoy your sleep!!' very sarcastically

    Are anyone elses OH like this or am i just unlucky!?!?!?
    Its a good job us women get on with it isnt it!

    Sorry for the rant i just needed to tell someone!
    Thanks ladies
    x
    Tara
     
  2. Scally

    Scally Well-Known Member

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    Go upstairs and kick his butt out of bed!!!!!!!
     
  3. bjl1981

    bjl1981 Well-Known Member

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    :hugs:
    My OH is the same at night, he could sleep through a flipping hurricane! So when he used to offer to do the night feeds (LO doesn't need them anymore) I would have to wake him up with an almighty nudge in the night. It used to irritate me, but he wasn't pretending he was completely asleep, and when I woke him he would get up straight away! maybe he just needed waking. You could just nudge him and say "Hon werent you going to feed LO?"
    Now if our LO wakes up and cries I just sort him myself (well I'm awake anyway) and sometimes I do think "why is it always me?" but secretly I think I can sort LO out quicker anyway!

    The not making of bottles is sooooooo irritating though. That deserves a "unfortunately LO had to cry and wait for bottle this morning as there werent any made up" (said sarcastically) By making it about LO hopefully he'll feel bad enough not to do it again!
    Hope you have a better day :)
     
  4. mumtosam

    mumtosam Well-Known Member

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    My husband is exactly the same although he is slightly better now. He has done about 3 night feeds and only then because I had severe food poisoning. He has never made a bottle and I'm not sure he even knows how to. If he does feed Sam he doesn't wash the bottle up and put it in the steriliser but leaves it for me which annoys me. Now that Sam is on 3 meals a day, he does feed him sometimes at the weekends as he quite enjoys it but he never washes the bowl or wipes the highchair tray and I usually have to get the food ready. I have told him things will have to change in January as I am going back to work but I know I will still end up doing the majority of the childcare!!
    Sorry for the rant but I do feel better now! And no ladyty2k you are not alone, I think in general most men are the same.
     
  5. ladyty2k

    ladyty2k Mummy of one

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    thanks...i just think why should i have to tell him to do it?? he said he was going to, it just seems as though there is no thought there!

    I must admit i am the type too to just get on with it as its done a lot quicker lol but i am full of a cold at the mo and i just wanted 1 night off!

    I know i am not going to speak to him much today now...hate days like this but why should i let it go...hes got a day off and is still sleeping now!!!

    I could go back to bed now but im awake now and it takes me ages to actually get to sleep anyway!

    Oh i dont know....i need a pamper day!! lol
     
  6. ladyty2k

    ladyty2k Mummy of one

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    Us women need a medal!!!:winkwink:
     
  7. ladyty2k

    ladyty2k Mummy of one

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    Thanks for all your comments though x
     
  8. mommy2lilmen

    mommy2lilmen Well-Known Member

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    I dont mean to put mine down but he does that to, hes gotten better as of late. He works graveyard and sleeps all day but Im up 24/7 with our baby and i have 4 other kids on top of that and I do everything else around here. ON his days off he still sleeps, sometimes he puts earplugs in. I got so mad at him, I said that hes not at work now, that I deserve a break to and that he shoudl help care for his baby. Well as of the last couple weeks hes realized just how hard it is, cus I forced it upon him to help or he shouldnt even bother during the times he is awake. He came to me and said Im tired, its hard work ... hmmm duh lol. I even ask DH to help out with housework, he will when i raise an issue then blow it off after. He says I should ask, well I dont think I should either. Its here, it needs to be done, do it, right? I have even written a list of daily things I would like help with and he STILL says I should ask. well geeze ...

    Im sorry your going through the same thing. Men do take women for granted, and think cus we have the female genes that we can get up and do the baby thing. well dont we need sleep to?hmmm and they wonder why we are B****y. well geeze..its not our hormones, well it is hormones it is sleeping in the bed when we get up to deal with the baby lol.

    HUGS :hugs: it will get better once she starts to sleep through the night.
     
  9. Lu28

    Lu28 Aisling's mammy

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    To be honest, I wouldn't go through the day not speaking to him. This isn't something you should just let go but maybe sit him down and talk to him about it? You have kicked his ass out of bed by now haven't you?! :lol: My DH was the same for sorting our LO during the night, he said he would but would sleep right through the crying so I'd have to physically wake him to do it, men for some reason can sleep through the crying.

