I hate her...

[JViti]

If my SIL has a baby shower, its gunna be SOOOOOO tough for me to go, but also SOOOOOOO tough for me to NOT go. When she got pregnant with my nephew, I was soooo involved, I helped plan the baby shower and everything, I spent sooooo much money that I didnt have on stuff for the baby. I was the most excited auntie ever! Now Im just...meh.

I know hard feelings can be fixed in the future, but missing something like a baby shower, or not going to the hospital after he/she is born...cant. I wont ever get it back. So idk what to do about that. Luckily shes only 8 weeks so I have time but I mean this world is just so unfair!!!

WHY DO DRUG ADDICTS, TEENAGERS, AND PEOPLE WHO HATE/ABUSE THEIR KIDS GET TO BE SO FERTILE?!?!?! YOU HEAR OF CHICKS WHO KILL THEIR BABIES, THROW THEM IN DUMPSTERS, NEGLECT THEM, ABUSE THEM AND THEY CANT STOP HAVING KIDS!!! WHY CANT THEY BE INFERTILE?!!?!?!? WHY DOES IT SEEM LIKE THE BETTER PERSON YOU ARE, THE LESS CHANCE YOU HAVE OF BEING A PARENT?!!??!

 

[CaliDreaming]

Well the good thing is that you have a lot of time to reflect before you even have to deal with a baby shower. Since this is her second child, she may not even have one anyway since some consider having a shower for a second taboo, or if she does it probably will be very scaled down. If she does, then I think that no one would blame you for not getting as involved in it this around since it's a second. You can plan just to show up with a gift just to keep up appearances--or by that time you might feel like you could handle more. You never know how you will be feeling in six or seven months.

I still struggle when I see people who can easily get pregnant who can't or won't take care. Part of my job is related to taking children away from unfit parents, and it's just unreal how fertile some of these folks are. I've had several cases where by the time we'd get enough evidence to terminate parental rights with respect to one child, the mom has already given birth to another child and is pregnant again. Most of the children have life long physical and emotional problems as a result and it's all just so unfair. What I've seen is the reason why I stopped believing that "all things happen for a reason" because I haven't been able to come up with a reason good enough for why children should have to go through what they go through with a neglectful or abusive parent.

 

[Kittycat155]

The last part about the wrong ones fertile...I KNOW!!! UGH.

My neighbor fosters and it is amazing what BS goes on that gets the kids moved. I live in a high welfare town and watch the parents of multiple kids shop. It drive me up a wall as they are running free and knocking crap over(no I do not think I will be perfect EVERY outing but I know my kid will not be doing that crap EVERYTIME we go out).

I will be out get back to my car and scream. "Really this person gets x kids and I am not worthy of any?"

Many hugs....you will be able to handle it. Hopefully you will have BFP by then

 

[JViti]

thanks everyone. It helps to talk to women who understand. I was supposed to have an appt on Monday with new FS, but my PCP screwed up my referral again, so I had to reschedule to Tuesday. Hopefully my referral will be all set by then. Or else I'm gunna smack a b!tch lol. My MIL is coming with me since my husband has an exam in school that he cant miss (he wouldnt have to choose if my PCP did what they were supposed to do and I could have gone on Monday).

I got my list of questions and some records all ready and I'm very nervous,

The last 3 docs I've seen have told me IVF is my only safe option--yet wouldnt fight the insurance for me and would do the UNSAFE option cuz that what was originally covered. No fighting for me or nothing. Jerks.

I'll let everyone know how it goes on Tuesday!! I'm scared out of my mind!!!

 

[tommyg]

Finding out just after a failed IUI and that probably wasn't the best course of treatment for you must have made the blow doublely hard. You have lots of time to come round to the idea before you have to consider the Baby shower and visiting the child in hospital.

Please don't consider SIL not to be trying because she didn't used OPKs etc given a lot of medics consider them to be unnecessary stress and the best way is DTD every other day that may have been what she was doing along with watching her body carefully. She may also have PCOS and opk aren't recommended as they can give false positives.

