I give up!

[emma.andrews]

Not trying to be a negative Nancy here but is there anyone else out there that just has no more energy left to hope? I have nothing left. I have no hope left. Not for one more month will I let myself be hopeful and excited, just to be crushed one more time. Each passing cycle gets harder and harder because the obvious becomes more and more clear. I can't go one more month letting myself be hopeful. This process has killed my spirit. I've been positive every single month and it has done absolutely nothing for my odds. I guess I just need to vent. There is nowhere else that I can. Especially about this topic. It has been one year now almost, I know that that isn't a lot of time to some, but it's been an eternity to me. My husband wants to wait a while longer to see a fertility specialist, so what am I to do besides give up? I've put all of my 100% efforts into this and have repeatedly failed. I will not go one more year like this. I quit. I will not let TTC ruin my life. I refuse to be consumed and defined by what my body is unable to do. I never thought this would be an obstacle in my life, but here I am staring up the side of a mountain that will not move. Since this is the last post I will make on this board, I will say that I truly wish you all the best. Baby dust! Thank you for letting me get that off of my chest... 😊

 

[nomorewaiting]

Emma, If I could give you a great big hug I would. I am 11 months into the process, myself. It is truly heartbreaking every month when you don't see that extra line or happen upon AF. I am having trouble even hanging with my friends/neighbors because (no exaggeration) nearly everyone is pregnant or recent mom's and I have nothing to contribute to the conversation. I've even slipped away and gone into my house to cry my eyes out. It is completely not fair that some of us can't do what seems so easy for others. I did break down and find a new doctor at the end of last cycle. I will be scheduling a HSG at the start of my next cycle.

Take a deep breath, have a glass of wine. At this moment screw ttc. To hell with the whole idea.... but tomorrow or the next day don't rule it out. I won't tell you to calm down or relax because I want to slap everyone who says that to me. I find coming up with a plan helps me. Whether it be going back to opks or stopping my 1 cup of coffee a day or setting a date for when you will talk to your doctor. A plan is getting me through this month... even with that nagging voice in the back of my head saying what if this is your month.

So come on here and vent whenever you want. You are certainly not alone.

 

[MrsMcCurdy]

I second what pp said and I'm right there with you but don't give up hope yet. Take a vacation or just screw ttc for awhile but don't give up completely. Idk if you believe in God but I think he has a destiny for everyone and I'm taking courage that God has a future for my babies and they need to be born at a certain time for God to work thru them at a certain time in their life. And see a specialist as soon as you can. It could be a simple fix. Good luck!!

 

[emma.andrews]

Thank you both! Your replies have truly made me feel more at ease. You guys can relate to my situation and know just what to say. I hope you both get good news very soon. I will send thoughts and prayers your way. I do believe in God and have been looking to Him and praying my heart out over this. I have just been discouraged after this last AF. I'm glad that you said what you said about the timeframe in which your kids are born being for a reason. Ive never thought of it that way. I'm going to try and keep from getting bitter about this. You see people who aren't fit parents, who are terrible to their children and take them for granted getting pregnant and having babies left and right. It really isn't fair. I know that our time will come though one day. It really isn't in our hands I guess. We can only do what we can do. As of right now it just feels a little better to be mad at the whole process lol. I am going to just be that way for a while. It feels better. I enjoy saying I don't care right now. I think I will have that glass of wine tonight!

 

[babylaw720]

Not trying to be a negative Nancy here but is there anyone else out there that just has no more energy left to hope? I have nothing left. I have no hope left. Not for one more month will I let myself be hopeful and excited, just to be crushed one more time. Each passing cycle gets harder and harder because the obvious becomes more and more clear. I can't go one more month letting myself be hopeful. This process has killed my spirit. I've been positive every single month and it has done absolutely nothing for my odds. I guess I just need to vent. There is nowhere else that I can. Especially about this topic. It has been one year now almost, I know that that isn't a lot of time to some, but it's been an eternity to me. My husband wants to wait a while longer to see a fertility specialist, so what am I to do besides give up? I've put all of my 100% efforts into this and have repeatedly failed. I will not go one more year like this. I quit. I will not let TTC ruin my life. I refuse to be consumed and defined by what my body is unable to do. I never thought this would be an obstacle in my life, but here I am staring up the side of a mountain that will not move. Since this is the last post I will make on this board, I will say that I truly wish you all the best. Baby dust! Thank you for letting me get that off of my chest... 😊

Don't give up hope. We have been TTC for 11 months now, and trust me, I understand. I have probably spent more money on POAS tests than anything else in the past year, just hoping every time that maybe I took it too soon. Watching all the pregnancy announcements around me from family and friends, some who were trying, some who weren't, some who got pregnant on the first try..... It is absolutely heartbreaking. In the time that we have been ttc, my sister in law got pregnant and had the baby, her second one. And although I love my neices and nephews more than anything, some days its hard because why couldn't I have kids that are playing with them? Am I destined to just be the fun childless auntie? But you know what helps me through this, you guys. No one understands my situation quite like you guys do. No one understand the heartbreak with each passing month and every BFN. We need to stay here and support each other. They say that it happens when you stop trying, so maybe when you stop trying, you'll get your BFP!

 

[MrsMcCurdy]

Glad we could help! It took me a while to realize it too but its helped so much since!

 

[knobby]

I also have been trying for a long time... almost 12 months now. It is really hard and sometimes I even break down and cry when AF comes, but I just remember how badly my husband and I want this and could never give up. And I have told my husband when he gets down about it that eventually (maybe) we are going to have a baby and once we have that special baby we wouldn't be able to imagine not having him/her in our life and all the waiting will have been worthwhile.

 

[mlynn263]

There is nothing wrong with the way you are feeling. I totally understand what you mean. It is SO hard to see ppl with children that don't seem to care about them or better yet seem to use them as some sort of government assistant benefit. BUT as soon as those thoughts run through my head, I quickly scold myself. It is not my place to judge or be so negative towards other ppl (mentally) I try and remember God has a reason for everything. Maybe he has brought the blessing of a child to that specific person because they were struggling with life and wanted to give them a gift of reason or something to live for. I don't know? Maybe I sound nuts, I just try to think of a positive angle for it all. Its very hard sometimes well most of times. I pray that you find peace in the TTC journey and pray you get a BFP real soon!! Best of wishes to you.