    Not having made up the feeds and not even setting an alarm to get up with LO so you could lie in would really irritate me and personally I'd sit him down and explain to him exactly why. There's plenty of days off for him coming up over the Christmas period where he can make it up to you! :D
     
  10. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

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    I'm not making excuses but it's actually been proven that men find it very difficult physically do to wake up at night. They're not programmed like we are to wake up to feed a child (something to do with instincts...it was on this morning a while ago). My hubby offered on a couple of occasions to do night feeds and failed miserably to get up. Instead of getting mad, we just made a deal that I would do the night feeds but on his days off he would do wake ups (which is usually at 7am-ish). He then leaves me in bed. I will always make sure there's feeds ready too as (and I know this makes me sound like a control freak) but he does it wrong.....puts the wrong caps on the wrong bottls (we have 2 different types) and so they leak all over me and Earl lol. He will do the wake up, feed, change and dress Earl and get him off for his first nap an hour or so later then come wake me up with a cuppa and a bacon butty.....I occasionally have to give him an elbow to get him up at that time in the morning but he thanks me for it as we get a full day together then lol. I am expecting this treatment tomorrow....lovely on Christmas Eve! lol :thumbup:

    If he's got the day off anyway, can he do EVERYTHING you would normally do and let you curl up on the sofa?! Hope you feel better soon xx :hugs:
     
  11. Mum2b_Claire

    Mum2b_Claire Mummy to Ruby & Scarlett!

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    I agree with Aimee - we are programmed to hear our babies crying and it wakes us up, but our men are sadly lacking in this. OH has got up with Ruby and left me in bed a few times but he's never done a night feed, luckily she stopped needing them at 6 weeks. I would be mad that he didn't get the feeds ready though, there is no excuse whatsoever for that and he needs to be told!
     
  12. nikkiangel83

    nikkiangel83 Mum to a little girl

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    I'm still BF so don't have a choice about feeds but I do wish that OH would spot the other obvious things that need to be done too. He isn't too bad I s'pose but I do feel like if I didn't do certain things they would never get done. Despite the fact he KNOWS they need doing as he sees me doing them.
     
  13. ladyty2k

    ladyty2k Mummy of one

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    Yes he has the day off now so i went back to bed about an hour ago, only for the phone to ring and ring, 3 people rang and now im awake again and cant sleep now!!!!!!! argggghhhh
    He still has her though, im not going to do much today, i will rest but cant see me getting much sleep now, we have to go out about 3 anyway

    Im not going to be mad at him for long, i cant, i just say i am going to be but i give in lol

    Just wanted a rant this morning....maybe i should just tell him more in the nights to get up, he just seems so ratty at night when i do ask so i leave it?!?!?
    x
     
  14. aimee-lou

    aimee-lou Totally Outnumbered!!

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    I'm glad that he has taken her for you....unplug the phone and get in the bath!! :thumbup:

    Tbh, I just don't bother now asking hubby to get up at night. Occasionally i will moan as I have to get sleep at some point and I have to catch up that 'sleep debt' from getting up overnight. Thankfully, Earl now seems to be sleeping better and only wakes once per night and then it's normally around 4am which means we get a block of sleep.

    I'm quite jealous of any girls who get their other halves out of bed, even to just heat the feed up for you. It's the small things that really help in the wee small hours!
     
  15. nikki_j

    nikki_j Mummy to my baby Aiden :)

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    I could have written this post myself, o the rows we have had, lol. My OH has literally done nothing. He occassionally makes the bottles up, but that is it - occassionally. He hasn't changed his nappy since he was about a week old and hasn't given him a bottle for probably just as long. He has even only just started to interact with him because he gets smiles and laughs out of him now... so that makes me feel a little better that he isn't just "ignoring" him, but he still doesn't do any of the practical stuff!!

    I am also very jealous of ladies with OH's that help lol, you lucky lucky girls! Unless my OH is just a lazy git lol. I think so... lol :haha: xxx
     
  16. twists183

    twists183 Mother of 1 little boy

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    Hi Lady...

    Can I make a plea? TELL him. Explicitly say - without using any swear words, you promised me blah blah blah...Men have a wonderful deaf ear/eye/heart to sarcasm, they will hear it and then tactfully ignore it, but store the moment away. But if you state straight out you are not helping me, you're making me feel alone with this baby and you're not being fair. It shouldv'e been me allowed to sleep in last night but you didn't even budge - and this bit is your own fault, EVEN when I woke you!

