I hate her...

[JViti]

big hugs becky!!! unfortunately, it wont get easier until you get your sticky. just know we are here for ya love!!!

 

[Napua17]

My ladies updated so I will too.

Sweet.....I'm so sorry. I know that just sounds dumb right now. I'm praying you find answers to this so next baby will stick and grow.

I had some set backs so I'm still waiting for surgery. Blood tests done, mammogram done, sleep study done......yes I have apnea and I stop breathing 41 times an hour. My oxygen dropped to 89% on room air. My CPAP is on its way. I've just finished everything but the vitamin d test the lab forgot. Then I get a surgery date.

I don't know if anyone disapproves, but I'm out of options and I want to live. I have 2 sons on this earth and I want to be with them. Hopefully, with the grace of God....I'll loose weight, ovulate on my own and have just one more.

I didn't make this decision lightly. It was very hurtful to admit I need surgical help. But I'm finally excited to be normal.

 

[JViti]

So, its been awhile since all updated...

Heres mine.

So yesterday, Insurance APPROVED my IVF!!! I am approved for 2 cycles. I go in on Monday for blood work to see if I need to start Provera first to induce a bleed, or if I can go right to birth control. I am hoping birth control because it will shave about 2 weeks off the cycle, and I want this done ASAP!! Took 2 months to get the approval but its HERE!!! Hubby and I are psyched!! We are trying NOT to get our hopes up because whenever we do, the whole world comes crashing down on us, but I would be lying if I said my hopes arent up!!

I did have a scare at the dentist last week. I went in for a check up cuz I havent seen a dentist in 8 years. I had swelling in my gums and knew I needed an antibiotic. So I go in, they look at the swelling and tell me its a tumor...and possibly cancerous. So of course, I look everything up and saw that if it was cancer, I may only have a year...holy depression-fest!!
Luckily, when I saw the oral surgeon, he said it was a granuloma, and that it was nothing to worry about, it wont turn into anything. So i am on antibiotics and antiseptic mouth wash. That was the scariest 24 hours of my life...

How are the rest of my ladies doing??? Any updates???? Good or Bad??

 

[JViti]

So today is the start of my Birth Control. I am doing it until April 21. On April 15, I will also be starting Lupron. Then I wait for my period. When I get my period, I will get further instructions. How are the rest of you ladies doing??

 

[JViti]

Way to keep up Jenn. Since Facebook, I don't check this nearly as often. Cycle day 4 right now. We can start trying again. So my husband returns to his "sex slave" status. I recently got a Kindle and have been reading a lot. So - the 30 minutes, hips propped after BDing will now have something a little more productive than Words With Friends to take my time.

bahahaha thats awesome! sex slave lol. Mine got lucky, he just has to jerk it once and thats it lol.

 

[JViti]

I miss my ladies. I need to vent and I feel like you girls are the only ones I can vent to. Is anyone still on here??? If so, please Private Message me, I dont want to make it public...

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Hey girls! I know I'm lame reviving this thread but I had to send y'all some love . Think I'm finally ready with the big deep breath and all . Hope you ladies are well .

 

[JViti]

Hi Sweet!!! Totally not lame. Ive been wanting to revive this post for awhile. I have tried a couple times!!

Ladies...UPDATES!!!!!

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Excellent! Then let's get it on .

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Running out the door with the family right now but BBL to update on my goings on .Not much exciting I can assure you .

 

[Bkrispy]

Hey Hey! I'm still alive. Just been so distracted with other things.
My divorce is final TODAY! WOOT WOOT. I'm way better off without him. I was so alone, and a husband should care. Not tell me to shut up and get over it. It'd be one thing if I was being a whiney little bitch- but I wasn't. I was never allowed to grieve. Ever.
His mother told me that he never intended to have children with me, and he was happy ours didn't make it. I don't know if she was just being hurtful or if he really told her that. Neither one would suprise me. Anyways.
I'm here. I'm alive. I'm ok.
Not likely to ever get my chance... all single and 28. I'm seeing someone great- but he has two kids of his own, and I don't think he'd be inteterested in more. I think he wants it to stay the way it is. He's too great of a guy for me to pass up because I want children I can't even have anyway. It'd be one thing if I was fertile and wanted kids, but I might could be passing up this really awesome amazingly sweet real life prince charming for nothing.
Maybe one day we will tlak about it- but Its waaaayyyyyy toooooooooooooooooooo soon. of course.
How is everyone here? Anymore happy announcements?

