I hate her...

[CaliDreaming]

Becky I hope you get some answers.

 

[JViti]

Doctor called my dad...his squamos cell results were negative, so it doesnt look like cancer. His doc said they actually think it WAS a kidney stone. Still going for more tests, but hes not bleeding anymore. Keeping fingers crossed...

SIL pregnancy getting thrown in my face (not intentionally...they just arent thinking). Last night, everyone was rubbing her belly and talking about names and what not...and how excited they are...and im just sitting there like really??? She has to pee...ITS THE BABY!!! She gets hungry...ITS THE BABY!!! its like ok we get it...its the damn baby.

Another US tech looked at the US pic, and they are saying its a girl...i fucking hope not. What they were saying was a pee-pee, they are now saying is the cord and that its all girl...wtf????

I just hope Tufts hurries up and gets my records...I just want to start my IVF process already. I'm done with all the bullshit!!

 

[JViti]

I hear ya Becky.

I am glad they are starting to figure things out for ya. Nothing is more annoying than being told "nothing wrong." Its like we dont want anything to be wrong, but we do so that we have an answer.

We spend half our reproductive lives PRAYING that we DONT get pregnant, and the other half praying that we DO.

I wish we all lived close together...I would LOVE to have like get-togethers and stuff lol

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Will BBL to catch up girlies! Super-stupid busy here .

 

[Napua17]

Any worse??? Things are getting so bad for me.

I lost my job thursday, of course not before I noticed what I think is implantation bleeding.

2 days, next day was darker then the first, just on the tp. Yesterday I was super nauseous and woke up this morning with it.

My tummy is crampy-sore but not period like. AF is due 29th or so.....

I don't even know what to hope for anymore.

YES I WANT TO PREGNANT.....but I'll only have insurance until end of march for sure. No job = no money.

I really think I am and I'm scared I'm going to see AF and totally loose it.

This cycle was started with prover a, a big cyst ruptured and I was taking Vite for 2 weeks straight along with miniBC the first week....Vitex fo,r about 2-3 weeks.

HPT is negative, but I know its early.

***FACE DOWN IN THE PILLOWS***

I want this so bad.....but what if I'm not??? I'm totally going to break down. I wasn't even trying. No MS with my boys. We did the BD on the 16th....not even for trying.

What do I do????

 

[JViti]

Nap, I am hoping for whatever you are hoping for. It must be confusing right now...wanting it soooo bad but knowing its may not be best....especially after LTTTC.
Super ugh!! I am hoping for the best!!!!! Remember that pregnancy is 9 months!! so u got 9 months to prepare, get health insurance (if ur preggers, you could get medicaid in the meantime right???)

As far as things getting bad...well...

They are now saying its a girl.... fuck me sideways...

I have the US pic, and it REALLY looks like a boy...but his penis is LONG and SKINNY and I dont see balls...but is 14 weeks so it could still be a girl whos clitty hasnt fully gone down yet...first glance is boy, but when u really look at it, it doesnt make sense...

I cant handle it if its a girl...I will be broken

I stare at the potty shot pic EVERYDAY for like hours and look up stuff to help me confirm its a boy...1 US tech said boy, another says girl...family all says girl...and their so excited I could puke...again-fuck me sideways...and backwards and hell fuck me upside down while ur at it

still nothing from my other RE...so my doc cant submit to insurance yet...stupid fucktards...they are so lucky murder is illegal....

I cant bring myself still to buy anything for this baby...but now, word is that I am going to be the godmother...not sure how I feel about it yet. Normally I would be thrilled...

Im so pissed about this, I was finally starting to accept this and now I'm back to where I started...Right back to my first post...the punch gut, the depression, the hatred, the envy, i cant stand it. I mean, regardless of what I have (if I ever get pregnant again) I will be happy. Of course I would hope for a girl since this will be my last pregnancy probably, but I would be happy with a boy or boys. Just having a healthy baby would make me happy, but she doesnt deserve this....