I know it's hard and you are right to vent your feelings but try not to let it eat you up or destroy you and family. I know a family who didn't speak for 5 years because a SIL got pregnant while Sister was LTTTC it was a death that got them talking again.

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Well JViti, sometimes a bitch needs to be slapped . Definitely keep us updated. You know we'll be sending you some majorly good vibes Tuesday. You've gotten some awesome input from these other fabulous ladies so I won't be redundant. Take it one day at a time girly 'cause hell, that's all we can really do yeah? You know you can vent with us anytime.

 

[ginny83]

I get those feelings of it feeling unfair too sometimes I'm the last one in my mother's group to have their second baby. Logically I know them not having babies isn't going to make me feel better about me not being able to have a successful pregnancy again, but boy it still sucks!

 

[JViti]

So, an update...

My PCP still hasnt done my referral, so I had to reschedule YET AGAIN for next Wednesday, Dec 18. The world really doesnt want me seeing this doctor...and its pissing me off. Everytime I get a little excited about the doc, i have to reschedule. Totally changing my PCP!!

Also, on Thursday, I may need to come face to face with my SIL. Her home daycare worker is going on vacation and she needs someone to watch my nephew. My MIL asked if I could do it in the event that my Aunt in law isnt fully recovered from surgery. I said OK. But I didnt think about it thoroughly...this means I'll have to see my SIL and I dont know if I am ready to do that yet...

 

[tommyg]

Hugs, hope you get things moving forward soon. At least you have something else to talk about when you pick up your nephew, him routine etc and it will be brief as she'll be heading off to work.

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Ugh, your PCP just sucks! As far as watching your nephew, if it were me, I'd try and find out for sure if I would need to sit for him as soon as I could and start working on psyching myself up to prepare to see SIL if they needed me to watch him. Maybe once the initial contact is over and done some of the elephant in the room feeling will start to dissipate? Then after watching him I'd go treat myself to some serious spa time .

 

[CaliDreaming]

A lot of times when we dread something it ends up being not nearly as bad as expected. If you do end up seeing your SIL like tommyg said, the meeting will have to be brief and so it might be a good time to do a perfunctory congrats.

 

[JViti]

**UPDATE**

So, my PCP FINALLY got my referral in. My appointment is now scheduled for December 18. Cant believe I have to wait another week to see the doc. I should have seen him yesterday...I should already have a plan of action in mind, but no...my PCP had to go and suck. Well, at least it gives the other clinics ive been to time to send off my information.

 

[tommyg]

It's only a week away and it will be here before you know it. And as you say it's better they get your info before the appointment. Good luck.

 

[Bkrispy]

You know what's crazy, I posted a thread somewhat similar in the assisted conception forum, and got jumped for being judgemental and too harsh, and the thread was closed. I like you ladies...

 

[JViti]

we like you too!!! lol

I mean for real, we come here to talk about our feelings with other women who understand. I guess the assisted conception page isnt full of infertile women who have had to fight the good fight like we have. Some are just able to say "hey we want a baby, lets get IVF and pay for it cuz we rich SOBs"

So since this is NOT a judgemental area...

I started to be OK with my SIL being pregnant. I started to get excited even (thanks to you ladies and all your advice about it being OK to be angry and to let myself feel it). Everything was going sort of peachy...until...I told my MIL that I was starting to be OK with it. I'm not "mad" at Kelsey (SIL) anymore and I dont necessarily "hate" her anymore. It's still gonna take some more time to be fully OK with it, but I'm slowly getting there. She took that to mean, I'm OK now...and my MIL made it facebook official...:doh: Once I saw it on facebook...in my face again...I went right back to where I started....to post it on facebook means its real....this is really happening...she really is pregnant...so then I had to endure all the congratulations and the congrats on being an auntie again...

I didnt want congrats...I dont wanna be congratulated for THAT...I wanna be congratulated for being a MOMMY again...not an AUNTIE again. I started crying...AGAIN...(i swear im gunna run out of tears after this is all said and done...). My husband says, again, I am over reacting. Really sweetie....over reacting?? We'll see how much I'm over reacting when I smother you with a pillow (our long standing joke, no I'm not gunna really kill him...just hurt him a lil lol jp)

As soon as it seems OK, it becomes not OK.

