How to explain to strangers you are a SAHM and happy?

[Lunabelle]

I often find myself in a situation where strangers are asking what I do for a living. The answer is I don’t need to work for financial reasons and I love being at home with my child. I also think that is the most valuable job I could be doing, and I really can’t imagine going back to work. I have always had some projects on the side that I feel passionate about and not so I can get an income. They have always paid very little which hasn’t made a difference on our budget and so quitting those in order to be able to continue our IVF treatments amidst covid (reduce the risk of getting ill as even with a cold we would need to stop the treatments) was an easy decision.


Yesterday a teacher at my daughter’s school asked me if I was working. I said no and she said bluntly: “but last year you were working a little bit. So that has stopped now”. As if I had been fired and was a poor unemployed person. I told her her I had quit so I could concentrate on other projects. She just looked away. I feel like anywhere I go the expectation would be that both parents need to/ want to work, especially if your only child has already started school. When the time is right I will be starting up new projects again, such as fighting climate change and teaching french. But how do I explain to people now prying on our privacy that I am not working, and do not plan to go back to work and that that’s quite OK?

 

[AngelUK]

My advice? Don't bother trying to explain. There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM, it is not immoral so it is nothing to be ashamed of. So when asked state that you are a SAHM, period. Or just say Yes when people say "have you stopped working" and leave it at that. You do not owe any one an explanation and the more explaining you do, the more you make yourself sound ashamed. Maybe if you absolutely feel you have to add something you could say I am lucky enough to be a SAHM/full time mummy at the moment.
That is what I do.

 

[DobbyForever]

You don’t have to explain anything.

I don’t know the teacher, but as a teacher we have to be detectives into the home lives of our students. Some teachers are very proactive, and others (like me) stay out of it unless I think something is impacting the student. Can I ask how old DD is? Maybe she mentioned something to her teacher, so her teacher was worried that you lost your job due to covid. That is something we want to provide support for because it impacts your child’s ability to learn. My guess is she looked away because she was embarrassed by her assumption.

Or maybe I’m wrong and she’s judgmental. Which is a her problem.

My only advice is don’t explain. The more you justify it, the more people will pry. Just say you’re a SAHM. Other people get to just say I’m a (insert profession).

 

[Rags]

As pp has said, absolutely no explanation required! 'I'm loving being a mum and homemaker' if you feel you want to/need to say anything to nosy people, although I don't think I'd even say that!
As has also been mentioned it could be genuine concern that the current situation has caused issues that may have changed your circumstances, I've had lots of emails from the school, we all have, reminding us of additional support that's available if you've lost work and suffered financially, or psychologically, during the pandemic.

Apart from that please remember that it really doesn't matter how you choose to organise your family life, there will always be someone ready to judge you, it's less about you and far more about them justifying their choices in a bit of a passive aggressive manner. I spent years biting my tounge at parent and toddler groups when conversation turned to how to raise your child, when to put them to nursery, how to feed them... I eventually realised that what was actually happening was that because I wasn't doing it all 'their way' or the way the books and health visitors were telling them to they felt they needed to correct me. I eventually pointed out that I really didn't care how they were raising their children, it was completely up to them, but that goes both ways, you don't have any right to question my choices.

 

[Babybump87]

I am also a SAHM and very happy !! I’ve had the most precious time with my girls before they started full time school and now with DS ! I feel very grateful I was able to leave work because like you we could/ can afford for me not to work while the children are young . I fully intend on finding a job when DS is in full time school and should we not have any more plans for baby no4 !

I wouldn’t even explain myself to people ! I think it’s very cheeky of them to even want one or question it !

Like PP said maybe she was asking out of concern given the pandemic but yeah I wouldn’t explain anything to anyone short and sweet . Anyone asks me what I do I am a housewife / homemaker / SAHM and very happy and lucky to do so !!

 

[Bevziibubble]

I agree with the other posts. You're not obliged to explain yourself. Many people are stay at home mums. Just say you love it and are happy with your choice