SHE STILL SMOKES
SHE DRINKS COFFEE
SHE ISNT THAT GREAT TO MY NEPHEW
SHES NOT MARRIED (well that doesnt really matter-I wasnt married either until last year)
SHE DOESNT DESERVE THIS MORE THAN ME!!

I mean Goddamn even my 7 yr old knows it...he says it all the time...we've been waiting longer...we want it more...we deserve it more...

why cant the universe see it??

 

[Napua17]

Because the universe sucks donkey dick, that's why.

I hate this roller coaster we are all on.

If that US has SCRODUM its a boy.....

I don't know what to say Cuz I'm in your shoes......I want a girl, but I have to take what I get.
I loved having boys....their the best!

But I want my mini me.....I want the chance to make it right. Make me right.

When I pray.....I see things different....like whatever I have I will love and its not the end of the world if my SIL all have girls. But its this waiting that makes things unbearable. Just tell me already.....

Pregnant or
Boy or not
Girl or not
Do I have a chance or not......

Seriously today....I just don't care. I just wanna cry my eyes out, for all of us.

 

[JViti]

life would be sooooo much easier if we just KNEW...Just please tell me...If I wont get pregnant again, just friggin tell me so I can stop all this and move on with my life...If I wont ever have a daughter, just tell me so I can get my envy out of the way and just accept that my SIL is having a girl...just please tell me so I can get it out now and mov eon with my life

I also cry for all of us....

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Man!! Hugs all around ladies!!

becky, I'm glad you may be getting somewhere with finding out a possible why. Keep us posted .

So glad to hear cancer has been taken off the table for your dad Jenn; a kidney stone that may have resolved is definitely better in every way! I truly hope it's not a little girl for them doll . Your posts had me rollin' about you being all grossed out about sex and your parents and vice-versa .

Napua I second what Jenn said, I hope you get the outcome you desire most and I think we all know what that is . And yes, if you lost your job and you are preggers definitely look into Medicaid for pg women.

How you doin' B?

Not much goin' on this way but moving craziness .

's and to you all and I hope this week brings some sunshine around this way! Breathe ladies and know that I'm breathing with you and sending you some serious peace and calm, even if only for a few minutes .

 

[JViti]

THANK GOD!!!

But this chick seriously gets like an ultrasound EVERY WEEK so there are US pictures everywhere I friggin go. People bought her stuff today since they no for sure its a boy and I was sooo jealous.

But on a better note...i think...

I have a physical and pap on Monday (needed for ins for IVF coverage) and hubby has an SA and STD panel also on Monday so we should have EVERYTHING we need to submit this off to the insurance. Then its just the waiting game. The horrible waiting game. I think this may be worse than the TWW. Ok maybe not...but its definitely similar.

SIL and BIL are talking names now...He likes Dante and she likes Zeke. I have NEVER met a white Dante lol and I've only ever seen pets named Zeke. God I hope she changes her mind...ugh.

I hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope hope that my insurance will cover my IVF and then we can get started. I would love to have my baby(s) by Christmas. My little miracle(s).

My hubby keeps telling me not to expect to get pregnant. That it will just set us up for heartbreak. And in a way, I'm not expecting it, but I cant help but get excited for it. I mean, getting pregnant isnt going to be the hardest part, its gunna be staying pregnant. PCOS has a HIGH miscarry risk. Gunna be scary. I'm like only gunna eat healthy foods and like, not move lol. I've had one possible miscarriage before (pregnancy not confirmed, but I was 17 yrs old, 3 weeks late, then got the period from HELL...to this day, it is still the worst one i ever had...clots galore (i no TMI), painful as hell, literally the clots were bigger than quarters. I thought it was just the fact that i was late, but after I had my son, i had told my doc about the period from hell, and she asked if i took a preg test, I said no, and she said that it sounded like a miscarriage.)


How are all you ladies doing this week/end???

 

[deafgal]

Wrong thread

 

[deafgal]

This is totally unrelated to infertility, but you ladies are friends to me so I know I can vent to you guys about anything...

