Husband not happy!

[sn0wbunnie]

The shock is still fresh. Definitely give him time before making any decisions! Hugs to you!!

 

[Katt36]

The shock is still fresh but he is being down right mean! Glad that your sad and know that your alone. Who the hell says that to their wife? Sounds like he is trying to make you angry and hate him so you storm off and make an impulsive decision to terminate. Brat is a kind word to describe him at this point. I am a pretty head strong person so I may have given his crap right back to him!!

 

[medic76097]

I'd leave. The worst thing in the world would be knowing he doesn't love a child. I wouldn't wait it out. You didn't trick him or force him into a baby. He needs to grow up. Figure out how much child support wil be, get a quote on the house and leave. Men out there would be excited to raise a baby even if it's not theirs so why be stuck with a jerk who can't love his own baby. I honestly would never look at my DH the same way again after acting like that. What a horrible person. We are 25 weeks into our second oops. And I'm the one who cried and panicked at first. My hubby has never been anybting but excited and supportive. You are two adults having sec. It happens. Sorry, but it's unfair to you and totally uncalled for.

 

[smileyfaces]

Omg that is absolutely disgusting behavior 😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠 I'm so mad for you. I'd kick his arse out until he learned a bit of respect for his pregnant wife!

So sorry you have to deal with this

 

[smileyfaces]

I'd leave. The worst thing in the world would be knowing he doesn't love a child. I wouldn't wait it out. You didn't trick him or force him into a baby. He needs to grow up. Figure out how much child support wil be, get a quote on the house and leave. Men out there would be excited to raise a baby even if it's not theirs so why be stuck with a jerk who can't love his own baby. I honestly would never look at my DH the same way again after acting like that. What a horrible person. We are 25 weeks into our second oops. And I'm the one who cried and panicked at first. My hubby has never been anybting but excited and supportive. You are two adults having sec. It happens. Sorry, but it's unfair to you and totally uncalled for.

Totally agree with this.

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

Totally agree with everyone, I was understanding of his shock and feelings on day one, but to say that to you, his wife? Does this man even love you? You don't deserve this and he needs to grow the hell up, I think he needs a sharp shock, is there somewhere else you and the kids could stay? Show him that your kids and this baby are more important than he is! X

 

[hanni]

What an awful thing to say! Does he think you tricked him or something? He's absolutely pathetic.

I'd leave him! Then when he's on his own and down about say the exact same thing to him.

You don't deserve this at all.

 

[KatO79]

He came downstairs a little bit ago, so I took the opportunity to try to talk to him. This is what he said. "I'm glad that you're sad. Know that you're in this alone." What in the world should I do with that????? Leave him? I'm not financially dependent upon him at all. The only thing that would be keeping me with him is how hard it would be to go through a divorce pregnant with two other small children, and how hard it would be to sell the house to split it up.

I'd say definitely don't stay with him because of your 2 kids and that the house will be hard to sell, those aren't good enough reasons to stay with someone who's being abusive! He's being mentally and emotionally abusive, that's a red flag in my book! That comment and the fact he's basically silent treatmenting you are abusive tactics. And I know the signs, I have toxic family members that are highly mentally and emotionally abusive towards me.

If you really want to give it a go, tell him you want to go to couple's therapy or some counselling or whatever because you find the situation upsetting and intolerable. If he refuses and doesn't see an issue with his behavior, then I'd leave. As Dr. Phil so correctly says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." If he doesn't see his behavior is a problem or that he's being cruel to you then he won't change what he's doing and even if you somehow patch things up, he'll do it again at one point next time things don't go his way.

 

[vaniilla]

He owes you a serious apology, yes finding out you're expecting another child is always a shock to the system but you are adults and since he's known from the start that you plan on keeping the baby (as is your right) then he should have at the very least given you space until he came around to the idea. You need his support in this not the abuse he is giving you, he needs to learn that you don't get what you want through being manipulative and horrible.

I agree with the previous posters that if he can't step up and be supportive then he should leave, why should you? you've done nothing wrong, I would tell him not to come back until he's sincerely apologized and is ready to treat you properly.

 

[Daisy29]

Wow, I have no words... Well I do but not very kind words. Whatever happens, do not ever think or feel that you have done anything wrong. Even if you did trick him, there is no excuse for someone that loves you to treat you in that manner. I agree with the others.
Please make sure you have a support network around you eg. Mum, dad, friends. You can't do this alone and you'll will need support around you to keep yourself sane.
xx

 

[ElmoBumpToBe]

He came downstairs a little bit ago, so I took the opportunity to try to talk to him. This is what he said. "I'm glad that you're sad. Know that you're in this alone." What in the world should I do with that????? Leave him? I'm not financially dependent upon him at all. The only thing that would be keeping me with him is how hard it would be to go through a divorce pregnant with two other small children, and how hard it would be to sell the house to split it up.

I'd say definitely don't stay with him because of your 2 kids and that the house will be hard to sell, those aren't good enough reasons to stay with someone who's being abusive! He's being mentally and emotionally abusive, that's a red flag in my book! That comment and the fact he's basically silent treatmenting you are abusive tactics. And I know the signs, I have toxic family members that are highly mentally and emotionally abusive towards me.

