How to decide between IVF and donor sperm?

[emilyjean]

An IVF cycle costs 16k where I'm at. The doctor says that my husbands low sperm count won't affect whether IVF works or not. But still, there are no guarantees. I'm scared to death of paying that much money and being too poor to do another cycle.

On the other hand, we could try a few rounds of IUI with a donor. No guarantees, but even if we do 3 rounds, we'd only be shelling out around 6k. I'm totally fine with this idea, my husband isn't so sure.

Is it stupid to even be considering this? How does a husband come to terms with the fact that he won't be biologically linked to his child?

 

[Flake-y]

Hi there; not sure if I can help, but we had IUI with donor sperm last friday as DH is infertile. He's fine about using the donor, but we had not choice at all; if your DH knew he would be able to still have his own kids through IVF, he might feel differently maybe?

The IUI is much cheaper though (4x cheaper where we are!), but the IVF is more likely to work, and it would be your DH's baby as opposed to a donor, I guess there are a lot of things to think about!!!

Anyway, best thing to do is decide together, what is best for you both.

Lots & lots of luck!!!

 

[emilyjean]

Yeah, that is why he feels differently about it I suppose. IUI is like 8x cheaper here. It makes sense to me, and I'm not willing to give up carrying my own child because my husband is stubborn.

Thanks for your sharing your experience, and fx'd for you!

 

[momyof3yippey]

Did you know about ZINC and Royal jelly helping increase the motility and morphology and even the amount of sperm? My DH took it and it increased everything in just a few days...he had 71.4 million good ones with just 24 hours to build that..he had 90% motility and 85% morph...he was a smoker for YEARS and now he has healthy spermies..
A good place I went to for info was... www.royalbeejelly.com But you can get the royal jelly ar walmart for only 5$ in the US

 

[momyof3yippey]

Oh I just saw your location! I am too from Illinois

 

[ttc4wantboy]

Hi emily jean,

I don't know if you are still deciding at this point, but I felt I'd put my two cents in. My DH felt the same way years ago. He wasn't too sure about whether or not he could be that close to a child who was not biologically his. The only chance he would have had to have a biological child was to have ICSI, but even then, the chance wasn't high (he has maturation arrest). He ended up getting really depressed before he decided to go to counseling to work thorugh his emotions. It was then that he realized that, to him, it wouldn't matter because he would be Daddy. He would be the one to wake up with her at night, to change her diaper, to give her a bath. Plus, having an IUI with donor sperm was much cheaper than either adoption or ICSI. SO we went ahead with it, eagerly.

I think what also helped was his involvement in the whole process. When it came to picking a donor, we picked someone who had a similar personality and sense of humor to him. DH was there when I was inseminated. He was there when I took the pregnancy tests. And he was there for the pregnancy and the delivery. As soon as she came out, he cried. He gave her her first bath. He stayed up with her at night when she had colic (and I was too frustrated to deal with it). For all intents and purposes, she is his. A month ago, I asked if he ever regrets that he can't have biological children. He said, "I'm glad I can't, cause I wouldn't have Lanee".

Most men will have their hang-ups when diagnosed with infertility, like they think it makes them less of a man or something. Some get through it faster than others. Some need some help, like my DH. And even a few will never be able to get past it. But from what I've seen, the majority do. Just keep the line of communication open. And be honest about it with each other. Then, there will be less strain.

Good luck with whatever you two decide!

 

[Justagirlxx]

It wont effect the chances of IVF working at all because they fertilise the egg with your husbands sperm before injecting it into you, so you know for sure that the eggs have already been fertilised with the sperm. This process is not effected in any way by your husbands sperm count.. they only need 1 sperm per egg to do this. I personally would never get a sperm donor unless it was absolutely nessesary. It would have to be a decision you and your husband are okay with but why use other sperm if you dont have to??

ETA I cant believe how expensive IVF is. Wow is all I can say!!

 

[MrsRH]

Did you know about ZINC and Royal jelly helping increase the motility and morphology and even the amount of sperm? My DH took it and it increased everything in just a few days...he had 71.4 million good ones with just 24 hours to build that..he had 90% motility and 85% morph...he was a smoker for YEARS and now he has healthy spermies..
A good place I went to for info was... www.royalbeejelly.com But you can get the royal jelly ar walmart for only 5$ in the US

sperm takes about 90 days to grow and mature hence why semen anaysis is repeated after 3 months.

I doubt supplements will have had any effect in days because of this

but glad your OH swimmers improved

x