I cant believe he would say that!!!!

[Yipee]

He has a very quick temper and bad anger problems as well. He is verbally and emotionally abusive to me. At a past time when my daughter was just born he was physical and controlling. I used to smoke cigarettes and he did not like it so one day we were arguing and I went to light a cigarette and he bent my arm behind my back almost breaking it until I gave him the cigarette and then he broke it. He has been physical twice after that the last time he factored my nose by head butting me, I called the police and he never hit me again. Now he threatens but never acts. I dealt with him for 5 years...5 years is not that long but when your 15,vulnerable,and pregnant 5 years can take a lot away from you. I feel that since I was so young when we met and I was solely dependent on him (his car,his house,his money) and then being treated this way has killed my self esteem and I have hit rock bottom. He knows that I have no place to run...no family,no friends my mother passed away last July and he separated me from all of my friends so now they all hate me and will not talk to me.I used to be this beautiful,outgoing happy girl and now I don't know who I am or what I really want anymore.

I'm so sorry.

Like the pp said, there are organizations that can help you. There are also government assistance programs (welfare, foodstamps, wic) that can help you financially while you get on your feet as a single parent. It used to be that you could stay on welfare for like 5 years (not sure if regulations have changed though). Even a few years on government assistance would give you time to stay home with your daughters until they're old enough for school/ preschool. You wouldn't have to jump straight into the workforce and put your newborn in daycare while trying to make ends meet and do everything on your own.

 

[Foxy37]

Do Men not realise its them who decide the sex of the baby grrrrr xx

 

[fairsinger]

The other ladies here have given you such wonderful advice! You and your children deserve to be treated with love and respect, and your daughters need to see you being treated the way you want them to be treated in their future relationships. I'd suggest going to counseling on your own, whether or not you also try marriage counseling. It sounds like he has torn you down and now you need someone to help you find yourself and your strength again. You deserve so much better!

 

[Mrs.Mcguin]

You always have a place to run to. Don't ever think you are stuck. Abusive shelters are a great place to turn. Do you want your children being treated how you get treated? I guarantee they will find men just like your abusive husband because that's what they think is the norm! Unless you get out now!

You sitting around, Giving Him chance after chance hoping he will change is just a dream that will never come true. You think him just not laying a hand on you but just threading you now is an improvement?? It's NOT! Don't make excuses for the guy...don't think for one second that you are to blame for any of his behaviour!!!

Get out now..not tomorrow! Don't think about it. Find strength in your children if you can't find it for yourself. You are worth it. You are still that strong beautiful confident woman who you were before. Take that power back he stole from you!!!!

 

[Snizuitz]

I just wanted to say that you might have some friends out there who love you and would welcome you with open arms!

One of my friends was in an abusive relationship and I felt like she cut me out of her life. When it fell apart, she approached me and I was just so happy she was safe and we were friends again. Turns out, she felt like I had cut her off or that I was mad at her or something. Nothing could have been further from the truth!

Being in a controlling relationship can twist how we see the situation. I bet you have friends out there who love you so much and would be so happy to help you move on.

 

[NC_Sarah]

He has a very quick temper and bad anger problems as well. He is verbally and emotionally abusive to me. At a past time when my daughter was just born he was physical and controlling. I used to smoke cigarettes and he did not like it so one day we were arguing and I went to light a cigarette and he bent my arm behind my back almost breaking it until I gave him the cigarette and then he broke it. He has been physical twice after that the last time he factored my nose by head butting me, I called the police and he never hit me again. Now he threatens but never acts. I dealt with him for 5 years...5 years is not that long but when your 15,vulnerable,and pregnant 5 years can take a lot away from you. I feel that since I was so young when we met and I was solely dependent on him (his car,his house,his money) and then being treated this way has killed my self esteem and I have hit rock bottom. He knows that I have no place to run...no family,no friends my mother passed away last July and he separated me from all of my friends so now they all hate me and will not talk to me.I used to be this beautiful,outgoing happy girl and now I don't know who I am or what I really want anymore.

It will only get worse if you don't do something about it now. You may be surprised which friends will be available if you reach out to them. I'm sure atleast some of them know it was HIM putting a wedge in and would be happy to help you if they were really ever your friend. I know it seems like if you leave, you'll have nothing...but you'll have your self-worth and act as a strong role model for your girls and it won't take long at all until you are back on your feet. Good luck and stay strong!

 

[Mrs.Impatient]

Hi all!!!! Thanks to everyone who replied to my post.
I have recently moved in with my older sister. My husband has agreed to go to marriage counseling and I have been in therapy for almost a week now....you all contributed to my decision and you really gave me hope. It will take a lot of work to repair the damage that was done but It will be worth it. My daughter's do deserve better and growing up in an abusive home myself I know how scary things can be and I dont want that for my kids. Thank you all.

 

[adopim]

I'm glad to hear good news from you. I'm also glad he agreed to do marriage counseling. I wish you the very best and hope that everything can be worked out!

 

[ama]

Just read thru this post and proud of you for making the big change in your life.that takes guts and hope everything works out for you and your daughters

 

[Mrs.Impatient]

Aw thanks you guy's. It has definitely not been easy but If I don't stand up now then it will only continue and get worse. My daughter loves her father so much and I would hate for it to ruin their bond. We have our first session of counseling together on June 21st so hopefully we can make some positive changes for our children and ourselves over the next few years.Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement.

 

[Yipee]

That's really great news! I hope everything works out for all of you!

I think kids are way more perceptive than people give them credit for. There was never any physical violence in my family, but my dad treated my mom really badly and made her really unhappy. By about 5 years old, I knew exactly what was going on, and it really cast a depressing, tense shadow over everything at home. It also influenced my relationships as I grew older, in a very obvious way.

Anyway, I'm really happy for you that you're taking control of your life and working towards change.

 

[Amygdala]

Hi all!!!! Thanks to everyone who replied to my post.
I have recently moved in with my older sister. My husband has agreed to go to marriage counseling and I have been in therapy for almost a week now....you all contributed to my decision and you really gave me hope. It will take a lot of work to repair the damage that was done but It will be worth it. My daughter's do deserve better and growing up in an abusive home myself I know how scary things can be and I dont want that for my kids. Thank you all.

I'm so glad to read that. You should be very proud of yourself for taking control of the situation! It's not going to be easy but you know what you and your girls need and deserve. Make sure you don't settle for anything less!

 

[Heramys]

I just read through the thread and got horrified reading about how he treats you. I'm so glad you decided to move out and see a therapist. Well done and be proud! You can do this all the way!