 

[Bkrispy]

Oh yeah- I'm getting a tattoo today Can't wait to show you guys. Hope it turns out like I plan!
https://www.flickr.com/photos/123603338@N08/14312592537/ not sure if that works?

 

[JViti]

YAY. Good for you BK! So glad you met someone that is caring and considerate. And so happy for you that you got rid of the lying cheating b@$+@rd!! Even tho he has 2 kids of his own, and u may not get ur baby, sometimes, gaining a new family and a new start in life is better and just as good. And who knows, maybe he will want another baby. If you guys hit it off and get married one day, maybe he will want a baby that belongs to both of you.

Things have been ok here. I chit chat on facebook almost daily with Bekah and Napua (brenda).

I got my IVF in May and I got my FIRST since I started trying 4 1/2 years ago. I couldnt have been more elated!! But sadly, it ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks. I was devastated. I still am. But I am on my second IVF. Just got the insurance approval and I am on BCPs and will be starting stims hopefully by the end of the week. We are doing a different protocol this time because my PCOS is being a bitch. I almost overstimulated. We only got 5 eggs tho and nly 2 fertilized the first time. He was NOT happy with that result. But he has things under control and feels confident about the new protocol. He has treated over 20,000 PCOS patients in his 20+ years of practice and he says I am one of the more challenging ones....lovely.

I am just waiting for my insurance to approve the medications and then get them delivered and we will be starting the stims.

My SIL....the reason this whole post started....well I'll wrap it in a spoiler in case you dont wanna hear about it.....

Spoiler

She is going in for a c-section on July 11. Its a boy. She has no name for him yet, which is not surprising because she didnt have a name for my other nephew until she was in recovery. I am still upset about it...especially since she texted me the ultrasound pic, gave me details about his appearance, and told me she was possibly in labor on June 1...the day my miscarriage was made official. Yeah bad timing much? I did talk with her after my miscarriage and she wants to make sure I'll be ok when hes born. She said that she wants me to be there after she has him and that she may need my help with the baby and Zachary (my other nephew). I told her I will be fine to her face, but I cant promise that I will be ok on the way there and the way home. We will just have to wait and see. I cant guarantee anything at this point.

I also found out that my cousin is pregnant again, but I am happy for her because her first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 11 weeks, and she was totally there for me when I had mine. She was the only one who understood. Its funny cuz I've only met her twice. But were friends on facebook and she was just amazing. She encouraged me to get a memory box for the embryo pics of the twins, to name them, and put anything in there that reminded me of them...my hospital bracelets, any poetry i wrote while grieving, and to write them a letter. I did name them...when I got the embryo pics, I was POSITIVE they were boys (call it mothers intuition) and I had called them Luke and Landon. This was BEFORE the miscarriage. So I ket the names and gave them middle names and a proper sendoff...almost like a private funeral that only I attended, and I have been ok since. Luke Michael and Landon Joseph. My loves.

How is everyone else doing????????

 

[Bkrispy]

Oh I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage That's rough. Does the + help make you hopeful for next round? It kind of sounds like it, but maybe not.
I think that's a wonderful sign, as hard as it is. I sure hope I'll have a shot one day.
It's dumb that I even think about it entering such a new relationship. Oh the joys of being infertile. We can't even approach love the same way. It's always a waiting game.
I live in in, lol. I am waiting right now to find out if I am getting this house! I made an offer, going to get this great little place for my son and I. So stoked! BUT The appraisal came out less than the offer.
So they have to decide if they want to take the appraised value or wait for someone else to make an offer, and hopefully have a large down payment to cover the rest. Hopefully they aren't that greedy. It would bit them in the butt in the end, no one wants to pay more for somehting than it's worth. I'll gladly just move on if that's the case.
But secretly really really hope they take the appraisal value. It's an adorable little house in a very nice subdivision in a great school district for the area ( it's only rated a 7, but the school my son goes to now is a 3- so big difference and way better)
Cross your fingers for me! This house would mean the world to us! We don't have a furnace or a kitchen at our house, and the bathtub is cracked. So i'm so looking forward to being warm this winter and cooking my own food (saving so much money!) and taking a nice warm bubble bath. OOOOOOhhhh the little things that make life awesome. That's probably the first thing I am going to do when I move in. A bubble bath. Can't wait!!!

