Husbands working away for long periods

[Angelbaby_01]

Hallo ladies,

My husband got the news yesterday that he needs to go on contract again from the 2nd of January until the 4th of Feb. He did tell them that I am pregnant and requested paternity leave 2 months ago for my expected birth week. Now they are trying to push the dates to the limit. I will be 38 weeks when he returns...... my c-section is booked for the 9th.

I can't help to feel gutted and scared. I have no family close and stay about 40mins drive from the hospital. I will need to drive myself to all the appointments.

Anyone else in the same boat? I feel so lonely because none of my friends have husbands working away.

 

[Mommy2missR]

hugs. I feel you. While my husband doesn't work away for his day job (he works nights) he is in the military. We live with the reality that he can be called up or activated any time, and they don't give two hoots about babies being born. I'm due Feb 1, his drill weekend is scheduled for Feb 6, 7, 8. If I go late, there is a definite probability that he may not get there in time. His AT is the first 2 weeks in March and there is talk that it will be 4 weeks instead of 2. At this point in my life, I just sigh, pull up the big girl panties and get on with it. It sucks big ones, but it is what it is. The important thing is to not resent your DH if something goes wrong or the baby comes early and he can't be there. He needs a job and he is working for you and your baby. He'll beat himself up enough on his own. BUT hopefully he will be home just in time and everything will go swimmingly!

 

[Angelbaby_01]

Not once did I say I resent my husband or don't appreciate what he is doing for me or my children. I've been wearing these big girl knickers for 5 years. Doesn't mean I get lonely or scared. It's hard enough to hear I should suck it up from people around me so I came on here for support or encouragement. Being in a new town with no friends close and family living 1400km's+ away with a toddler and pregnant belly is hard. Doing it year after year does get worn off.

 

[pinkcatgirl]

I feel for you hon, my husband has been working away all year 200 miles away so haven't seen him mon - fri which is hard on our DD as well. Luckily he's staying nearby now for next month so home with us, I can't imagine if he had to go away again.

Have you got any good friends nearby? Most people genuinely do mean it when they offer to help, so maybe they could drive you to appointments now and then to ease the burden. I am rubbish at accepting help but when I do I realise it makes others feel good to help.

 

[Gingerspice]

My OH works away a lot. With DD it was questionable if he was going to be home from work for her arrival. Thankfully he did but he then had work away for 8 weeks when dd was 2 weeks old. He's often away for long stints and dd knows thats just how it is. She's good now with counting down the sleeps until hes home etc. This time we've been in a bit of a better position financially so he turned contracts down which were close to due date and he won't be taking work until the new year now so he should have at least 3 weeks with this one before heading off.

I can sympathise with you. For me it worked out ok and hoPE fully it will for you also.

 

[babe2ooo]

Oh no that sucks. Can he talk to his work about this and see if there's anything they can do?

 

[Angelbaby_01]

I have friends, but they all live about 50kms+ from me and in todays busy lifestyle it's not that easy to just pop over for coffee. It does affect our daughter since they are so close. She grew up in this lifestyle of ours, but I do find that she miss him a lot.

He did apply for a new job and will be going for an interview on Wednesday, but in his industry it can take a few months before he actually start if he gets the job. He will be home for 2 weeks now which I am grateful for although next week is busy week with his training etc.

It would've been easier if my parents were willing to come and visit me on our cost, but they refuse. My mom didn't even helped me when I asked her after struggling with pnd after DD was born. Anyway, guess that's life.

 

[Nicole_E]

Yes I know how you feel. My husband is in the military and while he was here for our daughter's birth, he got called for training two weeks before my due date. Let me tell you I was a wreck! Luckily I did have a friend who lived about 30 minutes away who agreed to take me to the hospital if I needed it. And many times throughout my pregnancy he had to be away a lot...sometimes just for a few days and others a few weeks. It was hard having to do all my appointments, house cleaning, etc. by myself but I knew there was not much I could do about it. Yes, we can wear our big girl panties and put on a "it is what it is" face, but that doesn't mean we don't feel alone and scared being by ourselves at those times. Hubby is scheduled for deployment sometime in the next few months (dont' have an exact date yet) and while I know this is part of our life, it doesn't make it any easier by any means. to you, I know everything will be okay

 

[celestek89]

My husband averages around 8/9 months a year away. When I was pregnant with DD he was away till I was due and sent away a week after she arrived. I was very lucky he was home for the birth. I was later diagnosed with PND. I also have no family and at that point had no friends either, as we had just moved to the other side of the country. This time, he'll be home. For how long, I don't know, I'm just grateful it'll be a little longer than last time. I understand how hard it can be, and how lonely it can be. My DD also get affected by it as they're very very close and she misses him terribly when he's away. We don't have contact when he's gone either so that makes it harder. If you ever need to chat, you're very welcome to PM me xox

 

[Captain]

My husband works away. He had knee surgery this summer so has been home with me since August which has been amazing, but his knee has healed and now he has to go back to work. He's probably starting back in January and will be away for 20 days and home for 8. It's a new job so as of yet we don't know things like how often his company fly out of the area he'll be in and things.

We're expecting our first in February and we'll both be devastated if he doesn't make it home on time. To make things worse we live on an island so after 11PM there's no way of getting here until 6AM the next morning. Just trying not to think about it too much, it's already hard enough not having my family in the same country and only knowing a couple of people in this town.

 

[Monzter79]

I don't know how you guys do it. My DH works a rotating schedule so he's gone in chunks and home in chunks. When he's gone- the time really drags. It's such a bummer to be alone so much. I don't have family here and no close friends in the area either. It can be crazy making! But still, he's not gone for weeks and mos at a time. That's really tough!

It's hard to keep yourself going and feel self-assured in how you handle everything without the encouragement and support of your partner, family, or friends. Especially while pregnant! It's a vulnerable time.

Sometimes it might feel like you don't know how you'll do it. But, you ARE doing it. It takes a LOT of strength, and you ladies inspire me to stay strong too!

 

[Catmat]

I feel for you. I have lots of friends whose husbands work in the oil fields which mean months away at a time. It's not easy at all, especially when you are new to an area.... I was going to complain that my husband has been away all week and I have been working all week, pregnant, running a household (or trying to) and trying to keep my older two happy without yelling (too much) It's hard, but just take some time for yourself! Something you enjoy. It will get easier.... I used to have a REALLY difficult time after having my first baby and having no family or friends in my new town, but slowly I met people and now I can basically handle it when my husband's away. He might be away for the birth of this little one I am carrying, and it's really ok, it's the time you spend together that needs to be quality and you need to have something that will make life feel manageable. BEST OF LUCK and I hope it all works out for you!