Husband wants to take a break... again...

[clynn393]

I need to rant, but I also need some advice from mamas.

My husband told me today that he thinks we need to wait until we are financially stable to have children (and let's be honest, that could be never). He started going on about our bills, how we have no money in savings. I get it. He's afraid he won't be able to provide for his family. But people do this all the time. They make it work. I don't know how, but they do.

Do you ladies with babies have any advice? Surely most people can afford a child, because they do it all the time. People with less than us. He's military by the way, and I work part time for now.

 

[Dill]

I think it ultimately depends on the degree of financial instability. If he's got a stable job but money is just tight, honestly, you'd probably be fine. If he's constantly in and out of work, well, that's another matter.

Hubby and I weren't in an ideal place for #1, but I'm not getting any younger (mid 30s now) so we went ahead and had him. TBH, we've had to rearrange our priorities and change things up a bit, and yeah, the credit card balances aren't where we'd like them, but we're doing okay. Financially, we're in a worse place now than we were then (I had to quit my office job and go back to working from home for less pay and no benefits, and he lost his job and took another one that pays less), but our time is definitely running out, so we decided to take the leap and try for #2.

There's a lot of truth in the saying, "There's never a good time." There isn't, unless you've just won the lottery and already paid the taxes on the winnings. You're still young, so you do have time if you guys need to put it off for a while. But if he's waiting until the stars align and you're debt-free with two paid-off cars and a 4-bedroom, 2-bath house in a nice neighborhood with a secure fence and neighborhood watch with excellent financing... well... I'd say carpe diem and have the kiddo.

I am 100% glad that I waited until I was older to have my kid, don't get me wrong. My life was a mess when I was younger. I didn't have it together thanks to an abusive marriage. But like I said, if you two are reasonable stable, one or both of you has a good job, and life is good... there's really no need.

But my opinion doesn't matter! Ultimately, it's a decision you both have to make together. I'd sit down and have a long talk with him. Find out exactly what insecurities are getting to him, discuss it rationally, see what solutions you can come up with. If he's afraid of the expense, when they're younger, they're really not super expensive. We got most of the first year's clothes and toys via baby shower and hand-me-downs from friends and cousins, breastfeeding meant free food, cloth diapers meant a minor upfront investment but huge savings in terms of no monthly diaper purchases. It can be done low-budget. They don't even need much in the way of toys for the first year, though you'll probably find that friends and family are going to drown you in toys he'll never play with. If finances are the issue, you can even work up a budget with him. See where you can cut costs ("I'll stop going to Starbucks, and you can start packing lunches from home,") and calculate how much you'd actually be spending (X boxes of diapers a month, X monthly payment on the labor and delivery, X per month if we need formula). That'd probably go a long way towards soothing his troubled mind!