I feel ready

[nightkd]

I don't know what it is, possibly the fact that OH has said he wants a baby, but still thinks it's better to wait...or the fact that I'll be hearing about a job I really want soon...or...what....but I've gone from desperately wanting a baby, to feeling ready for a baby.

It feels nice, but it's still frustrating, because I think if we had jobs, we'd have got our own house and everything and we'd be able to start trying now... I've always strongly believed that life should revolve around me and my plans, not I should revolve around life. I think if we did get pregnant now, we could cope. I really really think this. OH would be pushed to get a job, which would make him happy again because he'd have something to work towards. He told me he really wants a baby because it's something he wants to push himself to work for, unlike school etc and it would give him another reason to work hard and live for. I could start doing my creative stuffs if we get our own house (there's really not enough space and I don't feel able to spread out and really get doing stuff at my mum's - I usually get interrupted and things get broken etc etc) I just....think everything would slot into place so much better, if we had something important to achieve for.

Wargh!!! It's sooo annoying.

At the same time I do have the apprehensions of all the things that come with pregnancy and if I'd be able to cope with the pregnancy itself... Perhaps that's the thing I should be using this time to prepare myself for, but what preperation can you really do...surely those concerns can only be combatted by being pregnant and experiencing them when you're actually pregnant...

Blah. I'm just feeling so up about everything, getting a BFP for xmas would be the icing tbh, but I have to wait until next christmas unless one of those spermies manages to get through between now and then...

I've got a girl's name picked out already. And a 'maybe' boy's name... Now I just need the baby to bear them!!!!

xxxx

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I kinda now how you feel. Now my OH is ready i really just want to start but now i've really got everything straight in my head and i'm happy with the decision. Maybe see what happens once you hear back from this job and go from there? xx

 

[honeybunch2k7]

 

[dizzy65]

 

[Nik_]

I don't mean to sound rude or harsh or anything, but if neither you nor your OH have jobs, and you're still living at home, that doesn't seem like you're ready at all for having a baby. Maybe you're emotionally and mentally ready, but that's only have of it. Being financially ready is crucial as well.

Based off of some of your posts it sort of seems like you're bored with your relationship with your OH and certain other aspects of your life, and that's why you want a baby so badly, kind of a filling of the void type thing.

As I said, I don't want to be rude with the post, and I could be completely off the mark, that's just the way it seems to me.

 

[nightkd]

I don't mean to sound rude or harsh or anything, but if neither you nor your OH have jobs, and you're still living at home, that doesn't seem like you're ready at all for having a baby. Maybe you're emotionally and mentally ready, but that's only have of it. Being financially ready is crucial as well.

Based off of some of your posts it sort of seems like you're bored with your relationship with your OH and certain other aspects of your life, and that's why you want a baby so badly, kind of a filling of the void type thing.

As I said, I don't want to be rude with the post, and I could be completely off the mark, that's just the way it seems to me.

That's what I meant. I feel emotionally ready, but everything would fit into place better...if we had something to push it along. OH is pretty much getting depressed and miserable from not having a job, but can't be bothered to find one. He's said himself if he had some kind of motivation it would push him to find a job.

And TBH if we got pregnant now, I just know that everything would have sorted itself out by the time baby was here. It's difficult to explain the situation, but everything's pretty much sorted, but resting on the key of us getting jobs. So as soon as we get jobs, we'll have a place to live etc etc.

I'm not so much bored of our relationship, as he's getting on my tits because of the above situation with the jobs. I'm fine to stay at home all day and just get on with stuff, make some jewellery, make some bath melts (just waiting on those....) but him without a job is a whole other matter; he gets moody, blames me for his not having a job, even tho I'm the one putting the most effort into finding him (and myself) jobs and just generally reverts back to his immature twatish old self from when we first started going out. I know he'd sort himself out with a baby, especially once he's got a job...but he'd want to be involved anyway...even if he didn't I wouldn't mind being on my own. That might cause a reaction in some of you, but everything would work out; my life, I know.

We're not PLANNING to have a baby yet, I never said that, I'm just saying I'm starting to slot into feeling properly ready and it is all the financial stuff that's holding us back, which makes it frustrating. If we were financially secure and had our own place, we could start TTC, that's all I'm saying.

The void's been there a long while, I just want to fill it because that's a part of my life I want to acheive. Eg getting a house, having a baby, making money off my business idea etc etc not replacing anything I'm missing..

