i feel so alone...and it hurts like hell

[jenniferttc1]

Somtimes a guy just needs to loose something, and miss it before he wakes up. I wouldnt call him, let him come back to you.

 

[cluelessnow]

I kno kinda how u feel at the min, i'm having problems with my fella. he's become very distant with me since being pregnant, even though he wanted a child. Not replying to me much when i try to contact him, as were 2hours drive away at the moment too. And i too, feel quite alone as well, i'm scared he's thinkin the same and now worried about committing for life with me with the baby coming. I feel for you so much right now x

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling alone too and I really hope it works out in the end with you and your man.

 

[cluelessnow]

I know that your hurting really bad sweetie but you really need to give it some time so that when you make a choice on what to do it's not out of fear or wishful thinking. He was wanting to try for a baby and then when you got your BFP he wanted it aborted, Okay that can be over looked as I have been there. Men freak when they are about to be a daddy for the first time. I am going to share my story with you because even though I got my bfp with my son from being raped I think it might help you. Back in 2004 I was raped and got the morning after pill and it didn't work. The rape was sunday night and I took the pill on a monday morning. Well baby was on it's way and my dh ( we aren't really married but have been together for 9yrs) fought with me everyday to abort the baby. I just couldn't do that. Well I had my gender scan and found out the baby was a boy and my dh was happy from then on but only to a point. He bought nothing for the baby but he would go out a 4am to get me food and would put his hand on my belly from time to time and feel baby kicking. It wasn't until after the baby was born that he was truly happy and now he is in love with our son. Men freak and they act out, some even cheat on their pregnant woman for some reason I will never understand. With all of this being said your baby's dad may come around and want to be a family with you and baby. I would never say that there is no hope of that. But at the same time I don't want you to get hurt again if it doesn't turn out that way. I do think that you should be friends for the sake of your child after all it needs to know that it is here because mommy and daddy loved each other and wanted a part of them showing their love in the world. I really wish you the best and I truly hope that you will get the outcome that you want in the end. You will be a amazing mom either way!!!

Thanks for sharing your story - and I'm so sorry you went through all that. But it's good to know that there are good men out there who can love kids who are not their own. I'm going to try and be friends for bubs' sake because he is coming round to getting excited about the bubs which is one positive thing that came out of my visit to Canada. Thanks!

 

[cluelessnow]

Thanks so much to everyone for the comments and hugs. It's 436am here and sleep will not come so it's great to come here and read comments of support - it makes me feel not so alone and that there are people who care out there.

Feeling much calmer and accepting of the situation now even though I admit being more than a bit unhinged yesterday night and I did call him but the result was positive - it made me see that he had no answers for me and we left it amicable (and it feels right).

It's clear now I have to think of bubs and bubs first which right now means me. I've got to start thinking of building a life for us. I've started a baby journal where I write letters to bubs, telling him how much I love him every day and the progress we are making. It helps. It makes me cry every time I think of bubs and the situation we're in but it's the first step to focusing on bubs.

From advice from friends in my life and in here - I've decided to not contact him giving myself some time to get back to normal again. And if he contacts to respond amiably.

Again, big massive thanks and hugs from me and bubs (who appreciates your support too)

 

[Whitbit22]

You know what? You don't need this. Quite frankly he can F off! Why should YOU go running to HIM to ASK for support! No!! This is NOT ok. Don't call him, you do NOT need him. I am so so so so so angry for you. HE made this baby and isn't man enough to face up to it. Do you need that? No! Don't contact him, he knows where you and the baby are if he wants to man up. If not, you deserve so so much more.

I truly hope things work out for you. Actually, I don't need to hope because I know they will. Xx

^^Perfectly said! And I'd like to add, that as you said you were in a committed relationship and you BOTH decided for you to go off the pill, yet he wanted you to abort the baby??? He sounds so childish! If he can't understand that going off the pill results in baby, results in long-term family and relationship he needs some serious help.

If I were you I'd let him wallow in the misery he's going to feel when he realizes what a mistake he has made. Whether it happens in a year, 5 years or 10 it is not your job to wait around for him because life goes on and your baby is going to grow up. Whatever you decide giving you lots of

Hope you can at least find the support you need here from other ladies who are in a similar situation. The quicker you kick him to the curb the better you will feel, seems like he wants YOU to wait around on HIM to decide if he wants to be with you and that is not healthy for anyone.

 

[Whitbit22]

Thanks so much to everyone for the comments and hugs. It's 436am here and sleep will not come so it's great to come here and read comments of support - it makes me feel not so alone and that there are people who care out there.

Feeling much calmer and accepting of the situation now even though I admit being more than a bit unhinged yesterday night and I did call him but the result was positive - it made me see that he had no answers for me and we left it amicable (and it feels right).

It's clear now I have to think of bubs and bubs first which right now means me. I've got to start thinking of building a life for us. I've started a baby journal where I write letters to bubs, telling him how much I love him every day and the progress we are making. It helps. It makes me cry every time I think of bubs and the situation we're in but it's the first step to focusing on bubs.

From advice from friends in my life and in here - I've decided to not contact him giving myself some time to get back to normal again. And if he contacts to respond amiably.

Again, big massive thanks and hugs from me and bubs (who appreciates your support too)

That's so good I'm glad you are feeling better! If you decide to stick around you should join us in the pregnancy journals! https://www.babyandbump.com/pregnancy-journals/

 

[ange30]

just want to say your doing the right thing i'm going through exactly the same,took so much rubbish of the babys dad , i am moving on but when i think of it so scary ,as i already have 3 children from a previous relationship , we'll get there in the end , huge hugs xx

 

[samkit]

I know it doesnt feel like it now hun but you are FAR better off without him. He is a complete and utter tosser! At least you have your beautiful bump to get you through. If he wants to be a part of your babies life then fair enough but dont do all the running. I know it hurts but this pain will get easier - u dont want to be known as as pushover (trust me I speak from experience). U r a better person than him and you know you will be a fantastic mum! So try eat some food and get some rest - if no for yourself then for bubs. He needs you to be strong. xx

 

[jessrabbit]

Dont forget if you want to talk to others in similar situations, there is a single parents section under the parenting forums x

 

[keepontrying]

Oh im sorry to hear what your going through, pregnancy is a time when a woman can feel alone or isolated in terms of that its only her body and hormones doing the rollercoaster let alone without this too!!!

I know only too well how difficult it is not to contact, especially when you hold onto a shred of hope that your voice, words, emotions, the baby.. something will make him see sense. Please don't though.. this man has shown you an incredible amount of disrespect and you deserve so much more.
Surround yourself with friends and family, immerse yourself in your baby and build yourself back up.....in the coming months your challenge is big and your journey will be difficult but you will become a stronger and better person when you come out the other side.
I can well imagine that once your stronger this snake will come back and try again, and this time it will be you that says no......sometimes it has to get dark before you see the stars!

The measure of a man is not where he stands in times of comfort but where he stands in times of challenge and controversy ...... he has shown his worth! You can do better without him denting your self worth.

Good luck sweeteheart xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[katieeandbump]

I'm sorry but he sounds like a right idiot! Telling you your not 'the one' who does he think he is? I'd be well shot of him! You can do it alone and I bet without him messing up ur emotions would be better for you anyway. It will be him who loses out in the finish. Honestly u derserve soooo much better! Xxxx