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Hey girls! Been cleaning like a crazy woman (we're moving again but this time we're parking our butts in our new spot 'til we're ready to buy) and trying to figure out curriculum stuff for our upcoming school year. I'm with you though! Catching up...

 

[JViti]

ill be finally hopefully ging back to work on 7/14. Ive been out with a bad back for the last 8 months...i swear if i spend one more day at home ill kill someone lol. I am hoping that being back at work will help me get my mind off things, but then again, I work in a Children's Hospital so maybe not....well see. I am still on the BCP waiting for the stupid pharmacy and my stupid insurance to do the prior authorization for my meds....as soon as i get them, i can start them.

P.S. Nothing sucks more than getting 4 only to discover you were dreaming....this shit even haunts us in our sleep!!!

 

[Bkrispy]

I used to have those dreams all the time. Made waking up hard. No one understands how a good dream can RUIN a day until they experience true grief.

 

[babyvaughan]

Its so hard! My SIL's both have had a baby, and one just announced she is pregnant again. Also my cousin just announced she is pregnant and my sister said she plans to try in near time. I have been trying for 4 years long before them and they just get pregnant like nothing. Where I torture myself with tests and still no baby. I wanted to give the first grand baby but I had to come to terms that it wasn't going to happen. It sucks! Now I just want to be apart of the mommy club with them but thats not happening either. They all know and they let me be apart of there pregnancies from finding out the gender and everything but its still hard because I just want my own experience. It breaks my DH and I's heart that we can't a baby which we love already before he or she has been created!

 

[Rosie_Phillip]

As there is 33 pages of this post (and I'm feeling tired) I only read page one (so far) and would just like to say you have every reason to hate her.

As of right now I have been trying for my second for almost 2 year (I know, I'm a newbie to this game of LTTTC) Yesterday my sister (who is a year younger than I am) told be she was pregnant with her second, her first (my niece) is only 9 months old... I AM LIVID! She KNOWs how hard this is for me. She KNOWS the pain I am feeling. Yet it seems like shes rubbing in the fact she got drunk forgot to use protection and got knocked up... I'm livid. Now if this second round of Clomid works she stole my thunder...

 

[Bkrispy]

I need you guys around.
I can't exactly be open to anyone else... come back friends!
I don't think I'll ever get over the fact that I don't ever get another chance. I havent been able to "try" since I was 21. That was when I was told I have no chance except IVF, and ex-husband started playing with the controls of my emotional rollercoaster.
Ok, we'll do it- if YOU raise the money YOURSELf, but only if it's BEFORE I turn 30. And when i did- he blew it all while I was away for military training. So then it became. Ok, well we can do it, and I'll help you. But he would put away $100 and then take it right back. And then I found out he had been cheating on me for a long time...
and now I'm 28. (i know it's still young) but still old enough. My new boyfriend has kids. It's too soon to be even thinking about this now.
I can't help it htough, my entire life all I've ever wanted was a family. I didn't have parents growing up so I was going to be this super awesome mom... but here I have all my eggs in one basket and I find myself just being super protective over bearing mother who cries if my son spends a day at his dads and doesn't call me.
Blaming myself entirely for every bad grade and decision he makes. The pressure to be the most awesome mother ever is so great with just isaiah, and the accusations of him being a spoiled only child hurts. It hurts bad.
Anyway, boyfriend has kids. So does every other man my age and older. Why would anyone want to spend all that money for more when they are perfectly content with what htey have. Besides even if he was interested... it will be years before that talk is even ok, and by then i'm in my thirties and my chances won't be good. I assume even worse due to the fact that I have had no fallopian tubes for a decade by then.
I already think my ovarian function is declining rapidly. I used to have extremely regular cycles, but this last year has been off. Never the same... the wait has caught up to me.
It's not fair. I hate being alive. What if all this torture and pain never ends and I just live a life of sadness and grief and fear. and it's never worth it?
It's been 7 years of constant grief and I can't end it. Meds, counseling, even stays in a in-patient facility were useless. Nothing can make me not sad about this.