 

[nightkd]

I kinda now how you feel. Now my OH is ready i really just want to start but now i've really got everything straight in my head and i'm happy with the decision. Maybe see what happens once you hear back from this job and go from there? xx

Yeah, it'd just be nice to know where we're heading and in what timescale. It's HIM that's annoying me, because he just sits there and plays his games and he could SOOOO easily get a job at a moments notice. He's just delaying and delaying. At least I'm making money off ebay

I know I'm not the only one sitting around waiting for things to sort themselves out and wishing everything would hurry t-f up, and I think if my OH said tonight "we will start TTC now" I'd freak...just a little bit... But as soon as we've got our own place and money coming in again I'd love him to say that.

xx

 

[princess_x0]

I don't mean to sound rude or harsh or anything, but if neither you nor your OH have jobs, and you're still living at home, that doesn't seem like you're ready at all for having a baby. Maybe you're emotionally and mentally ready, but that's only have of it. Being financially ready is crucial as well.

Based off of some of your posts it sort of seems like you're bored with your relationship with your OH and certain other aspects of your life, and that's why you want a baby so badly, kind of a filling of the void type thing.

As I said, I don't want to be rude with the post, and I could be completely off the mark, that's just the way it seems to me.

That's what I meant. I feel emotionally ready, but everything would fit into place better...if we had something to push it along. OH is pretty much getting depressed and miserable from not having a job, but can't be bothered to find one. He's said himself if he had some kind of motivation it would push him to find a job.

And TBH if we got pregnant now, I just know that everything would have sorted itself out by the time baby was here. It's difficult to explain the situation, but everything's pretty much sorted, but resting on the key of us getting jobs. So as soon as we get jobs, we'll have a place to live etc etc.

I'm not so much bored of our relationship, as he's getting on my tits because of the above situation with the jobs. I'm fine to stay at home all day and just get on with stuff, make some jewellery, make some bath melts (just waiting on those....) but him without a job is a whole other matter; he gets moody, blames me for his not having a job, even tho I'm the one putting the most effort into finding him (and myself) jobs and just generally reverts back to his immature twatish old self from when we first started going out. I know he'd sort himself out with a baby, especially once he's got a job...but he'd want to be involved anyway...even if he didn't I wouldn't mind being on my own. That might cause a reaction in some of you, but everything would work out; my life, I know.

We're not PLANNING to have a baby yet, I never said that, I'm just saying I'm starting to slot into feeling properly ready and it is all the financial stuff that's holding us back, which makes it frustrating. If we were financially secure and had our own place, we could start TTC, that's all I'm saying.

The void's been there a long while, I just want to fill it because that's a part of my life I want to acheive. Eg getting a house, having a baby, making money off my business idea etc etc not replacing anything I'm missing..

How do you know you will have a place to live when you get jobs?
I know when I'm working full time, I won't be able to afford my own place. With a man, or by myself. And how do you know your OH will get a job by the time LO would be born. We are afterall in the middle of a huge credit crunch. And even if he did get a job, what if it isn't well paid? And tbh. He is just plain lazy! He's how old? And he cba to get off his arse to get a job to look after you. And you think a baby will change his attitude? If you aren't enough motivation, then what is? xxx

 

[sam's mum]

If you think that having a baby on the way would give him the motivation he needs to get out and find himself a job, surely planning to have a baby (I know you're not right now) should do the same? If anything, you'd think the idea of being employed, and being able to get yourselves a place together by the time you start TTC would give him even more of a push to sort things out than having to because there's a baby on the way. Especially if he's said that he wants a baby.

Maybe I'm wrong but I just get the feeling that if he's not prepared to get out there and sort himself in terms of work etc now in preparation for it all and with a future family to look forward to, you being pregnant would make no difference x

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

I kinda now how you feel. Now my OH is ready i really just want to start but now i've really got everything straight in my head and i'm happy with the decision. Maybe see what happens once you hear back from this job and go from there? xx

Yeah, it'd just be nice to know where we're heading and in what timescale. It's HIM that's annoying me, because he just sits there and plays his games and he could SOOOO easily get a job at a moments notice. He's just delaying and delaying. At least I'm making money off ebay

I know I'm not the only one sitting around waiting for things to sort themselves out and wishing everything would hurry t-f up, and I think if my OH said tonight "we will start TTC now" I'd freak...just a little bit... But as soon as we've got our own place and money coming in again I'd love him to say that.

xx

Not being funny, but if he's not trying to get a job when he could, how is he still getting his jobseekers? I thought the whole way that worked was that you had to prove you were looking for employment which he clearly isn't.