At least i FINALLY got my referral and the new doc has it. Now its just a matter of getting Doc #3 to send my records. I sent a form to get my records 2 weeks ago...and they just returned to form to me today because I didnt write the date....stupid asstards...they couldnt call me and fax it to me to write the damn date...they had to wait 2 weeks, and send it back. Ass holes. So, we'll see how long this takes!!! But whatever, I'm going on Wednesday, 12/18. And, in the nicest way possible, I am DEMANDING an IVF. I'll go there with a rifle if I gotta (again, a joke...dont need the FBI here).

BTW, another "people piss me off" moment that happened....a chick on my facebook who I went to high school with...she has been pregnant 10 times in the last 11 years....she has had 4 abortions (didnt know you COULD have that many). She has 6 kids by 6 daddies. She doesnt have custody of ANY of them. Her mom has 2 of them, her sister has 1 of them, her brother has 2 of them, and she brought the 6th one to a "baby safe haven." (cuz her mom, brother, and sister couldnt afford to take the last one). Well...shes pregnant....with TWINS!! Shes a massive drug addict, i cant believe her children are healthy. She posted that she doesnt know what to do with those babies. THe daddy denies them (of course) because she prostitutes herself and who knows how many men she has been with. She's asking people if she should abort, or baby safe haven them. I got pissed and posted..."how about...STOP HAVING KIDS!!!" Her mom already has 2 of them, not to mention that she has to take care of her own 29 yr old with down syndrome, and her husband who is dying of lung cancer. Her sister is 24 and has 1 of them, as well as 3 kids of her own, and shes a single mom (husband passed in a car accident 3 years ago. 1 month after she took in her sisters baby). Her brother has her 2 youngest. Hes 27, married, and has 2 other kids. None of them can take her twins. Its like a really bad Maury Povich story. Why are people like her so damn fertile?!?!?!

 

[Kittycat155]

I am is shock about former classmate. Oh my...

 

[Kaychikan]

Hi only just seen this thread. Sorry for ur pain we have been ttc for 2 years startin 2nd round if clomid after 2 miscarriages during my journey and my best friend has just told me is 6 weeks pregnant and I got that very same punch in the chest and I keep getting it everytime I think about it. I really want to be happy for her they have been ntnp for a year an recently went to her gp to discuss her options but got her bfp before she had any tests. I want to be able to speak to her about it but I cry evrytime I thik about it. I know there is nothing I can do or say an no one else uunderstads an keeps telling me it will be my turn soon but I dont wont to hear that I want to hear that its my turn now all I can do is try an be positive an use it to make me more determined to get my bfp this time but I still dont want to get stressed about it but will need something to keep me distracted from negativity
Hope we all get our bfp soon so we can all share the happiness and stop getting 'punched in the chest'

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

JViti: Gah! That's definitely some full blown pull-all-my-hair-out WTF kind of Twilight Zone shit is this type of business . And your old classmate, holy smurf man! I think I may have popped a few muscles in my eyes they cross-twitched so hard, ugh! You got to a good place though and you'll do it again. Right after some good eggnog, ha!

Kaychikan: Ooh, it would feel so stinkin' good to not keep getting chest-punched!

 

[tommyg]

OMG to Former classmate - I can't understand how people like that keep having kids. Can I be optomistic and pray that some couple who can't have kids get to adopt her twins! TBH I think I'd be tempted to unfriend her she is only going to annoy you.

Hope you are coming to terms with SIL's pregnancy every day is a step forward. You are still dealing with the faluse hope of the IUI too.

 

[CaliDreaming]

OMG on your former classmate. In my work there are lots of women just like her that just keep churning out babies. I hate it for those babies because it's really hard to take in two babies at once. If only there were a way to pay these kinds of people to get on birth control.

Also, glad to see you're making strides in accepting your SIL's pregnancy. You'll have up and down days but it should get easier with time.