I don't know what to do... (sensitive)

[Sonnenshein_]

I have a 19 month old daughter and a 5 month old son, I love them to pieces and they are my world, and key to this whole thing, they were both planned. After our son was born we both agreed and felt very strongly that we didn't want anymore children. We took to the pill and condoms, and besides that, rarely had any possible baby-making time anyway!

Me and DH went away just this weekend gone on our own for the first time in three years and it was wonderful. Then on the Sunday when AF was due, I just knew it wasn't coming. Tested, I saw a faintest of faint line, he saw nothing. Couldn't get it off my mind, tested again when we got home in the afternoon, definite clear line. Tested again the next morning, definitely positive. I've never felt such confusion, guilt and utter heart break.

We were doing everything possible not to get pregnant, but I feel like it's my fault... like I didn't do enough. I feel so awful and guilty that this time, it's not big excitement and plans but just desperately not wanting another. I've never ever ever liked terminations, just the word we were so lost and all I did was cry for two days. He booked me into the hospital after mutual agreement for a suction termination one week from today (Thursday) and honestly I just stopped functioning and just laid around crying constantly at the thought of it. I feel so guilty, so scared, but worst of all so unsure. We really talked things through when the LO's were napping on the second day and actually, we got excited after we'd explored options and realized things could actually be great with this. For the past two days since that I've had moments where I'm excited, and moments where I just know I don't want another and this isn't do-able for us as a family with two under 2's already. It would mean moving into a 4/5 bedroom house and paying SIX months rent upfront as we're both employed and we're looking at around £950 per month in rent... so six months of that plus a deposit... all in 7-8 months. We were so optimistic a few days ago and felt that would be okay and we got excited... so now I feel even more guilty! that DH has no idea I'm feeling like this.

He has told his sister, I have told my mother, step father and nana. People are getting excited and here's me sat here at not even 7am crying and terrified. I don't want another, but the termination terrifies me. I don't know if I have the heart to go through with that... but I also know that it's just not sensible to go through with having another.

I guess I'm just desperately in need of some opinions or advice from others that may have been through this before. I have bipolar 2 and PTSD so I'm really scared about what affect either option is going to have on my mental health. I just don't know what to do, or how to jump into the termination next Thursday not 100% knowing what I want.

 

[PrincessMarle]

I will tell you that you have time. You're hormones are insane right now which makes you far more fearful than usual. Give yourself some time to really think about your situation. The right answer is only sobering you can determine.

 

[RainbowBaby13]

I always tell people who are going to abortions or planning on doing it , not to do it because you'll always have that "what if regret" at least in my opinion. Some other options could be adoption. I just feel like if you feel that strongly about the termination then after you go through with it your gonna be even more sad than before because that's something you'll never be able to take back. Everyone I know that has gotten abortions regrets it and wishes they can take it back and some of those abortions happened years ago. Easier said then done tho.:/ I understand where you are coming from hun, hang in there xx

 

[NotNic]

I think it might be sensible to call the clinic and see if they have a counsellor you can talk to. Or do you currently have a therapist that you can discuss this with? I think its completely normal to be overwhelmed and scared, especially when you are adding to your brood and you have to consider them too in your decision. To an outsider it does sound like you are keen to have this baby but are frightened of the financial implications and on your mental state. Don't beat yourself up for having a surprise. It happens - a lot! You don't need to move into a bigger house yet. Children can share rooms, and being close in ages they can share toys and experiences. There's no shame in being frightened or even not being 100% excited, but there's no reason why you have to be overwhelmed with your feelings. Talk to someone. It will really help. Plus if you do decide to keep this baby, surround yourself with positive people. The excitement will rub off.

 

[mommyfury87]

I'm sorry you are having these feelings. I personally do not believe in abortions unless for obvious medical reasons. I think whatever you have to deal with if you choose to have this baby will be far less than having to regret for the rest of your life about terminating. That being said, it is your life and your choice. It sounds like you have a loving family and a loving husband and a stable home life which are all great things for bringing a baby into this world. You can do it! I am praying for you and whatever you decide I pray for comfort and peace through it.

 

[ChristiansMum]

I am currently 24wks pregnant with our suprise baby. After DD we decided that maybe have 3 but wait until she was 2yrs old older but I fell pregnant when she was 10months old. Personally an abortion just wasn't on the cards for me I had said years ago if we had a suprise then it was ment to be. We have a 3beroomed house, both my kids have there own room and baby will be in with is to begin with and then one of the kids will have to share. Also we have some baby stuff left from DD so we don't need to get that much. I think you should talk to your husband about how you are feeling to start with x

 

[BeautifulD]

I think for now it would be an idea to cancel your appointment and just take the time to think it through

I'm not entirely sure why you would have to get a 4/5 bedroom house as they can share, that would be some pressure off.

I know how you're feeling, after my eldest I suffered with severe pnd... I was just coming out the other side when I found myself pregnant again with my dd2. I was devastated and terrified, I couldn't bare the thought of having another so soon and seriously considered the T word but I couldn't, having a termination would have gone against everything I believe in. Aaanyway we decided to keep her and it was the best thing I ever did,tthere's just over 2 years between my dds.

Talk to hubby, tell him how you're feeling. The worst thing you can do right now is keep it bottled up.

 

[Pinkie 33]

I cant comment on the termination (as you'll see from my sig, my situation is opposite to yours) however I would strongly advise counselling before doing anything.

If money is your main worry, then you will not need to move straight away, you will have plenty of time before you needed another room. Even then, plenty of children share rooms. In my opinion, finances shouldn't be the main reason for making this decision, these things can always be overcome.

xx

 

[AP]

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While BabyandBump tries to remain pro-choice on most subjects, out of respect for majority of our members that are either trying to conceive, or pregnant, we ask that you do not discuss topics on abortion and terminations outside of the 'Ethical Prenatal Losses' forum.