    My OH does so many wonderful things but also so many things that drive me up the wall so I have to tell him otherwise I'd go crazy. The first few days being home from hospital the house here was a bomb site cause he had been so strecthed by it all (!!!!) he hadn't had time to tidy up after himself. So after a C-section I came back and tidied the house top to bottom. But the next day he made more mess, leaves crumbs, cushions, letters, remotes, whatever he touches is left wherever he was, nothing cleaned, washed or moved. I was so mad I tried to say nothing and while he stood eating his breakfast I tidied round him, he kept saying 'have some breakfast,' till I cracked and said 'no, if I don't do the cleaning up who bloody will?' and I had a right go reminding him to clean up after himself at the very least and help out with the house work instead of grinding to a halt because baby has arrived - just makes getting sorted again after the initial shock all the more harder.

    Things are better now - and I feel that way too, it helps to get these things off your chest :)
     
  17. becstar

    becstar Sleep is for the weak

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    My husband genuinely did not realise and he takes criticism badly... I had to very tactfully tell him what I needed but I would seethe thinking 'you should know this!!!' He didn't though! i go back to work in 2 weeks and he is being a stay at home dad, and he's been taking over her care more and more the last couple of days to get he used to it. He's feeling it, let me tell you! He's knackered and keeps saying how hard it is. Well, duh!
     
  18. SianMA

    SianMA Mum to Ryan TTC#2

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    I have had hundreds of arguments with DH over this type of stuff too! I am BF so he can't do the feeding bit but I do just give him a kick and make him get up to change Ryan or settle him if I'm really tired but normally just do it myself as it's quicker.

    I had a really good chat with him about it all and he said that it just genuinely doesn't occurr to him to sort out the steriliser before going to bed or to clean up after changing a nappy on the living room floor! So I said fine but don't ever accuse me of nagging when i tell you to do these things in future and he hasn't.

    As for the not waking up I think men are generally heavier sleepers, again I told DH not to ever moan at me if I kick him too hard when waking him up to change Ryan!

    I just try to be very very specific when i ask him to do stuff and tell him when I want it done by, that way there is no misunderstanding.

    We've also come to the arrangement that he is responsible for Ryan (other than physically feeding him) from 6am onwards on week days and at the weekends. The first few times were tough as I'd see him doing stuff that I wouldn't but he gradually foudn his own way or asked me what I would do.

    You just need to find an arrangemetn that suits you both and make him stick to it - even if you have to grit your teeth and let him get it wrong a few times!
     
  19. Soph&Bump

    Soph&Bump Well-Known Member

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    I empathise as I've had a similar situation. OH said he'd help but it was me that woke up. I didn't want to have to shake him awake but wanted him to hear her crying and do something. I'd spend ages trying to get LO back down to sleep and he'd not even stir.

    It all got too much and I was starting to seriously struggle to survive on 3 hours sleep a night. Because I knew OH was going to be out tonight on baby's head wetting/work xmas party, I said last night that I was sleeping in spare room and that he could have Lola all night. I'm doing a mixture of BF, expressing and formula so he can do night feeds.. I felt really guilty when I went to bed but I really enjoyed my sleep. She woke at 12.30, 2.30, 5.30 and 7.30 (when he got me up). He said it was fine doing it. I could have got angry and said 'try doing it every night' but I resisted and said 'that's great, you can do nights from now on then!' Ha ha. He actually has offered to share nights, at least during the xmas break.

    So, if you can, tell him you're at the end of your tether or that you really need a break and if you have a spare room, tell him you're going to have a night off. I feel so much better today for having had 6 hours sleep. Us women want men to read our mind and our needs but they're just useless at this. We need to spell it out to them.

    Good luck. I hope he gives you some help and you get a break. x
     
  20. goddess25

    goddess25 Well-Known Member

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    Aw poor you, I hope you are feeling better soon. I agree with one of the other posters.. my husband is fabulous with my son and does as much as he can for him, but in the early days when he was feeding overnight, we took turns while hubby was not at work. I BF but he would get him out his bassinet, change his nappy, give him to me, i would feed him and he put him back to bed. I did have to wake him up to get him up and wake him again to put him back to bed, it wasnt that he never heard him or was ignoring it, he is a heavy sleeper. I would wake him up and he would do whatever I asked with no questions or complaints even though he was knackered too.

    Wow as I write this i have had a flashback and am thinking hmmm do i want another babe to do this all again!!

    Try waking him up and see what happens. If he doesnt help i would be tempted to stop doing stuff for him in the day time like clothes washing etc until he helps you more.
     

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