At the end of the says there's only so much you can do for him, he has to want to do things for himself, and for your joint future. I don't know what to suggest to kick him into action. xx

 

[dizzy65]

 

[princess_x0]

Just wanted to add another thing in. HE should be looking for his job, not you. Your his gf, not his babysitter or PA.
xxx

 

[charliemeg]

I am really sorry to have to say this but agree with the other girls. With the credit crunch and so many lay offs with big firms he might not even get a job. They are not that easy to come across. What he needs to do is try and get one so you can both save for a deposit to get your own place. I would be great if he could get a job and some savings as now is the right time to buy your own place. If you didnt want to buy then you will still need a deposit to rent. Its just very difficult for anyone at the min.

As for you wanting to do your business I think this is a great idea. I run my own at the moment and looking at setting up another so if you want any help pm me and I will give you all the advice I can. Maybe your oh could help while he is looking for a job and you could both set up a successful business.

He could even set something up himself? it isnt really that hard but you have to put the work in to get the rewards. I would be happy to help anyone out. I have already help one of my friends out and she is now working from home when her children are at school and loves it.

 

[nightkd]

OH has a job already waiting for him (supposedly). He just doesn't want to do it. It's his old job... And he is 'seeking' a job, but he's not properly throwing himself into looking. You just have to prove you're doing stuff that suggests you're seeking a job, they can't really make you prove that you're really enthusiastic about it.

It's the fact that our TTC date is at least a year off. It's like giving him a year to get himself sorted, whereas having something more imminent would get him going now. It'd get me going too...

We've got the option of several houses, we can live with people, we've got two friends (one already in f/t employment) who are going to buy/rent a bigger house with us. We're considering doing the whole share buy thing (if we can get a mortgage). Once we've got our own income back there are plenty of houses around where my (hopefully *touch wood*) new job would be...so after a couple of months we should be able to get one of those (fingers crossed) we've got a fairly hefty deposit saved...well I have..and OH is talking about getting some more off his dad to help out (long story)... We've got hold of several tails and once we've got the money we can start using those tails for housing. But theoretically speaking we wouldn't need to rush getting a house, because of our TTC date. But we could.

OH does manual work. Any kind of work really, but there are shitloads of jobs advertised for warehouses around here and he always said he'd be happy to do that sort of thing again, to make money. There are jobs that have been up for ages...so they clearly haven't found anyone...but there's still something wrong in his eyes. He's got his own car and is happy to travel freakin' miles away. He used to work for his dad's removals company (until they broke his wrist....) making £60 day rate no matter how long he worked, and he got up at 5am in the morning and it doesn't bother him. He prefers being up early...as long as he can get into bed and go straight to sleep when he wants.

I really don't know why he's suddenly lost the motivation for us to get a place...perhaps because we're now in my mum's house so no-one's trying to kick me out??? I agree it is a bit of a bullshit that that isn't motivating him anymore, but I swear that having a baby would. Again to mention, we're not planning to yet.

When he does work he works hard, he works mega overtime to get as much money as possible... Maybe he's scared of moving out into the big wide world 'on his own' sort of thing... He's usually got mummy to provide for him or here we're paying £150 a month and we don't have to do anything. I don't know. It is a pain, because I want our own place so we can just get on with stuff (if we clean or anything here my mum's just...well she's crazy...) I can start properly setting up my business thing because I literally have nowhere to work apart from my bed, which is not ideal. Especially when your BF comes up and sits on the bed and all the beads etc roll into his buttcrack.

Wargh? Anyway, I just know, things would work out. *touch wood again* Things always work out when pressure makes em for me. *touch wood* omg karma/luck stay with me...

We're not planning it yet! So what does it matter. Just wish everything was sorted. I don't really want to be bringing in the rent and sole income on my own....

 

[nightkd]

Blargh. Feel ready mentally, emotionally, just financially not.. Main theme of this thread.

It's also the fact that OH just assumes we're going to get pregnant as soon as we start trying. Doesn't seem to understand that it doesn't always work like that. =/

xx

 

[Dream.A.Dream]

Blargh. Feel ready mentally, emotionally, just financially not.. Main theme of this thread.

It's also the fact that OH just assumes we're going to get pregnant as soon as we start trying. Doesn't seem to understand that it doesn't always work like that. =/

xx

I think a lot of men think like that until they realise otherwise.

I hope he finds himself some motivation soon so the both of you can get on with your future xx

 

[Sam86]

ha yeh my OH seems to think that as soon as we start trying, we'll be pregnant.. just like that!!
men, eh. haha
xx

 

[honeybunch2k7]

^Mine does,too. I guess we got preggo pretty easy the first time though.

 

[princess_x0]

I think all men think that, they don't seem to understand the whole ovulation process properly xx