RcdM
Mommy of 2
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2011
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Maybe he is uncomfortable for other reasons, like having to be there while his mom and your mom are there too? Would he feel more comfortable if it was just you and him? I'm having a second C-section so I can't truly relate, although I'm not sure what's more "gory" to watch, because my OH is like scarred from watching the first C-section LOL. But to me (and him) it's absolutely no question that he's there - if not just to see the baby, for ME! I need that support! I need him by my side to tell me I'm doing a good job, to give me encouragement, to hold my hand. I mean I think all those things can be the same whether C-section or vaginal birth. He put this baby in me and I'm the one that has to go through whatever it is to get it out - the least he can do is be there to support me.
I understand what others are saying about them being traumatized by extreme situations. Did that happen for you? Or was it a fairly "normal" birth and he just had a hard time handling it? I do agree with others that men are sometimes pushed off to the side. But IMHO, they need to suck it up and be there for their wives. I know men have feelings too. But we do all the work. All we're asking is that they be there to support us. If something awful happened, wouldn't he want to be there? I know I would for my OH. I don't care what it is, how much blood, how scary or awful or how much I knew or didn't know. That's my role as a partner. To be there through thick and thin, better or worse, life and death. It wouldn't matter what I was feeling, there are more important things going on than my feelings at the moment. Again, all my personal opinion of course.
This issue has never even came up for us because it's like a no-brainer. Maybe your husband just doesn't understand how important it is to you for him to be there. How involved was he last time? Maybe it was too much for him? He can just stay by your head and hold your hand and give you words of encouragement. I agree with everyone else, you really just need to talk to him about it in a neutral way that just explains your side and what you need from him. Sometimes men don't realize how things they do really have a huge impact on us because they don't look at it from all sides. Maybe he said it in the spur of the moment and didn't really mean it. Either way, you have to talk to him. Good luck, I'm sure he'll come around!
I understand what others are saying about them being traumatized by extreme situations. Did that happen for you? Or was it a fairly "normal" birth and he just had a hard time handling it? I do agree with others that men are sometimes pushed off to the side. But IMHO, they need to suck it up and be there for their wives. I know men have feelings too. But we do all the work. All we're asking is that they be there to support us. If something awful happened, wouldn't he want to be there? I know I would for my OH. I don't care what it is, how much blood, how scary or awful or how much I knew or didn't know. That's my role as a partner. To be there through thick and thin, better or worse, life and death. It wouldn't matter what I was feeling, there are more important things going on than my feelings at the moment. Again, all my personal opinion of course.
This issue has never even came up for us because it's like a no-brainer. Maybe your husband just doesn't understand how important it is to you for him to be there. How involved was he last time? Maybe it was too much for him? He can just stay by your head and hold your hand and give you words of encouragement. I agree with everyone else, you really just need to talk to him about it in a neutral way that just explains your side and what you need from him. Sometimes men don't realize how things they do really have a huge impact on us because they don't look at it from all sides. Maybe he said it in the spur of the moment and didn't really mean it. Either way, you have to talk to him. Good luck, I'm sure he'll come around!