My dad called me yesterday and told me that he has been urinating blood. A lot of blood. I've taken enough medical classes to know that blood in urine is caused by 1 of 3 things....Kidney problem, Bladder problem, Urethra problem. Add that to the fact that he is 45, diabetic, heavy smoker, hypertensive, coronary artery disease and has had 2 heart attacks already...my dad is a walking health disaster. The light side of the spectrum is that it could be a UTI or kidney stones... But nope, he called me today and they ruled those out...now whats left is serious infection, or...the C word. And if it is the C word, the fact that hes bleeding in his urine would mean its advanced. As in not much chemo can do. But since some doctors dont care unless its their family, he is scheduled to see a urologist FEB 4!!! Like 2 weeks away....If this is the C word, he needs to start treatment, like, yesterday! I mean come on...hes 45!! hes too young for all these problems. I mean, hes a smoker and has been since he was like 18 (with a 7 yr hiatus) so it would be his own fault, but still. hes 45. not even 50 yet. hes too young for everything he has been through. 2 heart attacks before he was 45. First grandchild when he was 38 I got a lot of grief for that one lol.

Why does life have to suck. Now its like more important than ever to have another baby so that just in case its bad news, my dad can meet as many of his grandchildren as possible. He only has 1, my kid. My sisters are 22 (with no bf or partners) and my other sister is 16...so its up to me lol.

Ugh please let him be ok. Please let it be that my dad is a man whore and caught an std from someone. (never prayed for an std before )

and lastly...sdngfhdskgjnNJKDSNGJKHFDGHFJGJKFNHJFNDHNRJNHJNFLKHJKFNBJKENSGJKHFJKHNFNJFHFJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <---that about sums it all up!!!

I hope he doesn't have cancer. My dad had kidney cancer and congestive heart failure (and already had multiple heart attack)

He was a smoker and a drinker.

They really couldn't treat one without worsen the other. They couldn't always give him chemo, it could affect his heart issues and die.

 

[JViti]

So, I am waiting for my old doc to send my records to the new doc so we can send in the IVF shit. I've been asking for over a month now. I sent it in December...they send it back to me because I signed it, but didnt date it. Really?? So, when they FINALLY mailed it back to me to let me know, I dated the stupid packet and FAXED it this time. I faxed it 5 times to assure that they received it. I called the next day to ask if it was received. They said it was and that they were sending it to the medical records office and that it would take about a week. Well, I waited the week. I just called and asked to speak to medical records. I asked for the status of my records. They said they never received a request. BULLSHIT. I told them that I faxed it to my office and they sent it over. She said no they didnt, and transferred me back to my doc office. THey said "yes they did, tell them we sent it twice and have the confirmations to prove it." and they transferred me back to medical records. Medical records again said "no we didnt, tell them they cant fax it, we wont get it." and they transferred me back to the doc office. They said "Yes we can, we do it all the time, tell them they need to do their job." and transferred me back again. Medical records said "no they didnt, and you need to mail it to us." and transferred me back to my doc office. I got tired of this phone tag messenger boy game and started swearing at the doc office (not nice i no, but productive). They FINALLY called the damn medical records people themselves and spoke to them. She came back to me and said that they recieved it on Frida...(hmmm medical records told me they never got it) and that it would take ANOTHER 8-10 business days. I am IRATE at this point because its ALL i'm waiting on is their slow asses. She gives me the number to medical records (instead of transferring me) and tells me to talk to a supervisor. I call the number...wrong number. I call her back and she tells me I switched the digits around...no i didnt, thats what you gave me cuz i read it back to her to be sure. She gave the right number and I called. Wrong number again. Pissed and furious and ready to bomb the place (really not funny giving that I live near Boston and bombings are a sensitive topic around here), I called the ,main hospital number and they transferred me to medical records. I talked to some chick and she did her best to try and figure out what was going on. I tried to be nice to her because she had nothing to do with the previous situation, but I also wanted her to know that I was pissed. She put me on hold and asked for the fax number to my new doc and said that she would fax my chart over. But we'll see if it actually happens.

