I dont think he understands how mc affects a women...

[Angel_blues]

We just found out on the 13 that I'm pregnant. I have a doctor's appointment on the 21st and probably have a dating scan done that day or within a few days. At this point I should be 4 or 5 weeks and OH is insisting he wants to tell everyone right now. I want to wait until at least week 8-10. If he told everyone and we lost it I would be devastated and so many people would know! I need your help ladies! Help me convince him to wait. If we waited until mothers day I would be about 8 weeks.

 

[jlw617]

Can you compromise, he is your oh and should have some say so too even though you're right about men not understanding the full impact of a mc. Maybe he can tell a couple close family members or friends and ask them to please not tell because of your concerns?

 

[Angel_blues]

I know he's telling one of his co workers today and I'm fine with that but it's his family I don't want knowing. His mother is SO over bearing. When his sister was pregnant his mother was there 3 times per day. She even took her key away because I became too much for her. Thankfully she lives 6 hrs drive away BUT only 1 hour flight. I would be incredibly frustrated if she randomly flew in... I've told him this but he doesn't seem to get it...

 

[jlw617]

Oh no, I'm sorry, that has to be tough. My own mother is pretty overbearing but she's gotten better over the years. Is there anyway to try to get your oh to understand this is a big reason why you don't want him telling family right now? I know my dh responds differently depending on the mood/setting, how I'm acting...I'd just be as serious as possible and let him know how important it is for you and that it could cause you lots of stress and that's not good for the baby.

 

[skyesmom]

having been through losses myself, i find that NOT telling anyone is really damaging, as it leaves both you and OH without any support.
there's nothing sadder than breaking the news with "we were pregnant". you deprive yourself of the possibility of sharing the good news, you cut the chance to the people you love to be happy for you, even if it is just temporary, and as a consequence they find it harder to empathize with the loss and offer the right support.

no matter how much one wants to hide the pregnancy in order not to have to share the bad news with everyone, when the bad things do happen, sooner or later one really feels a NEED to tell someone what is going on, because a mc devastates you both to that point that you simply need help. and because some very close people will notice that something's off.

my advice on this is: make a list of people to whom it is OK to break the news soon. your closest friends or co-workers or someone who you trust that they won't spread the news further and who will joy with you and be supportive. and THEN plan how to tell the others outside of that circle later.

 

[Angel_blues]

we both have 2 people we have told. My two best friends (who both have children and have suffered losses) his co-worker and his secretary...

Maybe I'm just being paranoid that it will happen to me.... I'm still kind of in shock to be honest... I'll have to talk to him again, I've found a chart that might help him see the statistics... https://spacefem.com/pregnant/mc.php?m=03&d=7&y=15

 

[Mom2Madison]

The good news is that he's sooooo excited and happy that he just wants to shout it from the mountain top I do agree that announcing an early preg can be nerve racking. The bottom line is that you both have to be comfortable and ready to tell everyone. So compromising will be the key. May you can agree to only tell certain people on Mother's Day. Then once you're a little further along, you can tell everyone else. Good luck!

 

[Spudtastic]

I was going to come on here to say please try to convince oh not to tell everyone yet but then I read skyes post and changed my mind. Instead I'll tell you how I felt about my losses.

My first early losses - I was glad people didn't know. It was my first pregnancy and I personally couldn't handle the attention that would come with a mc.

Second pregnancy = successful. I actually told people at 7 weeks because i was so sick. Some people told me 'why are you telling people before 12 weeks? 'I said it didn't matter because if I had an mc I hoped my friends would support me.

Third pregnancy/second loss - I didn't tell anyone. After this mc I felt the need to tell a few friends and my parents. I was glad I could tell who I wanted and also to not tell my mil who would have been dramatic.

fourth pregnancy/third loss - because I had a mc I wanted to keep it secret. I was really sick agAin and around week 10 and 11 the news was spreading. when I was 11 weeks and 3 days my oh bumped into the town gossip whilst at the chemist getting ginger tablets and I felt safe to tell the world about my pregnancy (pparents knew at 6 weeks). I made a fb announcement. At my 12 week scan (4 days later) I found out baby had died at 10 weeks. At first I wished no one knew but the support and understanding I had from so many people was incredible. I needed that and I'm glad they knew.

So my circumstances were different each time. if I get pregnant again I'll keep it a secret but I was glad people knew.

Sorry this is a bit wishy washy. I guess what I'm trying to say whatever happens there are pros and cons to both sides And skyesmom talks sense.

 

[Angel_blues]

Ok so: we are telling all family on mothers day... Hope this turns out. I know MY family would be supportive if something happens... I hope his is too! That you ladies for your advice and stories I appreciate it!