I feel really stupid

[Calambria]

..

 

[Amasin]

I'm having complications in the pregnancy, like PIH and monitoring for the med I'm on which can cause IUGR too(but I am happy to say I had my growth scan this past Thurs. and he's measuring in the 68th percentile!). I go for NSTs and bpp 2x a week.

I had some concerns with my attorney on whether or not my husband should be kept abreast of this fact. After talking to him and my social worker they just told me to go ahead and do it via e-mail so I would have a little trail. My soon to be ex-husband is of the vindictive variety who must always look like the "good guy" so I didn't want to take my chances.

Well, my email comes back undeliverable so I call, which sucks. Mind you we haven't talked since July, in which I had had it up to my ears in listening to his emotionally abusive garbage. Also we haven't been together since March.

Talking to him, was like talking to a total stranger. I asked him if he was ok as he was in the path of Hurricane Sandy. Turns out he doesn't even live there anymore, he's in another state and didn't inform me. He also didn't recognize my phone number, voice or name! Apparently he never bothered to put my phone number in his contact list. He had no questions or concerns about the baby, did not ask if I needed anything for him, nothing at all. Complete indifference. He rushed me off the phone as well which is nothing new. He didn't even give me his new address which I NEED to file for divorce next month. THe only positives are that he DID in fact, receive the email despite it saying it was undeliverable, and I didn't have to listen to his name calling.

I feel so DUMB for thinking he may have grown a pair of balls these last 3.5 months, that maybe it would straighten his head out and he'd want to know about our baby on the way. I feel even more foolish that I asked him if he was ok, that he told me how concerned he was about his ex-landlord and everyone else on the Jersey shore. But that he never once called me, not once, to see if everything was ok over here. Not one time in 3.5 months. Mind you ANY contact about the pregnancy has been initiated by me and me only.

I feel like an idiot. I've given him ample opportunity, kept extending the olive branch and with the time passing, all it did was just make it worse. Of course we all want to forget certain things happened, never works that way we just somehow keep trucking on...Except in his head he's actually making it so. He's able to completely shut down and off from it. I wish I wasn't so stupidly naive and that I had the capacity to do what he does. I don't want to be with him but that doesn't change the fact that as a person, I cared about his well-being. He was/is my husband and the father of my baby and for that I at least gave a shit if he was alive or dead. I can't say the sentiment is returned. I feel like a real moron.

Sometimes people take kindness for a weekness-well its not, its what makes you the better person, the better parent and the one who will sleep better knowing you have a clear conscience. Do not compare yourself to your husband and feel stupid for not caring like he doesnt! I dont know you or your situation but i know about heartless men (not saying they are all heartless btw!!!) the father of my teenagers still throws insults at me if i ever ask WHY he wont pay any maintenance, so i just dont bother, hes not worth my brain space! I hope everything turns out well for you!! By the sound of it you have done well so far by getting rid of one negative in your life! good luck xxx

 

[whatwillbe]

You are the better person , some people just have no feelings , they rant capable of empathy, caring for others ect , block him off Hun, he's bit worth another second of your time

 

[Ceejay123]

Honey I had iugr which remained un-noticed. My little one was born on the 0.4 centile after an emergency induction. He is now completely healthy and well and following the 9th centile. Try not to worry I hope you'll be okay, I'm sure you will x x

 

[teal]

You have no reason to feel stupid, it just shows how much better a person you are. Sending you massive hugs xx