If you really want to give it a go, tell him you want to go to couple's therapy or some counselling or whatever because you find the situation upsetting and intolerable. If he refuses and doesn't see an issue with his behavior, then I'd leave. As Dr. Phil so correctly says, "You can't change what you don't acknowledge." If he doesn't see his behavior is a problem or that he's being cruel to you then he won't change what he's doing and even if you somehow patch things up, he'll do it again at one point next time things don't go his way.

What she said! X

 

[Smille24]

First, I want to say I'm so sorry you're going through this. You do not deserve to be treated this way, especially by your husband the one person you trust and look to for support. It is so unfair to you that you're being treated poorly when it takes 2 to conceive. I understand you were using condoms, but it happens. Life is unpredictable.

The way he is acting is not just bratty, but abusive. It sounds to me that he's trying to manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do. How can anyone say they cannot or won't love a child, especially their own? How can a husband talk down to his wife like that? He clearly needs therapy.

If he is unwilling to come to terms with this as an adult, you deserve to be happy, for your sake and your kids' sake. First, go to your family or a friend and discuss what's going on. You need support. Do not suck it up. His behavior is a huge red flag for an intervention.

I hope you are ok.

 

[j1405]

I totally agree with the posters above. Sure it might be a shock to him now and sure he might get over it in a few days, months or when the baby is born but that does not excuse his behavior. If my husband ever has to say something like get an abortion or I would never love this baby, man, all hell would break lose in our household! Nothing justifies a person who is supposed to be your support to say something like that to you!

Be strong and I really do hope that he apologises for being so insensitive towards you and the life growing inside of you and that he is ashamed of his behavior!

I hope it all works out for you guys in the end and that you make the right decision going forward. I am so sorry you are going through this!!

 

[6lilpigs]

Just wanted to add my support, I think you should definitely just sit tight and wait it out for a little while I'm sure he will come round eventually especially if you have a scan at the 12/13 week mark and he sees that perfect little person waving back at him, best of luck and congratulations

 

[Linzalora]

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. How awful, at a time that would otherwise be full of joy and anticipation. His behavior is so extreme. I'm wondering if maybe he thought that condoms were 100% prevention with absolutely no chance of pregnancy. In which case, maybe he truly believes he can't be the father? When he chose not to go ahead with the vasectomy, he basically agreed to the possibility of another baby. He needs to face reality. Is there a trusted family member who can talk some sense into him? Wishing you all the best.

 

[george83]

I'm sorry that you're going through this. If it was me, I'd pack him a bag of stuff while he was out at work one day and leave it on the doorstep for him. When he got home I'd refuse to speak to him, wouldn't let him in the house and would barely acknowledge that he even existed. If he didn't apologise that would be it for me

 

[bcos21]

This whole thing is bananas I am so sorry this is happening to you. Everyone else had said it well but I want to say least congratulate you on this new life growing, I hope you can find some joy

 

[mummof1]

I'm sorry you're going through this
It sounds like he's having a very difficult time and he might be trying to upset you in order to get you to change your mind about the pregnancy. Which is terrible!
Would he be willing to speak to a professional?

 

[jessmke]

I am so sorry you are going through this. While I have no been in this situation myself, my sister has and it was tough on both of them. They had planned their lives around two children, built a home around having two children, etc. My brother in law had his vasectomy booked, and then they got pregnant right before his appointment while using condoms. They were both pretty devastated, neither of them were excited about the pregnancy at first, but they were in it together and figured out ways to make it work. Although my brother in law was not happy about the situation, he never, ever, ever treated my sister the way your husband is treating you. The pregnancy is now a three year old little boy and they are a very happy family. Yes, it costs more to take vacations because vacation packages and hotels are usually based around a family of 4, so adding a fifth person adds a pretty significant expense, but that is their life and so they save a little bit longer before taking a vacation.

I can understand your husband being upset about the situation, he doesn't have to be excited or even happy about it, but he does need to be an adult and treat you with respect. He also needs to take some responsibility, you were both involved in making this little baby. If I were you I would ask him to leave. Not necessarily end the relationship, but tell him that he is not welcome back until he can accept and be supportive of the situation. And that if he ever says something horrible to you again there will be no coming back from that.

Once this child is born he will love him/her, and he is going to have to live forever with the guilt of knowing he wanted to end the pregnancy and that he said he would never love the baby. That is a punishment he deserves.

 

[Deni85]

Your husband is being abusive. I somehow doubt this is the first time... I have been in your situation, (with my ex many years ago) only we weren't married but only engaged. It was an accident where he didn't pull out in time and the morning after pill did not work (yes it happens!) He didn't want the baby and he became very cold and emotionally abusive. He wanted me to lose the pregnancy. I was under terrible pressure and I did as he said. I actually left the country and moved permanently, but that didn't make me forget. I regret letting him force me to do something I was against to this day. Don't fall victim to your husband's manipulation and abusive ways!!! And it will all be ok!