If any of you every travel to Boston for care...DO NOT USE TUFTS MEDICAL CENTER OR TUFTS FLOATING HOSPITAL FOR CHILDREN. THEY SUCK. (I DONT REALLY NO IF TUFTS FLOATING HOSPITAL FOR CHILDREN IS BAD CUZ I NEVER TOOK MY SON THERE, BUT TUFTS ITSELF SUCKS SO I WOULDNT GO)...STICK TO BRIGHAM AND WOMENS, MASS GENERAL, AND BETH ISRAEL....AND FOR KIDS, STICK TO BOSTON CHILDRENS HOSPITAL.

This is a shitty start to the day/week. I just hope it gets better...I am soooo done dealing with people.

 

[JViti]

How are all you ladies been doing?? I havent heard from you all in awhile!!!

 

[CaliDreaming]

Just popping in to say that I am really relieved for you that your SIL is having a boy. It seems usually when they guess boy, the baby really is a boy, but those early girl guesses are frequently wrong. I'm hoping you have boy/girl twins to make up for all you've been through TTC!!

 

[Napua17]

okay I stayed away from the board for a long time because I wanted to wait and see what my pregnancy test results were well if you days ago it was still negative and Here I am over a week late and still no positive and now I'm having pain on the right side and I'm freaking out that it could be an ectopic pregnancy with only my right ovary I can't lose it I tried to call my OBGYN and she's not and they told me I can see it nurse practitioner on Monday but are you fucking serious it's Thursday I call my old OBGYN to see if they could see me because they do have an ultrasound machine and they take my number down to call me back well really at this point I can just go to the ER but then I feel really stupid if I went to the ER and nothing was really wrong I don't know what to think at this point I know what I saw I know that one week after I had sex I don't normally have brown bloody discharge and I know when implantation bleeding looks like because I have it with my first son. I'm so fed up and I'm so overwhelmed and I'm so overloaded I just can't take this anymore. I called the reproductive endocrinologist and they want 475 dollars upfront they won't build my insurance I will have to ask for reimbursement so that means I won't be seeing my money and I really don't have $500 to waste on an hour with a doctor for something that they mightbe able to do for me.the nurse practitioner thanks my only chance at having a baby is IVF but because of my weight I won't qualify unless I lose 65 pounds. I'm already trying to lose weight but basically they're telling me that there's nothing I can do and I'm fucked from all sides and I'm really pissed off. Extase like these I wish that we had a Facebook page or another way to get in touch with each other because all I wanna do is cry but I understand but I know that you are under stand what I feel like right now. I feel like such a failure like I can't have a baby if its all my fault because I can't wait. I don't know what to do from here and I don't know where to go my insurance will run out by that March 21st if I don't find something privately and I just feel like time is running out so fast. I'm just not gonna make it through this day.

 

[JViti]

I got a facebook too... Jennifer Vitiello. I am not the only one, but I am the only one from Boston, MA. (Well, Stoughton if were being oober specific)

 

[JViti]

hey guys, me, becky, and brenda have been chatting it up live on facebook. it is definitely more interesting to chat live and not have to wait for responses. You can add me, and ill help you get the other ladies.

Jennifer Vitiello
Stoughton, MA

Not sure if I am the only Jennifer Vitiello or not, but I am definitely the only one from Stoughton, MA.

Join us ladies!!!!!!

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Getting caught up here! Hope you ladies are well .

 

[puravida4389]

Hey, I just wanted to say that I know EXACTLY how you feel. Been trying for 2 years and we just found out my SIL is pregnant when they've only been married 4 months. At first I was mad, plumb mad. But now I have learned to accept it. Idk if you're a religious person, but I have faith that God will give my husband and I a child in his perfect timing. And when I get that child, because of all the sacrifices and hurdles it took, I am going to appreciate him/her so much more because of it. Those that God loves, he puts through the fire. Good luck to you!